A classic in the Herald-Sun today..
Page 9, Celebrity New Years Resolutions
Kirsty Marshall, dud skiier and accidental Member of Parliament
"My husband and I are going to learn French. I hope for a year without too many dramas. Our baby is due in February and I hope the world is a safer and happier place"
What about serving Victoria and the poor misguided idiots who voted for you? No, apparently she'll be learning how to say "I have no idea what i'm doing" in French instead.
Overrated.
Tuesday, 31 December 2002
Monday, 30 December 2002
My favourite hippy Hot Buttered Death doesn't like the Paranoia Hotline either. Good for him!
I heard last night that it had already recieved 700 calls. I'm willing to bet that 95% of them were people asking the cops to come and deport their arab neighbours for "eating strange food and playing music".
The worst thing about this glorified call-centre is that it's at a hidden location, and none of the staff can be identified. So, what they're worried about is a terrorist strike on the hotline that we use to inform the government about possible terror. GET REAL.
I wonder if they make you wait on the line for 25 minutes like Telstra do when you call them? Even better, they might use the same flawed voice recognition software.
"Please state the name of your terrorist activity"
"There are some arabs out the back of my flats"
"Did you say you wanted ASIO to raid somebody's home because they're a godless heathen? We will, thanks for calling"
This is going to give me enough material to keep going for weeks.
I heard last night that it had already recieved 700 calls. I'm willing to bet that 95% of them were people asking the cops to come and deport their arab neighbours for "eating strange food and playing music".
The worst thing about this glorified call-centre is that it's at a hidden location, and none of the staff can be identified. So, what they're worried about is a terrorist strike on the hotline that we use to inform the government about possible terror. GET REAL.
I wonder if they make you wait on the line for 25 minutes like Telstra do when you call them? Even better, they might use the same flawed voice recognition software.
"Please state the name of your terrorist activity"
"There are some arabs out the back of my flats"
"Did you say you wanted ASIO to raid somebody's home because they're a godless heathen? We will, thanks for calling"
This is going to give me enough material to keep going for weeks.
Sports Tonight is almost the worst show on television. Not only is it full of enough factual errors to fill the Green Left Weekly but they consistently report only on the bandwagon teams that everybody follows, rather than the teams that are actually good.
It might come as a surprise to those who you who don't care about the NFL that the Dallas Cowboys and Washington Redskins aren't very good. But of course they were once, so the 49% of the fans who don't follow the San Francisco 49'ers for the same reason follow one of those teams.
Now, in last nights NFL action their game was literally the only dead rubber going. The only game with absolutely no impact on the playoff picture. The Cleveland-Atlanta, New England-Miami and Carolina-New Orleans games were absolute thrillers with several teams playoff chances coming down to the last 30 seconds (and in the case of New England and Miami into overtime). What game, of all these, does Sports Tonight show highlights of? Guess what - Dallas/Washington. Not even the SCORES of the other games.
This is almost as bad as the time they had a whole story with the voiceover of an Australian women's hockey match but the pictures were of a Malaysian team playing. The best bit about that was when the voiceover said "The jublilant Australian fans were celebrating" it actually had a close up of two ladies waving a Malaysian flag around.
Not good enough!
It might come as a surprise to those who you who don't care about the NFL that the Dallas Cowboys and Washington Redskins aren't very good. But of course they were once, so the 49% of the fans who don't follow the San Francisco 49'ers for the same reason follow one of those teams.
Now, in last nights NFL action their game was literally the only dead rubber going. The only game with absolutely no impact on the playoff picture. The Cleveland-Atlanta, New England-Miami and Carolina-New Orleans games were absolute thrillers with several teams playoff chances coming down to the last 30 seconds (and in the case of New England and Miami into overtime). What game, of all these, does Sports Tonight show highlights of? Guess what - Dallas/Washington. Not even the SCORES of the other games.
This is almost as bad as the time they had a whole story with the voiceover of an Australian women's hockey match but the pictures were of a Malaysian team playing. The best bit about that was when the voiceover said "The jublilant Australian fans were celebrating" it actually had a close up of two ladies waving a Malaysian flag around.
Not good enough!
Back to those Krazy Kloning Kultists the Raelians. Shonky TV current affairs show Today Tonight just presented a frankly hillarious pisstake of them, interviewing a couple of nutty Australian followers who were laughing at the prospect that aliens creating human life in a laboratory could possibly be a hoax. There was also some classic footage of the head nutbag talking about his visions of Japanese alien type people abducting him.
They're French don't you know, no wonder they always lose wars.
They're French don't you know, no wonder they always lose wars.
People think I abbreviate things a lot when I write SMS messages. Nobody, however, can beat this random blog I clicked on for sheer stupidity.
Here's a sample,
i dink d fellas r goin to double O todae to celebrate val's mum b'dae.. Happy B'dae auntie. Jux finished watching Man U match against BC .. They won 2-0!!
Oh there's a massive shock, an illiterate Man Ure fan.
Here's a sample,
i dink d fellas r goin to double O todae to celebrate val's mum b'dae.. Happy B'dae auntie. Jux finished watching Man U match against BC .. They won 2-0!!
Oh there's a massive shock, an illiterate Man Ure fan.
Sunday, 29 December 2002
I cannot believed how much money the Federal Government (and the opposition aren't complaining too loudly) is squandering on ads telling us how to spot potential terrorists. Here's a clue people, you won't know there's an attack coming until you get blown up - it sounds nasty, but it's pretty obvious isn't it? Sure, if you see somebody in an overcoat sweating their ass off in the middle of a packed train you'd have to wonder what was going on but I really do think some people expect every potential terrorist to be an veiled arab wielding an AK-47 wearing a t-shirt that reads "I am a terrorist, death to the US and Israel. Allah is great". Not happening people.
Even more offensive is this terrorism alertness hotline they've set up. What's the problem with calling the bloody police if you see something suspicious? I would so love to get a job there, because I think it would go a little something like this...
