Sink you bastards

General cynicism and speculation about these crappy swimming championships Melbourne have been awarded for 2007. Good, it saves me posting on it.

Let's broaden the base and debate just how completely and utterly boring swimming as a spectacle is instead. It's got to be the most predictable sport in the world - eight people go in a straight line with no hope of a mid-race accident or controversy to muck things up. Sure once in a while some tool might turn badly (alert the media) or the entire team might jump in the pool early and get themselves disqualified like the Australian women did a few years back but these moments are few and far between. It hardly ranks alongside athletics, gymnastics or equestrian where even the hottest favourite can be outdone by a moment of madness or random bad luck. Where are you going to get this in a pool? A freak tidal wave crashing across the Melbourne Sports and Aquatic Centre perhaps? What a crock. Contrast this to the debacles you see at every Olympics when the red-hot favourites for the Womens 4x400 metre relay ALWAYS drop the baton at a crucial moment and are disqualified, or when the hot tip for victory in the Steeplechase is cruising to victory before he plummets over the last hurdle and collapses in agony. That's real sport.

Admit it, the only time swimming ever reached any great heights was when that guy from Equatorial Guinea who could barely swim had a brave tilt at the 100m Freestyle during the Sydney Olympics just because he could. That was zany and unpredictable, unlike the past 100 years of the sport. I read once they used to have a swimming obstacle race at the Olympics in the early 20th century - now THAT sounds like entertainment.

And who are the 'heroes' of the pool? Kieran Perkins, Ian Thorpe and Grant Hackett - three of the most boring sports stars Australia has ever produced. They make David Boon seem like an entertaining interview subject. And Suzie O'Neill? Don't even get me started. I don't even know who 'Lethal' Leisel Jones is, but she's got a frightening nickname so I'd better not get her started.

Of course Australia loves the swimming though because we're good at it. You'd never hear a word about it, and Fox Sports wouldn't waste their time covering it to an embarassing level if it was our 'athletes' who were floundering around in the shallow end attempting to alert lifeguards to their plight. Duncan Armstrong would probably be reading the news in Dubbo if it weren't for the great swimming obsession.

Suffice to say I won't be forking out big bucks to watch this shite at these World Championships OR the Commonwealth Games.