Better to go without on your feet than to pick up on your knees

Ladies. We’re happy to present you with an offer that you will be completely unable to refuse. Please restrain yourself as you read the following, because there isn’t a female alive who wouldn’t become instantly excited by the prospect of scoring with this guy.

A British man is giving a whole new meaning to begging to be loved as he set off on an 88-kilometre crawl on his hands and knees to find a partner.

With a sign saying: “Could You Love Me?” strapped to his back and 18 boxes of chocolates trailing behind him on string tied to his wrists and ankles, Mark McGowan began his unusual quest to find a girlfriend.

His route takes him from the site of the Tabard Inn, in Southwark, south London, to Canterbury Cathedral, following the pilgrims’ trail made famous in 14th century author Geoffrey Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales.

Irresistable eh? Well luckily there’s some sort of gimmick to it. Not quite enough to salvage it from the tip as far as I’m concerned,

The 37-year-old performance artist, who said he is also hoping to raise awareness of people left lonely and isolated during the festive period, is hoping to complete the back-breaking task within 30 days.

If the description “performance artist” isn’t enough to make you want to piff things then check the photo in the article. I can’t bring myself to completely butcher him because of the awareness angle, but it says a lot about the ridiculous torture people put themselves through if they’re single. This is why completely incompatible people who will clearly end up wanting to kill each other later clutch on to one another and hold on until the whole thing explodes. People would rather be miserable with some complete knob than have to explain to everyone why they’re not happily married with 17 children. Clowns.

And if you want a guy who you can treat like shit because he feels obliged then Mark, and the men of the world like him, are yours. Take them as an offering to readdress all the gender imbalances over the years. Make him do the dishes and mow your lawn. Belt him one occasionally for me while you’re at it.

P.S - We apologise for the lacklustre and unwieldly headline for this post.
P.P.S - No we don’t.
P.P.P.S - Yes, I know he’s not really doing it to pick up but it’s all about wider issues raised
P.P.P.P.S - Oh yes it is.