Monday, 12 December 2005

Good luck with that

Surely this is part of a trial. They’re just trying to prove that people in this country will watch ANYTHING if there’s a chance that Australia will win it. There’s no other explanation.

Subscribers to pay TV will be able to choose the sports they want to watch from seven simultaneous digital channels during the Commonwealth Games.

In an agreement announced today, Foxtel, Austar and Optus TV will provide coverage through Fox Sports, which has secured the exclusive subscription television rights to the 2006 Games.

So far so bloody tedious. It’s the Commonwealth Games you know - I really don’t think anyone is that concerned. Apparently all the tickets are sold but I’ve not yet met anyone who has bought one. I wish them all the best but I’m not interested in Badminton today, so why would I fake it in March? This is the same reason that people lose the plot over swimming when our Kieran/Lethal Liesl/Duncan Armstrong/Madame Butterfly whoever is smashing the world in the Olympic pool, but when they play the World Short Course Championship on Fox there’s fifteen people watching and seven of them are just waiting for The Simpsons to come on the other channel. It’s fun taking gold medals the Americans and evil East Germans (1960-1989)/Chinese (Tianamen Square onwards) but when it comes to tonking Tonga over 25m nobody’s quite as interested. Apparently the Marathon is coming past my front door - you’ll excuse me I don’t rush out and exchange a massive triumphant high five with the Falkland Islands squad as they wobble around in a daze three hours behind the winner.

Here’s the bit that gets me,

Included in the plans are 108 hours of coverage for badminton, 88 hours of hockey action and 101 hours of lawn bowls.

Subscribers who book on or before March 8 2006 will be charged $49.95 for the Melbourne 2006 Commonwealth Games package (in addition to normal monthly subscription rates). Those booking from March 9 will be charged $64.95.

Unless you’re the biggest Badminton enthusiast this nation has ever seen why in god’s name would ANYONE even contemplate forking out $50 for this? That’s 101 hours of Lawn Bowls. Four and a bit days of it. If you sit through that entire program then I’m afraid things just won’t be the same. You’ll end up sprinkling speed on your Corn Flakes to try and fill the meaningless void in your life that has been left by the end of Wall To Wall Bowls. If you’re desperate to watch some pissed auntie doing her bit for the Isle of Man Crackerjack style then you’ll be in heaven. You could probably do the same thing on a smaller scale, and for free, at some local lawn bowls club every weekend WITH the added benefits, if the movies have taught us anything, of genuine 1970 bar prices. Of course the Games standard will be higher but what exactly constitutes a higher standard of lawn bowls? I have no idea. Wouldn’t you want the games to go for longer if you were paying to watch them?

Personally I’d love to see a colossal meltdown of the Australian program, leading to us winning very little indeed because the post-games enquiry would be a ripper. “WHAT ABOUT BEIJING?” some bogan in a green and gold boxing kangaroo hat will shout. Idiot.

There’s only one gold that this country should be concerned about seeing in ‘06,

Or is that not seeing? I forget.

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