tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74809418667720931572024-03-13T16:13:45.080+11:00The Supermercado ProjectIt's Novel, It's Unique, It's ShithouseAdam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.comBlogger869125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-58956917888904470132020-10-05T17:56:00.006+11:002022-07-10T13:03:32.647+10:00Hello Operator - a tribute to Australia's most offensive comedy album <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1GFW2-tR5qj2rNETqTQ4_BS72GUuscQIQIRliiDQCokDyjQh5W922HcB2T3SFIYjGJBvG13IuhC2GqWYWmmPlgaYpAFPOPSEcjRQ5pQB3g730XT30cdXKJuXRkz4xvW16co2TlfBGzoOm/s240/Kev.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1GFW2-tR5qj2rNETqTQ4_BS72GUuscQIQIRliiDQCokDyjQh5W922HcB2T3SFIYjGJBvG13IuhC2GqWYWmmPlgaYpAFPOPSEcjRQ5pQB3g730XT30cdXKJuXRkz4xvW16co2TlfBGzoOm/s0/Kev.jpg" /></a></div><div>If there's ever a serious discussion about the most influential Australian comedy album I want an invite to the panel. I'll concede that nothing will ever beat the 12th Man series for cultural impact, but am keen to argue that Kevin Bloody Wilson's second album <i>Kev's Back (The Return of the Yobbo) </i>runs a close second.</div><div><br /></div><div>This is not to suggest you'd play it for your grandmother, or that it in any way lines up with the moral standards of 2020 but find me another non-Billy Birmingham production that is remembered - at least in part - by so many people. </div><div><br /></div><div>It should be noted that this is very much a middle-aged person thing, anybody younger than 35 reading this probably has no idea what I'm on about. Find an older person and show them, I bet they'll know what I'm on about. Meanwhile, I'll accept nominations for anything this millennium that has had the same impact. Bad luck Tripod fans, you'll never manage it.</div><div><br /></div><div>Something else you'll never manage these days is selling 280,000 copies and going four times platinum. And that's not just comedians, nobody will ever shift albums in those numbers again. In 2019 the top seller in Australia did 140,000. <i>Kev's Back </i>finished 1986 as the eighth best selling album in the country, that is a lot of homes that had a copy.</div><div><br />One of those 280,000 was my uncle (there is no way my aunt was involved), whose house I swiped the cassette from during the 1993/1994 summer. I don't think he noticed, it was discovered amongst a large collection of tapes that had been stuffed at the back of a cupboard for years. No idea what other albums were available, none moved me to theft. Sadly, by the time I found it the cover art was long gone and I didn't get to see Kev pissing his initials against a wall in replica urine so dark that he'd have to be immediately hospitalised if it was real.</div><div><br /></div><div>There is nothing complicated about this album, it's 10 comedy songs that you wouldn't play on the radio unless you were trying to get sacked. However, I caution you not to confuse the use of several offensive racial terms with it being some sort of proto-Pauline Hanson's One Nation style wankfest. Language you'd kindly refer to as 'outdated' is there, but Wilson is not aligning himself with either side of politics, he's just trying to crack gags and get paid. In fact, in the cameo Bob Hawke impersonations, he's treated like a hero. Which just goes to show politics used to be a bit more complicated than one-eyed barracking for parties like they're footy teams.</div><div><br /></div><div>Nevertheless, be warned there is a fair bit of racial insensitivity contained within. I don't know about you but I can draw a line in my mind where I know it's wrong but still think some of it is - in the words of Rodney Rude - <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rude_Rides_Again" target="_blank">piss funny</a>. Please form an orderly queue to complain. Doesn't mean I'm going to drive down the road playing it from loudspeakers though.</div><div><p>Speaking of Rude, he lost to Wilson in an Ali vs Foreman style battle for that year's inaugural ARIA Award for Best Comedy Release. They took on a field including Austin Tayshus, Vince Sorrenti and Australia You're Standing In It (<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLc57c8_viU&ab_channel=aussie80s" target="_blank">featuring Captain Snooze</a>). Against that lot, I can only imagine <i>Rude Rides Again </i>(featuring the single <i>I Hate Cats) </i>ran second. He went on to be the Glenn Close of the ARIAs, nominated a further eight times without success, before bowing out after the unsuccessful 2009 campaign for <i>Rodney Rude Goes The Growl</i>. It's all been downhill from there, last year Chris Lilley got nominated for an album featuring "a South African lesbian pet psychic to the stars".</p><p>Not everyone shared the ARIA judging panel's enthusiasm. Future Walkley Award winning journalist Richard Guilliatt was particularly unimpressed.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5jTtchNglNynBqZI207uK15WSuyKMVdMBsfKjT_fbfZ-45CgbjW4q4j20epOGnYOrRHThfPIDkNME69P0HAmmJxevz1l0oWf5O6I7RamibJK1tYgMs2dEK3252LWbSwRDcoKxeUh9VWWT/s876/Capture.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="355" data-original-width="876" height="259" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5jTtchNglNynBqZI207uK15WSuyKMVdMBsfKjT_fbfZ-45CgbjW4q4j20epOGnYOrRHThfPIDkNME69P0HAmmJxevz1l0oWf5O6I7RamibJK1tYgMs2dEK3252LWbSwRDcoKxeUh9VWWT/w640-h259/Capture.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div><br /></div>There aren't many poo jokes, but don't let that stop you. He's pretty much right on the rest of the content, though I'd argue about the use of the word 'norks' over 'norgs'.<p>Without a numbered track listing I guessed the wrong side and listened to it out of order. As we'll find out, the official track order makes no sense, and though I absolutely reject it I won't enforce my beliefs on you. Strap yourself in fans of comedy and outrage alike.</p><p><u>SIDE 1</u></p><p><b>1. The Last Lager Waltz<br /></b>To kick off the tracklist whinge, why would you put something with the word 'last' in it first? Didn't even make sense when I thought it was the start of the second side, even less as the opening track. I wish Andrew Denton had tackled big topics like this when <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTqoHYwFWI4&ab_channel=HungryJacks2008" target="_blank">interviewed</a> Kevin Bloody Wilson. Track whinge listings aside, it's a good old fashioned comedy romp, with nothing more offensive than him stumbling back from the toilet with his dong out. Maybe that's why they put it first.</p><p>As far as great Australian opening lines go it's hard to beat "I'm trying to waltz and I can't even walk". This is followed by another four minutes of Kev making an arsehole of himself at a dance after "a bottle of Bundy and two dozen cans". The highlight is undoubtedly the wounded cry of "HE HIT ME!" after spewing on somebody's car. It's not an entirely wasted night, he ends by saying "I've never had this much fun before. It's great at the Last Lager Waltz"</p><p>There is also a music video. Christ only knows where it was shown. Rodney Rude might have unexpectedly <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdZ205vjm70&ab_channel=ConniptionHammerlessnail" target="_blank">hosted Countdown</a> but I guarantee you they weren't playing this. It deserved a wider audience, Kev played drunk better than Nicholas Cage in <i>Leaving Las Vegas</i>.</p>
<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/cGB-Z3y_8l4" width="560"></iframe></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>2. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__aYC_sRSjA&ab_channel=KevinBloodyWilson-Topic" target="_blank">That's What He Really Said</a></b></div><div>Look, you're not supposed to laugh at the misfortune of the Mayor of Hiroshima and there's a term used for indigenous Australians that would have you wiped out at warp speed now but we're not reviewing Nanette, there's going to be some blood spilt. Besides, if you take nothing else from this album, consider the opening line and how it still applies today - "I’ve come to the conclusion, ‘cos I get around a bit, that half of what you read is bull and the other half’s all shit".</div><div><br /></div><div>Otherwise, stay for Bob Hawke offering Malcolm Fraser two fingers up his arse after “Labor shit on Liberals with such a massive win" and the all-time great suggestion that Pope John Paul II should have called the guy who shot him a "dirty rotten cunt."</div><div><p><b>3. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5WXmKJkatE&ab_channel=KevinBloodyWilson-Topic" target="_blank">Kev's Courtin' Song</a></b><br />Where Kev stuffs up the ancient art of cracking on, opening the door for every Australian male in licensed premises to ask women one of the following questions:</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Do you fuck on first dates?</li><li>Does your dad own a brewery?</li><li>Can I feel your tits, or will you show them to me?</li></ul><div>If the victim had male family members she probably knew what was going on, but there must have been many thousands of women completely baffled when some yobbo rolled up and asked her one of the classics. These days police would be called. By the seventh or eighth time it happened that night she would probably have realised something was up. It's not the last time this album throws open the door to the rampant harassment of a particular group, but the only one with as wide a scope as an entire gender.</div><div><br /></div><div>Looking at it from a purely musical perspective, what makes this song memorable is the whole-hearted commitment to the chorus. It's probably because the song was born of his live performances, but he casually rolls through the verses, then gives it the full, singalong belt for the important bit. What it gains on record that wasn't available in some sweaty Kalgoorlie pub is 60s style female backing singers, lending an air of Motown style class to proceedings.</div><div><br /></div><div>Kev encourages you to have a go at his method, but provides a warning that it's not foolproof. "I've been spat at, and slapped, and kneed in the knackers", he says, then does a deviant laugh before admitting "but then I got a few fucks as well." I suppose in the modern day you could try this on Tinder and avoid the spitting, slapping and kneeing but I don't fancy your chances of getting your end away.</div><div> </div><div><b>4. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxSeVuzWrGg&ab_channel=KevinBloodyWilson-Topic" target="_blank">Breathe Through My Ears</a><br /></b>Always the lowlight for me, generally fast-forwarded. There was nothing for me aged 12 in a track about somebody with a 10 inch tongue who has mastered the art of cunnilingus. Even now, it's by some distance the most boring track on the album. Inessential. However, congratulations if you used to go out with Claire Stubbs:</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0NbGo-pmuSl2EJJdDepIHacxOvA0jfh1DCpX_ZWn5edBBXG-peUMNYaxCQ77hEMkQDOwr-5jEcdZmLg7f8C6ywhWmOY8328izA3QQmV_0I8UF1AOchyQUeHaDpKNwtxAMJnN2KOMyUHc4/s265/Growl.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="64" data-original-width="265" height="155" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0NbGo-pmuSl2EJJdDepIHacxOvA0jfh1DCpX_ZWn5edBBXG-peUMNYaxCQ77hEMkQDOwr-5jEcdZmLg7f8C6ywhWmOY8328izA3QQmV_0I8UF1AOchyQUeHaDpKNwtxAMJnN2KOMyUHc4/w640-h155/Growl.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div><b>5. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGKasSU0GT8&ab_channel=KevinBloodyWilson-Topic" target="_blank">Mick the Master Farter</a></b></div><div>Now here's a tale of a great Australian, a man with a "double-jointed arse", who can summon up both power and stench in any scenario from a school rugby game to the America's Cup. Sure Kamahl gets called "sambo", which is not ideal (another highlight of the Denton interview, saying he never used that term then <a href="https://youtu.be/bgCNa2HCg74?t=310" target="_blank">realising he had</a>), but otherwise this is top-shelf comedy gold, with Mick being called "fucking good" by everyone up to Bob Hawke.</div><p>It's also a triumph of production, with the trombone providing substitute fart noises. I always thought kids who picked that instrument were dickheads because they had to cart it everywhere, but if your career possibilities included playing mock-flatulence on comedy albums maybe they were the smart ones? Sadly, by the time <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LAD6Im6jrA&ab_channel=gwhizz5150" target="_blank">Who Farted?</a> by The Vaughans arrived they were sampling the real thing instead of going to the trouble of crafting soundalike noises on brass instruments. And that's why nobody remembers them fondly.</p><p><u>SIDE 2</u></p><p><b>6. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xalHHDMhPoU&ab_channel=KevinBloodyWilson-Topic" target="_blank">Livin' Next Door To Alan</a><br /></b>This is what it means when <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kev%27s_Back_(The_Return_of_the_Yobbo)" target="_blank">they say</a> <i>"The album includes what is claimed by critics to be overtly racist humour"</i>. </p><p>While the other tracks that get a bit racial are confined to funny voices, this would set race relations back by 20 years if you released it now. Even for the mid 1980s, in an era where <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Billy_Cokebottle" target="_blank">King Billy Cokebottle</a> was a viable recording artist, it seems a bit stiff. Kev claims that an indigenous community requested it and fell over themselves laughing at the line "at least we don't got fucking coons live next door to us." I'm not sure that entirely takes the curse off it, but string me up by the ankles and wallop me like a pinata but parts of it still make me laugh.</p><p>Given that I thought this was the opening track it obvious made quite the impression on me. Political correctness hadn't reached my life yet, if you played me this now I'd run screaming and deny ever having been involved before the end of the first minute.</p><p>Part of the reason I thought this was the opening track was that it was recorded live. Why would you put a live track at the front of Side 2? It was a fortuitous mistake for me, what really roped me in was the unsung hero who uses a moment of silence shortly before the singing to yell “FUCK YOUR MUM!” Somehow that doesn't even make the top 10 most offensive part of this track.</p><p>Turns out people thought it was a bit suspect at the time too. Come for the explanation of the song, stay for Kev's unconvincing words of defiance.<br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn4WQth75r_lWa8MeL9OCROX0E6VQwGTGCPOED0HDihUQwCnu64V0skeSl3UgqTIREjw_Q49POlSOzDYn2FJVjlY8Bs8l-qbSBqGOk5ADBm0k3v9z_d8RppMdsx93MJsIbL2pcGaY4T4Ve/s415/Living.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="415" data-original-width="387" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn4WQth75r_lWa8MeL9OCROX0E6VQwGTGCPOED0HDihUQwCnu64V0skeSl3UgqTIREjw_Q49POlSOzDYn2FJVjlY8Bs8l-qbSBqGOk5ADBm0k3v9z_d8RppMdsx93MJsIbL2pcGaY4T4Ve/s320/Living.JPG" /></a></div>Now, there is no doubt in the world that this song reinforces stereotypes and fails the modern comedy test of punching down instead of up, but the writer didn't bother to correctly interpret what happens at the end. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's not that Bond leaves because the neighbours "stink the place up so bad", it's because even as Australia's richest man (not having yet bought Channel 9 or gone to jail) they keep one-upping him. So, if you think about it, via a dark path the family who "came down from Meekatharra in a burnt-out blue FJ" are actually the heroes of the story. </div><div><br /></div><div>Scant consolation I'm sure, but didn't help its cause with record buyers or the ARIA committee. Imagine the CARNAGE if an album like this was nominated for an award now, much less won? There would be street riots.</div><div><p>If you can put the controversy to one side, there are a couple of moments in this track that have had a long-lasting influence on me. The first is the bit after the subtle pause before he adds "and the Leyland Brothers!" to a list of Bond's party guests. The live crowd went wild, and I gained a reference fit for using whenever the situation wasn't dire enough for a mention of Burke and Wills. Sure by the time I heard this Mike and Mal had already gone but after opening a Pissweak World style <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leyland_Brothers_World" target="_blank">theme park</a> and you may as well mention Alby Mangels to young people for all they're going to understand, but it just comes naturally now. </p><p>The second is when Bond calls Ben Lexcen and orders another yacht "twice as big and twice as fast as the one I've already got". The big where he says "that'll fuck 'em!" is something I say in any situation involving one-upping somebody. So, I can't endorse the song as a whole but there are nuggets of comedy gold if you're brave enough to strap on the Hazmat suit and wade in. Whatever you do, for the love of all that is holy don't read the YouTube comments.</p><p>I wonder if people were inspired to rediscover this song after 1995's dreadful <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Living_Next_Door_to_Alice#Gompie_version" target="_blank"><i>Alice, Who The Fuck Is Alice</i></a> track came out in 1995? I was probably still listening to the Kev version, the tape had done the rounds of most of my classmates by that point and as far as I know none of us ended up as Senate candidates for fringe far-right parties.</p><p><b>7. </b><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbSmO4qnlOE&ab_channel=KevinBloodyWilson-Topic" style="font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">The Pubic Hair Song</a><br />In which Kev takes a scientific look at accents from around the world, determining that they're influenced by rogue pubic hairs. Basically just an excuse to do comedy accents - Italian (on top lip), Chinese (back of throat), Scottish (roof of mouth) and even ocker Australian (up nose). The Indian accent is usually a rich source of comedy in this county (see Mahatma Cote and Matt Tilley ringing up people pretending to be from a call centre) but surprisingly fails to qualify here.</p><p>The backing singers are best on ground. That's who I'd like to hear from, the women paid to turn up at a studio and sing "in this old world there's not a thing to drive you to despair..." so some bloke can do a novelty accented rhyme with "pubic hair." Not all heroes etc... </p><p><b>8. It Was Over (Kev's Lament)<br /></b>The second track to earn a music video, even less likely to be played on Rage, featuring a flashback to young Kev unsuccessfully trying to get off with a young lady in the backseat of his car. The line "I remember back on our very first date" implies that the two characters lived happily ever after, but not before a scenario later described as "I had a cunt of a night but me undies had a ball".</p><p>I don't know if it's possible to prematurely blow your load multiple times but young Kev manages it x4, to the backing of doo-wop sounds from a knock-off Delltones. Then her dad bangs on the roof of the car and he shits himself too. However, Kev doesn't go home without some sort of result, the bra obviously came off at some point because he says it was the "first time I'd had a tit in me mouth since I was nine months old". I'm sure people who did get it on in the backseat of cars felt a nostalgic pang from this song, I can't think of anything worse.</p><p>My favourite part is the evergreen, fit for all purposes line "You hear people say that they'd love to go back and do things that they did in the past, but if you reckon they were the real good old days you can go shove them right up your arse." Which pretty much says it all about nostalgia. Except for posts about how old comedy albums are better than new ones, they are very good. </p><p>If you're watching the video stay right to the end (or skip to 2.20) for another acting masterclass, this time for his reaction to his soiled underderps sticking to the wall.</p><p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/zRhx6UwuwVM" width="560"></iframe></p><p><b>9. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UTdvY5Rvv0&ab_channel=KevinBloodyWilson-Topic" target="_blank">Dick'taphone</a></b><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UTdvY5Rvv0&ab_channel=KevinBloodyWilson-Topic" target="_blank"><br /></a>If you think <i>Kev's Courtin' Song </i>ruined the dating scene, imagine the effect this had on Telecom's 013 operators? The track that launched a thousand nuisance calls is my favourite, and there's a far-fetched claim that <a href="https://youtu.be/bgCNa2HCg74?t=224" target="_blank">Prince Charles</a> was into it too. Imagine the chaos when this album was flying high in the charts and every second listener thought they'd be the first to ring up and tell the operator to "stick that fucking phone up your fucking arse". Then imagine Charlie doing it. I wish the tabloids had taped him saying that instead of his disappointing sex chat with Camilla.</p><p>Also in massive trouble, anybody with the phone number 477 3104. In the interest of science I applied a nine and called it. Sadly, in Melbourne at least, it has been subject to the Tommy Tutone rule and disconnected. Ironically, Kevin Bloody Wilson's home town of Perth seems to be the only place in Australia where the number still works, allegedly for an A. Agostino. We respectfully ask that you do <i>not </i>ring them up and ask to place a call.</p><p>The problem with home versions of this song is that the line itself is not funny in isolation. You could ring up A. Agostino and shout it but there's no comedic effect without the nasally accent Kev sings the song in. Rack off Whispering Jack, this is one of the great Australian vocal performances, especially the way he pronounces "arse" as "arth" for no obvious reason. That's the mark of a professional, making a subtle change that significantly improves the performance.</p><p>Trouble starts when our unnamed protagonist tries to connect a call to the soon-to-be infamous 477 3104 but is continually thwarted by the poor hearing of the Telecom operator. Eventually he cracks the sads, and when told "I got the first bit, I just can't get the last" he invites her to... well, you know. </p><p>A legend was born, and by all accounts it was regularly aired at maximum volume in the most inappropriate places. Like one night at Flagstaff Station in the late 80s, where the staff thought it safe to blast the song through the station PA after the last train departed, only to be confronted by a pair of ashen-faced cleaners who had never heard such filth in all their lives.</p><p>We don't hear the operator's response to this helpful suggestion, but she is obviously not happy because a couple of days later the man from the phone company shows up to disconnect Kev's phone for "a breach of regulations." Mr Telecom helpfully suggests "it might help if you'd recall exactly what you said..." as an excuse to get back into the chorus.</p><p>Kev is offered a chance at redemption by apologising the 'Operator 42', but the Telecom receptionist asks him to repeat himself and we're off to the races again. Finally the operator turns up, by which time he's had enough, issues the immortal line "you'd better fuckin' brace yourself 'cos they're bringing it around" and abuses her again. I've always wanted to say that in real life but have never had the chance. Presumably his phone was never reconnected and he had to wait several years for Optus to turn up.</p><p>At the time of thieving this album I was also right into crank calls, aided by the phone box 50 metres from my front door. Perhaps due to concerns that I too would be tracked down and asked to recall exactly what I said, the victims were usually Demtel operators (008 023 025, I even remember the number). There is absolutely no doubt that at some point I demanded somebody stick the phone and I feel really bad about it now. In fact, I suspect some of the reason I hate making phone calls now is guilt about the cavalcade of artless, abusive calls to anyone with a free call number. By 1994 Demtel had <a href="https://youtu.be/EC_xb25mpZ0?t=112" target="_blank">switched to</a> a 'cost of a local call' number and I feel partly responsible. But only partly, everybody in Australia aged 10 and up was tormenting the piss out of their operators. </p><p>I was too busy laughing at the time to think about the premise, but surely by 1986 you didn't have to ring an operator and ask them to put you through to a number. Either you knew the number and dialled it or you didn't and you rang up to find it out. Maybe, like the <i>Last Lager Waltz</i> it was set in the past? After Denton neglected to ask we'll probably never find out.</p><p><b>10. </b><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qz_qE925uJY&ab_channel=KevinBloodyWilson-Topic" style="font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">Hey Santa Claus</a><br />And if you thought Telecom operators had it bad, imagine how shopping centre Santas went after people heard this? The air would have been turning blue at Westfields across Australia as men of all ages yelled "hey Santa Claus you cunt, where's me fuckin' bike?" in the presence of bewildered children and horrified parents.</p><p>In the finest tradition of "I'm normal but my kids are weird", this opens with reminiscences of the simple Christmases of the narrator's youth. They couldn't afford tinsel for their Christmas tree so they'd just wheel old grandad in and "make the old cunt sneeze". That takes up the first 50 seconds, with no indication of the total chaos to follow. Then he overhears his own kids unwrapping presents and we're off the races.</p><p><i>"Hey Santa Claus you cunt. <br />Where's me fuckin' bike?<br />I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like<br />I wrote you a fuckin' letter, and I come to see you twice<br />You worn out geriatic fart, you forgot my fuckin' bike."</i></p><p>And from that moment on, nobody who wore the Santa Claus suit was safe from abuse. Nor, as it turns out, was the narrator's daughter, who appears to have suffered gross sexual assault from the Santa in question, having been made to "sit right on your hand". Even as a kid this bit was jarring to me, coming a time when priests were starting to be exposed as nonces left, right and centre. Good thing nobody was concentrating on this bit, we were all just DELIGHTING in the excessive use of the ultimate swear word, one that still had the power to shock Australians.</p><p>This is the song people are most likely to have heard of, even just in passing. It's a chorus that will certainly get stuck in your head, whether you like it or not. Less memorable (to everyone but me), the description of Santa as a 'pisstank', which hinted towards the title of Bloody Wilson's less successful next album, described here in the most deadpan possible way:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiIaGcaqCkVt5E2kpsNcsaINCSO2UDrTT9ccLNNbU8LJrgs7OKPX1gVPORqZIxTwya79jem9bLWDjkFtZw0KJqY7zaEpJJ6WiG1uBz6tXqpxKMYtyoazy5p5WsWP363dWgFDGKDRyhdQ1Z/s382/pisstank.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="113" data-original-width="382" height="119" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiIaGcaqCkVt5E2kpsNcsaINCSO2UDrTT9ccLNNbU8LJrgs7OKPX1gVPORqZIxTwya79jem9bLWDjkFtZw0KJqY7zaEpJJ6WiG1uBz6tXqpxKMYtyoazy5p5WsWP363dWgFDGKDRyhdQ1Z/w400-h119/pisstank.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><p>... and that wraps it up. Critics and punters howled for different reasons, while I was several years behind. Probably best I didn't hear it on release given that I was five years old. Once I got into it six years late I was hooked. A year later my other aunt inexplicably gave me a copy of Wired World of Sports 2 for Christmas and my filth education got another big kick again. Two decades later I was described by a workmate as the most creative swearer he'd ever met. Thanks for your contribution Kev.</p><p>I have no idea where the tape ended up. By the late 1990s my cassette collection was well beyond its use-by date, and best guess is that the lot got dumped into a Salvos bin shortly before the turn of the century. It wasn't until YouTube came along that I was reunited with these monster hits. Then Spotify arrived, and in the course of researching this post I may have ended up on a post-cultural revolution hit list.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii1vGNshv7X3l64D1OFoSaXkT3ej3KJrUj_G8WBa2jzcaZdR2gHFkvEPF5SuSMQqzHYFv6chINmbKUL9FRuSxFov79VztjEnmzbRBIz1Gibj6HKndU1SMipG96TUDcxKJf2TZyZk3vlSBO/s1292/20201005_095833.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="267" data-original-width="1292" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii1vGNshv7X3l64D1OFoSaXkT3ej3KJrUj_G8WBa2jzcaZdR2gHFkvEPF5SuSMQqzHYFv6chINmbKUL9FRuSxFov79VztjEnmzbRBIz1Gibj6HKndU1SMipG96TUDcxKJf2TZyZk3vlSBO/w640-h133/20201005_095833.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><p>It's claimed that Equatorian Guinean president and confirmed shitbloke Francisco Macias Nguema once executed dissidents with a firing squad dressed as jolly old St. Nick. I will request the same treatment, and when asked if I have any final words I will say "Hey Santa Claus...."</p></div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-43978548489200973922020-04-16T03:27:00.005+10:002022-07-16T20:06:02.235+10:00Remembering the magic and mystery of the Goodies in South Africa<i>Long time readers, you are not going crazy, there was a post on this about 15 years ago. Christ only knows where it went.</i><br />
