Tuesday, 6 December 2005

A tribute

Humphrey B Bear? Who? And you can cram your Romper Room with it’s enforced formality of making the kids call the adults “Mr” and “Mrs”. Then there’s the Mulligrubs and whatever the fuck they were thinking of with that freaky floating face thing. For the tip one and all.

For my mind there was really only one children’s entertainer that has emerged from this country in my lifetime good enough to enter the TSP Hall of Fame. Ladies and gentlemen, with thanks to our new major sponsor Wikipedia I give you - the myth, the legend, the porky feline..

All hail Fat Cat. What a dead set legend - just look at him. I don’t know who Paul was to score such a mention but I’m deeply envious. The Wikipedia article explains the demise of this underrated celebrity,

The show ran on the Seven Network from 1972 until it was cancelled in 1992 after the Australian Broadcasting Tribunal claimed that the program was not educational enough and was “not clearly defined and might confuse the young”.

I spit upon your collective graves and make several offensive gestures. It was a giant cat in overalls and a hat you mad cunts - what’s there to be confused about? Look at it from a kids perspective for once. He wasn’t suggesting you go out and make molotov cocktails with which to bring about violent revolution, and unlike the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles from the same era he wasn’t implying that you could get away with living in a sewer, eating pizza and taking moral guidance from a giant rat. So what was wrong with it? Even John Howard stepped in to save Humphrey (in a far more successful result than his recent attempts at saving people), so where was Keating in ‘91 when this national icon was under threat? Still trying to pick the knife out of Bob Hawke’s back probably. Obviously he wasn’t the Paul in the above photo. Or was he? What a complete bastard anyway. The bear doesn’t even wear pants and he gets government support. Insert your own Malcolm Fraser gag here.

I seem to recall Fat Cat as the only kiddie culture thing I was ever interested in. Probably why I’m so bitter. I do, however, remember hanging out for the school holidays so that I could watch Open All Hours with Ronnie Barker. How we laughed when his attempts at porking the fat nurse failed. What a well rounded childhood.

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