Saturday 11 January 2003

Remember the shambles that was the Consitutional Convention? Well I recently had the good fortune to find a copy of the candidates statements from every state - how come these people didn't get elected? All statements presented as written.

All together now, let's sing "Those were the days..". 

New South Wales 
BIGOT, Godfrey 
GODFREY BIGOT'S TRADITIONAL FAMILY VALUES PARTY 
Gidday. This Convention will be wonderful; a fantastic junket. I'll mingle with celebrity windbags, and the golf-course is nearby. As President of Australian Constitutional Monarchists, I've been intimate with the entire Royal family; including the corgis. I've played twister with the Queen Mother and disco-danced with Charlie. Being a christian, I've discouraged toe-sucking, (and other perversions one expects only from the priesthood). My supporters include; my girlfriend - Pauline Hanson, her associates - Herman Goering, John Howard, Hugh Hefner, and, notably, Alan Jones; he's right behind me. Let Bigot speak for the Monarchists - Give them what they deserve. 

SCHNEIDER, Quentin 
DINKUM BOSS-COBBERS: NO ELECTORAL FAVOURITISM 

SWEETING, David 
UNIQUE AUSTRALIAN ROYAL FAMILY 
Minimum change: The Australian Monarch can no longer be the Monarch of another country. This preserves Australia's highly stable form of government. i.e. Hereditary head of state, Democratically elected parliament, Autocratic parties and Bureaucratic public service. The media can focus on Australia's own princes and princesses, supporting people and charities. 

Queensland 
HUNGERFORD, Dianne 
To be or not to be!, A republic - that is the question! 

WYLIE, Julie 
JULIE MICHAEL [TSP sez - She couldn't even decide what her own name was..] 

Victoria 
BELL, Andrew 
MORE BEER! 
 More Beer! aims to: * Encourage responsible beer drinking * Abolish beer taxes * Ridicule pompous politicians and Albert Park protesters 

Our policies: * MCG transformed into world's biggest Sports Bar * Medicare rebates on beer goggles * Re-route Grand Prix through protesters' lounge rooms * Multiculturalism? We'll drink anyone's beer! Less politics, more fun - More Beer! 

TENNI, Philomene 
I recognise that the Alfredian direction to make legal decisions in the light of the Ten Commandments and the Bible led to the development of common law rights. 

And finally my personal favourite... 

MURGATROYD, Cecil G 
QUEEN ANNE OF AUSTRALIA 
Queen Elizabeth could make her daughter, Princess Anne, the Queen of Australia. With Anne naturalised as a business migrant, we'd have an Australian Head of State with minimal constitutional change. This Australian dynasty could make money selling genuine Royal Titles to gullible millionaires and solve all our economic problems.

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