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<iframe allow="autoplay" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="https://www.dailymotion.com/embed/video/x6u0rfj" width="640"></iframe><br />
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Nothing says the 1970s like 26 minutes of mocking South African racism by simultaneously committing war crimes against modern standards. People who try to write off old shows by what's acceptable now should be stuffed in a woodchipper but I still advise you not to watch it on a crowded train. If you can find one (readers of the future, this was a very topical comment at the time of writing).<br />
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Years before <i>Lethal Weapon 2</i> buried the Apartheid lovers to a whole new generation, this instantly establishes them as total shits via the kidnapping of a kindly granny.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW-5jTMWCaY2a9eFd5ERYbybeTOM1RxttktoX0A0HVBl2fVJvWoJl944PXKLk2qLRPZ6FoCickltXGEE9bligcbjwnJkQjfhgXTcJGO8MMlt5v8TdnLpZhjWSkNVkOk4NLIMSNrJ2SBiaV/s400/0.jpg" width="400" /><br />
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A moment please for two of the greatest moments in television history<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDoZ4DwMEGVMfh_PDBjcuKYlc5aUjYLlkXvaa-bQPa3oLGGSqkEBNrzQgYT92oY6nsUZP-K9xzCyP-y3r3VEff4PoIFaZNhH1XK859j15amgVblE0T4WHHL9HorUkuWWdCyrwOwntCtobm/s400/goodies000.jpg" width="400" />
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and...<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHalco5yxhdY-uSqLLTzcAjLdOG9VE4GsDTXVUz08xCk7cEirvqcKea3SCm65JKGY5_-HtEtmSKN0YHt0C5q6HKH4USoxnSVJvXb3uyY4w7E1SUTL3-5fRlrfshPAmvpIHmY3SETLzDKns/s400/goodies002.jpg" width="400" /><br />
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The Goodies are swiftly bundled into a box, which is exactly what would happen to you if you tried to make this episode now.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfzF1ig8UzDFevyBVts95iU1wMp-6QgAYAifUr9TkdG1VKVH3ZrcqKWjCorJbEoBoyoUOXDCyeY872B9RYtIFHaS-rvrbB-QmtSzAQ3BHJFcYyjkexsu0txe_gzItHZ9X0QB_cWii6RM3L/s400/goodies003.jpg" width="400" />
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Cue about three more minutes of gags about things being white.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdeja-Ye7u88athEHN4Tn_6VcxXh_9S1jARLNGzgTaSzcuNgz2EKLUzkcYUhVVX_R57QIcEhZDQ5rH4GVK0jgk3GK55sJR2W__Wonp4Goc3xKoK86061NHXXYO_x8inTMeL9n3FCiSBRTo/s400/goodies005.jpg" width="400" />
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So, the evil Afrikaaner/English bloke half doing an accent commissions The Goodies to make a film encouraging immigration to South Africa. Due to much confusion over recent immigration to the United Kingdom contemporary hilarity ensures.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQjGlJ4io9cBP6oYsA3SGWHcqFA3rWVtSGTFYk69bi9v1XPeT4uwG03uOET6yk5Nc9QMdWfrhviEzMgZ0LI9qY3PgK9sqr0sGFDdJu-5porZkq_a8YRwgS9OfVhOQHiu2pHwVY-Gi09LyX/s400/goodies006.jpg" width="400" />
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Don't suppose they thought of using this picture on Tim Brooke-Taylor's obituary<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbORxhP_30o3jpMUXebKGQDnniopzqGXyeympLW4EKHS5r9Sv9Tsjh3IZ41A5uqgWCWRCHOiL_hr1VJWoY5txrDyQVvPMKdVUJwaB_mBXSVqKPlFd1RsXvbgTkCsYZHZx6LeuXiyy_gFsx/s400/goodies007.jpg" width="400" /><br />
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This would be a good time to point out that the views of this program do not represent that of this blog or its authors.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnnnXB5HfkcOxrPlUCL868NBEzroghPREdDtnzEwy2jv8QLlPagLXsiRL_kBqKyNms_-7nhqVKSiq0qLJYHwzQBlbupQjViy9fXXi7IRSk81DbZJ81OamLfep-oyM-iYvmqV9J8X1wSzcJ/s400/goodies010.jpg" width="400" />
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After a campaign only slightly more ill-fated than Australia spending millions on tourism ads just before a global pandemic, The Goodies are forced to do their bit for the white race and go to South Africa, where they receive a taste of local customs.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD-QzMwrqtY0hJ_WyUGw9lG6PmsyZz28_wVn6PJjYCP2omS_Aad6is6ovKb_3pKY79bf6Iuo9xA48r2nExmWESojPzJcmtgSG0MG9TYVeM3Pw2nEsLnhLjSzsDzcKxlF4zy8vaHFqWiR66/s400/goodies012.jpg" width="400" /><br />
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Then, after a few minutes of Bill Oddie doing impressions of native South Africans that would get you shot these days and uncomfortably excessive use of the term 'nig nog', the joke is on him when a zany new form of discrimination is introduced.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbTdBMv-zSOjiR_vjFTwcgtzLW4Pfx5cMGrw5Y5ylkyzJKRvb7ydDTW-Ye8nbjttPKeln9YpxMbppyb_Ae-75SIcRoHujwT5UNV4L1PJcICcPmfb7eA1Bstm4MZTBr7eqRVrunhLppLt1b/s400/goodies013.jpg" width="400" /><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span>
<span style="text-align: center;">To which Bill fails to qualify, and is subsequently forced to replace the previously enslaved population, who have all pushed off to the UK.</span><br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCXQQmo1-Cb_Z-moNR5jwlWAOzkE-QeBbzU6gcAqQnPMogwUcK7WIY0WkpMsUkadMNcNNNB5-RCDBndCY7QEDPJWg_JiiK5tv1I2jBtmxP7YXscKREu491BqONnh6CRXXycj5FMCwAjED7/s400/goodies014.jpg" width="400" />
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In the midst of one of those chase montages that are in every episode, a free dick joke.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidc58ypoKUCi9x4tdUBA1sbHv7T1OxZW-YFjYvATpwTW1aWwH9L8302haVqiTOWv5uhQwPDoKXbAC2JQ1sRa-VQdsb8v2y5roirsKLHJiGi0qk8AhpjqBnWRt26y-lz2LZ_KjByv3DMcOz/s400/goodies015.jpg" width="400" /><br />
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It's possible that this whole episode was done just to get this gag in.
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNCFG68k0QZkAbkPrhNcxKJbG3QZs_BJc6qwYqeA7gqsSmIUmzl0ru9TZIq29yhS4xQcoCOwJ3W7adxwQ1HiUrKD2i57mU5dheAWLUK2SoMmaaQlG8XWbJt_lg8W_QGrMTOAONw0c9BenM/s400/goodies016.jpg" width="400" />
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... and for the appealing visual of jockeys being locked up.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikt9_l227WyhxX3GJ9405CBbJBw_tQTFuNROB6MFCbCQQhj6c30AZwpKy2j0nRH4mLQ9Zd_A4qALSGBmz98vMzNWL85d_YaBPXcRIHinwIDovbqJF-1CyfC4lDZ_4l-esfXmKredx8yHA0/s400/goodies017.jpg" width="400" /><br />
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Tiring of rampant racism and discrimination, and under threat of a rebellion from short people, the Goodies look for somewhere more tolerant to live. They couldn't find anywhere, so they went back to 70s Britain.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1BbE773g_tOGm2IzKTDWUafm5bHb77362PP9swH3PCkN1ApUYie2AAPrYy_OrHXV9gserp1lUxXuFq5puK8GHSVtAR3MNpKz84V40t120MBqB-FJfyjmDmeyGdg2v_b9rUbFa-8PncWeL/s400/goodies018.jpg" width="400" /><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span>
<span style="text-align: center;">Where they duly salute the passing Queen</span><br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjio0CfMo0zSp6fJ68QJQioqelXy6iIw5DzlQKUNwu6oO_IRHonaYiXCDTNYMeddcpg4hceMnQhNn1BeD0NSXC0R6Vmyq5zbptNlopTkekVm9kHpLIaOp0kP0XK4Fz8gSUOf97aO1m76xjf/s400/goodies019.jpg" width="400" /><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span>
<span style="text-align: center;">But, as somewhere a viewer kicked their TV in, Britain's gone black...</span><br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_gKZOOIRtI0iQfWLQC3nIFDIS-utI1sxeevSazEjks9WZa9nl8lPBBLGwRVm3tokBEMXJme5FEBgWJLut1e_FU32lViedlbA_zEZs8g7nywyZNFXZZeLlcyfIB2wXXRk_eBsieHhyphenhyphenkbRF/s400/goodies020.jpg" width="400" /><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span>
<span style="text-align: center;">And after a "keep Britain black" pep-talk from a famous celebrity...</span><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span>
<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi93O44ECE5AK_PQb1j1txNpobWlMu_ZMxqH0Xx9dg8U7LZ2Zydwi5Mvt1jMiCLO0ya4LaskjnCLvyjeaSO1A3j356s9OhKVeznFAs-qU7BO8U8neribYp56jIbMKwOJfwcSt2PkcJQRX3M/s400/goodies021.jpg" width="400" /><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span>
<span style="text-align: center;">... they decide if you can't beat them join them.</span><br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEhV7kCGkSv2fsBE9HRPkfYkf9VcSpg5znGCvMPqIScgQNDT7VsEwu7YoXU54QDf8lpNK-FZufrg5ygm80Wa41OUZfSt1PCwdIBWa5va40nYo9nPBHg3ZaqqsyISmz4CLlFt7F1rYJbBQW/s400/goodies022.jpg" width="400" />
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<span style="text-align: center;">Remarkable stuff. Can't think why they never played this episode on ABC in the afternoon.</span>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-73166308074774422922019-09-01T23:39:00.006+10:002022-07-16T20:03:09.782+10:00Football Manager: English ChaosThe process of editing in Football Manager is more interesting than playing the games, which is why over the many years of wasting time on this game I've probably done as much messing around with league structures than actually managing.<br />
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On that note I bring you the return of a concept that I first tried about 10 years ago but never documented, in which we flip the top English divisions and see what happens next. The Premier League teams go to League Two, the League Two teams go to the Premier League, and the Championship/League One swap positions. The real entertainment value of this comes a few seasons in when we discover what small teams have unexpectedly become massive, and what big sides are trapped in Non-League hell.<br />
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Also please note this experiment is being conducted on FM18 because I refused to buy FM19 due to them not adding anything of interest (please note: for FM20 please give us historical seasons and option to play as Director of Football only and let the AI manage the games and then we're talking again).<br />
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<b>2017/2018</b><br />
The divisions line up like this:<br />
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<b>Premier League</b><br />
<img border="0" data-original-height="561" data-original-width="374" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJK1QjqdpSsYXph1AEnUF7I8K-kYwRat5cFxzrnO8ubpsaGEzAfKn-ZBsh1ikd3bWgAqamza8n6FnrwdABbYYjGic6-3Dn_q2qWapR6NOZf7vJSYvI-gZuLbu5sAsV6Dvq0F_Xmuk_SHT5/s640/EPL.jpg" width="425" /><br />
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<b>Championship</b><br />
<img border="0" data-original-height="630" data-original-width="367" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1WqeOmuXjHJGwopysI5cUFRuGyocMLkxwYv2gVKdDhn4bR0WR-g86oDbwBn5cOffK1EDVf8PFZM7d2sBue_T_C9m13lUh7DJTWXJMxApC3GRr-N-jffTtORs8_QnKydqc38bIlwy1FL-c/s640/championship.jpg" width="371" />
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<b>League One
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<img border="0" data-original-height="637" data-original-width="356" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxNi3CDEmap03qBgoQV2S8lwlzpGIsYJjTnHchkQeefWZDT2OVsFKAgFYMNbhLe1oUeCxqYb0Jifta0L7kh4F4iD_6iM-JPbVZXOAB8FqDq0YKYz7c3fT8aAo2i_d-lj_SdN1jyJu7o7HH/s640/league1.jpg" width="355" /><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span>
<span style="text-align: center;"><b>League Two</b></span><br />
<img border="0" data-original-height="624" data-original-width="363" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihYB9IE0D_R-RxF2AiQZVftRrIG4dGuih_4OH0hxTqFyda61sv4IKtU4SI6fhuKnmmdfqZLMa5jNWnjWZJTVDTEM8_ooBoWK3ciNHP11McDK-vZsSxaI0uQjneqvFbqOHKmvFkBkqpkulL/s640/league2.jpg" width="369" />
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<br />
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... and just below that star-studded collection of League Two sides is a set of Conference teams who are in massive trouble when they're promoted at the end of the season.<br />
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<u>Results</u><br />
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<i>Premier League</i><br />
What a tremendously wholesome competition this was, with first and ninth only three points apart at the halfway mark. The battle came down to four, with Chesterfield missing a golden chance to jump ahead of Luton with four to play. The Hatters held on to take the title. All the relegated teams were competitive but will presumably now plummet down the divisions.<br />
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A real highlight was these previously penniless sides paying $40 million bonuses to their directors after one season in the top flight.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPGcqn5szJ6m-0bdN-XM-2IpWgcH_JtMS4hjMrlmDcxPs9-UTcpN7yrd5lZhiTxh0OcG9zuk3INmU5GhGVIIRqy95xQw-5zHodHM7m501FSpEj5iRPoCJSMZwvo5Rl7VvckPrYQXXuou46/s1600/EPL-1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="531" data-original-width="1029" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPGcqn5szJ6m-0bdN-XM-2IpWgcH_JtMS4hjMrlmDcxPs9-UTcpN7yrd5lZhiTxh0OcG9zuk3INmU5GhGVIIRqy95xQw-5zHodHM7m501FSpEj5iRPoCJSMZwvo5Rl7VvckPrYQXXuou46/s1600/EPL-1.jpg" /></a></div>
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<i>Championship</i><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjqvh4qNu67fn_Srdc6T-KGQEnTaok59olzP0rvSt8B8Ve283W4BA7hqnXn8Fj1K75z9eMlIhnZibMtLwrqO5BXTvZnkua5-fd0GILv23H-Em1x8BVbkEjjtfUHjaFQGyxL-2L3ZPW_p08/s1600/championship-1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="627" data-original-width="1031" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjqvh4qNu67fn_Srdc6T-KGQEnTaok59olzP0rvSt8B8Ve283W4BA7hqnXn8Fj1K75z9eMlIhnZibMtLwrqO5BXTvZnkua5-fd0GILv23H-Em1x8BVbkEjjtfUHjaFQGyxL-2L3ZPW_p08/s1600/championship-1.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Nearly refused to continue playing when the MK filth beat the late Bury in the playoff final, but in the interests of science I'll soldier on.<br />
<br />
<i>League One</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu_NT_KZnDuMRSwJSJBTN1m0ZHrM7ZQI67HyPVvmlbpdmUyI5ZqK-qMWM9yEcYf1_2n-U-JroaCSFoRYBgcWJKTOSlm0lqTNfEgQLyzCGxZSKHNbXUgxS73YIyf2CmXIVbYpQUno5gwB8a/s1600/League1-1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="622" data-original-width="1031" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu_NT_KZnDuMRSwJSJBTN1m0ZHrM7ZQI67HyPVvmlbpdmUyI5ZqK-qMWM9yEcYf1_2n-U-JroaCSFoRYBgcWJKTOSlm0lqTNfEgQLyzCGxZSKHNbXUgxS73YIyf2CmXIVbYpQUno5gwB8a/s1600/League1-1.jpg" /></a></div>
<i><br /></i>
It's RIP to Burton, Charlton, Bradford and Wigan, who drop right into the snakepit of League 2, still featuring 18 of its original 22 sides.<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>League Two</i><br />
United and Liverpool romped to the top two spots, while Arsenal leapt City and Chelsea by beating them on the last day of the season. The enormous upset was West Brom knocking Spurs over on penalties in the playoff final, leaving three massive sides still in the division for next season.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOBsmP3m50WQkghBLdt_TgxfYvtP5ZjtdNV58HzozQz8cu7ztKE32CUN7fC5bfJI4C5J4DSeebBu9Js4K_zR8sH4Ew0M7bsom-hd8Y_bIrFcEEFt9rLz7iGc_2GqwvQKwrXXsqA8eqowTA/s1600/league2-1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="623" data-original-width="1034" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOBsmP3m50WQkghBLdt_TgxfYvtP5ZjtdNV58HzozQz8cu7ztKE32CUN7fC5bfJI4C5J4DSeebBu9Js4K_zR8sH4Ew0M7bsom-hd8Y_bIrFcEEFt9rLz7iGc_2GqwvQKwrXXsqA8eqowTA/s1600/league2-1.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
... and the lucky Conference sides to be promoted into this division for season two are Leyton Orient and Dagenham. May god have mercy on their souls.<br />
<u><i><br /></i></u>
<i>FA Cup</i><br />
Tottenham 4 d. Huddersfield 0<br />
<br />
<i>League Cup</i><br />
Manchester United 2 d. Chelsea 1<br />
<br />
<i>League Trophy</i><br />
The first season's teams must be hardcoded because all the 'new' EPL teams played in it as they would have under normal, boring circumstances.<br />
<br />
Portsmouth 2 d. Rotherham 0<br />
<br />
<i>Europe</i><br />
All your standard teams played in the European competitions one last time before the new generation take over. Manchester United lost in the semi final of the Champions League and Arsenal beat Everton in the Europa League final. Spurs qualified for the Season 2 Europa League by winning the FA Cup.<br />
<br />
<i>International scene</i><br />
The English side is obviously still dominated by the big clubs. It'll take a few years to start see players from novelty countries in the international setup. England went out of the World Cup against Brazil in the Second Round.<br />
<br />
<b>2018/2019</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Premier League</i><br />
The new money teams learned how to play the EPL game quickly, paying $80k-$100k a week to players barely worth that in total value. I suppose the game just thinks "it's a Premier League team, better pay accordingly", instead of scaling it based on player reputation. Either way, a lot of very ordinary digital players just got very rich.<br />
<br />
Amongst the dozens of free transfer signings from around Europe, especially from the Scotland Premier League and younger players from the old EPL teams, there were a few +$5 million sales:<br />
<ul>
<li>Joel Campbell - Arsenal to Oxford ($12.75m)</li>
<li>Shane Duffy - Brighton to Rotherham ($11.75m)</li>
<li>Daryl Janmaat - Watford to Colchester ($10.75m)</li>
<li>Tom Ince - Huddesfield to Rotherham ($10.25m)</li>
<li>Nikola Vlasic - Everton to Carlisle ($8.75m)</li>
<li>Matthew Targett - Southampton to Coventry ($8.25m)</li>
<li>Barry Bannan - Sheffield Wednesday to Colchester ($7.25m)</li>
<li>Joe Worrall - Nottingham Forest to Exeter ($7m)</li>
<li>Danny Batth - Wolves to Carlisle ($6m)</li>
<li>Ollie Watkins - Brentford to Mansfield ($5.75m)</li>
<li>Duncan Watmore - Sunderland to Notts County ($5.25m)</li>
</ul>
<div>
and during the January window, where Chesterfield got about like they were owned by oil rich oligarchs.</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Che Adams - Birmingham to Coventry ($20.5m - new record)</li>
<li>Lewis Cook - Bournemouth to Chesterfield ($16m)</li>
<li>Lewis Dunk - Brighton to Chesterfield ($15.75m)</li>
<li>Tom Cleverley - Watford to Carlisle ($14.75m)</li>
<li>Luciano Narsingh - Swansea to MK ($11.5m)</li>
<li>Charlie Taylor - Burnley to Chesterfield ($10.75m)</li>
<li>Cyrus Christie - Fulham to Rotherham ($5.5m)</li>
<li>Mario Pasalic - Chelsea to Rotherham ($5.25m)</li>
<li>Adama Traore - Middlesbrough to Stevenage ($5.25m)</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
Luton struggled to get going with their title defence, and at the turn of the year sat fifth, seven points behind leaders Rotherham. The Millers had a strong grip on the title with a five point lead over Carlisle entering the new year. Sadly they stuffed it up, then Carlisle did likewise and left me with my greatest nightmare. This is like when Skynet became self-aware and destroyed human civilisation:</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6SwvXOr6d3ajjTapfQMstI7vNWK9VwLIqWopuCwWmatcMRPjNaEDxhd1XHrEBefPOeE9RtJD3nads1zNqtz-g_GboMBUlTgjNeXgGKNel63iYiJ4vWXz2qR-yD4Rqsw1QxScxBVfhBJ0B/s1600/EPL-2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="525" data-original-width="1026" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6SwvXOr6d3ajjTapfQMstI7vNWK9VwLIqWopuCwWmatcMRPjNaEDxhd1XHrEBefPOeE9RtJD3nads1zNqtz-g_GboMBUlTgjNeXgGKNel63iYiJ4vWXz2qR-yD4Rqsw1QxScxBVfhBJ0B/s1600/EPL-2.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<div>
Just like real life Mansfield Town fucked it up by losing to them on the last day. A curse on your club. The EPL dropped to third in European league rankings at the end of the year. With champions like this they deserve to be 125th.</div>
<br />
<i>Championship</i><br />
To nobody's surprise promoted Leeds and Derby were easily the two standout sides in the division. Interest is in whether they'll automatically walk the EPL next season, or whether the improved financial status of the incumbents will slow them down. Leeds in particular were ransacked by Premier League clubs during the January transfer window.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfSFEVwQxOQn09vd_-WbZ5gQllVEVrvHwbbR_hQwEi2Y8N776KHqMIB45_EDLpsF2VFEW_ZIPpsQ8P7KCkdj1gytThH2FyvACORpJW7ernC8PTp9atXNxP_nB6qR6Xt5RLfKTv6OPJGRZV/s1600/championship-2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="626" data-original-width="1030" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfSFEVwQxOQn09vd_-WbZ5gQllVEVrvHwbbR_hQwEi2Y8N776KHqMIB45_EDLpsF2VFEW_ZIPpsQ8P7KCkdj1gytThH2FyvACORpJW7ernC8PTp9atXNxP_nB6qR6Xt5RLfKTv6OPJGRZV/s1600/championship-2.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<i>League One</i><br />
Surprise promotion winners West Brom fell back to earth, plunging into the mid-table and sacking the manager who'd done such a good job getting them up in the first place. With a new manager their fortunes improved, recovering to make the playoffs. On the other hand, Liverpool romped to the title and enter season three as the reddest of red hot favorites to regain Premiership status.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBY06e8u2hUcV_2TO__s1fDN9uOyj6ExosdwbMki4FvQXso-rlmzacpTMBlXG65eFEB4hgKmJR4M0F13TkmV-qRikenPyXBNuOdhaB5qGmysJGFkYGJqkoVnkshif7m9788xPeboUiWw97/s1600/League1-2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="626" data-original-width="1032" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBY06e8u2hUcV_2TO__s1fDN9uOyj6ExosdwbMki4FvQXso-rlmzacpTMBlXG65eFEB4hgKmJR4M0F13TkmV-qRikenPyXBNuOdhaB5qGmysJGFkYGJqkoVnkshif7m9788xPeboUiWw97/s1600/League1-2.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Preston North End are one to watch in the future after a sugar daddy takeover by a Thai investor left them with $77m to spend on players.<br />
<br />
<i>League Two</i><br />
After a season of goodwill from top players the bailout is on. Kevin De Bruyne went from Man City to PSG for $84m, Bernardo Silva from Man City to Bayern for $60m and N'Golo Kante from Chelsea to Barca for $52m. The losses didn't hurt City, who romped to an easy title win at the second attempt.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVC-mqvq2IO14EnArCBprhItNXMs0F4BSU_miQiwn6rL4PU4OWE39Rhklg89qV1ABfRmnHSKtGkB7BGn-fteh6cnw8T5KwcyDOXbMC783FGRDs9SaHqPLTjmLGBKPyXzXtuYwwzaksjJsB/s1600/league2-2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="625" data-original-width="1027" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVC-mqvq2IO14EnArCBprhItNXMs0F4BSU_miQiwn6rL4PU4OWE39Rhklg89qV1ABfRmnHSKtGkB7BGn-fteh6cnw8T5KwcyDOXbMC783FGRDs9SaHqPLTjmLGBKPyXzXtuYwwzaksjJsB/s1600/league2-2.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Shock third place getters Bournemouth were lucky to beat Chelsea, having to play (and lose to) Manchester City on the last day but seeing their promotion rivals go down to second placed Spurs. Hilariously, Chelsea then got knocked out of the playoffs by Leicester at the first hurdle, leaving them down among the dead men for a third season.<br />
<br />
The story of the year was Dagenham and Redbridge, who battled away from near certain relegation at New Years' Day and survived on goal difference, sending Burton Albion out of the league instead. Sunderland came straight back up as Conference champions, while Norwich had to do it the hard way via the playoffs. They come back for another go in a dramatically weakened league compared to the one that saw them go down two seasons earlier.<br />
<br />
There was a slight difference in the sponsorship race, with Chelsea pocketing $185m and Leyton Orient getting $160k.<br />
<br />
<i>FA Cup</i><br />
Manchester United 2 d. Arsenal 1<br />
<br />
<i>League Cup</i><br />
Manchester United 3 d. Liverpool 1<br />
<br />
<i>League Trophy</i><br />
Normal service resumed, with the old EPL teams playing against the new generation's Under 23s.<br />
<br />
Southampton 3 d. Liverpool 1<br />
<br />
<i>Europe</i><br />
Just as the English League went up to second in the UEFA Coefficients, Notts County, Carlisle and Chesterfield lose six of six in the group stages, while Luton scramble one draw. Good luck having four spots in the future. Only Arsenal - in as reigning Europa League champions - made it past the group stage, losing in the second knockout round. The Europa League offered more joy, with Man Utd making the quarter final.<br />
<br />
<i>International scene</i><br />
For now the England squad is still occupied by big names, but a few lower club players are starting to appear in the junior teams.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>2019/2020</b><br />
As the top flight clubs enjoyed full coffers from years of TV money the big transfers really kicked off in earnest. Higher value international players started coming back to the EPL, and there was also a flood of juniors leaving ex-Premiership teams stuck deep in the league.<br />
<ul>
<li>Jordan Ayew - Swansea to Carlisle ($16m)</li>
<li>Kieran Trippier - Tottenham to Derby ($14m)</li>
<li>Adam Smith - Bournemouth to Coventry ($13.75m)</li>
<li>Matt Phillips - West Brom to Carlisle ($12.5m)</li>
<li>Joe Wildsmith - Sheffield Wednesday to Coventry ($11m)</li>
<li>Dominic Calvert-Lewin - Everton to Chesterfield ($10.75m)</li>
<li>Kamil Grosicki - Hull to MK ($9.25m)</li>
<li>Josh Sims - Southampton to Derby ($9.25m)</li>
<li>Benik Afobe - Bournemouth to Luton ($9.25m)</li>
<li>Patrick Bamford - Middlesbrough to Chesterfield ($9.25m)</li>
<li>Dylan Batubinsika - Antwerp to Rotherham ($8.25m)</li>
<li>Moussa Sissoko - Tottenham to Rotherham ($7.5m)</li>
<li>Youssef Ait Bennasser - Monaco to Leeds ($7.5m)</li>
<li>Liam Moore - Reading to MK ($7.25m)</li>
<li>Sebastian Szymanski - Legia to Yeovil ($7m)</li>
<li>Mykola Matvienko - Brondby to Chesterfield ($6.75m)</li>
<li>Joshua King - Bournemouth to Derby ($6.75m)</li>
<li>Jurgen Locadia - Brighton to Chesterfield ($6.5m)</li>
<li>Alex Pritchard - Huddersfield to Chesterfield ($6.5m)</li>
<li>Jacob Murphy - Newcastle to Luton ($6.25m)</li>
<li>Ryan Fredericks - Lincoln to Derby ($6m)</li>
<li>Santi Comesana - Rayo to MK ($5.5m)</li>
<li>Tom Lees - Sheffield Wednesday to Notts County ($5.25m)</li>
<li>Ben Godfrey - Hull to Chesterfield ($5.25m)</li>
<li>Ramiro Funes Mori - Everton to Lincoln ($5m)</li>
</ul>
<div>
And +$10m deals in the January window - featuring Notts County spending a fortune then going within a couple of points of relegation.</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Charly Musonda - Chelsea to Chesterfield ($41.5m - new record)</li>
<li>Reece Oxford - West Ham to Crewe ($25.5m)</li>
<li>Rekeem Harper - Stevenage to Chesterfield ($24.5m)</li>
<li>Dean Henderson - Wolves to Oxford ($23m)</li>
<li>Tammy Abraham - Chelsea to Notts County ($22m)</li>
