Sunday, 11 December 2005

To the people who lose the plot at brawls at soccer football matches and declare that the entire sport is a disgrace, ethnic violence is a disgrace that was brought to this country by evil foreigners and how everyone needs military service I say CRAM IT YOU CLOWNS. You are officially now never allowed to take your children to a beach again - you set the precedent now FOLLOW IT.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the tolerant and friendly Australian people. Sure they’re apparently all pissed up violent cunts but what can you do? Apparently they’re right because they’re white. If the toothless lunatics who got their faces on TV crying about how hardly they’d been done by (”My grandffffather ffffought ffffor these beaches! [burp]”) represent white Australia then I am so out it’s not funny.

Mobs yelling racist chants chased down and bashed people of middle eastern appearance at Sydney’s Cronulla beach today, also turning on police fighting to prevent a full-scale riot.

A massive police presence at the beach in Sydney’s south failed to prevent the violence that had been expected today, after text messages began circulating among two rival groups urging violent attacks on each other.

Twelve people have been arrested over the violent scenes, which included numerous assaults on people of middle eastern appearance and on an ambulance crew.

Two paramedics were injured as they tried to get youths of middle eastern appearance out of Cronulla Surf Lifesaving Club, where they had fled to escape one group.

The mob broke the vehicle’s windows and kicked its doors as it attempted to get the group out.

Police, who used capsicum spray and batons in their battle to quell the rioters, were also pelted with beer bottles.

Some groups in the crowd, estimated to have peaked at 5,000, also stomped on and swarmed around police cars trying to move from one violent flare-up to the next.

The trouble began with scuffles about midday after thousands of people, many carrying Australian flags and dressed in Australian shirts, rallied at the beach.

As the crowd moved along the beach and foreshore area today, one man on the back of a ute began to shout “No more Lebs” - a chant picked up by the group around him.

Others in the crowd, carrying Australian flags and dressed in Australian shirts, yelled “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie … Oi, Oi, Oi”.

Many had adorned their bodies with racist slogans. One shirtless teenager walked by, this message painted on his back: “It’s time for a f—ing war, so join the army of hardcore”.

What the fuck is wrong with these people? I’m sure most of them don’t know what they’re doing. In fact by the available evidence 75% of them probably can’t spell their own name. And surprise, surprise every man and their dog has rocked up tonight for wild scenes and revenge. What did you expect? Of course they were going to load up and go out to settle the score. It’s not the right thing to do, but it’s inevitable. Not that Pissed Yokels #1-5000 have actually stayed around to sort it out. They’re already in a pub somewhere bragging to their mates how they were in the “Battle of Cronulla” when all they did was lob a Toohey’s stubbie at an ambulance and shout slogans. While Cletus is holding court in suburban pubs some poor bastards who are unlucky enough to live at the venue of KlanStock ‘05 are being belted and having their cars torched by a different bunch of cockheads.

Good to see Channel 10 coming out and just burying the Lebanese for retaliating, without mentioning the big White Australia Policy rally that preceded it until they’d buried one side for five minutes. We even got a terrified journalist discussing scenes of devestation caused by “thugs”. The people who started it? “Angry Australians”. Both sides of the great debate are for the tip as far as I’m concerned but let’s show some balance in reporting at least. Why can’t we have a news report where somebody comes out and goes “the people who kicked this off deserve to cop a belting”. What if it was the Premier of NSW? I’d move there just to vote for him.

What can you do about all this? Where’s this comet that’s supposed to take out earth? Just hit us already you bastard.

UPDATE - TSP’s foolproof guide to deciphering Who’s Who in Australian ethnic violence. Thanks to MS Paint, the Sydney Morning Herald and racial hatred for making this possible.


#1 is your stereotypical pissed up “have a go hero”, Australian alpha-male of Anglo-Saxon origin who never wears a shirt, hates Asians but works with twenty and is too shitscared to say anything and is up for a fight when he’s plastered and the numbers overwhelmingly suit him. Loves easy targets and probably thinks it’s “alright to hit women as long as deep down you love them”

#2 is the sort of semi-retarded mong that every #1 has hanging around him to make him look like an intellectual. #2 doesn’t really know what he’s fighting for but he knows that if he goes against the leader then it’s back to long nights pulling himself in front of TV infomercials rather than crossing his fingers that one day there will be some fat slag that #1 deems too ugly and will handball to him.

#3 is another stooge, who is just a little bit more enthusiastic than #2 AND has a trucker’s cap. Does not appear to have a full set of teeth. In fact I think the entire mob just had a full set between them.

#4 looks as if he’s trying to hold #3 back, but given the situation it may be that he was just trying to throw him out of the way so he could get a better crack at the guy who is getting slaughtered.

#5 shouts from a distance because he has no discernable testicles.

#6 has just come over for a look but is too pissweak to do anything.

#7 is pretty much fucked.

#8 (not pictured) is a cameraman who got a gun picture thanks to #7 copping a hiding. Presumably - next line inserted for legal reasons - he tried to stop the violent mob attacking the man.

I’ll probably get sued for this bit, so don’t expect that picture to last long.

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