Monday, 17 January 2005

Amateur political analysis

Is it just me or is anybody else sick to f’ing death of the federal ALP? The continuing saga over their leadership bores me to tears. The entire world knows that Latham is fucked - here’s an artists rendition of his future,

But what are they going to do instead? I piss myself laughing every time I hear somebody mention Beazley getting another crack at the job. He’s got a worse win-loss record that Fitzroy and they’re expecting him to make a massive comeback and actually get it right this time? Are these people completely mad? It’s like they’re trying to pull an Ali G Indahouse style scam and pick a candidate everyone knows is a dud only to see him pull of a triumphant, against-the-odds victory by asking the hard questions (”And I put it to YOU…… that you sucked off a ‘orse!”) An interesting tactic. A crap one too.

And who else is there? Gonna bring back Crean? Yeah right. Rudd? Hah, good luck with that. Gillard? I’ve seen her yell a bit - put her on the shortlist. Smith/Swan/Tanner - who the fuck are they? Are they absolute cunts? Because that’s what I want to see in a leader. I want an opposition leader who is a complete bastard and I want him/her now. When Latham had his tilt at the leadership I applauded but when he turned out to be a total softcock and not the hard drinkin’, abuse dishin’, taxi driver snappin’ hardman he’d been made out to be I was shattered. But such was the poor choice offered I ended up voting for him anyway.

I’m aware that it’s become obvious that most of the voters in this country are in love with Le Grande Cock (public disclosure: I voted for him once) and that you wouldn’t have shifted him out of office at the election with a nuclear bomb - and I’m fine with that, it was fair and democratic and shit - but it doesn’t mean they didn’t have to give up before the thing even started. “Let’s put the word GOLD into one of our policies. Because people are like, you know, still high on the Olympics”. And did anyone actually hear the great asylum seeker tilt raised once during the campaign? I know they were hardly likely to convert many of the hardcore Liberal support with such a plot but it can’t ever hurt to use blatantly available evidence to make your opposition look like total arseholes. Break out some footage of kiddies behind bars and go for your life. Or not if you’re the Labor Party.

And what was with holding a review right after the election and admitting that their policies were crap? Everyone knew that anyway - hence why they didn’t win - but what does that do for the one or two people who actually converted to them this time around? What are they going to think when the next election rolls out and some more dubious policies are distributed eh? They’ll probably think that their new leader (pictured here) is talking complete crap - again. I’m no Laurie Oakes (I’m working on my manboobs) but even I can see it’s a bit of a shambles.

Oh for an electable alternative to the Liberals. And don’t say the Greens because I’ll piss myself. During my days of junior facism I always used to drop subtle hints to the saner people about ditching the lunatics and starting a better party but nobody ever bit. Even when the hints were as subtle as “Hey, let’s ditch the lunatics and start a new party”.

Talk to me here people. Could it ever be done? I doubt it. You’d end up like one of these groups who sit on the Senate ballot paper and get the piss taken out of them by everyone. Like the Democrats. In fact let’s just buy the ‘crats out for like $25, change their name and take possession immediately.

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