<li>Ryan Bertrand - Southampton to Notts County (20.5m)</li>
<li>Anthony Knockaert - Brighton to Luton ($20m)</li>
<li>Tom Cairney - Fulham to Notts County ($18.5m)</li>
<li>Izzy Brown - Chelsea to Coventry ($17.5m)</li>
<li>Jamaal Lascelles - Newcastle to Yeovil ($17.25m)</li>
<li>Robbie Brady - Burnley to Notts County ($17m)</li>
<li>James Maddison - Norwich to Notts County ($16.75m)</li>
<li>Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg - Southampton to Stevenage ($16.25m)</li>
<li>Christian Kabasele - Watford to Exeter ($15.5m)</li>
<li>Jose Izquierdo - Brighton to Chesterfield ($15m)</li>
<li>Chris Wood - Burnley to Carlisle ($14.5m)</li>
<li>Sandro - Everton to Yeovil ($12.75m)</li>
<li>Danny Rose - Tottenham to Carlisle ($1.25m)</li>
<li>Jonas Vatne Brauti - Bury to Swindon ($11.25m)</li>
</ul>
</div>
<i>Premier League</i><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikQ6rVIgifNiMJrdHEtxP8HiLDlHUzmp3-apwoFnXqaupxIa8hWGKTmmQTXPLQuOli51f78egLHN9cH7vT7JLC8GkQRJdpHwoRFsl0SFQnZwnD6hgeaJ3PjmIUOj0nzeQi1gwUjTYuRgix/s1600/2019prem.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="529" data-original-width="1033" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikQ6rVIgifNiMJrdHEtxP8HiLDlHUzmp3-apwoFnXqaupxIa8hWGKTmmQTXPLQuOli51f78egLHN9cH7vT7JLC8GkQRJdpHwoRFsl0SFQnZwnD6hgeaJ3PjmIUOj0nzeQi1gwUjTYuRgix/s1600/2019prem.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Promoted Leeds and Derby started the season as favourites in a wide-open division, and the top of the table was a close affair. At least in every aspect other than first place, where Leeds didn't overly impress but still did enough to finish comfortably clear at the top. In relegation, Lincoln went 7th, 12th, 19th across three seasons, just the sort of slide to death you expect from this setup.<br />
<br />
... and congratulations to Luton, who moved into the new Ricky Hill Arena and celebrated by bouncing back from their post-title hangover and qualifying for Europe.<br />
<br />
<i>Championship</i><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2gcpP-vs6mbZLySBJBNy-8jz6AyAjyfNZ81zvxmp61Q2xFrT968RUXUEVp9nCZUdHKceJ68lG3tSECQBRwZMZPPoaeYMm9l55DZi7jD2gk_lFrXzXamQSv4hMnIxsXPpyWtPz_51Csl1I/s1600/2019champ.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="632" data-original-width="1028" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2gcpP-vs6mbZLySBJBNy-8jz6AyAjyfNZ81zvxmp61Q2xFrT968RUXUEVp9nCZUdHKceJ68lG3tSECQBRwZMZPPoaeYMm9l55DZi7jD2gk_lFrXzXamQSv4hMnIxsXPpyWtPz_51Csl1I/s1600/2019champ.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Manchester United didn't muck around in the race to get back to the top, spending $87m on 29-year-old Andriy Yarmolenko from Dortmund. They were duly promoted back to the top flight without many concerns but had to settle for second behind Arsenal. Liverpool were forced to go via the playoffs and got a huge scare against Bury in the semi before making it back to the top flight.<br />
<br />
<i>League One</i><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVo-1lszcmvXtpjpKtukfrU-sGYXIDzZNL7VdnvTKFTL9nhihVCr5d13mIYZUKfeMCxuBnm5rW3fqq2cSHHge6dsE-AthBgt2l8ZxH_0nTly7X7LbARlM9QBQ-LuMzcx75ECpXrSu5f7VY/s1600/2019L1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="632" data-original-width="1027" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVo-1lszcmvXtpjpKtukfrU-sGYXIDzZNL7VdnvTKFTL9nhihVCr5d13mIYZUKfeMCxuBnm5rW3fqq2cSHHge6dsE-AthBgt2l8ZxH_0nTly7X7LbARlM9QBQ-LuMzcx75ECpXrSu5f7VY/s1600/2019L1.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
For all their earlier troubles City dominated, not losing until game 41. At the other end, Newport County became the first side to do the straight slide from Premiership back to League 2. Meanwhile, a big FU for Leicester, who finished a mile ahead of Bournemouth then lost to them in the playoff final.<br />
<br />
<i>League Two</i><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzR4ha81plzA_Cfjb0RHFDV4niRPR_9siOGw2PzVPj219nLCyL4m1DC5h7rjo-ISclGsADiwj_Ef3yi-13MLU5XYqO8lT_JQ8E90UKat5NrVlUGTfr1vtJryWHpc6KMwZ0P7FieqjeICgp/s1600/2019L2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="626" data-original-width="1030" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzR4ha81plzA_Cfjb0RHFDV4niRPR_9siOGw2PzVPj219nLCyL4m1DC5h7rjo-ISclGsADiwj_Ef3yi-13MLU5XYqO8lT_JQ8E90UKat5NrVlUGTfr1vtJryWHpc6KMwZ0P7FieqjeICgp/s1600/2019L2.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Chelsea finally escaped, but their diminished status from three seasons in the lower divisions saw them passed by Watford for the title. The 5th to 13th sides are the ones who'll be trying to work their way out of the division in the next couple of years.<br />
<br />
Replacing the dearly departed Dagenham and Cheltenham are York and playoff winners Macclesfield.<br />
<br />
<i>FA Cup</i><br />
Manchester United 3 d. Southampton 0<br />
<br />
<i>League Cup</i><br />
Manchester United 1 d. Liverpool 0 for their fourth straight win in the competition.<br />
<br />
<i>League Trophy</i><br />
Tottenham 2 d. Everton 2 (AET on penalties)<br />
<br />
<i>Europe</i><br />
All the Premier League sides were rubbish in Europe again, with Manchester United providing the only glimmer of pride for England by winning the EURO Cup.<br />
<br />
<i>International scene</i><br />
Ryan Bertrand of Notts County and Jack Butland of Yeovil were in the England squad by the end of the year but both were bought when already in contention rather than developed from the EPL. Holland put England out of the European Champions at the second stage, costing Gareth Southgate his job. He was replaced by Leeds manager Paul Heckingbottom.<br />
<br />
<b>2020/2021</b><br />
<br />
Due to the increased spending in the Premiership the 'big transfer' mark is now $10m, and there was plenty of player movement above that level.<br />
<ul>
<li>Mattia De Sciglio - Juventus to Manchester United ($92m - new record)</li>
<li>Mauro Icardi - Inter to Manchester United ($82m)</li>
<li>Roberto Gagliardini - Inter to Arsenal ($64m)</li>
<li>Emre Can - Liverpool to Arsenal ($64m)</li>
<li>Kyle Walker - Manchester City to Liverpool ($60m)</li>
<li>Christian Eriksen - Dortmund to Liverpool ($59m)</li>
<li>Trent Alexander-Arnold - Tottenham to MK ($57m)</li>
<li>Sime Vrsajlko - Shanghai SIPG to Manchester United ($55m)</li>
<li>Marcos Alonso - Tottenham to Oxford ($40.5m)</li>
<li>Michail Antonio - Yeovil to Luton ($39m)</li>
<li>Malcom - Bordeaux to Manchester United ($33.5m)</li>
<li>Emanule Mammana - Zenit to Arsenal ($33.5m)</li>
<li>Geronimo Ruli - Real Sociedad to Liverpool ($33m)</li>
<li>Alex Meret - Udinese to MK ($32.5m)</li>
<li>Lee Granger - Hibs to Stevenage ($30.5m)</li>
<li>Francisco Geraldes - Sporting to Liverpool ($29.5m)</li>
<li>Jack Wilshere - Arsenal to Leeds ($27.5m)</li>
<li>Kasey Palmer - Chelsea to Mansfield ($26.5m)</li>
<li>Richarlison - Watford to Yeovil ($23.5m)</li>
<li>Anass Zaroury - Zulte Waregem to Carlisle ($22.5m)</li>
<li>Kelechi Iheanacho - Leicester to Exeter ($20.5m)</li>
<li>Caju - SAN to Oxford ($20.5m)</li>
<li>Jonjo Shelvey - Newcastle to Leeds ($20.5m)</li>
<li>Jordan Pickford - Chelsea to Wycombe ($19m)</li>
<li>Calum Chambers - Arsenal to Luton ($18.75m)</li>
<li>Michael Keane - Everton to Luton ($18.5m)</li>
<li>Manolo Gabbiadini - Southampton to Derby ($18m)</li>
<li>Facundo Ferreya - Shakhtar to Notts County ($17.5m)</li>
<li>Ben Davies - Tottenham to Derby ($17.5m)</li>
<li>Wesley Hoedt - Southampton to Carlisle ($16m)</li>
<li>James Ward-Prowse - Southampton to Oxford ($16m)</li>
<li>Thomas Butink - Vitesse to Leeds ($15.75m)</li>
<li>Elias Cobbaut - Mechelen to Exeter ($15.75m)</li>
<li>Solly March - Mansfield to Luton ($12m + a $2.7m rated player)</li>
<li>Ramiro Funes Mori - Lincoln to Yeovil ($14.5m)</li>
<li>Marcin Buka - Yeovil to Crewe ($14.5m)</li>
<li>Demarai Gray - Leicester to Leeds ($14.25m)</li>
<li>Tom Davies - Everton to Luton ($13.25m)</li>
<li>Davy Propper - Brighton to MK ($13m)</li>
<li>James Tarkowski - Burnley to Derby ($12.75m)</li>
<li>Kevin Ruegg - Zurich to Carlisle ($12.75m)</li>
<li>Silvan Hefti - St Gallen to Chesterfield ($12.25m)</li>
<li>William - Wolfsburg to Chesterfield ($12.25m)</li>
<li>Jurgen Locadia - Rotherham to Chesterfield ($12m)</li>
<li>Nahitan Nandez - Boca to Luton ($12m)</li>
<li>Will Hughes - Watford to Wycome ($11.75m)</li>
<li>Felix Wieldwald - Leeds to Notts County ($11.75m)</li>
<li>Charlie Taylor - Luton to Chesterfield ($11.5m)</li>
<li>Callum McGregor - Celtic to Coventry ($11.5m)</li>
<li>Federico Dimarco - Sion to MK ($11.25m)</li>
<li>Adalberto Penaranda - Watford to Yeovil ($11.25m)</li>
<li>Jota - Birmingham to Exeter ($10.75m)</li>
<li>Matt O'Riley - Fulham to Swindon ($10.5m)</li>
<li>Jonas Svensson - AZ to MK ($10.5m)</li>
<li>Federico Roldan - Banfield to Carlisle ($10.5m)</li>
<li>Tamas Szanto - Rapid Wien to Oxford ($10.5m)</li>
<li>Henry Onyekuru - Everton to Chesterfield ($10m)</li>
</ul>
+ Harry Winks out from Coventry to new Championship side Manchester City for $31m, Anthony Knockaert from Luton to Atletico for $39.5m, and Naby Keita from Liverpool to Real Madrid for $140m.<br />
<br />
In the January window, as the big money regens start to appear:<br />
<ul>
<li>Ricard Pereira - Porto to Manchester United ($79m)</li>
<li>Erik Tol - AZ to Arsenal ($43.5.m)</li>
<li>Djibril Sidibe - Manchester United to Tottenham ($43.5m)</li>
<li>Marco van Ginkel - Chelsea to Wycombe ($29.5m)</li>
<li>Jordon Ibe - Bournemouth to Yeovil ($24.5m)</li>
<li>Juan Andres Diaz - Las Palmas to Chesterfield ($23.5m)</li>
<li>Kevin Wimmer - Stoke to Colchester ($21m)</li>
<li>Nathan Ake - Bournemouth to Colchester ($21m)</li>
<li>Diego Laxalt - Genoa to Rotherham ($20.5m)</li>
<li>Mason Holgate - Everton to Coventry ($19.5m)</li>
<li>Nicolas Aguirre - Chongquing to Carlisle ($19.25m)</li>
<li>Lewis Khoury - Blackburn to Stevenage ($18.75m)</li>
<li>Sebastian Perez - Chelsea to Rotherham ($18.75m)</li>
<li>Johan Berg Gudmundsson - Chelsea to Rotherham ($15.75m)</li>
<li>Rafa Soares - Rubin to Luton ($14m)</li>
<li>Lazar Markovic - Malaga to Carlisle ($13m)</li>
<li>Nathaniel Chalobah - Watford to MK ($12.75m)</li>
<li>Jose Luiz Gomez - Lanus to Oxford ($12m)</li>
<li>Ahmad Benali - Pescara to Yeovil ($12m)</li>
<li>Kevin Danso - Augsburg to Notts County ($11m)</li>
<li>Ji Dong-Wong - Augsburg to Carlisle ($11m)</li>
<li>Jon Flanagan - MK to Coventry ($10.5m)</li>
</ul>
<i>Premier League</i><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihgk0ptD7Ic-dHNvqSHzr4ZbAMFxQaIsKi-RW05VIW-7SsdYYTl7zealbjAtTBgOzA5X5YiLmWNGasH6K-jTLr899JohGOTptPsBzScIXUgQH2H4vSh8amGvWP_KIIu0GWKw56EJW3Nxmo/s1600/2020prem.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="531" data-original-width="1039" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihgk0ptD7Ic-dHNvqSHzr4ZbAMFxQaIsKi-RW05VIW-7SsdYYTl7zealbjAtTBgOzA5X5YiLmWNGasH6K-jTLr899JohGOTptPsBzScIXUgQH2H4vSh8amGvWP_KIIu0GWKw56EJW3Nxmo/s1600/2020prem.jpg" /></a></div>
<i><br /></i>
Even with the other clubs spending like madman, the question was around which of the top sides would break away and win the title. Manchester United were my favourites, given that their league campaign was interrupted by having to play midweek European matches all last season. With a clear run I expected them to finish ahead of Arsenal and Liverpool.<br />
<br />
When Arsenal went down to Coventry and United was held to a draw at Notts County on the opening day I thought big things were on the agenda but it was a false dawn. The other sides were competitive and took the odd point off them, but on the whole the big hitters were too big. The biggest of all was United, continuing their reign as the most successful side of this simulation, winning about their 25th piece of silverware under Mourinho (remember him?).<br />
<br />
Poor old Chesterfield were the surprise packet of the relegation stakes, going from 4th in the inaugural season to the Championship in the fifth despite spending enough on players to buy Greenland.<br />
<br />
<i>Championship</i><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXKZv763cjUb9qVfO7ldrZC0vbpvUPh70sK79vEVQncrTjoW5ZCqkjX2vO2Zho2lUz1BipokBkiYtNZY9qVClPH5W2hP-L5XhRiW0b4hctr9daR4KyxzYjVrSRrzqD0rzECSd3FR6F_yq8/s1600/2020champ.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="627" data-original-width="1028" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXKZv763cjUb9qVfO7ldrZC0vbpvUPh70sK79vEVQncrTjoW5ZCqkjX2vO2Zho2lUz1BipokBkiYtNZY9qVClPH5W2hP-L5XhRiW0b4hctr9daR4KyxzYjVrSRrzqD0rzECSd3FR6F_yq8/s1600/2020champ.jpg" /></a><br />
The obvious sides finished top of the division. Cambridge and Oldham became the first teams to recover from relegation and stay in contention rather than plummeting to their death.<br />
<br />
<i>League One</i><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9FHW7HkEKdfDd2Ra7JlbgSMBoE3lcP3iuM1WByTCPnlE0QQiV7mQ7GQ54hReKlR7YF-_6g3TSuqk7E9rBodZHfDzytPew-Id5zFZ2wvgb6YyrNmcX1T-3afYJxLnksdpzn8MuefQLMrTL/s1600/2020l1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="633" data-original-width="1030" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9FHW7HkEKdfDd2Ra7JlbgSMBoE3lcP3iuM1WByTCPnlE0QQiV7mQ7GQ54hReKlR7YF-_6g3TSuqk7E9rBodZHfDzytPew-Id5zFZ2wvgb6YyrNmcX1T-3afYJxLnksdpzn8MuefQLMrTL/s1600/2020l1.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Early in the season the big story was Chelsea, who reached the point where they'd lost their biggest stars and had nobody to replace them. They were comfortably mid-table and had to rely on a late season surge to make the playoffs, which they won. This demonstrates the importance of getting out of L2 as soon as possible in this model, Manchester City were a year ahead and are finally thriving while Chelsea were nearly shotski. Otherwise, the undoubted highlight of the season came in January when 16th placed Sheffield Wednesday signed Diego Maradona as manager.<br />
<br />
Crawley and Accrington became the latest clubs to complete the full slide from EPL to League Two.<br />
<br />
<i>League Two</i><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6uh-RL8VWkRSPOheScD-Fi0Kj4XXRhMp4BMEYskys8kNBkQ-o9IPSIyyuzW9ci-QlWQnN5SztW4YAIN6-KUdYyVhjbnwyHPk3TVnoQ7qQS5uft2ZMydkg0BmecTK72RUiC1C-7cwSCTz3/s1600/2020L2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="624" data-original-width="1030" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6uh-RL8VWkRSPOheScD-Fi0Kj4XXRhMp4BMEYskys8kNBkQ-o9IPSIyyuzW9ci-QlWQnN5SztW4YAIN6-KUdYyVhjbnwyHPk3TVnoQ7qQS5uft2ZMydkg0BmecTK72RUiC1C-7cwSCTz3/s1600/2020L2.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Crystal Palace became the first side to achieve financial disarray, starting the season 12 points in deficit after going into administration. Like Newcastle, Brighton and the other sides who have never been able to break out of the bottom division they're slowly losing all their quality players and it's impossible to see them making the Premier League again now. In a couple of years they might be stuck in League Two - or worse - for good. Huddersfield are the only other club in a poor financial position to start the season. Palace recovered to make the playoffs but fell short in the final. We wish them the best with staying afloat in the future.<br />
<br />
York and Macclesfield went straight back down again, but the gap between the bottom two and mid-table closed noticeably compared to other seasons. Leyton Orient return to the Football League, along with playoff winners Bromley.<br />
<br />
<i>FA Cup</i><br />
Liverpool 1 d. Manchester United 0<br />
<br />
<i>League Cup</i><br />
Manchester United 1 d. Liverpool 1 (AET on penalties) to win their fifth straight League Cup.<br />
<br />
<i>League Trophy</i><br />
Leicester 1 d. Everton 1 (AET on penalties)<br />
<br />
<i>Europe</i><br />
Years of disastrous Champions League performances cost the Premier League, as they dropped two spots in the coefficients, lost a direct qualification, and saw the third place team have to qualify. It coincided with the best season for English clubs in Europe since the big switch. All the Champions League sides won at least one game and both Manchester United and Derby made the second stage. Oxford got through to the quarter final of the Europa League.<br />
<br />
<i>International scene</i><br />
The English team is a jumble of players from around the divisions now. The common thread is that they all played for a big club at the start. England finally won an international trophy, and on penalties no less, beating France in the Nations League final.<br />
<br />
<b>2021/2022</b><br />
<br />
Top transfer deals:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Moise Kean - Juventus to Manchester United ($175m - new record)</li>
<li>Casemiro - Real Madrid to Manchester City ($82m)</li>
<li>Julian Brandt - Bayern to Liverpool ($78m)</li>
<li>Franck Kessie - Milan to Manchester United ($71m)</li>
<li>Jonny - Celta to Liverpool ($44.5m)</li>
<li>Jean Marcos - Corinthians to Manchester City ($43.5m)</li>
<li>Alex Pinto - Benfica to Arsenal ($40m)</li>
<li>Achraf - Monaco to Manchester City ($36m)</li>
<li>Youn Czekanowicz - Gent to Notts County ($31.5m)</li>
<li>Moussa Dembele - Celtic to Manchester City ($29.5m)</li>
<li>Mayke - CEC to Tottenham ($25m)</li>
<li>Dominic Calvert-Lewin - Chesterfield to Colchester ($23.5m)</li>
<li>Lewis Cook - Chesterfield to MK ($23.5m)</li>
<li>Maxime Reynold - Young Boys to Tottenham ($23.5m)</li>
<li>Kristoffer Ajer - Celtic to MK ($23m)</li>
<li>Fred - Shakhtar to MK ($22.5m)</li>
<li>Tommy Smith - Celtic to Leeds ($22m)</li>
<li>Ben Chilwell - Wycombe to Leeds ($21.5m)</li>
<li>Jamaal Lascelles - Yeovil to Oxford ($21.5m)</li>
<li>Lee Granger - Stevenage to Coventry ($20.5m)</li>
<li>Harry Wilson - Liverpool to Manchester City ($20.5m)</li>
<li>Reece Oxford - Crewe to Leeds ($19.5m)</li>
<li>Alison - SAN to Liverpool ($18.75m)</li>
<li>Jack Butland - Yeovil to Manchester City ($18.5m)</li>
<li>Robbie Brady - Notts County to Rotherham ($17.75m)</li>
<li>Junior Tavares - SPO to Tottenham ($16.75m)</li>
<li>Robert - VIT to Liverpool ($16.5m)</li>
<li>Izzy Brown - Coventry to Yeovil ($15.5m)</li>
<li>Elias Kachunga - Notts Coutny to Oxford ($14.75m)</li>
<li>Matias Zaracho - Racing Club to Arsenal ($14.5m)</li>
<li>Leigh Griffiths - Celtic to Oxford ($14.25m)</li>
<li>Emanuel Britez - Shandong to Rotherham ($14m)</li>
<li>Alfie Mawson - Stevenage to Rotherham ($13.5m)</li>
<li>Takahiro Sekine - Ingolstadt to Oxford ($13.25m)</li>
<li>Manuel Lanzini - West Ham to Exeter ($12.5m)</li>
<li>Martin Jones - Crewe to Mansfield ($12.25m)</li>
<li>Jonathan Leko - Chelsea to Mansfield ($12.25m)</li>
<li>Marcelo Torres - Boca to Luton ($12m)</li>
<li>Onana - Ajax to Oxford ($12m)</li>
<li>Daniel Amarty - Carlisle to Colchester ($11.5m)</li>
<li>Nicolas Tripichio - Velez to Rotherham ($11.5m)</li>
<li>Christian Atsu - Crewe to Wycombe ($11.25m)</li>
<li>Theo Hernandez - Real Madrid to Manchester City ($11m)</li>
<li>Ben Hazan - Maccabi Tel Aviv to Leeds ($10.75m)</li>
<li>Jon Flanagan - Coventry to Oxford ($10.5m)</li>
<li>Wu Zhou - Shandog to Derby ($10.25m)</li>
<li>Maxime Colin - Yeovil to Chelsea ($10.25m)</li>
<li>Florinel Coman - Rostov to Rotherham ($10m)</li>
</ul>
<div>
... and leaving the Premier League, Gabriel Jesus from Manchester City to Barcelona for $154m, Edersen from Manchester City to Real Madrid for $83m, Dean Henderson from Oxford to Chelsea for $22m and Michy Batshuayi from Tottenham to Juventus for $20m.</div>
<br />
Major January transfers:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Sebastian Driussi - Zenit to Manchester City ($33.5m)</li>
<li>Jose Luis Artola - Athletic to Liverpool ($31.5m)</li>
<li>Gilles Krebs - Basel to Tottenham ($26m)</li>
<li>Hector - Guangzhou to Manchester City ($22.5m)</li>
<li>Sead Haksabanovic - West Ham to Bournemouth ($15m)</li>
<li>Silvan Hefti - Chesterfield to Coventry ($12.75m)</li>
<li>Rafina - Barcelona to Tottenham, ($11.75m)</li>
<li>Felipe Gedoz - Guangzhou to Carlisle ($10m)</li>
</ul>
<br /><i>[... and then I gave up. Still a good idea though, why not try it yourself?]</i>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-32552321465187656212019-05-31T03:43:00.001+10:002022-07-10T13:03:43.793+10:00TSP's Video Classix: ReduxIn the days before YouTube made everything available on any device you liked anywhere on the face of the planet we went out of our way to download and highlight the world's most bonkers music videos. Years of lost posts mean that only <a href="https://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2006/09/tsp-video-classix-snooker-loopy.html" target="_blank">Snooker Loopy</a>, <a href="https://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2005/12/saturday-video-classix.html" target="_blank">Tusk</a>, <a href="https://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2007/01/friday-video-classix-ultimate-edition.html" target="_blank">Life at the Outpost</a>, <a href="https://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2009/04/sunday-video-classix_26.html" target="_blank">Safety Dance</a> and <a href="https://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2008/09/monday-video-classix.html" target="_blank">Pour Some Sugar On Me</a> survive.<br />
<br />
My collection of screenshots for posts that no longer exist suggest that there was also coverage of 911 Is A Joke, A View To A Kill, Body Movin', Boys Light Up, Breaking The Law, Doin' The Do, Fairytale of New York, Goonies 'R Good Enough, Greg! The Stop Sign, Hit The North, Hot For Teacher, I Know What Boys Like, I Like To Watch, Just, Kick It, Let's Dance, Long Hot Summer, Love is a Battlefield, Make a Move On Me, Owner of a Lonely Heart, Pleasure and Pain, Private Eyes, Rise, Sabotage, Save Your Love, Sex Over The Phone, Sexx Laws, Someday, The Look of Love, Total Eclipse of the Heart, Touch It, Turbo Diesel and You're The Voice plus multi video retrospectives covering Falco and Madonna. What a rich tapestry. And more importantly what an indication of how much time I had on my hands 15 years ago.<br />
<br />
Anyway, after 10 years on the sidelines I've been inspired to revive this segment after discovering a video so bonkers it's a wonder it took me until 2019 to see it.<br />
<br />
Like most people of my vintage the only thing I knew about Ozzy Osbourne beyond his appearances as a shambling reality TV figure was that he once took a piss on the Alamo and chomped the head off a bat while on stage. Then about two months ago a chance encounter with a classic hard rock show on digital radio made me realise that his off chops 80s output speaks to me in a way I'd never expected. And so, here we are with 1986's <i>The Ultimate Sin</i>, a music video with more giffable reaction shots than anything I've ever seen in my life.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
In a none-more-80s scenario the video is a parody of <i>Dallas</i>. <i>The Young Ones </i>did likewise <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuMPX3hCbUw" target="_blank">two years previous</a>, but even they didn't spin off into the same strange and mystical areas as Ozzy.</div>
</div>
<br />
<img border="0" data-original-height="651" data-original-width="931" height="279" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7ekW2VQbP637gHgPx3SfbRBmKcwWPEbrbMZPimVfiD-Tcua-cVPA_Orz0Q1zVlJruU5z8NaPjSeNeD9wjhNs4dufKTx-dgkRoaHFyjSsRBfSeqoP7-NONbQTZLot610y8Q_pfvq8mcZ-p/s400/1.PNG" width="400" />
<br />
<br />
And here's your CEO, looking for all money like a 45 year old divorced housewife at a country and western bar.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhEIrNTYKYwYtJFwu9BG9bKUGOQqNbkM59ULEZpqARWzfXLhGYHERcxrjTyN1VBLdy-vt26l7iO87UDffMm1vEhGUnXCLORICCtaFRSovjQbESTiu2wY1Q85aYYluRBDvau-pB9HaffDkV/s1600/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="480" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhEIrNTYKYwYtJFwu9BG9bKUGOQqNbkM59ULEZpqARWzfXLhGYHERcxrjTyN1VBLdy-vt26l7iO87UDffMm1vEhGUnXCLORICCtaFRSovjQbESTiu2wY1Q85aYYluRBDvau-pB9HaffDkV/s640/giphy.gif" width="640" /></a>
<br />
<br />
Sadly he receives unfortunate news over the phone. I think from the remainder of the video that they're telling him his missus has carked it but who would actually know. Chemicals may have been involved.<br />
<br />
<img border="0" data-original-height="667" data-original-width="940" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_ETNQ-y0DCEdhTZ5geUpY_eAqWL2Lvmsx5eg7aKyXzbj2CVECfqYI1pgHlGETktzhHreHp3nWSi04BUug4kwl51Vc4ArXQWqUXFd3SzsecdIOl9EoQoif8XxwqW376X__TfoV5p__-rrn/s400/3.PNG" width="400" />
<br />
<br />
Here he is looking even more like your Year 8 geography teacher Mrs. Rottencrotch.<br />
<br />
<img border="0" data-original-height="654" data-original-width="914" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmy1cuLSLfdNAHWikCrSG5WSnlHMaAoDVSBbKCnv52U_V_eEJRt-mLpB9tvM6v1huLVEKh4LCHTerqgeItkkT0NtaO6PaU538ZR0EhD5dAH8hC7TVzW0H62nhmSJT1Jf2a3RZLw5kRWBmx/s400/4.PNG" width="400" />
<br />
<br />
For the rest of the video it appears that watching footage of his own performances is the only thing that brings poor old Ozzy any joy.<br />
<br />
<img border="0" data-original-height="659" data-original-width="932" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOSb14_M1WcVaFYOlTZfpjOmH3lEAnbuFmwJufGsOW1bJ1qlS30fPOa3_L2Qo_YrIY_hSJcrzCJhBZEmwm6msWrh3UYLVpsBvia5yQcZUuBQwSr7YfT6rEuLyMEymtdXcoR_BbKaoZ_4uN/s400/5.PNG" width="400" />
<br />
<br />
Christ only knows what's going on here but it's not the last we'll see of her.<br />
<br />
<img border="0" data-original-height="659" data-original-width="918" height="286" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqUReSDml6v3Ge9ANAoI2oT0t2ySzjBHOxe1pU1eVnaqfU5RJRcUuzyNx3mG_viS0r3P3ZOCq1oKdt-3Bn5EXOd-IOgzkAW5EW28Y0isimMRyuVmJLGYg_6PXJKdvmf6h3Dfzde2uGjlmi/s400/6.PNG" width="400" />
<br />
<img border="0" data-original-height="654" data-original-width="932" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx8cVyeSJhy78U2QUo-odonRNDJ_bxRskZLjUDQGjVDO1u7cWHvEz4S68yzNhtobHKUItUrz0X54Z4EogURrFdaTvI0K91KTUUIuDSmoik3PcdGDW68GPDI41HiBGJDk3aKHMCJhApxQa1/s400/7.PNG" width="400" />
<br />
<br />
Back at the office, where Ozzy is channelling the level of interest and personal fulfilment we all get from our work.<br />
<br />
<img border="0" data-original-height="661" data-original-width="921" height="286" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4WSrvyQdUscygqzX_8HfeV7-WmWwOm4cmey3YPsGiRr0y36OxIv5wiHb6bOsc2X1-p5UZAg-7odku_xZUew6ejtqWV1c1ngWg7SA_Owy6PPJsg7z8g4dn3WukmYDDm3y261mWuvg2WRMj/s400/8.PNG" width="400" />
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<br />
Actually I'm not sure he even knew there was a video being filmed.<br />
<img border="0" data-original-height="658" data-original-width="936" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpRjmKjCEy3AkKLaqfbWFM_SB9s0qwuRRZX0Qh1IVXvg4PgEDngx11BoATLaZkAfHWldo0PCg_eyuDf15t5BSWRyHkCjZCK5zA8fe7Kg-TPzqI1_FdXz_o55aq0hSk4BKPRbzmm-zfgUCK/s400/9.PNG" width="400" />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="662" data-original-width="938" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl_9Df4LN_BcHLKpgGqt1WKdKC7JOkUGJZFBFGzMd86G_T-HwKkysT-w5ZcQJJIbUl_3ghf2uDuEhUJHphZZ9ZSkak9YgjWsfRqG5BVOqKgDc4xeBR98XOt7AuMTFGLmvlUBGC5KfY2JsY/s400/10.PNG" width="400" />
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<br />
Oh, here she is again. Appearing as a stern, ghostly apparition at the end of a boardroom table filled by people found in a casting call for 'corporate yes men'.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="661" data-original-width="935" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6HOw-hFsAoi53Nfxq6Yni1VOuRx-hK8kecmq_x9lLw81NypGBrBSa9bBtsPkQhfSV4uKfsCsnsC1S4uC3g24biYJtETSvzk9P-xLKmegxai1j9d1QsFiMqgvOgLTmtidwGM3vaIBzqfTN/s400/11.PNG" width="400" />
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This makes Ozzy incredible happy. Which is why the rest of the video makes no earthly sense.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="655" data-original-width="932" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDXZUHqOgpDDQdxytoAwhRMnAqjdDPsxawIBtVEuByPoMSq3aKV6WuLi0h89nYwWMM7AxfU5Oib9xDH7SD_uCkR6kKBJU68_LJg4S3fKb40NZWvT4Xx69EPSEss5Ngqi_6f55T2JHs2xvs/s400/12.PNG" width="400" />
<br />
<br />
