Don't forget that this year's Eurovision Song Contest is on Sunday night at 8 on SBS. I can't quite understand why but I'm always excited when Eurovision time rolls around - maybe it's the promise of seeing some fat Russian boy-band belt out an absolute shocker of a song like last year ("That's got the ugly vote sewn up" to quote the commentator) or laughing at shockers from Macedonia sing in a language nobody else understands and then fail to score a single point.
The reds have picked a far better contender this time. A pair of alleged teenage lesbians called Tatu who you might have heard of. They started ludicrously short favourites (you can bet on this. Really) but the Spanish entrant is rapidly mowing them down in the punting stakes. They'll probably still win, there's enough perverts across that continent to make sure of that - Belgians would vote early and often for thinly veiled kiddy pron I'm sure.
Personally I'm going for the zany Austrian who Centrebet have as the rank outsider. Just look at him,
Who wouldn't vote for somebody like that? Sample these lyrics too,
I like most animals on this earth
But I really prefer little rabbits and bears
Soon all birds and beetles will die
But Adam's in bed with Eve busy reproducing
Rabbits live in the woods
Cats in the meadows
And cockroaches
Live under tiles
Little rabbits have short noses
And kittens soft paws
And Mother Holle likes her wool
From the african dromedary
The difference between animals such as apes and primates
Is no bigger than between noodles and pasta
But whoever wants to know more about animals should study Biology or inform himself on my homepage
Some animals have wings
And others have fins
Some live outdoors
And others in cans
Small rabbits...
Inform himself on my homepage? THIS MAN IS A GENIUS. Sadly he performs it in German and therefore he'll also finish stone motherless last but that's not the point. I think I'll have a very minor wager on him just in case wackiness is the in-thing across Europe this year.
I'm also looking forward to these highly fashionable Estonians,
with their song "Eighties Coming Back". It's ok to look like a tool if you mean it. Or maybe that's how Estonians really dress, I don't know. They had some black guy who sounded like Snoop Dog representing them a couple of years back so obviously anything goes in the Baltic states. That was a good song though, unlike when the British stole Australia's own (alleged) ecstacy takin', live song fakin' tart-with-a-heart Gina G and her rancid "Ooh ahh Just a Little Bit" song as their own a few years back. Not surprisingly the experiment failed and they went back to discovering new and exciting new acts like, erm Katrina and the Waves (winners in 1997).
True story - Jeff Kennett once half-seriously suggested Australia should enter the Eurovision song contest. When it was pointed out to him that a vital component of the entire process was to be a European nation the idea died fairly quickly. Why then are Israel in it? I know they can't play in the Middle Eastern sporting competitions because half their opponents want to kill them but under which bizarre rule are they considered Europeans for the purposes of singing competitions? Is there a "Arabvision" Song Contest that they're banned from or something?
Anyway, make sure you tune in on Sunday to see just how well the zany Austrian tilt stands up. You can be sure that by Monday afternoon I'll have a full dissertation on the contest and it's implications for the fragile world situation posted right here.
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