Sunday, 25 November 2007

Great Moments in Advertising

I hope she got suitably compensated…


Because from now on everyone she knows is looking at her and seeing the Big G.

Having said that, I reckon that Tia and Gonorrhoea would be a great name for a singing duo. They could be the Mel and Kim or Captain and Tenille of the 21st century.

Devon '07

KR = the new PM and a brand of processed meats. Suspicious? But will he turn out to be regarded as nothing more than a,


Meanwhile I was one of 698 people to vote for one of the candidates in my seat,

Am I…

a) A Family First supporter?
b) A Democrats voter?
c) Supporting quality local independants?
d) A dumb cunt?

We report, you decide.

Thursday, 22 November 2007

Police = Down With The Kids

The story is fairly standard - teenager drinks self into a coma. Happens every week, don’t know why it’s newsworthy all of a sudden.

However, check out the quality commentary by the officer in charge of the case;

There was little police could do when people were drinking in a private home, Sgt Clarke said.

But he urged school leavers to have a responsible adult with them when they partied.

“These young people, in a lot of cases, have got little or no experience with alcohol and they’re going out and absolutely cutting sick with no idea of what they’re doing,” he said.

ZOMG! Fully sick! Good to see the police finally getting with the youth of today. Not that it always works though…

Let’s face it, teenage drinking hasn’t been on the agenda since that kid couldn’t walk across the log in the ad during the 80’s. And if you listen the people who get hysterical about ‘recreational’ drugs they’ll probably tell you that it’s better that she necked half a bottle of Smirnoff then it would have been to honk onto one E. So kids, drink it up.

Friday, 16 November 2007

AFL National Draft - the only analysis you need

Cheers to the AFL for taking five minutes out from trying to shaft North Melbourne and uploading the full list of this year’s draft nominees to their website. Over the National, Pre-Season and Rookie drafts there will be about 150 players selected, but the good news is that over 1000 have nominated. I knew I should have thrown my name into the ring.

Who cares about Phantom Drafts and who Melbourne will select at number four (actually, now that you say it…)? The only categories we need to worry about this year are,

1. The Troy Wilson Memorial Award - for players who are still trying to crack it for an AFL career despite advancing years.

9153 - Ben Power - Northern Knights (23/02/1979)
9886 - Simon Duckworth - West Perth (26/06/1978)
10304 - Dean Buszan - Peel Thunder (16/12/1980)
100618 - Ashley Eames - Casey Scorpions (1/2/1979)
110738 - Allan Burridge - Braybrook (28/11/1977 - WHAT!?)
110761 - Nathan Sellwood - Sunbury (22/07/1977)

2. Why are you here? - Former players who are highly unlikely to crack it for another spot on a senior list.

10156 - Caydn Beetham - Old Xaverians (37 games between 2000-2002 with St. Kilda)
10120 - Damien Cupido - Essendon (53 games. 2001-2001 and 2003-2005)
9567 - Jordan Doering - Bendigo (18 games for Carlton, 2001-02)
110873 - Andre Gianfagna - Northern Knights (As seen in one NAB Cup game for Melbourne)
6843 - Ben Hart - Adelaide
10455 - Cameron Hunter - Melbourne (2 games, 1 kick in 2003)
7178 - Clark Keating - Brisbane Lions
9404 - Andrew Kellaway - Richmond
10179 - Cory McGrath - Carlton (78 games for Essendon/Carlton. 2001-06)
10432 - Bo Nixon - Hawthorn (3 games for Collingwood, 1 for Hawthorn. 2003-04)
9316 - Lance Picioane - North Melbourne (77 games for Adelaide, Hawthorn and North. 1998 and 2000-05)
9929 - Ezra Poyas - Richmond (9 games. 2000-02, a year on the Melbourne rookie list and hot VFA action ever since)
10393 - Will Slade - Geelong (17 games. 2002-03 and 2006)
10457 - Nick Smith - Melbourne (4 games. 0 hope)
100709 - Llane Spaanderman - West Coast (3 games for Brisbane, for the Eagles. Please draft him so I can finally reuse my “Enter Spaanderman” headline)
10281 - Keren Ugle - South Fremantle (4 games for Fremantle in 2001)
9672 - Peter Walsh - Port Adelaide (Surely he retired..)
9511 - Shane Woewodin - Collingwood (?)