Kids, when your school careers counsellor asks where you want to work I expect you will answer OZZY OIL.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="658" data-original-width="936" div="" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBbewpwGqB40XdPqi6X0W6OCQMrkNSiQ8p1TEmrxf2Ps7-oigqxM9R5Im3t8bCm694hFATDdMxFPraqia-RJmYp3y_WumVEMH7vsVWKTVBJp3DWqhEvomqzd18IIIcAs-8EXAslhQq4LGK/s400/13.PNG" width="400" />
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So he legs it out of the office, dives into a limo and drives off like he's trying to avoid Casper the Attractively Stern Ghost.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="654" data-original-width="928" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxGRGiFETIB-h5ZYc_6ZMIg9TuRRjN49VJYYBCmFIIrT6jK4EibZ92mpuAYB6q2ietWxQ9lJBGfCjmTG7jhujFXS2jyFa8TRmLxhwJyNwnKD2jGMnztUpQ_9_kZr0uTmERzQ4WItZmzKEZ/s400/14.PNG" width="400" />
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And settles in for another viewing of his own live performance with the face of a man who's just realised the wife has gone out and he can have a Cape Schank...<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="650" data-original-width="950" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1Tzy94DZAf7dHWIoM47zGTHWrYVit-IqjKbjnV4AO0eFMmviTWAg5_SLZ9MMiK8aAW-ml2HKDeic2EEoRBUw-zxV5wg6T_XlHhygidYsvKC0e_8CYM-TfTYCk3SV3tEdQVoi6_orGfIES/s400/15.PNG" width="400" />
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... possibly while thinking about this face.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="664" data-original-width="942" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdXQgB7429YrAcOxCNdKSvcbcr7oBSV4o06B43pcB-tm3P3q0qr0oZ5KRzeL0dtWCOQXduAHd_0RhtbRgUmGkBdaZxPcQZbicVyc0lznP6PgUZECr3hvvkzkcRHZEafG_KKIxbJt3o8wCH/s400/16.PNG" width="400" />
<br />
<br />
Then, in the most rushed ending (but, it must be said, far more satisfying) cinematic ending since <i>No Country For Old Men</i> we skip to Ozzy poolside, where his further enjoyment of himself live is ruined by old mate turning up in the crowd. This time she hasn't got red devil eyes. Is there a director's cut we can consult to understand why?<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="660" data-original-width="933" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHc-53xgrYHp32pEBTFAMtJbyvcxlyuKTWjkagNDTYe8TcvwzYUsaGT5H29ueSrFYff5z8cWp4TjD3bp0WYHlhwQvor8c5JtvztHh_z0qsK6rWATd7PpSS_dInhI52NCkJtAEEQFz92VLC/s400/18.PNG" width="400" />
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<br />
This displeases the man so greatly that he takes the portable TV and like any good rock star lobs it into the pool.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="660" data-original-width="939" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSleaDT7ejUpzbjiTwiichKchirgS4o1OhFoN9ulPzD9yzaq-pCvKum1p3Kbsx4ytHPk0SVzEglc1AUXIsBGAiwBugUZimH6coPLxNvD5RPfYiLXJqRpww62jwXX8jPXq7AOCmrPI01Xff/s400/19.PNG" width="400" />
<br />
<br />
The spook in red appears in the flesh at last, provoking Ozzy to stalk her like he's just snorted a line of ants...<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="662" data-original-width="940" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi34UZSi-HpM1_8r_xJRmthl9Be9n3o-AXd4AfMwzhMJZByGjYetMLRx-GKQMDxzNZbkuX7seCN2ttpPIy2URjYzJFfo_9ljvyOPYQTDusvFQfPNMEut6eDnBSVw9AziTVyhhviKIQXTi54/s400/20.PNG" width="400" />
<br />
<br />
... and lob her into a pool. Does water kill a ghost? Wouldn't she just pass through the water and come back to haunt him later?<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="649" data-original-width="921" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBODrk1Vtb0jOJk8b6KKZ2MNd5kDM4-9K_KtWTBLM-44M3esAOFq9YMYfHdr4MWH3-aOXKBokdJwig6EW1d53vRmI4yid6vjpqBRzqP5Uya90yxbA8OP1KC0SE9N4vZtRUYaxxCLoMNG_T/s400/21.PNG" width="400" />
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And after a salute that even the ponciest military wanker would have to admire...<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="664" data-original-width="933" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRmgenmaRoDx-3O8f4Eh-_X4vkfhfJwJg0j1dUYr_xjWFTA0lBhy4USwj_ngHnWTeQaIWDyKcvfRHTXIjg5-eck5IkpVyj8fhiiqtVsSZIQ0e-TZrJ1asssQSRDZeZlkI-Bv4qD5_HbvkX/s400/22.PNG" width="400" /><br />
<br />
... a horse has a nice lie down (or dies, we can't be entirely sure) and that's the end of play. What's all that about? Christ only knows.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="663" data-original-width="936" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDKb0fScXNXxTF-szvh4jXW2l79byhUxKjFQ_lQh6TVeVCkc6DOjWCdUbw6cFURb63z_KRCczg2qBi5XIeSelqLJaBcsdKfs3gDy5dFQ5aP1GtoV1KKTy9SzNcgXQ_LrzShyoeRTmnq88h/s400/23.PNG" width="400" />
Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-39910581226358717042019-01-19T00:51:00.003+11:002022-07-15T21:55:54.295+10:00TennisMania 2019<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK1-xL0XAVwqaF7IzgCoIazowME-e3vqy-gSUpoS0RdK_x_e_jCsf5X_p-RJWjvT4Y0I6NgiXQVan7qlffX4x8wqMioX534YKC_gufQgfV05C2CdD-VTlFx1zatf3sr0FPScRzU3qzCZCo/s1600/cornettedon.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="361" data-original-width="642" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK1-xL0XAVwqaF7IzgCoIazowME-e3vqy-gSUpoS0RdK_x_e_jCsf5X_p-RJWjvT4Y0I6NgiXQVan7qlffX4x8wqMioX534YKC_gufQgfV05C2CdD-VTlFx1zatf3sr0FPScRzU3qzCZCo/s1600/cornettedon.jpg" /></a></div>
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Tennis could do with a rev up, so instead of nonsense like Fast Four let's improve it with a professional wrestling atmosphere.<br />
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The following pay per view extravaganza will be held on the Monday night immediately after the Australian Open finishes. In fact, why not just cancel that tournament now and play this instead.<br />
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<h2>
<u>Main Event</u></h2>
<h3>
<b>Loser leaves the Davis Cup</b></h3>
<h3>
<b>Lleyton Hewitt vs Bernard Tomic </b></h3>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
It's been threat, allegation and counter-threat from both sides of this red hot sporting feud. Now we settle it with a five set match to the death. No super tiebreakers, no injury time outs, no code violations. The loser is banned FOREVER from taking part in, or attending, Davis Cup matches.<br />
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Fresh from his challenge match earlier on the card, special guest umpire Nick Kyrgios will be in the chair for this one. Does he call it straight down the line, favour one of the competitors, or get bored and walk off?<br />
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<h2>
<u>Semi Main Events</u></h2>
<div>
<u><br /></u></div>
<h3>
<b>The Woodies Collide</b></h3>
<h3>
<b>Mark Woodbridge vs Mark Woodforde</b></h3>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
They did their finest work together, now we discover who the real leader of the team is, as the Grand Slam legends go into battle for the right to be the one true Woodie.<br />
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<h3>
Name the Stadium Match</h3>
<h3>
Margaret Court vs Rennae Stubbs</h3>
<div>
<br /></div>
TennisMania Commissioner John Alexander has put the naming rights to Margaret Court Arena on the line. It's personal freedom vs the word of God, as Margaret turns to divine intervention to try and keep her name up in lights against persistent critic Rennae. Is Margaret game to shake hands if she loses, or is she afraid of 'catching The Gay'?<br />
<br />
<h2>
<u>Preliminary Contests</u></h2>
<div>
<u><br /></u></div>
<h3>
<b>Winner Takes All One Off Grand Slam Winner Challenge</b></h3>
<h3>
<b>Pat Cash vs Mark Edmonson</b></h3>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
The 1976 Australian Open against Wimbledon 1987. The winner goes home with both titles.<br />
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<h3>
<b>Handicap Match</b></h3>
<h3>
<b>John Newcombe, Pat Rafer and Tony Roche vs Mark Phillipoussis and John Fitzgerald</b></h3>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
The feuds and bitterness over the Davis Cup scene of the early 2000s were never sorted out. Until now.<br />
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<h3>
<b>Tag Team Doubles Extravaganza</b></h3>
<h3>
<b>"Fiery" Fred Stolle and Sandon Stolle vs Mark Kratzmann and Andrew Kratzmann</b></h3>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
Families go to war. Who will become a dynasty?<br />
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<h3>
<b>Ripped Shirt Match</b></h3>
<h3>
<b>Andrew Ille vs Wayne Arthurs (w/ Peter Tramacchi)</b></h3>
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The flamboyant Ille vs straightlaced, Glen Iris product Arthurs in a match where the first man who has to remove his shirt loses. The eminently sensible Arthurs has vowed that he will never been tearing his shirt off in public, but we'll see which man cracks first in the searing heat of a Melbourne summer. Arthurs will be accompanied by his manager and former doubles partner Peter Tramacchi.<br />
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<h3>
<b>Mixed Company Wooden Racquet Match</b></h3>
<h3>
<b>Rod Laver and Evonne Goolagong Cawley vs Ken Rosewall and </b><b>Wendy Turnbull</b></h3>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
Stars of the past collide in this nostalgic battle played in whites under genuine 1960s rules. Winner must do a graceful leap of the net to commiserate with his opponent.<br />
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<h3>
<b>20 Man Over The Top Legends Battle Royale</b></h3>
<h3>
<b>Carsten Ball, Darren Cahill, Scott Draper, Josh Eagle, Matthew Ebden, Roy Emerson, Richard Fromberg, Sam Groth, Chris Guccione, Paul Hanley, Alun Jones, Brydan Klein, Todd Larkham, Peter Luczak, Marinko Matosevic, Wally Masur, Jamie Morgan, Peter McNamara, Paul McNamee and </b><b>Peter Tramacchi</b></h3>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
No tennis, just manly grappling as these stars of the past occupy one half of the court and try to eliminate their opponents by tossing them over the net.<br />
<b></b>
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<div>
<h3>
<b><b>Six woman, losers must de-hyphenate match</b></b></h3>
<h3>
<b>Siobhan Drake-Brockman, Dianne Fromholz Ballestrat and Jo-Anne Faull vs Kerry-Anne Guse, Michelle Jaggard-Lai and Judy Tegart-Dalton</b></h3>
</div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
Which three competitors will be forced to drop part of their name? International guest Zina Garrison-Jackson and Brenda Schultz-McCarthy will be guest commentators.<br />
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<h3>
<b>Reinstatement Match</b></h3>
<h3>
<b>Nick Lindahl vs </b><b>Simon Youl </b></h3>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
Lindahl is serving a seven year ban for trying to rig a match in Toowoomba, and as he's petitioned to be allowed back into the sport, Commissioner Alexander has announced that he'll be reinstated if he can beat 80s champion Youl. The Tasmanian and former World Number 80 has returned from retirement to stand up for the integrity of the game.<br />
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<h3>
<b>Silly Name Smackdown</b></h3>
<h3>
<b>Destanee Aiava vs Storm Sanders</b></h3>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
Loser must adopt a realistic first name.<br />
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<h3>
<b>Women's Survivor Series team challenge</b></h3>
<h3>
<b>Liz Smylie (c), Alenka Hubacek , Rachel McQuillan and Annabel Ellwood vs Jelena Dokic (c), Evie Dominikovic, Trudi Musgrave and Anne Minter</b></h3>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
Two teams of four battle for bragging rights in an elimination format<br />
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<h3>
<b>Respect Match</b></h3>
<h3>
<b>Thanassi Kokkinakis vs Stan Wawrinka</b></h3>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
The Australian was alleged to have famously engaged in hanky panky with the Swiss star's girlfriend. We sort that controversy out, with the two to play until one admits that he respects his opponent. The girl in question will go home with... whoever she wants.<br />
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<h3>
<b>Hair vs Hair Celebrity Challenge Match</b></h3>
<h3>
<b>Nick Kyrgios vs Dawn Fraser (w/ Roger Rasheed and Andrew Johns)</b></h3>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
The loser will be shaved BALD in the middle of the court. Will Dawn lose her grandmotherly locks, or is Nick's barnet in danger? Will Dawn's entourage of Nick haters tip the balance in her favour?<br />
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<h3>
<b>Battle of the retired TV hosts</b><b>"Male Model from Mudgee" Ken Sutcliffe vs Bruce McAvaney</b></h3>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
Bruce always had a higher profile with Australian fans due to his role in the home Slam, but the discerning tennis lover was hanging out for Ken's Channel 9 led coverage of the international slams. And if you wanted to know what was going in tennis between the slams then stiff shit buy a magazine.Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-16345757979264914292018-01-21T12:22:00.004+11:002018-01-21T12:30:50.684+11:00TSP's Hottest 100<i>NB: if you're on a 90s speed internet connection this page is likely to take until the second Bicentennial to open.</i><br />
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Politically Cory Bernardi is a bit of a kent, but I suspect he actually holds the sort of high respect for gimmickery that I admire in a person. Which is where his rival Hottest 100 countdown comes in. There's no better - and more shameless - gimmick than doing something specifically designed to annoy people, then sitting back and watching carnage unfold.<br />
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The suggested playlist he uploaded to Spotify was given the boot so quickly that I can't even find the full list to pass judgement on it. I can only assume no real thought went into it, and he just added any Australian track he could find to make a point. This led to the bloke out of Savage Garden threatening to get 'the publishers' in, as if putting your track on Spotify isn't an open invitation for anyone to put it on a playlist.<br />
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The irony of the 'businesses should be able to discriminate' crowd being discriminated against wasn't lost, but it's a bit harsh on the people who are looking for a spot of light entertainment as they shelter in place at the prospect of same-sex marriage ripping society to bits. Presumably while also fanging for the new series of <i>Married At First Sight </i>to come on.<br />
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The only mistake he made was not to put ads on the voting page, losing the opportunity to make money out of everyone coming along to yell "HA HA COP THAT YOU PRICK!" while voting for Yothu Yindi. Maybe Triple M will do that for their Australia Day countdown, the one that's made people upset because they're shelving their usual January 26 playlist of political lectures and self-immolation.<br />
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Instead of deleting the top 100 songs of political party leaders, the process should be encouraged. In fact it should form part of the election campaign, lose one debate and instead have all the big hitters come on and justify their list. Nobody's going to believe anything on Malcolm Turnbull's list after the AC/DC debacle, so what better TV would you ever see than him having to explain how I'm So Excited (The Bum Dance) by Sara-Marie and the Sirens got to #58? Which is 46 places lower than it got to on the actual Australian singles chart you sick freaks. Bill Shorten comes across the sort of guy who'd have picked The Theme From Burke's Backyard before recent revelations.<br />
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And so, because I'll be standing on the Depressed Melbourne Fans/#fistedforever Alliance ticket in the next Senate elections (but more importantly because countdowns make me randy) here's my apolitical contribution to the collection of Australian Hottest 100s. Play it on whatever day of the year you like.<br />
<br />
<b><u>House rules</u></b><br />
<ul>
<li>Nobody ever reads the rules, but let's be quite clear - this is my personal 100 and should not be confused with sales, critical acclaim or your own favourites. If you don't like it do a Cory and organise your own damn countdown</li>
<li>For the sake of variety, a maximum of five songs are allowed from the same artist. It's ok if they appear under different bands, or as solo artists. Otherwise the pool will be so small that <i>I Hate Cats</i> by Rodney Rude will finish top 10</li>
<li>Initially I stamped 'NOT AUSSIE ENOUGH' on Dragon and Crowded House. Then it turned out they were both in the ARIA Hall of Fame so they're back in. No hard feelings.</li>
<li>Spoiler - Savage Garden will not be calling to complain, and if you've come looking for <i>Horses </i>close the page and go boil yourself in oil</li>
<li>For those of you keen on diagnosing problematic scenarios, you'll notice this collection is stacked with male artists. Direct your complaints about toxic masculinity to PO Box 999 in your capital city and I'll send you several pieces of A4 paper (single sided only because my printer is shit) containing my top 100 songs by women of all nationalities.</li>
</ul>
<div>
Have at it:</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div>
<b>100. Paul Kelly and the Coloured Girls - Dumb Things (1987)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/m1vwwjh3YXY" width="560"></iframe><br />
These days if you turned up with an all-white male backing band called the Coloured Girls you'd be in significant trouble. But don't let that - or a close association with the long forgotten <i>Young Einstein - </i>put you off, this is a great tune with a memorable chorus. Also recommended, the bit where he howls the word "howling". It's the simple things.<br />
<br />
If you're into that sort of thing there's also a Yahoo Serious-free <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZR-eTR3Dcps" target="_blank">version of the video</a> which appears to be done for the US market and should have been strangled at birth. It must have worked, the song charted higher on the Billboard Modern Rock chart than it did in Australia.<br />
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<div>
<b>99. Men At Work - Down Under (1981)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/XfR9iY5y94s" width="560"></iframe><br />
Familiarity breeds contempt. But even taking the cultural impact off the table you can't fight nature, this is just good clean pop fun. The courts say the melody was nicked from <i>Kookaburra Sits In The Old Gum Tree</i>, to which we ask how come Iggy Pop never cleaned out Jet for racking the tune of <i>Lust For Life</i> lock stock and fucking barrel? And that's the last you'll be hearing of Jet for the next 98 entries.<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>98. Divinyls - Sleeping Beauty (1985)</b><br />
<b><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wdk0vCzs3A4" width="560"></iframe></b><br />
Public perception suggests every Divinyls track featured Chrissie Amphlett screaming her head off with her knickers on show. We'll get to all that eventually. This track still heavily implies a legover has happened (or is currently in play), but in a far gentler way than their other greatest hits. Several years later all subtlety was thrown out the window and they just called the song <i>I Touch Myself</i>.<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>97. Ratcat - That Ain't Bad (1990)</b><br />
<b><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/OaK43gavkH0" width="560"></iframe></b><br />
Their brief run was effectively out of fuel by the end of 1991, but at least it generated two singles worthy of consideration amongst the best. They racked up a #1 album soon after, before putting the feet up and disappearing into the background again.<br />
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Unless I'm completely making it up the 1991 TV Week Logie Awards had some sort of musical category, and that I was inspired to buy a stamp, lick an envelope and write in to vote for Ratcat. Several years later TV Week implemented a voting system where you had to type in a number off the front of the magazine. The problem was they didn't bother to randomise the numbers, so you just had to go into the shop, write one down, then add a digit every time. Cease and desist letters were sent by the publishers, and urban legend suggests somebody was put on by the magazine just to weed out votes for Hot Dogs off Big Brother. Then they discovered how to make a motza off SMS voting and laughed all the way to the bank.<br />
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<b>96. Hoodoo Gurus - Tojo (1983)</b><br />
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Always reminds me of that Cyclone Tracy movie where the guy innocently rings up from interstate, asks what Santa brought for Christmas, and gets the immortal reply "A BLOODY CYCLONE!"<br />
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<b>95. Flash and the Pan - Walking In The Rain (1979)</b><br />
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The <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkYg4bz2qGQ" target="_blank">Grace Jones version</a> is way better, but she can't even claim a tenuous link to Australia so the original will do for now. Warning - if you like your songs full of action you're shit out of luck here, it doesn't really go anywhere.<br />
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<b>94. Faker - Hurricane (2005)</b></div>
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From the 'randomly seen on Rage while flicking through the channels' file. I'd have probably kept going the first time I heard that wonky first line, but the video shot in the State Library (my second favourite Melbourne building behind the Arts Centre fact fans!) kept my interest and by the end I'd gotten right into it. That's how wonky this countdown is, if it had been filmed in any other library I'd have pushed on and likely never listened to it again. Let me tell you, realising that this is from a full 12 years ago makes me feel SO OLD. The first time I heard the name Chet Faker I just assumed it was this guy. Apparently not.<br />
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<b>93. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Stagger Lee (1996)</b><br />
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Forget Nick clubbing in Kylie's head and disposing of the body in a pond, this was the standout of the thrilling <i>Murder Ballads</i> era. Well, thrilling if you were 15 and keen on gratuitous violence anyway. It was a version of a hundred year old song, but dripped with menace like nothing else on offer at the time. Suffice to say you could only get it via Triple J, because commercial radio wouldn't touch this sort of thing with a 10 foot bargepole.<br />
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To prove that nothing good comes of festivals, watch Nick do it <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjIfrhSQ8Pk" target="_blank">at Glastonbury</a> in 2013 in front of a bunch of gurning fucks waving flags and a plastic shark on a pole.<br />
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<b>92. End Of Fashion - Oh Yeah (2005)</b><br />
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Another one I picked up at random in an era where I was doing my best to avoid new music. The singer has an incredibly punchable face, the opening line is probably the worst in this list and to begin with the music is a bit Pixies <i>- Where Is My Mind</i>, but it gets better. It's all tip and no iceberg as the best work is done in the chorus, but it's a great chorus so ultimately balance is achieved.<br />
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<b>91. Tina Arena - Heaven Help My Heart (1995)</b><br />
<b><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZrxRE7zckgM" width="560"></iframe></b><br />
Surely only a tiny percentage of the listeners to Martin/Molloy had even the remotest interest in the music. You'd sit there doing the international gesture for 'get on with it' at the radio whenever they spun Meredith Brooks, Merrill Bainbridge, Alanis Morisette or asked the time-honoured question "<i>What If God Was One Of Us?</i>" Well he wouldn't had stood for the Nicki French version of <i>Total Eclipse of the Heart, </i>that is for sure<i>.</i><br />
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Err, anyway, occasionally one of these female demographic focused tracks would hit the spot (I've decided that the shouty <i>Mother Mother</i> by Tracy Bonham deserves another look 20+ years on). I'd never have admitted it to my classmates lest they wrap me up in a carpet and roll me down a hill, but this was a great pop song.<br />
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<b>90. Cold Chisel - Home and Broken Hearted (1978)</b><br />
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My first exposure to the extended Chisel catalogue was that greatest hits album with a cover that looked like Piss Christ by Andres Serrano. This wasn't on there, so I didn't hear and appreciate it until years later. It's rough as guts, but once you tune into the lyrics the story sticks together perfectly across three and a half minutes. Chisel got better, but this is the best of their 70s stuff.<br />
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<b>89. You Am I - Rumble (1998)</b></div>
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A rare music video where Tim Rogers looks like he can be bothered. This song was one of the reasons that I let myself be talked into spending New Year's Eve 1999 at the Falls Festival. My then girlfriend's dad was a security guard, so a side-door was MYSTERIOUSLY left open to allow us gratis entry.<br />
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Research suggests they were only third on the bill behind the Violent Femmes (fuck me, what is this country's obsession with them?) and The Tea Party, but if they weren't the headliners I certainly stopped paying attention when they finished. It was not a great crowd to be in with an apocalyptic computer meltdown looming, two guys climbed on top of a giant tent and almost double bounced each other off, then some dickhead who'd failed his Illegal Fireworks licence test tipped them over and they fired horizontally into the crowd. In the end the only Y2K issue was going to work at Video Planet in Tooronga Village the next day and discovering the fax machine had necked itself.<br />
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<b>88. Midnight Oil - Dreamworld (1987)</b><br />
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It's a fair guess that Peter Garrett hanging shit on everyone even marginally aligned with the right of politics would not have featured prominently in the Cory Countdown. In this one Pete accurately predicts Docklands by warning of apartments being built on every square foot of free land.<br />
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In this case I can understand where Cory and the Conservatives (shit band name) are coming from. It's hard to completely remove yourself from the politics of songs. But in the case of the Oils the songs are so good that even if they occasionally bash you over the head with the message only the most wound-up ideological warrior wouldn't be able to turn their political views off for four minutes and enjoy the experience.<br />
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<b>87. Little River Band - Playing To Win (1984)</b><br />
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No interest in LRB's glory era (or when everyone started suing each other), but you can't argue with the #1 song on the ARIA 80s Footy Highlights countdown. If you're lucky you might see brief snatches of Robbie Flower roaming the wing, but it's more likely to feature endless Essendon vs Hawthorn footage. In fact it may just have been <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbtiUrHUhRw" target="_blank">this package</a> (coming to you courtesy of National: The Big Entertainer) featuring Jacko squaring up to a nonplussed Danny Hughes. Meanwhile, could they not have given John Farnham a more flattering microphone? It looks like he's singing into a giant Pollywaffle.<br />
