Monday, 24 January 2005

Shite FM (Episode Three)

Where we take a final look at the countdown that’s (hardly) swept the nation - the Triple M ‘top’ 2501. Not that I’ve been listening you understand. I managed 45 minutes while driving and that was enough. Thankfully for us they put the entire thing online for analysis. Given that there’s only 50 left we may as well run through the lot - good and bad.

50: Iris - Goo Goo Dolls (Pissweak Mix 101.1 fodder. No place on an alleged rock station)
49: Highway To Hell - AC/DC (Yes, we’ll pay that. #606 on my list)
48: Sunsets - Powderfinger (I don’t hate Powderfinger but I just don’t care about them either)
47: I Alone - Live (As if they could have a top 50 without Live or Creed. They’d have to shut down)
46: Walk This Way - Aerosmith/Run DMC (Not too bad)
45: She’s So High - Tal Bachmann (Hello! What the fuck is this doing here? Given some of the poxy shit in my countdown I’m hardly one to cast stones but I will anyway. This is the pissiest song ever. Not the worst but the weakest and emptiest. One hit wonder for a reason. I can’t decide whether it’s a bigger crime that it’s being played on a ‘rock’ station or that they consider it the 45th best song ever)
44: Going Under - Evanescence (I can’t stand it - but ‘the kids’ apparently go sick for thinly disguised jesus rock so good luck to them)
43: Blue Sky Mine - Midnight Oil (Yeah I had this as well. #255)
42: Learn To Fly - Foo Fighters (I’m not wild about it but compared to some of the shit they’re serving up it’s alright)
41: Yellow - Coldplay (Yawn. Hello 2001, hello Gwyneth and hello death by boredom)
40: Need You Tonight - INXS (I’ll ‘ave that. #149 on the TSP list)
39: Around The World - Red Hot Chili Peppers (*snore*)
38: How You Remind Me - Nickleback (It’s got Triple M written all over it. Westie bogans go wild for it. Can’t believe it didn’t go top 5)
37: All I Want Is You - U2 (Does nothing for me. Am I a horrible person?)
36: Gone Away - Offspring (Fuck the Offspring. Fuck them right in the ear)
35: Are You Still Having Fun - Eagle Eye Cherry (Music from the Volvo ad)
34: Are You Going (sic) To Go My Way - Lenny Kravitz (What the hell is up with that title? When did they go formal? Expect bow ties on the VB singlets when Khe Sanh is #1)
33: Great Southern Land - Icehouse (Nexxxxxxxxt)
32: On My Mind - Powderfinger (…)
31: Wonderwall - Oasis (Overrated. Vastly overrated. Not even the best song off the album)
30: Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down (This reads like the soundtrack of a bad party in North Geelong)
29: I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For - U2 (Except if you played this in Geelong you’d get lynched)
28: Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve (Not too bad - given how shit the rest of their output was. Make sure you piss yourself laughing about them not getting any royalties from it everytime you hear the song. I do. In fact I play it especially.)
27: Come As You Are - Nirvana (Predictable but acceptable)
26: Message In A Bottle - The Police (Surprisingly high. Good work)
25: Look What You’ve Done - Jet (Oh here we go. Bloody Jet)
24: US Forces - Midnight Oil (Not at #24. Surely not)
23: All Star - Smashmouth (What a load of shit)
22: Zephyr Song - Red Hot Chili Peppers (I’m just going to stop writing about songs that I’m completely non-commital about)
21: Don’t Change - INXS (Yeah I’ll ‘ave that)
20: Losing My Religion - REM (Good, but not top 20)
19 : Times Like These - Foo Fighters
18: Stairway To Heaven - Led Zeppelin (Would have been #1 if they’d done this countdown in 1987)
17: Better Man - Pearl Jam (Softer than a “before” example in a V****a ad)
16: Drops of Jupiter - Train (Then there’s this. Softest song alive)
15: Pride (In The Name Of Love) - U2 (Fairly pedestrian)
14: Harder To Breathe - Maroon 5 (You’ve got to be kidding. Don’t tell me people actually voted for this. I know Triple M has degenerated into the pissiest station this side of Magic 693 but let’s not be stupid here)
13: Throw Your Arms Around Me - Hunters and Collectors (Expected. Bogan friendly)
12: Clocks - Coldplay (Bearded hippy in a kaftan friendly)
11: Power and the Passion - Midnight Oil
10: Under The Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers (Predictable)
9: Beautiful Day - U2 (Even more predictable)
8: So Beautiful - Pete Murray (Bandwagon!)
7: Song 2 - Blur (Ultra predictable!)
6: Another Brick In The Wall Pt 2 - Pink Floyd (Not too bad. But only if they left the bit about the pudding in at the end)
5: My Happiness - Powderfinger (*zzz*)
4: Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana (Another potential #1 gone. Would have made sense. Overrated to be sure but iconic at the same time)
3: Time Of Your Life - Green Day (Oh you’ve got to be kidding. 3rd best song ever? Now I know with those people who wanted to kill Liberal voters after the election were coming from.)
2: Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet (I’m shocked and appalled. I can’t believe they resisted the temptation to make this shit #1. Obviously they would have had to pay more royalties on all the songs it ripped off from. I’m officially shocked for the first since I saw the words “CRAIG MCLACHLAN” earlier on)
1: Blister In The Sun - Violent Femmes (Ok I quite like this but you can’t tell me it’s the greatest song ever. Just because bogans and teen pregnancy candidates clap along with it when it’s played at The Pool Room in Ferntree Gully doesn’t equate to genius. Bandwagon aspect shown by the fact that it’s the only one of their songs in the entire countdown. 2501 songs and they only score once. Says it all. Maybe)

In conclusion TSP 1000 > Triple M. Burn the station down. Put me in charge of the rubble.

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