3. The Jaxon Crabb Trophy - for players with ludicrous names

111036 - Deon Alec - West Perth
112342 - Jaxson Barham - Barwon Heads (surely the winner?)
111202 - Thomas Bellchambers - Launceston
111035 - Byron Bonner - Mazenod Old Collegians
111041 - Maslan Braun - Southern Districts
111636 - Caolan Buckley - West Adelaide
112118 - Billy Burstin - Oakleigh Chargers
111064 - Jethro Calma-Holt - Waratah (See also Category 4)
111750 - Flinn Chisholm - Geelong Falcons
21037 - Christopher Christopher - Hurstbridge
112315 - Tasman Clingan - Richmond
112522 - Eljay Connors - Bendigo Pioneers
112004 - Myke Cook - Sandringham Dragons
110382 - Benet Copping - Fremantle
110872 - Bronik Davies - Northern Knights
112347 - Keegan Fortescue - Peel Thunder
112929 - Cruze Garlett - Perth
111042 - Tracin Geary - Swan Districts
111742 - Rennie Gilchrist - Sandringham Dragons
110902 - Grae Grant - Perth
110726 - Ashton Hams - South Fremantle
114138 - Kyal Horsley - Subiaco
110601 - Markham Johnson - Tasmania
112507 - Haelen Kay - Gippsland Power
111951 - Jak Kennedy-Hunt - Geelong Falcons
110404 - Ruory Kirkby - Glenelg
111815 - Layton McMahon - Woodville West Torrens
110545 - Preston O’Keefe - Claremont
112385 - Judd Robson - West Adelaide
113939 - Zephaniah Skinner - Claremont
111718 - Orren Stephenson - North Ballarat
111583 - Kobi Wilson - Bendigo Pioneers
111674 - Tauryan Zimmer - Southport

4. Diamond Valley Under 9’s Award - for players nominated from footballing non-powerhouses

111857 - James Blaser - Moe
110800 - Ryan Castles - Wesley College First XVIII
110426 - Matthew Clarke - Labrador
114139 - Bradley Craig - Lower Plenty
110470 - Brett Dore - Nar Nar Goon
11517 - Russell Gabriel - Cora Lynn
114091 - John Gray - Boisdale
114143 - Daniel Haralambopoulous - South Morang
110848 - Andrew Johnstone - Ganmain Grong Grong Matong (WHAT? We have a winner!)
110823 - William Lang - Broadmeadows
112265 - James McArthur - Newton Chillwell
20792 - Saad Saad - Seymour
114099 - Dwayne Sampie - Keilor Park
11402 - Aaron Torcasio - Beaumaris Amateur
111682 - Hamish Townsend - Lake Cargelligo
110986 - Nathan Twomey - Balmain
114106 - Kristopher Wozniak - Newcastle City

5. The MIA Award

Where’s Philthy Phil you crunts?

Sunday, 11 November 2007

Thank God We Stitched Up The Wogs (Part 20)

Hasn’t Australian soccer come such a long way since the supposed ‘bad old days’, where people would punch on and make dickheads of themselves. Wait, what’s this - it’s just as bad now as ever? Don’t tell the A-League marketing department or they’ll have a nervous breakdown.

POLICE have used capsicum spray to control wild fans at a soccer A-League clash between Sydney FC and Melbourne Victory at the Telstra Dome.

Eight fans were evicted from the venue last night while one person will be charged with possessing a flare, Senior Constable Wayne Wilson said.

Several people suffered lacerations from the unruly behaviour, he said.

About 32,000 fans packed the Telstra Dome last night to watch Sydney and the Victory battle their way to a nil-all draw.

Sen Const Wilson said police were forced to use capsicum spray to separate rowdy Sydney and Melbourne fans inside the ground after the game.

He said a plan was in place before the game to separate the two groups of supporters on opposite sides of the venue.

After the game, Sydney fans were moved to a function room to allow the Melbourne supporters to leave the ground.

Some of the Melbourne fans made their way onto the ground and set fire to rubbish, while Sydney supporters in the function room threw chairs around, Sen Const Wilson said.

Police were disappointed with the behaviour of the crowd, he said.

The plan to separate the two sides stopped the incidents from escalating, but it “shouldn’t have got to the stage it did,” Sen Const Wilson said.

“We will be having discussions with the league, venue operator and any other stakeholders to curtail this behaviour in future,” he said.

Earlier in the evening, police cordoned off a Bourke Street venue in the CBD where Melbourne Victory fans were gathered, to stop Sydney fans entering.

The only difference between this, and a kwality klash between Heidelberg and Brunswick Juventus in 1987 is that it’s being played at nicer venues. It’s amazing what people get away with when they have yuppie fans and play at a yuppie stadium.

UPDATE - Of course seriously put on outrage (I mean really, who gives a rats?) is one thing but you can always rely on the Herald Sun comments section for somebody who is deadly serious to make a complete cock out of themselves. Step forward I. Roberts of Kew,

This is further proof that multiculturalism is a failed policy. Ethnic hatreds are still evident in these so-called ethnically-neutral clubs. Everybody knows that Sydney is backed by the Yugoslavian people and that Melbourne is a Greek/Italian/Maltese club. Rival fans organise brawls to settle ancient scores putting the safety of Australian families at risk. Ban this unpopular “sport” before inncocent people are seriously hurt. I wouldn’t be surprised if the terraces are breeding grounds for Muslim extremists given Sydney’s large Arab fan base.

People like this actually vote. Consider that. On November 24th there will be Ian Roberts’ across the nation casting their ballots. Scared? You should be.