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<b>86. Spiderbait - Monty (1995)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ONquUyIKlmw" width="560"></iframe><br />
I never understood the national obsession with Spiderbait, and can't properly explain why this still appeals to me now. Maybe it's the memories of being 14 and seeing a video with two robots kicking shit out of each other.<br />
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<b>85. Lynne Hamilton - On The Inside (1979)</b><br />
<b><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/1TC38KlmnSo" width="560"></iframe></b><br />
Technically TV themes shouldn't qualify, but a) it was released as a single and went to #4, and b) is from my favourite Australian TV of all time so cram it with walnuts detractors. Evokes memories of my top five inmates - 1) Rita Connors, 2) Bea Smith, 3) Sandy Edwards, 4) Helen Smart and 5) Queenie "Hello chickens!" Marshall<br />
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<b>84. The Birthday Party - The Friend Catcher (1981)</b><br />
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By the time <i>Murder Ballads</i> came around Nick Cave could sing a song about killing somebody and you knew it was an act, but at this abrasive stage it sounded like all he wanted in the world was for the opportunity to knife somebody in a dark alley. Christ only knows what it was all meant to mean, but it's like taking a wrong turn and accidentally walking into the house from <i>Texas Chainsaw Massacre</i>.</div>
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<b>83. Weddings, Parties, Anything - Monday's Experts (1993)</b><br />
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Reputedly a 'Melbourne thing', but perfectly nails the worldwide phenomenon of arseholes who don't have any solutions before something happens and know how it should have been done after.<br />
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<b>82. The Whitlams - Melbourne (1997)</b><br />
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"In love with this girl, and with her town as well" is such a great line. I loved this song, and the album, at the time. Have cooled on both but it's still a worthy contender.<br />
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<b>81. AC/DC - Jailbreak (1976)</b></div>
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This one's for you Bon fans. And the next one isn't.</div>
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<b>80. AC/DC - Who Made Who (1986)</b><br />
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Your views may differ, especially if you were around at the time, but I prefer the post-Bon version of AC/DC. This track correctly identified a dystopian future where artificial intelligence goes rogue and fucks us all up years before <i>Terminator 2: Judgement Day</i>. You can have Bon if that's what you want, but to be it's all about a Geordie in an Andy Capp style cloth hat screeching as if his larynx has been crushed in an industrial accident.<br />
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<b>79. Custard - Apartment (1995)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/D-Dsq41LY28" width="560"></iframe><br />
As lo-fi as all buggery, but gives me warm nostalgic feelings. Best listened to without the video, you couldn't expect them to put on a Spielberg production with a rock bottom budget, but it is so cheap and nasty that it makes me angry.<br />
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<b>78. The Sports - Who Listens To The Radio (1978)</b></div>
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Not nearly as many people as 40 years ago. The performance on this one is crucial, there's <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsP03jK4Ngg" target="_blank">another version</a> and I wouldn't rate it anywhere near my top 100. From the same lead singer who later brought you the "I feel better, so much better now" Medibank jingle.<br />
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<b>77. INXS - Baby Don't Cry (1992)</b><br />
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Of everyone in this countdown INXS wouldn't be my #1 act, but they had the most singles that were in contention. There was the hits, but also plenty that did rock all on the charts and have all but been forgotten. My familiarity with their obscure releases came too late to be of any benefit to Michael Hutchence, when he died Rage played every INXS video they had on file and I taped it to watch again and again, discovering a new appreciation for different tracks every time.<br />
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This was nowhere near their best received song, only reaching #30 on the charts and totally passing me by at the time, but now I rate it amongst their best. Meanwhile in reference to the video, even when he's wearing a suit that looks like the David Jones logo how desirable is Michael Hutchence? It would be awkward if I went back in time and retrospectively turned for him given that I was 16 when he died, but still...</div>
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<b>76. The Choirboys - Run To Paradise (1987)</b><br />
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There was a very brief time in the mid 2000s where I'd be seen 'out', and gee whizz didn't pissed people love singing along to this? They'd go off for the opening and the first few lines like the crowd at a wedding when <i>Loveshack </i>comes on, hush up on the bits about rampant drug addiction, then come back in for the chorus. Now I just stay home and compile obscure top 100 lists.<br />
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<b><br /></b><b>75. Mark Of Cain - LMA (1995)</b><br />
<b><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/kbM_Bs96hy4" width="560"></iframe></b></div>
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This will officially mark the only time in your life where you'll read a countdown that has Tina Arena in the same half of the draw as rough as guts shouty rock produced by Henry Rollins. You can only assume I got this off Triple J, where in god's name else would I have heard it?<br />
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<b>74. The Easybeats - Friday On My Mind (1965)</b><br />
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The earliest song to qualify for the list, and the only one of two contenders from the 60s. You can have your Billy Thorpes and Daddy Cools, they don't do a cracker for me. At the risk of having my house fire-bombed, when it comes to Vanda and Young I prefer Flash and the Pan, but it's impossible to deny that this stands up to anything the British or Americans were doing at the same time.<br />
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<b>73. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Into My Arms (1997)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LnHoqHscTKE" width="560"></iframe><br />
There's something to be said for music to throw yourself into the sea to, even if you're not currently considering filling your pockets with rocks and jumping in. Starting with the funeral of Michael Hutchence (shortly after the surprise intervention of 'serial pest' Peter Hore from an upstairs balcony), it's become the key song to not hear playing because you're the one in the box.<br />
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<b>72. Cruel Sea - Better Get A Lawyer (1993)</b></div>
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Even though this only went to #29 on the charts I do remember it coming out. Even at an age where you don't yet fully understand why people would need a good lawyer you knew somebody had done something they shouldn't have.<br />
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<b>71. The Loved Ones - The Loved One (1966)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Ov7-FC0KHQA" width="560"></iframe><br />
Not sure if they achieved the complete musical turducken by also calling their album The Loved One(s), but that's not important right now. I suspect in the 60s this was the sort of gritty, sleazy vocal that would have caused parents to throw their kids' records out the window like a discus.<br />
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<b>70. INXS - Bitter Tears (1991)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/zqGWrLGaTZc" width="560"></iframe></div>
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Another of the 90s INXS collection discovered via late night VHS recording, and again one that was practically ignored by the punters at the time. It barely scraped into the top 40 but is ripe for re-evaluation now. Unlike Custard they had no excuse for releasing such a low budget community television quality music video in support.<br />
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<b>69. Silverchair - The Greatest View (2002)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/YA_ZiyI3Ros" width="560"></iframe><br />
By this point the Chair had money to sink into ritzy production, but the bloom was off the rose. Nevertheless this was a great lead single from an otherwise meh album.<br />
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<b>68. The Whitlams - I Make Hamburgers (1994)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/D9zfUPkcFo4" width="560"></iframe><br />
At the risk of going a bit Cory, you'd get hauled over the coals for releasing this now. Good luck getting Triple J to play something about a guy shagging everything that moves, complete with the sort of bouncing bed spring noises that used to come from the flat above us when I was old enough to know what that meant. There would be change.org petitions.<br />
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<b>67. Hoodoo Gurus - What's My Scene (1987)</b></div>
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Another one that you don't think much about because you've heard it played everywhere from pubs, to NRL ads for more than 25 years. Not even my favourite Hoodoo Gurus track, but the iconic chorus deserves to be more than background music<br />
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<b>66. Boom Crash Opera - Dancing In The Storm (1989)</b><br />
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This completely passed me by at the time, presumably because I was busy buying Cassingles of the <i>Technotronic Megamix</i> and <i>Ride On Time </i>by Black Box. It wasn't until a good 15 years later when a politician got in trouble for using it without permission that I heard it for the first time. Singalong chorus surprisingly not a favourite of shithouse pub cover bands.<br />
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<b>65. Divinyls - Boys In Town (1981)</b><br />
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The sound of a country town where many dubious things are going on but everyone (including the police, because they're involved in most of it) is turning a blind eye. Outsiders not welcome. Possible cousin marriage. Not to be underrated - the fluorescent light tube mic stand in the video.<br />
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<b>64. Midnight Oil - Hercules (1985)</b><br />
<b><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/RsR6yeIxvJ4" width="560"></iframe></b><br />
With a hundred songs to get through, I'm comfortable in just saying that the highlight of this is how he sings "SAAAAAAAAAABMARINES!" The lowlight is the epilepsy inducing video - you have been warned.</div>
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<b>63. Skyhooks - Women In Uniform (1978)</b></div>
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<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Y67OyBYoa2c" width="560"></iframe><br />
Skyhooks never did it for me - perhaps it's residual anger after they released the rock bottom <i>Jukebox In Siberia </i>right in the middle of my most productive Cassingle purchasing period - but this is undeniably good. It achieved to such a high level that Iron Maiden (with some shitbox early lead singer) <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jkREP29170" target="_blank">covered it</a> really badly two years later.<br />
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<b>62. Hoodoo Gurus - Death Defying (1986)</b><br />
<b><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/aRHvTrfpiTI" width="560"></iframe></b><br />
Nothing promises a good time like the lines "all my friends are dead, or they're dying". Video also features a guy in an LA Dodgers cap, which is great news if I can ever be bothered updating my long abandoned <a href="http://musicvideomerch.blogspot.com.au/" target="_blank">Sports merchandise in music videos</a> blog. That would see Hoodoo Gurus go into the <a href="http://musicvideomerch.blogspot.com.au/p/major-league-baseball-mlb.html" target="_blank">Dodgers section</a> alongside Dr Dre, Eazy-E and Ice Cube.</div>
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<b>61. Mr Floppy - Get A Dog Up Ya (1993)</b><br />
<b><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/XazQN8OWPZ8" width="560"></iframe></b><br />
The greatest Australian phrase. In music form. Seemingly exists only to taunt 'Billy'. Like TISM with additional soundbytes from infomercials.<br />
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<b>60. TISM - 40 Years - Then Death (1987)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/-bOdG-9QqQs" width="560"></iframe><br />
Speaking of TISM, there are strict instructions that this is to be played at my funeral if I die anywhere around 40. If I defy expectations and go longer I'll have to take another look at the playlist.<br />
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<b>59. The Birthday Party - Dead Joe (1982)</b><br />
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The suggestion is that this is a tribute (of sorts) to Nick Cave's father Joe who died a few years earlier. It sounds more to me like the narrator has come across the horribly mutilated body of an automobile accident victim. Did his father die in a car accident? I'm not reading the autobiography to find out.<br />
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<b>58. You Am I - Heavy Heart (1988)</b><br />
<b><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/coEAjgBRwOs" width="560"></iframe></b><br />
Like Karl throwing Homer an umbrella back when <i>The Simpsons </i>was good (<a href="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CjoZIsZW0AABGOU.jpg" target="_blank">post idea</a>: rate all Simpsons episodes from the start until it became unwatchable) this gets me right there every time.</div>
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<b>57. Australian Crawl - Errol (1981)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/rpxgn01rwjE" width="560"></iframe><br />
To be fair this is bogan stuff, but enough time has passed that the slop of today would have no idea who Errol Flynn was so it's ok to like it again. Aspiring to be like one of this country's maddest international rooters is a noble enough pursuit (if you ignore <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Errol_Flynn#Posthumous_controversies" target="_blank">all that</a>), but it's just such a joyful track that they could be singing about anything. Double that with a music video that is just "the lads pissfart around in Surfers Paradise" and it's a winner all round. You suspect fornication may have taken place in or around the video shoot.<br />
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<b>56. Kylie Minogue - Did It Again (1997)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/PPzuegmN1mE" width="560"></iframe><br />
She's had bigger sellers, but hands down the best song and video Kylie has ever done. The Minogue multiplier gimmick in the video is also a winner. For the record #1 Sex Kylie (isn't that right Michael Hutchence? Michael, open this door right now and answer me), #2 Indie Kylie, #3 Cute Kylie.<br />
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<b>55. Australian Crawl - Things Don't Seem (1981)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/pv9nyNb4NTk" width="560"></iframe><br />
Proof that the lyrics of a song need not be in any way comprehensible to make it a success. Popular music's first interactive experiment, where you could make up your own words and it didn't detract from the experience.<br />
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The very first thing I ever searched for on the internet was the lyrics to Smells Like Teen Spirit, but for many years I never even bothered to work out what was going on here. It felt better not to know, and to just assume James Reyne had a medical emergency mid-recording. Apparently Australian Crawl was massive in Brazil, presumably because they thought he was singing in an obscure local dialect.</div>
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<b>53. Hunters and Collectors - Do You See What I See (1988)</b><br />
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Maybe the connection with the AFL Grand Final ruined it for me, but I can't stand <i>Holy Grail</i>. This, on the other hand, delivers the goods from start to finish and couldn't be ruined by heavy association with sporting events my team will never participate in.<br />
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<b>52. Baby Animals - Early Warning (1991)</b></div>
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I failed to properly appreciate this in 1991. Until the mid 2000s when it came on at the arse end of a Music Max Top 100 Songs To Mow Your Lawn To (or something similar) countdown and I realised it was a fair belter. Unless I imagined it there's also a rancid US market version of the video that should be avoided at all costs.<br />
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<b>51. Ian Moss - Tucker's Daughter (1989)</b></div>
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More divisive than the date of Australia Day, but I'm into it and it's my countdown so there. I'm not surprised Mr. Tucker would be antsy about the relationship, she appears to be about half Mossy's age. Video also contains barely covered norgs, which would have been welcomed on television in the late 80s.<br />
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<b>50. Grinspoon - Just Ace (1997)</b><br />
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Triple J's commitment to playing music that sounds like it was recorded in a basement occasionally delivers something worth listening to. About once every five years by my calculation. At 1.46 this never wears out its welcome. Shockingly it was only when searching for the clip to embed above that I discovered he says he "had a go kart" not "had a good day". Which makes significantly less sense. If I was going back 20 years there are myriad other things I'd want to tell myself aged 16, but Jesus H Christ I wish I'd listened closely enough to pick that up sometime since.<br />
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<b>49. Something With Numbers - Apple of the Eye (Lay Me Down) (2006)</b><br />
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For a time in the mid 2000s I'd tape the Rage play-through of the Triple J Hottest 100 and scan it to confirm my suspicions that 95 of the songs were actually piss. This was a notable exception, and I played the bejesus out of it for a couple of years before completely forgetting it existed until now. Don't be put off by the lead singer looking like Ben Brown and dancing like he's just stuck a fork in the socket. The top YouTube comment also suggest it was the <i>Big Brother </i>eviction song in 2007, but none of us are perfect. Bonus feature in the music video - the lady from the Ford ads getting it on.<br />
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<b>49. The Ferrets - Don't Fall In Love (1977)</b><br />
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I have no explanation as to why I like this so much, I suspect it's because of the way the guy says "NO TIES!?" Part of the charm is that it sounds as if it was dashed off carelessly in an afternoon, and in researching this post (no really) it turns out they recorded it in three hours for a B-Side. Fun fact - Molly Meldrum took a year to produce the album before the band gave up and finished it themselves. Then when it was time to release it he hadn't organised an album cover. If that saga was covered in that Molly mini-series I might go back and watch it.<br />
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<b>48. Tumbleweed - Hang Around (1995)</b><br />
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A rare success from the unsuccessful "Adam listens to Triple J" era, as I tried to convert from giant nerdlinger to being on the pulse of what the other kids were into. Didn't work, and when <i>Bullet With Butterfly Wings </i>by the Smashing Pumpkins lost to <i>Wonderwall</i> in the Hottest 100 I gave up and went back to listening to Gold 104. Also, the video has a low budget giant chicken so they knew exactly what I liked.<br />
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<b>47. Divinyls - Pleasure and Pain (1985)</b><br />
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Nobody does facial expressions in music videos like this now, because everyone would unmercifully rip the piss out of them for it. I don't know why, even if she is dressed like a student at Maritime Secondary College it's still a spectacular performance. It's all about how the performers sell it. This track drips with sleaze in a way that doesn't force it down your throat (as it were) or heavily wink to the camera about how great it is to be controversial. Which is quiet the achievement given that at one point she's upskirted while crossing a walkway.</div>
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<b>46. Australian Crawl - The Boys Light Up (1980)</b></div>
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The sound of drunken Australian anarchy. I can appreciate that connection having missed the early 80s due to being a toddler, but simultaneously understand how to some this would trigger bad memories. Like when people say they can't take Chisel because all the local fuckwits used to sing Khe Sanh, this is the soundtrack to an era where even ordinary men were probably committing sexual assault at a rate now only seen amongst Hollywood producers, and the locals headed out for a spot of minority bashing after a night on the turps. Still, taken in isolation it's a fantastic track. The lyrics are practically meaningless, but it thumps along like a night that's likely to take in several dozen drinks and a reading of the riot act.<br />
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<b>45. Madison Avenue - Reminiscing (2001)</b><br />
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The four single, one album Madison Avenue glory era is probably best remembered now for the singer trying desperately <a href="https://youtu.be/QAUbvPO6OBQ?t=145" target="_blank">trying to drink water</a> while performing a Rock Eisteddfod style medley of hits in her underwear at the ARIA Awards. They should be remembered for this instead, a rare example of a cover slaughtering the original. It was their lowest charting single (albeit at #9, which still represents an impressive career strike rate of 100% top 10 hits), the only one that didn't chart overseas, and the last thing they ever released. Not sure we needed any more <i>Don't Call Me Baby </i>but this was good.<br />
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<b>44. The Go-Betweens - Cattle and Cane (1983)</b><br />
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The subtle art house movie of Australian music. The first time I didn't like it, but knew there was something there that meant it deserved repeat listens. Every time another bit of the puzzle unlocked until I really appreciated it, even though it meanders around and never really gets anywhere. Maybe you have to live in the bush to properly understand it? That's not going to happen, so #44 will have to do.<br />
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<b>43 .Silverchair - Tomorrow (1995)</b></div>
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Part of my fascination with this was how Daniel Johns and The Other Guys were barely older than me and producing stuff that sounded like the apocalypse was coming. And what was I doing, trying to visualise Year 8 homeroom teacher Miss King in the buff. A'la <i>Smells Like Teen Spirit </i>the lyrics are completely meaningless and only there to complement the sound, but what a sound it is. Two years later at the same age the 'Chair were when this was released my greatest achievement was using PKZIP DOS commands to span a game across several floppy disks for sharing with classmates. Haven't done all that much more since. The countdown will now take a short break while I suffer a midlife crisis.<br />
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I think 23 years later I'm safe to admit 'buying' this album with a Target gift card thieved out of somebody's letterbox. It's not big, it's not clever, and if that person tracks me down I will gladly buy them any ARIA Top 40 album of their choice.<br />
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<b>42. The Hitmen - I Don't Mind (1981)</b><br />
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In the complicated family tree of Australian music I'm lead to believe that The Hitmen were an off-shoot from Radio Birdman, and you can see the connection in this track. As what I suppose you'd call "surf rock" it's worth 2.39 of your time. The video is also required viewing for a) the mystified butcher holding up a steak, b) the kid crying over a birthday cake and c) the blue whale dress.<br />
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<b>41. AC/DC - Big Balls (1976)</b><br />
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When it comes to the Bon era some may prefer <i>Long Way To The Top</i> or <i>Jailbreak</i>. Not me, I want the single-entendre song about testicles. Shows where my life is at.<br />
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<b>40. Regurgitator - Blubber Boy (1996)</b><br />
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I absolutely could not take anything else they released, but this is a beauty. There's nothing complicated about it, just one of those songs that actually benefits from sounding like it was recorded in somebody's garden shed.<br />
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<b>39. Radio Birdman - Aloha Steve and Danno (1978)</b></div>
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It's certainly apt to call this surf rock, given that it's about Hawaii 5-0. One of those tracks that you can appreciate as a good tune 30 years later, but which must have levelled people when it came out. But not many, the album it was on did nothing and they split up shortly after.<br />
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<b>38. INXS - Suicide Blonde (1990)</b><br />
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80s INXS is more popular and commercially successful, but I have a sneaky love for their 1990 - hotel debacle catalogue. This is the confident sound of a frontman at his peak, with anything (and I mean ANYTHING) he wants at his fingertips. It would later go tits up, but for now Hutchence can do no wrong.<br />
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<b>37. You Am I - Purple Sneakers (1995)</b></div>
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There are generally two reasons to feel a twinge of embarrassment when listening to a song. One is because it's so god damn awful that you feel bad for everyone involved, the other is because the narrative tells a perfect story about somebody feeling miserable. This is most assuredly the latter.<br />
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<b>36. TISM - Let's Club It To Death (1990)</b><br />
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The adage "funny don't draw money" is usually correct, and indeed it's not like this stormed the top of the singles charts but nobody mixed comedy and songs that were actually worth listening to like TISM. If it was <i>Who Farted? </i>by The Vaughns you would ask for every remaining copy to be melted and poured down the throat of the person who wrote it, but they kept the balance of gags and music subtle enough to be at least critically successful. Well, #86 on the album charts successful anyway.</div>
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<b>35. Living End - All Torn Down (1999)</b><br />
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The first wave of Green Day-lite Living End songs didn't do a cracker for me, and to be fair nothing after this has either. Which makes this wistful (!?) track about new developments replacing old buildings even better. Impressively it came just two years after they were doing videos causing chaos in schools, but nothing of its ilk has followed in the 19 years since.<br />
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<b>34. Disco Montego featuring Katie Underwood - Beautiful (2002)</b><br />
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Where one of the members of TV pop fly-by-nighters Bardot runs in the top 35 of an all-time Australian songs list. With good reason, this is the best Australian pop tune of the 2000s. And for the record the 1999 version of me has just called in to point out that Katie was the top act in Bardot by so far it wasn't funny.<br />
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<b>33. The Go-Betweens - Spring Rain (1986)</b><br />
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The Go-Betweens are like The Fall, a band who I discovered a handful of great songs from, expected to fall in love with the entire back catalogue, and was left non-plussed by most of it. This - one of only two charting singles, reaching the lofty heights of #92 - is one of the best, nothing over the top about it, just a nice pop song. As an added bonus enjoy The Go-Betweens and Andrew Denton in a syrup, doing <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTOGmhUBylg" target="_blank">one of the worst segments</a> in Australian TV history.<br />
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<b>32. The Hitmen - Pay Up Or Shut Up (1982)</b><br />
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Criminally not even a single off their second (and last under that incarnation of the band) album. This may be the only time it's ever considered in the conversation about great Australian tracks but I will go to war to argue that deserves a place.<br />
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<b>31. Paul Kelly and the Coloured Girls - To Her Door (1987)</b><br />
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In recent years there has been a movement to be ironic about Christmas things. <i>Die Hard </i>is suddenly the greatest Chrimbo movie ever, and everyone falls about for <i>How To Make Gravy </i>on December 21. What rubbish, this is the heartfelt Paul Kelly reunion song you want. Even if the song is non-committal on whether Jack pulls it off and gets the family back together but you'd like to assume he does - especially after spending a year in rehab. That's some ring-a-ding-ding commitment to getting clean, let's hope the first time the kids start screaming for money to play the pinnies he didn't get depressed and hit the piss again.<br />
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<b>30. Redgum - I Was Only Nineteen (1983)</b></div>
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Ever since I can remember <i>Khe Sanh </i>has been the popular pisshead selection war song, but at least for all the problems the narrator of that track has he's not still wandering the jungle waiting to be blown to buggery by a Viet Cong booby trap. He's guy is off to Hong Kong for a spot of relaxing sex tourism, this is the legitimately affecting masterpiece of the genre. It was only years later that I discovered Mick Molloy's "Channel 7 chopper" gag on <i>The Late Show </i>was a reference to this.<br />
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<b>29. Midnight Oil - Short Memory (1982)</b><br />
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I'm open to either side of politics if they can successfully answer the eternal question "what's in it for me?", but this is the sort of anger that a right-wing artist could never manage to pull off without going over the top and making a Rex Hunt of themselves. See for example any 'patriotic' country track released in the wake of 9/11. As with all Midnight Oil songs, if you don't like the politics turn your brain off and enjoy it for the tune.<br />
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<b>28. TISM - The TISM Boat Hire Offer (1990)</b></div>
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Another <i>Hot Dogma</i> album track, with more where that came from. What an album it was, and this is a perfect opener. Key line - "Bon Scott would be alive this week if he just went fishing from Mordialloc Creek"<br />
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<b>27. Dragon - April Sun In Cuba (1977)</b><br />
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I'm still not comfortable with a native New Zealand band that later relocated to Sydney getting a start, but who am I to argue with the Australian Recording Industry Association? Substances may have played a part in the production of this track and/or video.<br />
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<b>26. Painters and Dockers - Nude School (1987)</b><br />
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I don't recall being aware of any music in 1987, but this seems like another example of something other capital cities would have looked down on Melbourne for. Which is fine, especially for the magic visual of a drum kit with the word PORK written across it. It got to #29 nationally so somebody interstate must have supported it.<br />
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YouTube also tells me they performed it on the 1988 Good Friday Appeal telecast. Given that the song compares the map of Tasmania to a muff (in the grandest Australian tradition), amongst other crimes against decency it probably led to the switchboards melting down with people complaining rather than offering to donate. In the interests of the family audience they kept their clothes on this time, though if they'd gone starkers we might have got Good Friday footy a lot earlier.<br />
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<b>25. INXS - Need You Tonight (1987)</b><br />
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Considering how many of their songs I had to cull from the shortlist on the five artist rule, it's a surprise that this is (*spoiler alert*) the highest charting INXS song. If you'd asked me to do this 15 years ago I suspect it would have been #1, but I've cooled off on it since. Still a great track, and a video where Hutcho's sex god credentials are boosted by the rest of the band coming off like the biggest nerds in music since Cliff Richard. Maybe that was the point? Didn't stop at least one of them getting it on with a supermodel later, so there was obviously no lasting damage.<br />
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<b>24. Crowded House - Don't Dream It's Over (1986)</b><br />
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Not in any way a song about Australia, but in 2001 it was ranked the second best New Zealand and seventh best Australian song, so I guess while it qualifies for the top 25 here it can't sit in the Senate. It's a great track, but I'm not entirely sure how it made it to #2 on the US singles chart, because it's not nearly bombastic enough for that market. Maybe because it's one of the few successful music videos to feature ironing.<br />
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<b>23. Flash and the Pan - Hey St. Peter (1977)</b><br />
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The least attractive band in Australian history, but we won't hold that against them. Unlike some of the songs in this list that have a beauty in being stagnant for a couple of minutes, this is all go from beginning to end. From the spoken word verses, to chorus, piano solo and a bloke playing the drums dressed as a bishop Flash and the Pan (or Flash 'n The Pan depending on who you were listening to) did it all.</div>
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<b>22. Divinyls - Science Fiction (1983)</b><br />
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In which the only thing likely to get in the way of a leg-over is the threat of coming nuclear oblivion.</div>
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<b>21. The Birthday Party - Release The Bats (1981)</b><br />
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Rattles along for 2.5 minutes without a second wasted. The terrifying sound of being chased down a dark alleyway by roaming mutant thugs in an apocalyptic post-nuclear wasteland.</div>
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<b>20. Beasts of Bourbon - Chase The Dragon (1991)</b><br />
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The violent sensation of a being punched in the back of the head while simultaneously undergoing a surprise fully body cavity search.<br />
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<b>19. AC/DC - Back In Black</b><br />
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The title track of an album that went boffo despite the perceived handicap of a replacement lead singer. 22 million purchasers <i>could </i>be wrong, but not in this case. The opening sounds like bad news is about to occur, before shifting to iconic vocals that have become an entrance song classic across all mediums of entertainment. Bon who?<br />
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<b>18. Divinyls - In My Life (1984)</b><br />
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Not their strongest track musically or lyrically (says me, whose greatest musical achievement was dropping the thing you hit the bass drum with during the Grade 6 school production and having to improvise by hitting it with my hand. Nobody noticed) but it escalates to greatness purely based on Chrissy's balls-and-all manic performance, especially the last 50 seconds when she goes right off. You don't need the video to get the effect, but it certainly helps.<br />
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<b>17. Cold Chisel - Bow River (Live) (1982)</b><br />
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It's rare that the live version is ever better, but if somebody gives you the studio version of this as a gift ask them if they've kept the receipt. The band themselves know the truth, labelling the live performance as the 'official' music video. Like most of the great Chisel songs the vocals are a joint effort between Ian Moss and Jimmy Barnes, leading to a frantic finale when Barnesey declares he'll "piss all my money up against the damn wall". Also features class leading harmonica, an instrument that in the wrong hands is almost as offensive as bagpipes.<br />
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<b>16. Midnight Oil - King of the Mountain (1990)</b><br />
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This is a great track, but the best thing about it is reading the various kooky theories people have about what it means. Enjoy <a href="http://songmeanings.com/songs/view/133994/" target="_blank">this page</a>, where somebody goes to a ridiculous level to analyse every single line as if songwriters don't just often put things in that sound good and mean fuck all. After his ridiculous theory that it's about the crowds at Bathurst and/or Peter Brock (as if Garrett would give a rats about them) somebody offers a far more realistic claim about a footrace up a mountain in rural Queensland.<br />
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<b>15. TISM - Greg! The Stop Sign (1995)</b><br />
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From never having heard of TISM (and really, as a kid why would you have?) to ravenously trying to collect their entire back catalogue within a couple of years this was the song that started my most rewarding musical relationship. (<i>He'll Never Be An) Ol' Man River</i> opened the door to the mass market, but if this hadn't followed straight after I might have put that down as a novelty song on the same level as <i>The Reefer Song </i>and moved on<i>.</i><br />
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I couldn't agree more with <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/music/2014/nov/25/greg-the-stop-sign-by-tism-australian-anthems" target="_blank">this review</a> that refers to it as "thrillingly bizarre". I've got no idea where I first became aware of it, it only made #59 on the singles charts, so it's not like the weekly top 40 was forced to play it under sufferance. And I suspect if it was on Video Hits it would have been an edited version that didn't show a dog lapping away at vom. However I found it, what an eye opener to hear a song referring to classic Victorian topics like TAC ads and the Dandenong line (sure, that's not even a real line but you know...) It inspired me to spend my limited finances on a copy of <i>Machiavelli and the Four Seasons </i>and the rest is history.</div>
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<b>14. Cold Chisel - Saturday Night (1984)</b><br />
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Like Collingwood, Cold Chisel are probably the greatest unit in their field since Federation but have been dragged through the mud by dickhead fans. Now that a new generation has updated their three slabs at a BBQ singalong from <i>Khe Sanh</i> to <i>Horses</i> (*spit*) there may be some hope for rescuing Chisel's reputation yet.<br />
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From the snatched pisswreck conversations at the start ("Well if you don't like it what are you just standing there for 20 minutes for?"), to the startlingly unusual mention of "l'esclavage d'amour" and Barnsey casually joining the Mardi Gras parade like he's Ferris Bueller - what more do you need to understand the magic of Chisel? Even if the music doesn't float your boat you'd have to be wilfully obtuse to still want to debate their bogan status after listening to this.</div>
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<b>13. The Go-Betweens - Streets of Your Town (1988)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LXgpoLhEBa0" width="560"></iframe><br />
Songs can achieve greatness in many ways, but in this case it's the way you're plugging along like it's the jolliest thing recorded since <i>Shiny Happy People </i>until a casual mention of "battered wives" temporarily takes you aback. Then it goes back to being a cute love song as if nothing had ever happened. As a single it couldn't draw money with paper and a box of crayons, but has been quite rightly rehabilitated as theme or background music for practically everything made since.</div>
<div>
<b><br /></b>
<b>12. Dragon - Rain</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/jM7RcgZ1pLE" width="560"></iframe></div>
<div>
Underrated track with one of the great instrumental intros and a killer chorus. I always thought for reasons unknown that this was about somebody with anorexia, of which there is absolutely no proof at all in the lyrics. Tell your friends that's the actual song meaning and see if you can poison the well to the point where my point of view is considered correct.<br />
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<b>11. Midnight Oil - Blue Sky Mine (1990)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Ofrqm6-LCqs" width="560"></iframe><br />
The other half of the big two from the <i>Blue Sky Mining </i>album, and proof that you can in fact write a heavy handed political song (complete with randomly appearing SLOGANS in the video) that is a bona fide musical classic too. Purists will disagree, but to me this is their best work.<br />
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<b>10. The Whitlams - No Aphrodisiac (1997)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/8qi7SlM1eDk" width="560"></iframe><br />
Not even remotely to everyone's taste, but certainly their most successful period. It led to an ARIA award or two, and if I recall correctly Gough Whitlam presented one of them, surely alerting the other nominees in advance that they were going to lose in the biggest awards night fiasco until Madison Avenue.<br />
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This is a song that rewards patience, it's only in the last 90 seconds when the narrator gets the horn and goes off on one about sexual shenanigans and his "video set-up" that it escalates from reasonably good to magnificent. Never before has an Australian song sounded more like a middle-aged suburban swingers party organised through the classified ads. Which is how I assume people used to set that sort of thing up before the internet came along and kicked things up a notch.<br />
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<b>9. Cold Chisel - When The War Is Over (1982)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/VsFFBc7dhD0" width="560"></iframe><br />
Further proof that despite what people in singlets who drove utes thought, Chisel were so much more than what they've been stereotyped as. It is made by the duelling vocals of Ian Moss and Jimmy Barnes, and has a genuine emotional impact on me. So there.</div>
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<b><br /></b>
<b>8. Boys Next Door - Shivers (1979)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2wq9B6KaIRQ" width="560"></iframe><br />
25 years later they'd have had to battle accusations of being emos, and would probably have been chased down the steps of Flinders Street Station by a baying mob, but by 1979 standards it's remarkable. Sometimes the opening line is just there to get you to the good bits, in this case he just comes right out and says "I've been contemplating suicide" and everyone goes "Pardon? What what was that?" Rowland S Howard wrote this at 16 - and though he reportedly meant for it to be played for laughs - it's significantly more clever than what I was doing at that age, mostly playing <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Championship_Manager_96/97" target="_blank">Championship Manager 96/97</a>.<br />
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As a kid I only knew the Screaming Jets version, where the opening line is delivered in the fashion of a pub rock cover band from Rowville and things don't get any better from there. It wasn't until years later - surprise, surprise during a random late night viewing of Rage - that I saw this definitive version and understood that it was a great track which had been mangled beyond recognition.<br />
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<b>7. Max Sharam - Coma (1995)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/z8NOqVuUaiE" width="560"></iframe><br />
She came, she dropped one popular album and I seem to remember appeared in one kooky interview on Martin/Molloy then was off. This is the best of what was left behind, all sitars and ethereal Kate Bush style weirdness. In 1995 I was packed off to Norfolk Island for a holiday with my aunt, and fully intended to buy Max's album with the provided spending money. Of course what I didn't take into account was that islands in the middle of the ocean didn't tend to have a Brashs. Instead I bought a watch that could also control televisions with and tormented the piss out of my geography teacher.<br />
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<b>6. AC/DC - Hells Bells (1980)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/etAIpkdhU9Q" width="560"></iframe><br />
Lead singers are not like footy team coaches or Pippa from <i>Home and Away</i>, changing them very rarely ever ends well. As discussed earlier, hardcore AC/DC fanatics may have passionate/violent views about the merits of Brian Johnson vs Bon Scott, but imagine going out and finding a replacement for an iconic singer who's just carked it, then recording what is still the second biggest selling album ever at the first. Talk about setting yourself up for the future.<br />
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This is the first track on the album, and unless you were desperately clinging to the past you could not have asked for anything better. It doesn't go straight in full hard rock mode, noodling away with actual bells and slow moving tension for 90 seconds before really kicking off. After all that time the opening lyrics shouldn't have any impact, but the lines "I'm a rolling thunder, powering rain, I'm coming on like a hurricane" are the perfect bridge between that ominous opening and the actual screeching to follow.<br />
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<b>5. Crowded House - Mean To Me</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lUQnY8aUYp0" width="560"></iframe><br />
Lucky the ARIA Hall of Fame committee got Crowded House in, because it would have been criminal to have to exclude this on international eligibility rules - even if it is about somebody going from America to New Zealand and having a shit time, with no discernible connection to Australia. The whole thing is brilliant, but the best bit is the cold opening where it just goes straight into the lyrics without any warm-up.<br />
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<b>4. The Saints - (I'm) Stranded (1976)</b><br />
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Never before has a singer sounded so bored in front of a wall of sound and it has come off so well. Given its lofty ranking this is obviously in no way a criticism, and in fact it makes the song so good. By the time I got around to hearing this practically everything had been done, but it must have blown the hats off people's heads when it came out. Meanwhile, you can't beat a music video where the singer has to finish his ciggy before stepping forward to the microphone.<br />
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<b>3. TISM - Life Kills (1990)</b></div>
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<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/sTrqVyW0Z5s" width="560"></iframe><br />
For enthusiasts only. An album track buried deep at the end of Hot Dogma, an album that the band hated the production on. It was so unpopular internally that they later pissed about with the running order and track listing for their box set album collection. I don't know why, it's always been my clear favourite. Especially this, which I first heard in the late 90s after going on a post-<i>Machiavelli and the Four Seasons</i> TISM back catalogue binge. For many years its lyrics guided my life philosophies, which is probably why I was so deadset on dying alone and childless until I was 30. The line 'life's just death made retrospective' still affects me in strange ways now.<br />
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<b>2. You Am I - Berlin Chair (1994)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/QRc6orRcb8A" width="560"></iframe><br />
<div>
The musical equivalent of a film that nobody watches in cinemas (it reached a grand #73 on the singles chart on release) but becomes appreciated as a classic years later. It's also a mainstay of these sorts of lists (though I bet Cory didn't rate it), and why not?<br />
<br />
The shaky legged bloke in a disco suit at the start of the video has become an icon (has he ever been tracked down for comment?) but even if it didn't sell squat on initial release there's a tragic gulf in class between the clip - seemingly shot in a high school gym with the basketball ring just out of shot - and the quality of clip. There is a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQOKF-sST8k" target="_blank">US version</a>, unfortunately it features some bullshit Beatles gimmick and a semi-interested Tim Rogers so shaky disco man comes out on top by default. Meanwhile, between the release of this song and the advent of mass-market internet how many people knew a Berlin Chair was a real thing?<br />
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</div>
<div>
<b>1. Cold Chisel - Choir Girl (1979)</b><br />
<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/uO4lvUHr-r0" width="560"></iframe><br />
The French bit in Saturday Night might by the prime evidence against Chisel being a purely bogan enterprise, but this is the exclamation mark on the last page of the brief. Don Walker set out to write a hit single about abortion and managed to slip it all the way to #14 on the singles charts, via airplay on two Sydney radio stations owned by the Catholic Church. Not until The Shamen got kids across the country singing "E's are good! E's are good!" would anyone pull off such a heist on the Australian listening audience.<br />
<br />
Once you know what the subject is there's no hiding it in the lyrics. In fact it's so blindingly obvious that it really must have been a simpler time if people didn't notice. But the lyrics are secondary - especially to the person who wrote the YouTube comment "this whole time I thought it was quiet girl" - to the production. From the piano at the start, to the backing vocals it all just hangs together perfectly.<br />
<br />
It's also hard not to enjoy the video, with Jimmy Barnes dressed like the pilot for Miami Vice, breaking into a broad grin when he delivers the serious line "one nurse to hold her", as Steve Prestwich plugs away on drums in a blue singlet like he's just ducked off from the wharf to participate. Later the video switches to the entire band singing in a defensive 2-2-1 formation, with Don Walker and Ian Moss at the back, Prestwich and Phil Small in the midfield and Barnesy leading the line as the target man up front.<br />
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There is not a finer Australian track, and in the spirit of this country's most cherished tradition I'll punch on to defend it.</div>
Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-63472373296102839602017-12-31T13:51:00.002+11:002022-07-10T13:13:30.551+10:002017 tweets of the year... ironically being announced for once on a completely different medium. It was the year Twitter lost its mind and doubled the character the limit, instantly turning it into the sort of tedious slog that you used Twitter to get away from. As such any tweet of longer than 140 was disqualified from contention.<br />
<br />
First, the ongoing achievement award to @Jizzlobberz for the animated GIF of the season. Dear Americans, I hate to be the one to say but you may have elected a terracotta fuckwit:<br />
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Me when it’s not considered #1 <a href="https://t.co/SFsCDiySDK">pic.twitter.com/SFsCDiySDK</a></div>
— ADK (@Jizzlobberz) <a href="https://twitter.com/Jizzlobberz/status/944532400377171968?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 23, 2017</a></blockquote>
<br />
And now the top 10:<br />
<br />
10. A tweet for all seasons<br />
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┓┏┓┏┓┃<br />
┛┗┛┗┛┃\○/<br />
┓┏┓┏┓┃ / <a href="https://twitter.com/melbournefc?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@melbournefc</a> <br />
┛┗┛┗┛┃ノ)<br />
┓┏┓┏┓┃ <br />
┛┗┛┗┛┃ <br />
┓┏┓┏┓┃ <br />
┛┗┛┗┛┃ <br />
┓┏┓┏┓┃<br />
┃┃┃┃┃┃<br />
┻┻┻┻┻┻</div>
— JHS (@JHS91_) <a href="https://twitter.com/JHS91_/status/901327596817756161?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 26, 2017</a></blockquote>
<br />
<script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>9. A sensible, sane and rational reaction to beating West Coast at Subiaco<br />
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Go on and boo and squeal you FUCKEN PIGS</div>
— #230,073,306 (@demondwayne) <a href="https://twitter.com/demondwayne/status/874140042196697088?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 12, 2017</a></blockquote>
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<script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br />
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8. The first of a surprise ham double</div>
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Ham Ramp <a href="https://t.co/ZckNxCOt2S">pic.twitter.com/ZckNxCOt2S</a></div>
— Sega CD Games (@SegaCDgames) <a href="https://twitter.com/SegaCDgames/status/917100120172351489?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 8, 2017</a></blockquote>
<br />
<script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>7. MISTER HAM MAN<br />
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">
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<a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/Crap90sAdvertisingHoardings?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#Crap90sAdvertisingHoardings</a> <br />
<br />
No. 1: Priestfield, 1998-99. <a href="https://t.co/XKmTphn6OA">pic.twitter.com/XKmTphn6OA</a></div>
— Crap 90s Football (@Crap90sFootball) <a href="https://twitter.com/Crap90sFootball/status/879104641363054593?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 25, 2017</a></blockquote>
<br />
<script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>6. A rare appearance from a celebrity. Bonus points for the moral outrage in the replies.<br />
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<div>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">
<div dir="ltr" lang="en">
Why is Matty Johns talking about individual sports? Didn't he like doing things in groups? 🤷🏽♂️😅🤔🙇🏽🤦🏽♂️</div>
— Nicholas Kyrgios (@NickKyrgios) <a href="https://twitter.com/NickKyrgios/status/918456565367230465?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 12, 2017</a></blockquote>
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<script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></div>
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5. Now see, did this need more characters? No, it's perfect as it is.</div>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">
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Shoutout to old m8 @ Mt Martha village who missed the bus, climbed a tree to hurl abuse at driver & promptly fell out of said tree <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/karmabus?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#karmabus</a></div>
— Steve Smith (@stevesmithffx) <a href="https://twitter.com/stevesmithffx/status/842272418420813824?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 16, 2017</a></blockquote>
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<script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></div>
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4. Enough said</div>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">
<div dir="ltr" lang="en">
Willing this win via super goals is bringing the game into disrepute. Shut the fuck up Dwayne you spastic.</div>
— Nicole (@pickle2401) <a href="https://twitter.com/pickle2401/status/832861892880142336?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 18, 2017</a></blockquote>
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<div>
<script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></div>
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3. The most watched Twitter video of the year</div>
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<div>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">
<div dir="ltr" lang="en">
This one is an under appreciated classic of the genre <a href="https://t.co/7vX1hY05Xw">pic.twitter.com/7vX1hY05Xw</a></div>
— jonnyforeigner (@j_foreigner) <a href="https://twitter.com/j_foreigner/status/896335194466140161?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 12, 2017</a></blockquote>
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<div>
<script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></div>
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<br /></div>
2. Pure genius<br />
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">
<div dir="ltr" lang="en">
IT'S ME AUSTIN! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG AUSTIN! <a href="https://t.co/XIhSmkUCzG">pic.twitter.com/XIhSmkUCzG</a></div>
— Ayden Cutajar (@AydenCutajar) <a href="https://twitter.com/AydenCutajar/status/898056096601919488?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 17, 2017</a></blockquote>
1. And once again, <a href="http://twitter.com/Super70sSports" target="_blank">@Super70sSports</a> captures the title. This time with a late breaking classic tweet. Thank you and goodnight twitterists.<br />
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">
<div dir="ltr" lang="en">
Pop Quiz: Joe Torre is A) Running a 103-degree fever; B) Getting blown; c) Getting blown while running a 103-degree fever <a href="https://t.co/CwiXXnyxBI">pic.twitter.com/CwiXXnyxBI</a></div>
— Super 70s Sports (@Super70sSports) <a href="https://twitter.com/Super70sSports/status/942234891252588544?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 17, 2017</a></blockquote>
<script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>
Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-68174115457184389852017-11-30T21:58:00.000+11:002017-11-30T21:58:36.977+11:00Revisiting the David Lee Roth Medal (2005-2014)<div>
If like me you suspect you're on all sorts of spectrums (and unlike Don Burke have not used this as an excuse for rogue touching), you'll appreciate the joy of making lists. Give me the topic, let's rank shit. </div>
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From 2005 to 2014 I enjoyed a decade long interest in discovering new music, before realising that there's so much quality old stuff I've never heard that it makes no sense to wade through the slop to try and find the gold. This has no doubt caused me to miss hundreds of solid gold classics, but stiff shit me.</div>
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Anyway, at this time of the year when the DLR Medal was traditionally handed out I thought it worthy to review each countdown and see where we went wrong, and where god help us all I got it right.</div>
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<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com.au/2005/12/additional.html" target="_blank">2005</a> (top 30)</div>
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1. Kaiser Chiefs - I Predict A Riot</div>
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2. Maximo Park - Apply Some Pressure</div>
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3. Goldfrapp - Ooh La La</div>
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4. The Killers - Somebody Told Me</div>
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5. Bloc Party - Helicopter</div>
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What the top five looks like now: Solid - and heavily influenced by a trip to England that year. Goldfrapp's gone far too high here, and while there was early support for The Killers it was hardly the start of a beautiful friendship because I quite seriously never heard anyone sing Mr. Brightside except in a pub until Grand Final Day. The rest of the countdown falls off a cliff not long after though...</div>
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<div>
Top five today (selected only from the songs in the countdown, bad luck if I discovered a belter later):</div>
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<div>
1. The Killers - Somebody Told Me (originally #4)</div>
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2. Maximo Park - Apply Some Pressure (#2)</div>
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3. Kaiser Chiefs - I Predict A Riot (#1)</div>
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4. Gwen Stefani - What You Waiting For (#17)</div>
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5. Bloc Party - Two More Years (#10)</div>
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<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com.au/2006/12/night-of-nights.html" target="_blank">2006</a> (top 30)</div>
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1. The Young Knives - Here Comes The Rumor Mill</div>
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2. Giant Drag - This Isn’t It</div>
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3. Silvia Night - Congratulations</div>
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4. Lily Allen - LDN</div>
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5. Joey Negro - Make A Move On Me</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
What the top five looks like now: All winners. The #1 stands up as a solid track even if the band went south immediately after. Silvia Night still the unluckiest artist ever in Eurovision history, and added the phrase "congratulations, I have arrived", and while the shine rapidly went off Lily Allen her first album had all the good songs.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Top five today:</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
1. The Young Knives - Here Comes The Rumor Mill (#1)</div>
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2. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Gold Lion (#11)</div>
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3. Silvia Night - Congratulations (#3)</div>
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4. Joey Negro - Make A Move On Me (#5)</div>
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5. Giant Drag - This Isn't It (#2)</div>
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<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2007/12/glittering-prize.html" target="_blank">2007</a> (top 100)</div>
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1. The Hold Steady - Chips Ahoy!</div>
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2. New Young Pony Club - Ice Cream</div>
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3. The Teenagers - Homecoming</div>
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4. Arctic Monkeys - Fluorescent Adolescent</div>
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5. Jack Penate - Spit At Stars</div>
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What the top five looks like now: Up and down - a year when I went absolutely boffo and forced a top 100 and now don't remember about 60 tracks. 10 years later that Teenagers song isn't nearly as funny, the Arctic Monkeys track would have been forgotten by January 1 and what's a Jack Penate? (though that is still a decent song). There's some really good stuff from 30 down though. And a lot of shite.</div>
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<br /></div>
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P.S - The artist called Santogold in the top 100 is sadly not <a href="https://youtu.be/6ds8yQmJrb4?t=20" target="_blank">this guy</a>. I've got no idea who they are in retrospect.</div>
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<div>
Top five today:</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
1. New Young Pony Club - Ice Cream (#2)</div>
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2. The Hold Steady - Chips Ahoy! (#1)</div>
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3. Smashing Pumpkins - Doomsday Clock (#28)</div>
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4. The Cribs - Men's Needs (#6)</div>
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5. CSS - Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex (#12)</div>
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<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2008/12/tsps-top-50-of-2008.html" target="_blank">2008</a> (top 50)</div>
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1. Lethal Bizzle - The Come Up</div>
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2. Neon Neon - Luxury Pool</div>
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3. MGMT - Electric Feel</div>
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4. Empire Of The Sun - Walking On A Dream</div>
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5. Fryars - Olive Eyes</div>
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What the top five looks like now: Solid as a rock - that Empire of the Sun track hasn't aged well but the rest are all worth listening to again. Back to a top 50, and for the first time links to YouTube clips.</div>
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<div>
Top five today:</div>
</div>
<div>
1. Lethal Bizzle - The Come Up (#1)</div>
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2. Neon Neon - Luxury Pool (#2)</div>
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3. Jaguar Love - The Man With The Plastic Suns (#38)</div>
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4. MGMT - Electric Feel (#3)</div>
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5. Black Kids - Look At Me (When I Rock Witchoo)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2009/12/tsps-top-50-of-2009.html" target="_blank">2009</a> (top 50)</div>
<div>
1. N.A.S.A - Spacious Thoughts (featuring Tom Waits and Kool Keith)</div>
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2. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Heads Will Roll</div>
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3. Boy Crisis - The Fountain of Youth</div>
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4. Bat For Lashes - Daniel</div>
<div>
5. Low Fidelity All Stars - The Good Times</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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<div>
What the top five looks like now: Diabolical - the first two were good, #3 was ok, the other two wouldn't have cracked the top 20 in 2008.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Top five today:</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
1. The Virgins - Teen Lovers (#14)</div>
<div>
<div>
2. N.A.S.A - Spacious Thoughts (featuring Tom Waits and Kool Keith) (#1)</div>
<div>
3. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Heads Will Roll (#2)</div>
</div>
<div>
4. Deadmau5 featuring Rob Swire - Ghosts 'n Stuff (#6)</div>
<div>
5. Cerys Matthews - Arlington Way (#10)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2010/12/tsps-top-50-tracks-of-2010.html" target="_blank">2010</a> (top 50)</div>
<div>
1. My Chemical Romance - Bulletproof Heart</div>
<div>
2. Goldfrapp - Rocket</div>
<div>
3. Lena - Satellite</div>
<div>
4. Keane - Stop For A Minute (featuring K'naan)</div>
<div>
5. Paul Heaton - Even A Palm Tree</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div>
What the top five looks like now: Average, but not because of the #1. Go fuck yourself, that was a modern power ballad masterstroke. Meanwhile Lena endures to this day. I'm sure Eurovision brings up some more golden songs these days, but since they turned it into a three day endurance event I've lost interest. It's all another appearance for Goldfrapp - who I think had more entries in the history of the DLR than anyone, and would probably win Eurovision - appears again, and this time she was only moderately overrated. Not much for music fans in the rest of the countdown though.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Top five today:</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
1. Arcade Fire - Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains) (#9)</div>
<div>
2. Lena - Satellite (#2)</div>
<div>
3. My Chemical Romance - Bulletproof Heart (#1)</div>
<div>
4. Goldfrapp - Rocker (#2)</div>
<div>
5. Keane - Stop For A Minute (featuring K'naan) (#4)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2011/12/tsps-top-50-of-2011.html" target="_blank">2011</a> (top 50)</div>
<div>
1. REM - Discoverer</div>
<div>
2. MEN - Credit Card Babies (Stereogamous Remix)</div>
<div>
3. The Strokes - Taken For A Fool</div>
<div>
4. Dutch Uncles - The Ink</div>
<div>
5. Calvin Harris and Kelis - Bounce</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div>
What the top five looks like now: Average - but believe me it's better than about 40 of the other 50 songs in the countdown. A disastrous year, and the point where I started flagging in the quest to discover new tracks. I'd forgotten that Calvin Harris track existed until now, so even though I've listened again and it is modern pop gold I can't honestly keep it in the updated top five.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Top five today:</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
1. The Strokes - Taken For A Fool (#3)</div>
<div>
2. Luke Haines - Inside The Restless Mind of Rollerball Rocco (#9)</div>
<div>
3. REM - Discoverer (#1)</div>
<div>
4. MEN - Credit Card Babies (Stereogamous Remix) (#2)</div>
<div>
5. Justice - Civilization (#14)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/tsps-top-of-50-of-2012.html" target="_blank">2012</a> (top 50)</div>
<div>
1. Loreen - Euphoria</div>
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2. Escort - Cocaine Blues</div>
<div>
3. Plan B - Deepest Shame</div>
<div>
4. Jim Noir - Ping Pong Time Tennis</div>
<div>
5. Elton John vs PNAU - Icy Black Stare</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div>
What the top five looks like now: Solid - all worth listening to again, and headed by the greatest Eurovision track ever and one of the great pop songs of the 21st century.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Top five today:</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
1. Loreen - Euphoria (#1)</div>
<div>
2. Bobby Womack - Stupid (#10)</div>
<div>
3. Escort - Cocaine Blues (#2)</div>
<div>
4. Haim - Don't Save Me (#9)</div>
<div>
5. Elton John vs PNAU - Icy Black Stare (#5)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com.au/2013/12/tsps-top-50-of-2013.html" target="_blank">2013</a> (top 50)</div>
<div>
1. Franz Ferdinand - Right Action</div>
<div>
2. Daft Punk - Get Lucky</div>
<div>
3. Daft Punk - Lose Yourself To Dance</div>
<div>
4. Arcade Fire - Reflektor</div>
<div>
5. Cold War Kids - Jailbirds</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div>
What the top five looks like now: Reasonably good - I've got NFI what that Arcade Fire song is now, and it's odd to have two tracks from the same artist in one top five but how could you argue with Daft Punk in 2013? I sorely underestimated that Cold War Kids song, they have never done anything I like but this otherwise throwaway album track is magic and makes me strangely emotional every time I hear it.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Top five today:</div>
</div>
<div>
1. Cold War Kids - Jailbirds (#5)</div>
<div>
2. Neon Neon - The Jaguar (#7)</div>
<div>
3. Franz Ferdinand - Right Action (#1)</div>
<div>
4. Daft Punk - Get Lucky (#2)</div>
<div>
5. Daft Punk - Lose Yourself To Dance (#3)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com.au/2015/01/glittering-prize-x-tsps-top-35-of-2014.html" target="_blank">2014</a> (top 35)</div>
<div>
1. Jungle - Busy Earnin'</div>
<div>
2. Syn Cole - Miami 82 (Vocal Mix)</div>
<div>
3. Future Islands - Seasons (Waiting On You)</div>
<div>
4. Graham Parker and the Rumour - Stop Crying About The Rain</div>
<div>
5. Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds - In The Heat Of The Moment</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What the top five looks like now: A cry for help - what's that Noel Gallagher slop? No wonder I was so disillusioned with new tracks that I could only find 35 to choose from. It was a horrible year for it, hence why I gave up. Wait until you see what I replaced Noel with...</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Top five today:</div>
<div>
<div>
1. Jungle - Busy Earnin' (#1)</div>
<div>
2. Syn Cole - Miami 82 (Vocal Mix) (#2)</div>
<div>
3. Future Islands - Seasons (Waiting On You) (#3)</div>
</div>
<div>
4. Graham Parker and the Rumour - Stop Crying About The Rain (#4)</div>
<div>
5. Taylor Swift - Shake It Off (#8)</div>
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<br /></div>
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And that's it. See you in 2018 for a top 0.</div>
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Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-71030488670366964722017-01-10T16:13:00.000+11:002022-07-10T13:13:40.346+10:00TSP's top 10 tennis playersFrom Christmas until just after the Australia Day fireworks give somebody the shits in the middle of their service it's time to pay close attention to a sport that we give chuff all to the other 46 weeks a year.<br />
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I could have been a tennis player, if not for the fact that I was completely shit at it. Like cricket where trying to hit every single ball for six always seemed to backfire I just wasn't made for a sport where concentration and precision was required - and wasn't going to practise a killer serve to compensate. Roped into playing some rock bottom level of junior competition I was roughly 0-20 in singles and 1-19 in doubles over two seasons - and even the doubles win was because my partner did all the work.<br />
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Eventually on a morning where health and safety regulations hadn't yet been invented we were told to keep playing in 40 degree temperatures at 10am, and finally realising that wasn't going to be the sport for me I smashed my racquet around the net pole and walked off. Surely no 15-year-old has ever enjoyed a better exit to their sporting dreams. If you double those two fruitless seasons with my competition table tennis career 15 years later my overall singles record was about 2-50. It's enough to give you a complex.<br />
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So hail then to these legends of the court, who controlled themselves long enough to win a motza in prize money.<br />
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<b>Apologies: </b>Michael Chang for the underarm serves in that French Open, Yannick Noah for the hair, to all of Jaime Yzaga, Anna Smashnova and Ludmilla Richterova for their names, Firey Fred Stolle for the commentary and to Pam Shriver for her epic acting in an 80s Kraft Singles ad that has regrettably been removed from YouTube.<br />
<b><br /></b><b>Contemporary female winner: Andrea Petkovic</b><br />
Basically these days grit and success won't do, it's a case of give me gimmicks or GTFO.<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/xtLc528KK-E" width="560"></iframe><br />
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<b>Honourable mention: Damir Dokic</b><br />
Not a player, but what a titanic figure in the early 90s. Did lots of suspect things and cracked the shits over the quality of catering at Flushing Meadow but he provided a proper villain for the world to rally around - and tennis has rarely been more exciting. At least appearing on this list doesn't earn him a sweet pay day, unlike say Kia making him the face of their ads. For all the good 'social media' has provided us (e.g. the chance to instantly comment on how shit ads are) it also means the fear of backlash will stop companies from ever appointing such a wacky spokesman ever again.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/9xiBuxyGfps" width="560"></iframe><br />
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<b>10. Nick Kyrgios</b><br />
<img border="0" height="207" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5rqEmZkRwOyGLShompZ-FqfGizzuu0Oe9zsNmIvmSr4wX5iVgoZlazoHciWzTjqJCHfpWBcTtQCP_r6_vCqW0mcQ4pD5IJuzJW_hcJfvn0HCm6Seh_w2U8C6oDhDJP6LgdKkN0tI4f5lA/s400/kok.jpg" width="400" />
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Speaking of villains I was initially aghast at this guy's over the top behaviour and tantrums. Then I realised that he's not playing the tour to represent Australia and that it matters not a jot to me whether his natural talent is "wasted" or not and started to enjoy his provocative gimmick. Let's stop carrying on like we're the All England Club and are trying to protect the sanctity of tennis, his on and off tag team with Bernard Tomic has been the only thing keeping up interest in this sport outside of December. We should embrace it.<br />
<br />
If you were writing it as a wrestling storyline (and if you think about everything that happens in the world like a sports entertainment angle your life will be enhanced) he'd have a bust up with Tomic and agree to become Lleyton Hewitt's protege. For a while things would be nice, and Bernie would seen as the bad guy while people gushed over Nick's reformation under Lleyton's wing. Then they'd both be picked for a Davis Cup tie, the other members of the team would be injured during the weekend and force them to play doubles together. Then just before the match starts they'd have a tense 'strategy' session with the coach which would lead to them both turning on him, wrapping a racquet in a flag before smashing it and walking off laughing as Australia loses by default to the Central African Republic. This inspires Hewitt to launch a comeback, and after a few months of vigorous training and taunting from the dynamic duo they play the greatest exhibition match since Bobby Riggs vs Billie Jean King in the middle of the MCG in front of 100,000 people.<br />
<br />
Or he could just go to a sports psychologist and emerge dancing down the street like a Hare Krishna. But if he does he won't still be on this list in a year.<br />
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<b>9. Petr Korda</b><br />
<img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgppBpBydcxqBoZKZPEm_QFIZMX-b6K5kToNNz1Mh3B8JdDmD-JNeADRBKMdfiD8aY2FLWns7Yxs9e2Ljp1IM63j47-1SDOJNwlVVG2c10aSYV0Nosw0dAOAUp1Fu5dIBLiyzb3IoukEAx3/s320/korda.jpg" width="320" />
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As a thin, weedy, pale child there was something thrilling about watching a man of similar stature (but with the added bonus of being fit and healthy) make millions of dollars as a sportsman. There was also an element of this to Wayne Ferreria and Wayne Arthurs as well, but at least both of them looked healthy - this guy appeared as if he was battling malaria.<br />
<br />
It was even more impressive that he'd do well in Australia given that he a) looked likely to die at any minute and b) would often wear one of those hats with a flap at the back that's mandatory for primary school children. If you believe Marcelo Rios he may have <a href="http://www.smh.com.au/sport/tennis/marcelo-rios-wants-petr-korda-checked-for-doping-in-1998-australian-open-final-20150305-13wvgl.html" target="_blank">had some assistance</a> in battling through the oppressive January heat.<br />
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<b>8. Patty Schnyder</b><br />
<img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp3OSsxdgw3w73ZrdbTnYo-ymI46GXLxfU_F5fWOaAorxl7GDtgT-UH175G7xaNfAeq-FMGS1jyv-7PpZogxoTLUxzp7CUaR4DxPaGvbVucBwG-Cfcu9vuG7We9nM9qJmbNWBdA41p_Wyk/s400/Patty_Schnyder_at_the_2008_French_Open_3.jpg" width="400" />
<b><br /></b>
I was a big fan of her large, charismatic hair and she fit right into my world view of players who might make the semi final of the French Open but would need their opponent to die on court if they were any chance of going further.<br />
<br />
She was also quite angry, cracking the shits in an email to the WTA Tour comparing the list of players given preferential treatment despite being outside the top 20 to handing wildcards to <a href="https://thetennisisland.com/2012/12/27/throwback-thursday-whatever-happened-to-patty-schnyder/" target="_blank">Michael Jackson and Donald Duck</a> (neither of whom we think would have qualified for the women's tour, especially Donald and his controversial views on the wearing of pants). A further blowup came when she <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k71ezy5CC4k" target="_blank">refused to shake</a> Conchita Martinez's hand, and when asked about it in the press conference said:<br />
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<i>I just wanted to look at her. I just wanted to stare into her eyes what I wanted to say to her and so I have to have the hand before and then I took it away.</i><br />
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What a legend. No wonder she was so angry, an 'alternative medicine practioner' who she'd fallen in love with convinced her to turn vegan and drink three litres of orange juice a day. Her parents later hired a private detective who specialised in deprogramming cult members to rescue him from Dr. Tennis. This worked so well that he not only rescued her but took his place - presumably with less orange juice. In 2011 the pair was reported to be 400,000 Euros in debt and they split in 2013 but at least she'll always her spot on this list.<br />