"Good afternoon, Terrorism Paranoia Hotline. Adam speaking"
"Oh my god, I just saw an arab man on the train carrying a briefcase"
"Well, Arabs often have jobs too, they don't all live in caves plotting against us. SO STOP BEING SO FUCKING STUPID YOU OLD SLAPPER. Thanks for calling"
"Good afternoon, Terrorism Paranoia Hotline. Adam speaking"
"There's been a suspicious car parked outside my office all day, and i'm frightened it could blow up"
"Where do you work?"
"Southern Motors Holden"
"Oh fuck off"
*click*
And i'm sure they'd pay well too, after all it's only taxpayers money.
Even more offensive is this terrorism alertness hotline they've set up. What's the problem with calling the bloody police if you see something suspicious? I would so love to get a job there, because I think it would go a little something like this...
"Good afternoon, Terrorism Paranoia Hotline. Adam speaking"
"Oh my god, I just saw an arab man on the train carrying a briefcase"
"Well, Arabs often have jobs too, they don't all live in caves plotting against us. SO STOP BEING SO FUCKING STUPID YOU OLD SLAPPER. Thanks for calling"
"Good afternoon, Terrorism Paranoia Hotline. Adam speaking"
"There's been a suspicious car parked outside my office all day, and i'm frightened it could blow up"
"Where do you work?"
"Southern Motors Holden"
"Oh fuck off"
*click*
And i'm sure they'd pay well too, after all it's only taxpayers money.
Saturday, 28 December 2002
For some unknown reason Channel 10 subjected it's thirteen Saturday night viewers to a showing of Never Say Never Again, the unofficial and freaking awful James Bond film.
Featuring Bond in a toupee, getting offered an enema and playing a pissy space invaders game against the super villian. With Rowan Atkinson as a bumbling British embassy agent, a snake used as an offensive weapon, a cockney version of Q called "Algernon" who won't stop complaining and a performance by Kim Basinger so wooden it wouldn't look out place in a forest this is truly the lowest point Bond ever sank to.
The whole movie is, of course, a fraud. It wasn't made by the same people as the rest of the Bond movies but rather by some dickhead who sued Ian Fleming over the rights to the book version Thunderball and was told that the only time he could ever use the name for a film was if he made a thinly-veiled remake of Thunderball.
Apparently in the closing credits they thank some arms dealer for using his boat in the filming, which pretty much su
Featuring Bond in a toupee, getting offered an enema and playing a pissy space invaders game against the super villian. With Rowan Atkinson as a bumbling British embassy agent, a snake used as an offensive weapon, a cockney version of Q called "Algernon" who won't stop complaining and a performance by Kim Basinger so wooden it wouldn't look out place in a forest this is truly the lowest point Bond ever sank to.
The whole movie is, of course, a fraud. It wasn't made by the same people as the rest of the Bond movies but rather by some dickhead who sued Ian Fleming over the rights to the book version Thunderball and was told that the only time he could ever use the name for a film was if he made a thinly-veiled remake of Thunderball.
Apparently in the closing credits they thank some arms dealer for using his boat in the filming, which pretty much su
So, for a lack of anything better to talk about which doesn't involve the abuse of Brett Lee let's look at today's news - involving stupidity, tragedy and politically correct foolishness.
A woman phoned to report that she was trapped indoors because a black cat like creature had been crouching on her doorstep for 24 hours. She thought it might be the infamous Beast of Bodmin Moor, but the skulking beast turned out to be a delivery of phone directories in a black plastic bag.
Of course CNN don't take 24/7 coverage of this,
Suicide bombers set off about a ton of explosives outside Chechnya's government building in central Grozny on Friday, killing 46 people and wounding 76 others, the Interior Ministry said.
Tokenism goes a step too far,
The civil rights group that helped initiate the NFL's recent push for minority hiring believes the league's new policy should have stiffer penalties.
Last week, the NFL instituted a policy requiring teams to interview minority candidates for coaching vacancies.
The civil rights group believes teams not conforming to the policy should face stiff penalties, such as forfeiting or voluntarily surrendering draft choices.
and speaking of political correctness...
Kicker Katie Hnida became the first woman to appear in a Division I-A college football game Wednesday, when the New Mexico junior had her extra point blocked against UCLA in the Las Vegas Bowl.
When was the last time anyone missed an extra point conversion before this?
EDIT - I am reliably informed that the NY Jets kicker missed one two weeks ago... Fuck it.
A woman phoned to report that she was trapped indoors because a black cat like creature had been crouching on her doorstep for 24 hours. She thought it might be the infamous Beast of Bodmin Moor, but the skulking beast turned out to be a delivery of phone directories in a black plastic bag.
Of course CNN don't take 24/7 coverage of this,
Suicide bombers set off about a ton of explosives outside Chechnya's government building in central Grozny on Friday, killing 46 people and wounding 76 others, the Interior Ministry said.
Tokenism goes a step too far,
The civil rights group that helped initiate the NFL's recent push for minority hiring believes the league's new policy should have stiffer penalties.
Last week, the NFL instituted a policy requiring teams to interview minority candidates for coaching vacancies.
The civil rights group believes teams not conforming to the policy should face stiff penalties, such as forfeiting or voluntarily surrendering draft choices.
and speaking of political correctness...
Kicker Katie Hnida became the first woman to appear in a Division I-A college football game Wednesday, when the New Mexico junior had her extra point blocked against UCLA in the Las Vegas Bowl.
When was the last time anyone missed an extra point conversion before this?
EDIT - I am reliably informed that the NY Jets kicker missed one two weeks ago... Fuck it.
So, for a lack of anything better to talk about which doesn't involve the abuse of Brett Lee let's look at today's news - involving stupidity, tragedy and politically correct foolishness.
A woman phoned to report that she was trapped indoors because a black cat like creature had been crouching on her doorstep for 24 hours. She thought it might be the infamous Beast of Bodmin Moor, but the skulking beast turned out to be a delivery of phone directories in a black plastic bag.
Of course CNN don't take 24/7 coverage of this,
Suicide bombers set off about a ton of explosives outside Chechnya's government building in central Grozny on Friday, killing 46 people and wounding 76 others, the Interior Ministry said.
Tokenism goes a step too far,
The civil rights group that helped initiate the NFL's recent push for minority hiring believes the league's new policy should have stiffer penalties.
Last week, the NFL instituted a policy requiring teams to interview minority candidates for coaching vacancies.
The civil rights group believes teams not conforming to the policy should face stiff penalties, such as forfeiting or voluntarily surrendering draft choices.
and speaking of political correctness...
Kicker Katie Hnida became the first woman to appear in a Division I-A college football game Wednesday, when the New Mexico junior had her extra point blocked against UCLA in the Las Vegas Bowl.
When was the last time anyone missed an extra point conversion before this?
EDIT - I am reliably informed that the NY Jets kicker missed one two weeks ago... Fuck it.
A woman phoned to report that she was trapped indoors because a black cat like creature had been crouching on her doorstep for 24 hours. She thought it might be the infamous Beast of Bodmin Moor, but the skulking beast turned out to be a delivery of phone directories in a black plastic bag.
Of course CNN don't take 24/7 coverage of this,
Suicide bombers set off about a ton of explosives outside Chechnya's government building in central Grozny on Friday, killing 46 people and wounding 76 others, the Interior Ministry said.
Tokenism goes a step too far,
The civil rights group that helped initiate the NFL's recent push for minority hiring believes the league's new policy should have stiffer penalties.
Last week, the NFL instituted a policy requiring teams to interview minority candidates for coaching vacancies.
The civil rights group believes teams not conforming to the policy should face stiff penalties, such as forfeiting or voluntarily surrendering draft choices.
and speaking of political correctness...
Kicker Katie Hnida became the first woman to appear in a Division I-A college football game Wednesday, when the New Mexico junior had her extra point blocked against UCLA in the Las Vegas Bowl.
When was the last time anyone missed an extra point conversion before this?
EDIT - I am reliably informed that the NY Jets kicker missed one two weeks ago... Fuck it.
Barmy Army, I love you!
Australian double century maker Justin Langer last night slammed the English fans as "disgraceful" after they chanted "no-ball" throughout NSW paceman Brett Lee's eight-over spell, a reference to suggestions that the fast bowler has thrown the ball.
Suggestions? His arm is more bent than Hanse Cronje
Australian double century maker Justin Langer last night slammed the English fans as "disgraceful" after they chanted "no-ball" throughout NSW paceman Brett Lee's eight-over spell, a reference to suggestions that the fast bowler has thrown the ball.
Suggestions? His arm is more bent than Hanse Cronje
Friday, 27 December 2002
No, i'm not dead (but I were a teenage blogger i'd fill the next fifty lines telling you why I wish I was), just exhausted.
Despite my professed suspicion of cricket, and cricket fans, I went to the Boxing Day test in Melbourne yesterday and it made me realise that no matter how long I can watch the game on TV or listen to it on radio I cannot actually sit there and watch the thing for the whole day.
With the exception of about an hour and a half when Langer and Hayden were caning it to all parts of the ground it was tremendously boring, and I spent the last couple of hours in the TAB. The most disappointing bit of all what not getting to see Brett Lee's chucking bowling action in person.
We did, however, see a few people getting hauled away by the cops. Unfortunately then also the world's most pissed man talked to us, tried to lift a beer keg and then went in and bought himself another drink in full view of a copper without any action being taken. And they wonder why there are crowd disturbances?
Remember when somebody lobbed a frozen chicken at fatboy South African spinner Pat Symcox at the SCG a few years ago? Proves to me that they're worse than Melbourne fans.
Despite my professed suspicion of cricket, and cricket fans, I went to the Boxing Day test in Melbourne yesterday and it made me realise that no matter how long I can watch the game on TV or listen to it on radio I cannot actually sit there and watch the thing for the whole day.
With the exception of about an hour and a half when Langer and Hayden were caning it to all parts of the ground it was tremendously boring, and I spent the last couple of hours in the TAB. The most disappointing bit of all what not getting to see Brett Lee's chucking bowling action in person.
We did, however, see a few people getting hauled away by the cops. Unfortunately then also the world's most pissed man talked to us, tried to lift a beer keg and then went in and bought himself another drink in full view of a copper without any action being taken. And they wonder why there are crowd disturbances?
Remember when somebody lobbed a frozen chicken at fatboy South African spinner Pat Symcox at the SCG a few years ago? Proves to me that they're worse than Melbourne fans.
Monday, 23 December 2002
INDIAN authorities are holding the international cricket community to ransom.
In their latest affront to the International Cricket Council, they have withdrawn the names of the 30 cricketers they belatedly submitted for participation at the World Cup in southern Africa starting in 47 days.
Here's a novel solution, tell the Indian cricket authorities to piss off. Kick them out of the tournament and ban them from world cricket for a year, i'm sure the Pakistani's will vote for it at least.
And who will replace them in the World Cup? I vote to give their spot to the Steve Waugh Whingeathon XI, a team for players who won't shut the hell up about being dropped. He can take brother Mark, Dean Jones, Michael Slater, Ian Healy, Damien Fleming and, just because he expresses his displeasure by killing English tailenders, Brett Lee.
It's harsh but fair.
In their latest affront to the International Cricket Council, they have withdrawn the names of the 30 cricketers they belatedly submitted for participation at the World Cup in southern Africa starting in 47 days.
Here's a novel solution, tell the Indian cricket authorities to piss off. Kick them out of the tournament and ban them from world cricket for a year, i'm sure the Pakistani's will vote for it at least.
And who will replace them in the World Cup? I vote to give their spot to the Steve Waugh Whingeathon XI, a team for players who won't shut the hell up about being dropped. He can take brother Mark, Dean Jones, Michael Slater, Ian Healy, Damien Fleming and, just because he expresses his displeasure by killing English tailenders, Brett Lee.
It's harsh but fair.
Sunday, 22 December 2002
Redmaiden says NO...
Merry Fucking Christmas
Oh and my mum is rushing round organising Christmas while simultaneously working/having a nervous breakdown/cardiac arrest/epiletic fit while screaming at us about sausage rolls and will we all stop eating the pringles.
Hooray for the festive season eh?
Merry Fucking Christmas
Oh and my mum is rushing round organising Christmas while simultaneously working/having a nervous breakdown/cardiac arrest/epiletic fit while screaming at us about sausage rolls and will we all stop eating the pringles.
Hooray for the festive season eh?
Redmaiden says NO...
Merry Fucking Christmas
Oh and my mum is rushing round organising Christmas while simultaneously working/having a nervous breakdown/cardiac arrest/epiletic fit while screaming at us about sausage rolls and will we all stop eating the pringles.
Hooray for the festive season eh?
Merry Fucking Christmas
Oh and my mum is rushing round organising Christmas while simultaneously working/having a nervous breakdown/cardiac arrest/epiletic fit while screaming at us about sausage rolls and will we all stop eating the pringles.
Hooray for the festive season eh?
Hey junkies. Join the Air Force, see the world, and score free gear
"Amphetamine pills, which are illegal in the US, are given to combat pilots who are involved in long eight or nine-hour sorties in small controlled doses, say the military. The Air Force stopped prescribing the 'Go' pills, as they are known by the pilots, in 1993 after reports that crews using them during the Gulf War became addicted. But the drug has been quietly reintroduced in recent years."
Then, in a red-letter day for stupid news, we have a case of the name fitting the crime;
"An Oak Park has pleaded guilty to castrating another man in his kitchen. A Birmingham man went to Wang's home...
Some people can never have enough wang eh?
Then we have a totally random picture of somebody playing Fetus Bingo
And finally, the Irish have solved an age old problem with an age old solution,
Ireland's new plan to recieve independence from England: have lots of unprotected sex. A united Ireland will happen when there is a majority of Catholics living in Northern Ireland, and the Catholics are so far winning.
Even when the world is screwed up I can still find some entertainment...
"Amphetamine pills, which are illegal in the US, are given to combat pilots who are involved in long eight or nine-hour sorties in small controlled doses, say the military. The Air Force stopped prescribing the 'Go' pills, as they are known by the pilots, in 1993 after reports that crews using them during the Gulf War became addicted. But the drug has been quietly reintroduced in recent years."
Then, in a red-letter day for stupid news, we have a case of the name fitting the crime;
"An Oak Park has pleaded guilty to castrating another man in his kitchen. A Birmingham man went to Wang's home...
Some people can never have enough wang eh?
Then we have a totally random picture of somebody playing Fetus Bingo
And finally, the Irish have solved an age old problem with an age old solution,
Ireland's new plan to recieve independence from England: have lots of unprotected sex. A united Ireland will happen when there is a majority of Catholics living in Northern Ireland, and the Catholics are so far winning.
Even when the world is screwed up I can still find some entertainment...
I am really disturbed by this pissy musical that's on Channel 9 before the Cricket.
It involves Rosie O'Donnell, Jason Alexander and the fat guy from Cheers all singing - and then some couple got stopped from having it off in a bar by a bunch of kids.
That's just wrong.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO there's still another twenty minutes of this before the cricket starts. For gods sake, I blame all you people in Perth for this.
It involves Rosie O'Donnell, Jason Alexander and the fat guy from Cheers all singing - and then some couple got stopped from having it off in a bar by a bunch of kids.
That's just wrong.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO there's still another twenty minutes of this before the cricket starts. For gods sake, I blame all you people in Perth for this.
I am really disturbed by this pissy musical that's on Channel 9 before the Cricket.
It involves Rosie O'Donnell, Jason Alexander and the fat guy from Cheers all singing - and then some couple got stopped from having it off in a bar by a bunch of kids.
That's just wrong.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO there's still another twenty minutes of this before the cricket starts. For gods sake, I blame all you people in Perth for this.
It involves Rosie O'Donnell, Jason Alexander and the fat guy from Cheers all singing - and then some couple got stopped from having it off in a bar by a bunch of kids.
That's just wrong.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO there's still another twenty minutes of this before the cricket starts. For gods sake, I blame all you people in Perth for this.
Is this country screwed? You bet it is...
AUSTRALIA'S incoherent censorship ratings system will be exposed in coming months with the release of a number of controversial videogames.
The Playstation 2 game BMX XXX will be released on January 16 with an MA rating minus its major selling point - a topless female BMX rider.
Yet the violent game Mortal Kombat Deadly Alliance, in which players can pull skeletons from bodies, will be released with the same MA15+ rating.
According to the Office of Film and Literature Classification, a computer-generated nipple is viewed as more offensive than the sight of violent death or excessive blood.
What the hell is the problem with these people? To paraphrase those union bastards, Ban One - Ban All.
Or even better, ban nothing.
AUSTRALIA'S incoherent censorship ratings system will be exposed in coming months with the release of a number of controversial videogames.
The Playstation 2 game BMX XXX will be released on January 16 with an MA rating minus its major selling point - a topless female BMX rider.
Yet the violent game Mortal Kombat Deadly Alliance, in which players can pull skeletons from bodies, will be released with the same MA15+ rating.
According to the Office of Film and Literature Classification, a computer-generated nipple is viewed as more offensive than the sight of violent death or excessive blood.
What the hell is the problem with these people? To paraphrase those union bastards, Ban One - Ban All.
Or even better, ban nothing.
Friday, 20 December 2002
In the ranks of places you're likely to find wacky news stories i'm sure Quebec would rank somewhere below Tanzania and Andorra, but those crazy (French) Canadians have really been putting in a huge effort this week... (thanks, as always, to Portal of Evil News)
A teen magazine in Quebec has raised eyebrows with its latest issue, which includes an explicit guide for keeping a boyfriend.
The magazine has a sex guide with what it calls "99 Naughty Tricks," including instructions on French kissing and oral sex.
Then we move on to...
A Quebec City radio host is among 11 prominent men facing charges of soliciting a minor, after police broke up a juvenile prostitution ring.
Police say the ring, which used girls ranging in age from 14 to 17, was operated by a street gang called the Wolf Pack.
Gang members would meet young girls at parties. Over several months, they would shower the girls with gifts, money and jewelry and slowly introduce them to a life of prostitution.
And finally....
A Quebec-based cult that believes space aliens created Earthlings in a lab 25,000 years ago says it has produced the world's first human clone to be born within two weeks, possibly on Christmas Day.
The Raelians, a free-love fringe sect that runs the theme park UFOland in Quebec's Eastern Townships, have offered no way to verify the claim or validate that this highly controversial experiment is under way.
But an official with Clonaid, the cloning company the Raelians founded in 1997, told CTV News that the clone is a girl and a genetic replica of a U.S. woman in her 30s who is unable to have children with her husband naturally.
And this was all in the news on the same day, leading me to the conclusion that it's never dull to be a Quebecer.
A teen magazine in Quebec has raised eyebrows with its latest issue, which includes an explicit guide for keeping a boyfriend.
The magazine has a sex guide with what it calls "99 Naughty Tricks," including instructions on French kissing and oral sex.
Then we move on to...
A Quebec City radio host is among 11 prominent men facing charges of soliciting a minor, after police broke up a juvenile prostitution ring.
Police say the ring, which used girls ranging in age from 14 to 17, was operated by a street gang called the Wolf Pack.
Gang members would meet young girls at parties. Over several months, they would shower the girls with gifts, money and jewelry and slowly introduce them to a life of prostitution.
And finally....
A Quebec-based cult that believes space aliens created Earthlings in a lab 25,000 years ago says it has produced the world's first human clone to be born within two weeks, possibly on Christmas Day.
The Raelians, a free-love fringe sect that runs the theme park UFOland in Quebec's Eastern Townships, have offered no way to verify the claim or validate that this highly controversial experiment is under way.
But an official with Clonaid, the cloning company the Raelians founded in 1997, told CTV News that the clone is a girl and a genetic replica of a U.S. woman in her 30s who is unable to have children with her husband naturally.
And this was all in the news on the same day, leading me to the conclusion that it's never dull to be a Quebecer.
I don't particuarly like Christmas. I'll cop it because everybody else seems to love it, but there's one thing about the season that shits me up the wall about the festive season.
Bloody Christmas songs - i'm not talking about your traditional carols but those really awful Xmas Rock songs by people like Doug Parkinson and Kevin Borich that nobody has cared about since 1978. They usually take the form of singing about "Christmas Down-Under" and can be heard in major department stores from December 1 to 24.
And somebody tried to claim to me today that "In The Ghetto" by Elvis is an Xmas song. How? Somebody dies in it, what's so lovely and festive about that?
People eh? Can't live with them, can't kill them (unless you're Robert Mugabe)
Bloody Christmas songs - i'm not talking about your traditional carols but those really awful Xmas Rock songs by people like Doug Parkinson and Kevin Borich that nobody has cared about since 1978. They usually take the form of singing about "Christmas Down-Under" and can be heard in major department stores from December 1 to 24.
And somebody tried to claim to me today that "In The Ghetto" by Elvis is an Xmas song. How? Somebody dies in it, what's so lovely and festive about that?
People eh? Can't live with them, can't kill them (unless you're Robert Mugabe)
National Sporting Hero in "I am a moron" shock (and it's not Mark Phillapousis for once) - Margaret Court has backed Damir Dokic's claims that lesbians are running the female tennis tour, she stopped short of saying that he should kill himself, as threatened, if Jelena turned out to be gay. Which is a shame, because i'm sure we all back anything that could mean Damir Dokic being dead.
So, nice of her to say you shouldn't kill yourself if your kid is gay isn't it? Well, not really because this NUTBAG runs a wacky Christian Ministry in WA that is dedicated to 'converting' gays and lesbians in the traditional style of so many US-based psychopaths. She has previously claimed gay people are 'committing sins of the flesh' and all kinds of other god-squad-madness.
Then I bought the Daily Telegraph yesterday (I was VERY bored) and there was a huge article with some wanker almost agreeing with her.
What is the world coming to?
So, nice of her to say you shouldn't kill yourself if your kid is gay isn't it? Well, not really because this NUTBAG runs a wacky Christian Ministry in WA that is dedicated to 'converting' gays and lesbians in the traditional style of so many US-based psychopaths. She has previously claimed gay people are 'committing sins of the flesh' and all kinds of other god-squad-madness.
Then I bought the Daily Telegraph yesterday (I was VERY bored) and there was a huge article with some wanker almost agreeing with her.
What is the world coming to?
Thursday, 19 December 2002
Get Your War On = greatest thing ever produced on the Internet. EVER. See also it's spin offs "Get Your Exx On" and "Get Your "Enr On". Pure genius of the highest order
Why should I perspire to death on the subway when I could be flying around in Dick Cheney's invisible nuclear helicopter?
Meanwhile, in international news - this kid is very advanced, I still don't know how to drive a car,
A 7-year-old Minneapolis boy stole a car Tuesday morning on the South Side and crashed it -- just 11 days after he had taken another vehicle, authorities said.
Actually, it appears that neither does he - but at least he was giving it a red hot bash.
Why should I perspire to death on the subway when I could be flying around in Dick Cheney's invisible nuclear helicopter?
Meanwhile, in international news - this kid is very advanced, I still don't know how to drive a car,
A 7-year-old Minneapolis boy stole a car Tuesday morning on the South Side and crashed it -- just 11 days after he had taken another vehicle, authorities said.
Actually, it appears that neither does he - but at least he was giving it a red hot bash.
Wednesday, 18 December 2002
Reason #1 why the 'Coalition' (either of them) won't be invading Iraq anytime soon...
"Australian actress Judy Davis has joined the calls to prevent a war on Iraq"
No! Judy Davis you say? She's done squat for years and now she's going to lead us all into a new era of peace and prosperity. Thank goodness for that then, I know i'll rest a little bit easier knowing this news.
If we're really lucky she might reprise her role in.... sorry, I forgot nobody's ever actually seen one of her films.
How about a big hell yeah for the Centre... whoo! We're non-committal and proud of it.
"Australian actress Judy Davis has joined the calls to prevent a war on Iraq"
No! Judy Davis you say? She's done squat for years and now she's going to lead us all into a new era of peace and prosperity. Thank goodness for that then, I know i'll rest a little bit easier knowing this news.
If we're really lucky she might reprise her role in.... sorry, I forgot nobody's ever actually seen one of her films.
How about a big hell yeah for the Centre... whoo! We're non-committal and proud of it.
From Daily Rotten comes the case of a man who is taking the Christmas spirit a little bit too far...
"Charleston police arrested an East Bank man for allegedly having sex with a sheep used in a West Side funeral home's live nativity scene. Joey Armstrong, 29, allegedly broke into a shed that housed the animals used in the holiday scene at the Bartlett-Burdette-Cox Funeral Home on Tennessee Avenue about 5:50 a.m. Saturday, Charleston Police Sgt. Brent Webster said."
"Charleston police arrested an East Bank man for allegedly having sex with a sheep used in a West Side funeral home's live nativity scene. Joey Armstrong, 29, allegedly broke into a shed that housed the animals used in the holiday scene at the Bartlett-Burdette-Cox Funeral Home on Tennessee Avenue about 5:50 a.m. Saturday, Charleston Police Sgt. Brent Webster said."
Friday, 13 December 2002
Well THERE'S A FUCKING SHOCK - Brett Lee's first ball in the ODI was a wide - why in gods name do they keep picking this dud? It's not like the pissheads in the crowd actually show up to see the crippling of tailenders.
He'll take a hat-trick now just to make me look stupid i'm sure.
England 0/83 - Where's Andy Bichel? Oh look, he's sitting on his ass in the pavilion while pretty-boy Lee costs Australia 10 runs off his first over.
Go Namibia!
He'll take a hat-trick now just to make me look stupid i'm sure.
England 0/83 - Where's Andy Bichel? Oh look, he's sitting on his ass in the pavilion while pretty-boy Lee costs Australia 10 runs off his first over.
Go Namibia!
Well, well, well
In the greatest upset in modern cinema history the new Bond film is actually quite good (although you'd never believe it from the whining shit who reviews it on IMDB). I went in expecting more of the complete crap the rest of the Brosnan films (now who's the whining shit eh?) have served up but I was pleasantly surprised. It's amazing how much better you can make the lead actor look when you provide a decent plotline and interesting characters. Halle Berry actually ads some class to the Bond Girl role, which has been tarnished in recent years by pissy choices like Terri Hatcher and Denise Richards.
The only notable lowpoints are the laughably awful theme song by Ms.Sex Grandma herself Madonna (marring a perfectly good title sequence), and then to really rub it in a cameo by her as well. Almost made me forget how much i'd been enjoying myself until then.
After that cinematic abortion The World Is Not Enough I was calling for the series to be tossed in the trash can. I guess there's life in the old girl yet, though I expect this might be the last great hurrah.
Mind you (hint, hint) if they were to kill the series now they'd be going out on a high. Sorry, I forget there's money to be made - so carry on.
In the greatest upset in modern cinema history the new Bond film is actually quite good (although you'd never believe it from the whining shit who reviews it on IMDB). I went in expecting more of the complete crap the rest of the Brosnan films (now who's the whining shit eh?) have served up but I was pleasantly surprised. It's amazing how much better you can make the lead actor look when you provide a decent plotline and interesting characters. Halle Berry actually ads some class to the Bond Girl role, which has been tarnished in recent years by pissy choices like Terri Hatcher and Denise Richards.
The only notable lowpoints are the laughably awful theme song by Ms.Sex Grandma herself Madonna (marring a perfectly good title sequence), and then to really rub it in a cameo by her as well. Almost made me forget how much i'd been enjoying myself until then.
After that cinematic abortion The World Is Not Enough I was calling for the series to be tossed in the trash can. I guess there's life in the old girl yet, though I expect this might be the last great hurrah.
Mind you (hint, hint) if they were to kill the series now they'd be going out on a high. Sorry, I forget there's money to be made - so carry on.
Tuesday, 10 December 2002
Monday, 9 December 2002
Alright, the "David Beckham Rumors" search fiasco has reached epidemic proportions. And before you start I am aware of how ironic it is to complain about something by mentioning it again - but it doesn't really matter i'm the only site on Google that mentions it.
30 times today one muppet has searched for "David Beckham rumors" on Google and come to this site. The same person. So, if you're reading now please email me and i'll tell you the full story behind the Beckham scandal (you must be 18!). I really do feel for the poor bastard who is so desperate to find out what Becks has done that he's sat there all day searching again and again and coming back here to find out if there has been any late breaking developments.
I note that it's a worldwide phenomenon..
According to Schnitt, there were 'tens of thousands' of Google searches for the words 'david beckham rumours' in the past week. The much-vaunted 'information society' may not have materialised, but the internet has made a historic contribution to the globalisation of gossip.
So, when they'd exhausted that spelling of it they came to me - the only idiot to Americanise things AND mention allegedly gay (whoops!) football players.
It almost makes you feel... wanted? But not quite.
30 times today one muppet has searched for "David Beckham rumors" on Google and come to this site. The same person. So, if you're reading now please email me and i'll tell you the full story behind the Beckham scandal (you must be 18!). I really do feel for the poor bastard who is so desperate to find out what Becks has done that he's sat there all day searching again and again and coming back here to find out if there has been any late breaking developments.
I note that it's a worldwide phenomenon..
According to Schnitt, there were 'tens of thousands' of Google searches for the words 'david beckham rumours' in the past week. The much-vaunted 'information society' may not have materialised, but the internet has made a historic contribution to the globalisation of gossip.
So, when they'd exhausted that spelling of it they came to me - the only idiot to Americanise things AND mention allegedly gay (whoops!) football players.
It almost makes you feel... wanted? But not quite.
[Start class prejudice and general nastiness here]
50-year-old Queenslander with a mullet and 8 other children has triplets. Frightening eh? And then the clincher that puts it in the all-time Hall of Fame - they just got kicked out of their trailer park.
Really, could you make it any easier for us to laugh at you?
What i'm offended at most is the idea that anyone has 11 children, let alone somebody who can't even afford to live in a house.
Well, with that piece of extraordinary hubris I guess i've tempted fate to turn me into a homeless bum or something now. So if you're putting your garbage out one night and you catch a toothless idiot going through your trash yelling "I USED TO HAVE A BLOG YOU KNOW!" then you'll know that's me - and you have my permission to shoot on sight.
[End class prejudice and general nastiness for now]
50-year-old Queenslander with a mullet and 8 other children has triplets. Frightening eh? And then the clincher that puts it in the all-time Hall of Fame - they just got kicked out of their trailer park.
Really, could you make it any easier for us to laugh at you?
What i'm offended at most is the idea that anyone has 11 children, let alone somebody who can't even afford to live in a house.
Well, with that piece of extraordinary hubris I guess i've tempted fate to turn me into a homeless bum or something now. So if you're putting your garbage out one night and you catch a toothless idiot going through your trash yelling "I USED TO HAVE A BLOG YOU KNOW!" then you'll know that's me - and you have my permission to shoot on sight.
[End class prejudice and general nastiness for now]
It's a very slow day here at the Project - so have some disturbing news to keep you interested.
Firstly, here's the one appropriate response to any song released by Blur,
A batch of BLUR's rare single DON'T BOMB WHEN YOU ARE THE BOMB has been blown up - by police who thought the box containing the singles were actually a real bomb.
I'd like to blow up Damon Albarn too, but that's just me.
Meanwhile, here's the appropriate response to Christian fundamentalists,
According to the blurb for Six Steps to Spiritual Revival , the Christian Coalition's Pat Robertson "reveals an amazing Scriptural pattern". But there's a pretty amazing pattern emerging amongst buyers of his book on Amazon.com. Scrolling down, you can see that a number of users have recommended The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men in addition to, or as an alternative to Robertson's tome.
And speaking of appropriate responses (as I am to an annoying degree).. here's what to do when you're rich, old and horny,
Rolf Eden, a Berlin property tycoon, former nightclub owner, and all-purpose celebrity, says he is offering $125,000 to any woman, from anywhere in the world, who can kill him with sex.
Speaking of Germans, here's a good reason to become one,
The crowd on board seem less interested in Berlin's cultural offerings than they are in the tour guide, who slowly disrobes during her commentary, and her two "assistants" who keep spirits high with a series of strip shows.
Finally today, go here and punch on in the great Left vs Right blog debate. Why can't we just be friends? There's gotta be somebody for us all to unite against doesn't there? The English Cricket team maybe?
Firstly, here's the one appropriate response to any song released by Blur,
A batch of BLUR's rare single DON'T BOMB WHEN YOU ARE THE BOMB has been blown up - by police who thought the box containing the singles were actually a real bomb.
I'd like to blow up Damon Albarn too, but that's just me.
Meanwhile, here's the appropriate response to Christian fundamentalists,
According to the blurb for Six Steps to Spiritual Revival , the Christian Coalition's Pat Robertson "reveals an amazing Scriptural pattern". But there's a pretty amazing pattern emerging amongst buyers of his book on Amazon.com. Scrolling down, you can see that a number of users have recommended The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men in addition to, or as an alternative to Robertson's tome.
And speaking of appropriate responses (as I am to an annoying degree).. here's what to do when you're rich, old and horny,
Rolf Eden, a Berlin property tycoon, former nightclub owner, and all-purpose celebrity, says he is offering $125,000 to any woman, from anywhere in the world, who can kill him with sex.
Speaking of Germans, here's a good reason to become one,
The crowd on board seem less interested in Berlin's cultural offerings than they are in the tour guide, who slowly disrobes during her commentary, and her two "assistants" who keep spirits high with a series of strip shows.
Finally today, go here and punch on in the great Left vs Right blog debate. Why can't we just be friends? There's gotta be somebody for us all to unite against doesn't there? The English Cricket team maybe?
Thursday, 5 December 2002
Yeah, let's get those furniture making bastards!
Two Dutch policemen were wounded when one of two bombs found in outlets of the IKEA home goods chain exploded as they were trying to defuse it on Wednesday.
Sorry, i'm really bored tonight.
Here's some suspicious news for you..
A 95-year-old Palestinian woman returning to her village after buying sweets and nuts for family festivities to mark the end of Ramadan was killed by Israeli soldiers who smashed windows of the minibus in which she was sitting and then fired into the vehicle, family members say.
I was sympathetic reading that until I got the bit where it said "family members say". Sounds a bit fraudulent to me.
Two Dutch policemen were wounded when one of two bombs found in outlets of the IKEA home goods chain exploded as they were trying to defuse it on Wednesday.
Sorry, i'm really bored tonight.
Here's some suspicious news for you..
A 95-year-old Palestinian woman returning to her village after buying sweets and nuts for family festivities to mark the end of Ramadan was killed by Israeli soldiers who smashed windows of the minibus in which she was sitting and then fired into the vehicle, family members say.
I was sympathetic reading that until I got the bit where it said "family members say". Sounds a bit fraudulent to me.
A terrifying trend that the authorities should be made aware of - people are actually searching for this page by name on Google...
I saw something else in the paper this morning that disturbed me. An ad for a book called "Essential Blogging" which (for $69.95) promised to help you "Keep your own online journal with a web log or blogg [sic].
Essential Blogging shows how to create compelling, multimedia bloggs in no time."
Sad eh? If there's people stupid enough to pay that much money for a book on something so fricking obvious then it's surely going to lead to a spate of grannies writing massive tracts of text about how their cat took a shit on their new rug.
Blogging isn't really that hard. You write some crap and people read it. Or in my case you write some crap that uses the words "david beckham male scandal" and 300 people get here by searching for that on Google.
I saw something else in the paper this morning that disturbed me. An ad for a book called "Essential Blogging" which (for $69.95) promised to help you "Keep your own online journal with a web log or blogg [sic].
Essential Blogging shows how to create compelling, multimedia bloggs in no time."
Sad eh? If there's people stupid enough to pay that much money for a book on something so fricking obvious then it's surely going to lead to a spate of grannies writing massive tracts of text about how their cat took a shit on their new rug.
Blogging isn't really that hard. You write some crap and people read it. Or in my case you write some crap that uses the words "david beckham male scandal" and 300 people get here by searching for that on Google.
Wednesday, 4 December 2002
Somebody came to this page yesterday via Google - searching for 'Tism kill americans rant'
So, because a) TISM rule, and b) I want to be raided by ASIO, here you go in it's entirety.
Kill all the flag-waving, red-blooded, young Yankee boys
String their torsos up and use their dicks as toys
Nuke every US city, blow them to the sky
Every single fucking yank deserves to fucking die
Then get all the mothers and every apple pie
And gun them down with M-16s, aim 'em at their eyes
Round up every US citizen, all except for Jews
Take that lot to Is-rael and wipe that lot out too
And then get all the Vietnamese that were napalmed to death
And everyone from El Salvador and Cuba and Chile and the rest
And say 'look the yanks are gone, the world is once again free
No more napalm, no more CIA, no more Wounded Knee'
And when they are all celebrating... nuke the fucking lot
And there'll be lots of jelly gasoline in every babies cot
And then load an M-16, give it plenty of feeling,
Put it to your temple, blow your brains onto the ceiling
So, because a) TISM rule, and b) I want to be raided by ASIO, here you go in it's entirety.
Kill all the flag-waving, red-blooded, young Yankee boys
String their torsos up and use their dicks as toys
Nuke every US city, blow them to the sky
Every single fucking yank deserves to fucking die
Then get all the mothers and every apple pie
And gun them down with M-16s, aim 'em at their eyes
Round up every US citizen, all except for Jews
Take that lot to Is-rael and wipe that lot out too
And then get all the Vietnamese that were napalmed to death
And everyone from El Salvador and Cuba and Chile and the rest
And say 'look the yanks are gone, the world is once again free
No more napalm, no more CIA, no more Wounded Knee'
And when they are all celebrating... nuke the fucking lot
And there'll be lots of jelly gasoline in every babies cot
And then load an M-16, give it plenty of feeling,
Put it to your temple, blow your brains onto the ceiling
I went to a South Melbourne-Australian U20's friendly match last night. Pissweak crowd of about 500 (considering it was free) and an ordinary game (South 1-0 for those keeping score).
On the way home I swear I got the saddest carriage ever seen on public transport.
a) There was a guy sitting opposite me, staring and obviously trying to start something. He was wearing a backwards hat, a jacket pulled up over half his face and was listening to Eminem at full volume. I was really trying hard not to laugh 'cos I worried he'd jump over and stab me or something
b) Some guy sitting behind me was intently telling his wife that the problem with Croydon was that there were 'too many asians' there.
c) A bunch of pissheads with Australian soccer scarves (who i'm sure weren't at the game earlier, so I have no idea where they'd come from) were making dicks of themselves by yelling out and dropping things in the train. I'm sure people like that are why most of the South Melbourne fans hate the Australian national team and it's supporters.
d) A couple of clearly smashed people who probably thought they were on the Pakenham line or something
and a bunch of other sad depressing people - myself included.
I have never been more thankful to get out of a train in my life.
On the way home I swear I got the saddest carriage ever seen on public transport.
a) There was a guy sitting opposite me, staring and obviously trying to start something. He was wearing a backwards hat, a jacket pulled up over half his face and was listening to Eminem at full volume. I was really trying hard not to laugh 'cos I worried he'd jump over and stab me or something
b) Some guy sitting behind me was intently telling his wife that the problem with Croydon was that there were 'too many asians' there.
c) A bunch of pissheads with Australian soccer scarves (who i'm sure weren't at the game earlier, so I have no idea where they'd come from) were making dicks of themselves by yelling out and dropping things in the train. I'm sure people like that are why most of the South Melbourne fans hate the Australian national team and it's supporters.
d) A couple of clearly smashed people who probably thought they were on the Pakenham line or something
and a bunch of other sad depressing people - myself included.
I have never been more thankful to get out of a train in my life.
Monday, 2 December 2002
I can't believe some of the shit that they put on TV during summer. Tonight is repeat central for all those really tacky and awful Aussie shows that nobody watched during ratings period. So, if you're really dying for a full repeat of Marshall Law then the non-ratings period is definately for you.
On another election related note (i'll never shut up about this you realise) I was speaking to somebody on MSN Messenger today who summed up the mood of the electorate on Saturday
"i went in there and point the numbers by the ppl who i liked there names!"
At least she admitted that she deliberately put Labor last because of an intense personal hatred for Steve Bracks.
On another election related note (i'll never shut up about this you realise) I was speaking to somebody on MSN Messenger today who summed up the mood of the electorate on Saturday
"i went in there and point the numbers by the ppl who i liked there names!"
At least she admitted that she deliberately put Labor last because of an intense personal hatred for Steve Bracks.
This is just insulting, I wake up and turn on the TV to see what they're replacing the cricket with. It's looks like they've dragged Kerri-Anne in to see if they can get the ratings to go even lower than 0.1, so I turn over to the Bert show on 10 and what's the first thing I hear "we'll have all the political news after the break"
Shut up! You're supposed to be selling miracle cures and talking to the stars of stage and screen.
Argh, I can't get away from Brax anywhere. Except when I bought a Sydney newspaper yesterday and he didn't get a mention once, that was nice.
Shut up! You're supposed to be selling miracle cures and talking to the stars of stage and screen.
Argh, I can't get away from Brax anywhere. Except when I bought a Sydney newspaper yesterday and he didn't get a mention once, that was nice.
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