Wednesday, 19 January 2005

Bumper to bumper the avenue’s packed

Ever since I got my licence I’ve been waiting to see some good old-fashioned, stressed-out road rage. Now I’m not talking full-scale “Club Lock to the head” action here, because that’s just nasty, but rather somebody totally wigging out in traffic and making a dick of themselves. Finally this morning all my automobile dreams came true.

Slowly creeping along Queens Road this morning on the way to take my shitbox car to the mechanic in North Melbourne AGAIN (sympathy cards c/o TSP Towers, St. Kilda) I glanced into my rear-view-mirror and noticed that the motorist behind me was going off his nut. Now this isn’t a totally uncommon occurence for me given that I usually drive 5kmh below the speed limit due to dubious speedometer readings but in this case, with traffic travelling at walking pace I’m sure he wasn’t blaming me. At first I thought he must have been on the phone but upon closer inspection it was surely impossible. It looked as if he were turning red, he was waving his hands around in the air and hitting the steering wheel. It was like watching one of those ye olde ‘Hitler on a Balcony’ speeches. With additional steering wheel. Words just don’t do justice for the tantrum he was throwing.

He tried to change lanes for about five minutes but hillariously nobody would let him in. Usually I’m a major advocate of random acts of kindness on the road but in this case, after watching him denounce something or other (possibly me) for all that time I started to find it quite amusing. Eventually, after much gnashing and violence, he managed to get into the centre lane only to see it slow to a crawl instead. How I laughed. But not too obviously lest he run me off the road and kick my head in. Eventually he got it right and went past me into the distance never to be seen again. We salute you O’ mighty Queens Road lunatic.

No comments: