Sunday, 23 March 2003

Well, speaking of TSP Retro week (I just decided it was that) the motherlode has been discovered. There are 14 of these bastards, so expect two a day for the next week. FEAR!

During Years 7 and 8 I went to a school where you were issued with a 'journal' that you were expected to write something in once a week and present it to the teacher. I may be the last person left from that era who actually still has theirs, and that's because there's so much golden material contained within. Sure, contributions from the first year are pretty awful - but I hadn't fully developed into spiteful little bastard by then. There are plenty of pages missing which might have contained words of wisdom (or might have been total bollox), but what's left mostly consists of failed ideas for Itchy and Scratchy plots - a craze which swept my part of the nation during 1994. Highlights include "Itchy and Scratchy Show #2 - Ye Olde England Epic", with it's key plotline "Scratchy is the king of England and Itchy is some guy who wants to kill him". Which is sort of like the plot of Reservoir Dogs if you look sideways and are tripping on acid. Surprisingly enough all these horridly violent fantasies about animals disembowlling each other recieved much praise from my teacher. Which just goes to show how screwed up education is in this country, in the US I would have been shipped off to military school for writing some of this crap.

Anyway, things really got going when I went slightly off the psychological deep-end during Year 8. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the very first TSP Retro Rant from sometime in February 1995. An era when The Cranberries and Celine Dion were jockeying for number one in the charts with the Real McCoy and the hopes of a nation were at an all time low. Please forgive any spelling mistakes and punctuation debacles, I didn't have the passing knowledge of the English language that I do now.

TSP Retro Rant #1


I think that it's OK to have hair a little below the collar, but the guy with long hair looked ridiculous, he was more like Jimi Hendrix then someone from the 90's.

It wasn't as much the length of his hair than the wideness of it, it was huge he was like an AFRO Man from the 70's. If the school want's to set guidelines on hair, so they should, it's their school and shouldn't be run by the students because they are'nt the ones who run the joint. If They want to look like Jimi Hendrix they should do it in the holidays.

Anyway why does he need so much hair? does he conceal weapons in it or something, and I dont think he should be released just because he is a straight +A students, the rules should be the same for everybody or nobody at all.

It is riduclous to let Kiddies grown their haird that wide, a big wind and they would take off, Birds would flock to sleep in his hair, hairbrushes would be lost.

All in all it is a ridiculous idea and anyone who is for it is a Reactionary Nazi Facist, so there are my opinions if you don't like him thats your problem.

And after all that madness the teacher actually wrote "excellent" at the bottom. No bloody wonder I turned out like this...

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