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<b>7. Mats Wilander</b><br />
<img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig2cttBSMsggmN9dqoszO-yJ6-bkBqmKBQhJAehEZoK4MxzgiWoGJv3wnLVUf8F4Y2f7UUr4RN9DJJZIAkHJu8UBu4gS161cUQGxijmrw9bQ-sbQ6Y8Yzd7n3RXORz4QTkfXHpdsP2FdOq/s320/matswilander_crop_340x234.jpg" width="320" />
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First rose to world prominence by winning the 1982 French Open as an unseeded 18-year-old but didn't mean much to Australia until the Open moved to Flinders Park and the good players started to arrive. I first took interest in the sport in 1988, and my peak viewing years of Seven's Summer of Tennis (+ the Hopman Cup) coincided with his greatest successes on these shores. Many were distressed when he eclipsed Pat Cash 8-6 in the fifth set to win the championship, I said the best man won.<br />
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Even when I was that young he just looked like the kind of guy you'd like to hang out with. Compared to the more conservative, some may say boring Stefan Edberg, he was the rock and roll option in Swedish tennis just as their fans were riding the crest of a gigantic wave of public acclaim. Nothing says tennis in my youth more than Mats, a Ford sponsor sign and the sea green court that inspired Fremantle's 1995 playing strip.<br />
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In 1995 it was revealed that there were many splendid reasons to knock about with Mats as an adult, as he tested positive for cocaine. He had to return $290,000 worth of prize money after being busted, which makes it some of the most expensive gear ever consumed.<br />
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<b>7. Boris Becker</b><br />
<img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0POJnQUZ67zvNR9PauIjUPk9KP0qPBZKec-qfMJ5NwWfn8XhvBh6cCZt4tLjAi-oRM7alHxjCaURBw6xHCSnqgmagtushHOyJoR6XY9p-gmBugAUOmywl_2rg4TNTyATOFdVL5m7b9C7_/s320/becker.jpg" width="320" />
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Not only was he so elated at winning the 1991 Australian Open that he <a href="https://youtu.be/7jrZNNbTRio?t=404" target="_blank">dashed straight through the carpark</a> and on to Batman Avenue (risking being run over by the Route 70 tram in its pre-Citylink incarnation) before leaping in the Yarra, but years later found further fame by shagging a waitress <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2003/nov/04/books.sport" target="_blank">in a broom closet</a>. He later described the session as "just poom-bah-boom", but his luck ran out shortly after the boom and nine months later he found out by fax that there was a Boris Junior on the way. Now an email would drop and you'd know you were in trouble immediately, but imagine the look on BB's face as that piece of paper slowly made its way out of the machine while that awful clingy clangy telephone sound was adding to the confusion.<br />
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That was all good fun, but this is the real reason he's cracked the top 10. Welcome to the madhouse Boris. To top it all off he went to a game and we lost to the bottom placed side *thumbs up*.<br />
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">
<div dir="ltr" lang="en">
Watching the football <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/afcwimbledon?src=hash">#afcwimbledon</a> v <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/Liverpool?src=hash">#Liverpool</a> ....finally found my hometown club !!! <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/LetsGoWimbledon?src=hash">#LetsGoWimbledon</a></div>
— Boris Becker (@TheBorisBecker) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheBorisBecker/status/552208047956033536">January 5, 2015</a></blockquote>
<b>5. Gigi Fernandez and Natasha Zvereva</b><br />
<img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEEaJ9HaHeN8f968jNdV8JYNuHMkGNw7K_SIaws6dD8cBswgsN67lXI9_EUh8KF5z53wexC2pJLV_0FUxd7jQlUCDwkCTKEpJK8HYD6NX6W5GnNNfB1HkjwpSu9L8no_deBAhmkxRsdLIF/s320/zvereva.jpg" width="320" />
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This has nothing - I repeat nothing - to do with the time Zvereva celebrated victory at the Australian Open by flashing her bra to the crowd. They just seemed like an effortlessly cool combination, with Gigi playing the straight woman (as it were) to the Belarussian's wildcard antics as they pocketed 12 Grand Slam titles between 1992 and 1997. Both won slam doubles titles with other partners, but I can only induct them as a team.<br />
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Post-Gigi there was more in store for Natasha. Early in her career she narrowly kept Australia's own Nicole Provis out of a French Open final before losing 6-0, 6-0 to Steffi Graf in 34 minutes - and at the end she teamed with the significantly less interesting Anna Kournakova in a losing effort against the Williams sisters before sticking her arms in the air and flipping the crowd off.<br />
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<b>4. Martina Hingis</b><br />
<img border="0" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEkKJsoYebRf3B4XpB4FNe-xCKBfI3EjvyX6B4jct0MtSTDKpl7U3Kj-KIp76ozTJuwJhTgK_umVBk2FQSZZXlqYyzTkEB3wiJhEj3UUn_xQhSxYQGZqyYKSJpgc0dme7lFq-9aMUKPO-q/s320/hingis.jpg" width="320" />
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A quick look through my sporting history shows that I'm unlikely to pick a winner. Of the many and varied teams that I follow the only major titles I've ever seen are the 1995 World Series and 2005 NRL. I expected that something exciting would happen in 2015, but no.<br />
<br />
I'm not going to start claiming grand slam tennis tournaments in my collection but here's a success story I was backing right from the start. And let's not turn this into a "boo, sexism" incident where reporters are camping in my front yard but it had chuff all to do with tennis, and everything to do with being a horny 14-year-old who was madly in love. I managed to see her Grand Slam debut win against some jabroni called Jolene Watanabe, pretending to my mum that I wanted to watch for sporting reasons. Not long after she was off to centre court and off went any chance of her cracking onto some slightly younger munter from the crowd in glasses Elton John would have turned back for being too flamboyant.<br />
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What a low moment it was in my household when Switzerland were eliminated from the 1996 Hopman Cup after Marc Rosset broke his hand punching the wall. I may have cracked the shits and thrown things. By the time she started winning tournaments left, right and centre I was over tennis and onto silent teenage misery. Somehow I managed to miss the Grand Slam doubles tournament where she won in partnership with the aforementioned Natasha Zvereva, which was practically my dream combination.<br />
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In later years she turned out to be quite the party animal, becoming the third person on this list to have been nabbed for doping violations and the second who was alleged to have racked mad lines of coke. Also it seems that I may <a href="http://www.standard.co.uk/news/celebritynews/tennis-star-martina-hingis-is-a-serial-adulterer-claims-estranged-husband-8702619.html" target="_blank">still be a chance</a>.<br />
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<b>3. Thomas Muster</b><br />
<img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2oaFIqW3C8cXqBSzKzK-KIO9jwBDdk_2422uDZI5Q7QXIHiKuEUeTduBH_5IWpezAf4XnraBjMAJX55vhUghI4gMe0-yFctuZmaK3XYwwLgKixErqLxWDNwoGg_YO_uY-lQrqgsPjJFr3/s320/thomas+muster.jpg" width="320" /><br />
Not only did he look like the tracksuit wearing villain in a tennis themed <i>Die Hard </i>movie, but the resume of my all-time second favourite male player speaks for itself:<br />
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- First Austrian to qualify for the ATP top 10<br />
- Had to default a final in 1989 due to being run over by a pisswreck motorist shortly after the semi final<br />
- Made a comeback courtesy of a special chair designed to let him keep practising while crocked<br />
- Recovered to forge a grand career kicking the shit out of people on clay courts across the world<br />
- Won the 1995 French Open<br />
- Reached #1 in the world seven years after being run over<br />
- Bonked the host of <i>Australia's Funniest Home Videos</i><br />
<i>- </i>Made a surprise comeback aged 43 and reached #847 in the world.<br />
<br />
<b>2. Gustavo Kuerten</b><br />
<img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijJ__Oo1rvIWZAi7x_RgfYYQluHrUFG90AbKzyZ5nO-X2WjhCWgKLH0lPLBsTXOuFn7y5tU0CDC3H4snwxDO5CnEQP8A3albXGlLATLEN4fUn06RDU1KIillwZCwAsxAqE4s0KPxPOlWNT/s320/kuerten.jpg" width="320" />
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How I wanted to be this guy in the mid to late 90s and early 2000s. The lady friendly looks, the zany outfits and a hometown called Florianopolis which could be the biggest shithole in South America for all I know but always sounded like the sort of place a Brazilian version of Batman would live.<br />
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The French Open of the 1990s was great for random winners that you never otherwise heard of, and Guga's surprise run to the title while ranked 66th in the world in 1997 fired my imagination. Like the obscure victories of Andres Gomez and Sergei Bruguera before him the victory went unnoticed by most clay-phobic Australian fans (too many troubling memories of having to drag that device around the court at the end of every set while playing on that shithouse fake clay stuff they love here?), but I was in an era where I'd stay up all night watching any old shit then wonder why I was no good at school so I was right across it courtesy of Channel 9. Fred Stolle was definitely involved, Ken Sutcliffe may have been as well.<br />
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He was never any good in Australia - never getting past the third round - and was only a quarter finalist elsewhere but on clay he was king. In my dreams there's a French Open final where he plays Muster at their peak.<br />
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<b>1. Brenda Schultz</b><br />
<img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJYVrGZPQvhaNvfRktzL7Eq4lOoBhaXVYZz6SsiaWHcKhZdI44P6Iwrh4iS7SA9QcU_DkT-4IF_sl60brRGM2bhAPmR5SQup42r4quwE_RVyDEqbCkGi7EoWpF8a96B1-cO7o3NCfHGmPt/s400/Brenda-Schultz-McCarthy-Feet-1764541.jpg" width="400" />
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The late 80s were a great time to discover sports, and just as I got into following Melbourne I also discovered another mid-range contender who often threatened great things before winning fuck all. There's nothing on record to explain why I had such a fascination with Holland's #1 sporting export. It certainly wasn't for the same reasons as the person who uploaded the above photo to Wikifeet (!) as <i>Brenda-Schultz-McCarthy-Feet-1764541.jpg</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
I think what attracted me to her (in a sporting sense you foot worshipping perve) was that in an era before Venus and Serena showed up and started blasting everyone off the court with power Brenda was the biggest server on the women's tour. It was most likely the 1989 season where she made the final in Brisbane and the fourth round of the Australian Open that hooked me in. There was little reward, she never won anything on our shores and seemed to hold out for a tournament in Quebec City where she won twice and played in the final once.<br />
<br />
As with most sporting choices in my life there was an element of the underdog about it. If you decided your favourite players were Steffi Graf and Ivan Lendl they'd be on TV every 10 seconds, if you were in the Brenda Schultz fan club there was genuine glee when she'd randomly show up - usually being beaten senseless by a top seed but that was enough. Patty Fendick and Amanda Coetzer fans must have felt the same way.<br />
<br />
My childhood memories of summer mostly revolve around being in this weird religious compound my grandmother would spend her days at where I'd first watch Open All Hours on Channel 7 and then whatever tennis tournament was on. What a rush you'd get when your favourite obscure players came on, and BS (later BSM after adding -McCarthy in a Dianne Fromholtz-Ballestrat style hyphenation by marriage) was my favourite.<br />
<br />Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-19574221267142965142017-01-07T11:30:00.004+11:002022-07-16T21:06:53.443+10:00Weird sports shit you don't see enough ofFor all the time we waste watching sports, it eventually becomes so tedious and normal that you just want something insane, stupid or unusual to happen. Here's to odd scenarios continuing to surprise us.<br />
<div>
<br />
<b>Outfield players in goal</b><br />
The ultimate, now sadly ruined by the era of having an extra keeper on the bench. These days you really have to be unlucky and lose two goalies before some poor untrained bastard is given the gloves and ordered to try and keep the damage down as best possible.<br />
<br />
Given that Ipswich Town once lost 9-0 at Old Trafford I'd say Vinnie Jones did surprisingly well to keep the damage to six on this day. I feel an affinity with his performance, because he's going about it exactly how I used to when our idiotic indoor soccer goalkeeper failed to turn up. Any shot at the legs or head high was dealt with well, but due to total lack of understanding about positioning all you had to do was aim your shot at my torso and I'd either go to water and let it in or unconvincingly parry into an oncoming player who'd gleefully smash it home.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/YqqZlRJRPlk" width="560"></iframe><br />
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<b>Wicketkeepers bowling</b><br />
As the #1 ticketholder of the <a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2013/12/tsps-obscure-moments-in-sport-1.html" target="_blank">Tim Zoehrer Fan Club</a> it comes as no surprise that this would tickle my fancy. The added bonus is that you not only do you get an odd player rolling the arm over, but also its closely related cousin the unqualified wicketkeeper. What a tragedy it was when Matthew Wade had to go off the other day and the Australians had another keeper in the XI who could replace him. Speaking of Matthew Wade, here he is doing his best Tim Zoehrer impersonation.<br />
<br />
Stay tuned until around the two minute mark when you can hear Chappelli say "that's bollocks, no way" in the background. Which will just have to make do until he can find a video of the time he was caught saying "fuck" live on air.<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/z8kxSEmP0A0" width="560"></iframe><br />
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<b>Fat men throwing touchdown passes</b><br />
Usually the heavier the player the funnier the highlight is no matter what the sport, but what really brings this 346 pound man's successful throw to life is the dainty way he just rolls it over the top. And what's with the weird mascot that walks on to celebrate at the end? The team is the Chiefs and it looks like an alien.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/fb3LieQCadI" width="560"></iframe><br />
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<b>Trying to exploit unusual and forgotten rules for a score</b><br />
Speaking of American Football, there is a little used '<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fair_catch_kick" target="_blank">free kick</a>' rule where if you catch a kick you can have a free ping at a field goal without being troubled by the opposition. Nobody's landed one since 1976 but it hasn't stopped a few visionaries from trying in the dying seconds of a half.<br />
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Here's one from 1980, because clearly everyone who has uploaded footage of one since then is so scared of the NFL suing them that they only show the kick and not the lead up. Drink it in. Obviously I've already given away that he misses, but hooray for the novelty. Listen carefully for somebody's 'disappointed' reaction in the background after it's flubbed.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2oQ4NEhWVUE" width="560"></iframe><br />
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For an added bonus see players <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3EaLfpZjaw" target="_blank">drop-kicking the conversion</a> for a laugh, and a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jp4TeP4rw0s" target="_blank">one point safety</a> that the commentators provide no regard for until it's called.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Defenders kicking goals</b><br />
Admittedly it was an end of season game so free of spark that at one point North Melbourne fans spent five minutes booing the wrong player, but after 60 games without a goal here's Tom McDonald kicking two in as many minutes. The historical significance was so great (for me anyway) that chippy North fans tried to start an argument about it. I'd suffered enough that their no viewers were irrelevant.<br />
<br />
It's what we want, players who you would never consider as attacking threats going forward and kicking a crucial goal. This was hardly Neil Crompton in the 1964 Grand Final but I liked it. See also the day full back of the century Stephen Silvagni <a href="http://afltables.com/afl/stats/games/1993/030619930717.html" target="_blank">plundered Fitzroy</a> for 10.6.<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/slrbXJaHAW8" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
<b>Players scoring directly from a corner </b><br />
There's nothing like the joy/agony of the ball whipping in and somehow finding its way into the net. Untouched is preferable, but we'll take a cheap deflection as long as it means the iconic vision of a keeper trying to pin the blame on his defenders by holding his hands in the air like it's anyone's fault but his.<br />
<br />
When the long-suffering Australian national team took out 30 years of frustration by battering a bunch of hapless amateurs from American Samoa, they party started with a goal from a corner and ended in a demonstration of what a great soccering power we were. Unfortunately when it came to playing competent, professional teams we weren't much chop. Which makes beating the snot out of American Samoa look a bit less impressive eh?<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/1wg9ox9F7Vw" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
<b>Commentators cracking the shits</b><br />
These days commentator 'controversy' is reduced to whatever stupid shit Brian Taylor has just said, but back in the day of REAL COMMENTATORS people who carried enough weight and respect could do a quick editorial and you didn't want to climb through the TV and throttle them.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/mIL6KZox6Ao" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
<b>'At him' goals</b><br />
Is there anything more painful than a keeper dandily messing about with the ball at his feet instead of either picking it up or thumping it as far down the ground as possible? No there is not. Unfortunately I can't find a video of the prime example of what I'm looking for, so instead here's Colombia's eccentric netminder Rene Higuita trying to execute a fancy turn in midfield during the 1990 World Cup and quite frankly fucking it up.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LNI1ykzsJIc" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
<b>Goalkeepers scoring</b><br />
Any keeper will do, even if it's the old <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coO-OlTGW9s" target="_blank">Chilavert style</a> howitzer free kick from halfway, but for importance and reaction you'll do well to beat Jimmy Glass on the last day of the 1998/99 season. With Carlisle United dead and buried at the bottom of the football league the on-loan keeper decided to have a go up front.<br />
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Watch not just for Jimmy's goal, but for the poor bastard Scarborough fans who are pictured celebrating prematurely before we cut back to them looking like they're about to die in agony. It got worse, the whole club went tits up less than a decade later. If he ever visits Jimmy may wish to book his hotel room under a false name.<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/4HLqMcm_SGw" width="560"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b><b>Glass shattering dunks</b><br />
No explanation necessary due to the exciting visual when they shattered the backboard glass. Roll on the hundreds of kids who crippled themselves trying similarly rim shaking dunks in the mid 90s.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/hNWY-ljV91A" width="560"></iframe><br />
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<b>Boxers doing an elaborate pre-match dance ritual...</b><br />
... preferably before having their previously perfect record ruined by a journeyman battering them in the first round. I first saw this just before the 2007 Grand Final, and it was a great warm-up for what was about to happen to Port Adelaide.<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/hTTXSJiYiss" width="560"></iframe><br />
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<b>Spectacular crashes which end without injury</b><br />
Hooray for the safety of motor racing drivers, but people secretly deep down want to see a big stack and damn the consequences. So what better result than it ending with the car still (sort of) going in a straight line?<br />
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That's what we got when Christian Fittipaldi, the rather less successful member of the family, at the 1993 Italian Grand Prix. On the last lap his Minardi teammate Pierluigi Martini tried to shut the gate in a high profile battle for seventh (back when you only got points for six, good work mate) and chaos ensued. The location of the crash and the perfect landing meant they were both credited with finishing the race. No doubt words were exchanged in the garage afterwards.<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/XETRrZHvL4k" width="560"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b><b>Violent fighters walking out to incongruous theme songs</b><br />
I tried to get into UFC, but for every comedy knockout or an arm being torn from the socket there's 20 minutes of people rotating on the canvas. Give me the legalised rorts and pageantry of the pro wrestling game or GTFO.<br />
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The other reason I can't get excited to participate is that I missed the era where Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipović would trot out to Duran Duran shortly before kicking somebody's head off. Call me when somebody starts walking to the ring to <i>Afternoon Delight</i>.<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/IiqndckxCjk" width="560"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Unqualified players attempting the conversion</b><br />
Why in god's name is there no available footage of John Skandalis trying to land one at Balmain Oval in his last game for Wests Tigers (first stint) in 2006? He'd had a ping at one a few years earlier, but I wasn't there to see that live so it didn't count.<br />
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To make up for that oversight in the history of YouTube here's some British bloke having a similarly unusual bash from an obscure angle with surprising results. And is that the guy who calls the darts on commentary?<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ebuZv9HO-2g" width="560"></iframe><br />
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<b>Darts players having a bust-up</b><br />
... and speaking of darts you'd think that despite its pub origins any sport where the crowd is encouraged to come dressed as Postman Pat would enjoy an air of decorum. Alas no, there's so many angry dartists that somebody has helpfully done an 18 minute compilation of their great moments.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/0RspkB3SMKk" width="560"></iframe><br />
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<b>One day crowds acting the goat</b><br />
One day crowds in general really, but preferably the 80s/90s edition where the odd racist banner was off-set with some of the most entertaining civil disorder in the history of sports. Regrettably no evidence exists of the SCG crowd hurling a frozen chicken at Pat Symcox, so we'll have to settle for the iconic footage of Shane Warne being used as a human shield to try and stop the Melbourne crowd achieving a holy trinity of getting blind off smuggled alcohol, throwing shit in the air/on the field, being chucked out to the strains of "You're going home in the back of a divvy van".<br />
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Note Bill Lawry covering up for Victorians by suggesting the trouble is down to a 'small minority' when the entire bottom deck of a stand is participating. Isn't this what you went to ODIs for back then? Even when they played for a trophy that seemed to mean something when you were 12 the real thrill in going to these games was watching (and occasionally being drenched in) what went up with the wave. So a few people were covered in urine or had a bottle land on their head, there are worse things that could happen.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Hfev0na-gr8" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
We'd like your suggestions on other obscure happenings that you'd like to see more of. Send your suggestions on a postcard to:<br />
<br />
I LOVE WEIRD SHIT<br />
GPO Box 999 in your capital city.<br />
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-partner="tweetdeck">
<div dir="ltr" lang="en">
<a href="https://twitter.com/Supermercado99">@Supermercado99</a> would like to add hockey goalie goals, but more goalie fights dammit <a href="https://t.co/lzPn0aUmkL">https://t.co/lzPn0aUmkL</a></div>
— jonnyforeigner (@j_foreigner) <a href="https://twitter.com/j_foreigner/status/817532292130160640">January 7, 2017</a></blockquote>
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Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-81617196072561902722016-12-28T10:59:00.001+11:002022-07-16T21:25:41.205+10:00Confirming the obvious - 2016 a record year for celebrity deathsSo many well-known figures have toppled this year that as we approach December 31 people are almost willing to cark it for the narrative. But was 2016 <i>really </i>the worst year in living memory for famous people? As you may have gathered from the title of this post, yes.<br />
<br />
We worked with scientists from the Ponds Institute to scientifically rank the Celebrity Death Impact<b style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">™</b> of every year since 2000. By trawling the deaths section of Wikipedia's Year in Review pages we compiled the top 20 celebrity passings, assigned them a rating out of 10 based on their influence and gave 3, 5 or 7 shock points depending on whether the death was expected, plausible due to age/circumstances, or made us go "cor blimey, that's unusual".<br />
<br />
Sometimes (as you will no doubt quickly realise) it was a struggle to find 20, sometimes there were a dozen contenders for the last spot - so if your favourite didn't get a mention you can be comforted by knowing they wouldn't have changed the overall score.<br />
<br />
Your top 17 is as follows - and if there's any big names who I've missed please let me know and I'll reassess. Out of respect to the people involved we won't be revealing individual ratings. It should also be noted that not all the names considered were people that you'd necessarily want to keep alive, but who am I to tell you how to feel about Idi Amin?<br />
<br />
P.S - Complaints on an envelope to PO Box 999 in your capital city.<br />
<br />
<b><u>17th place - 2000</u></b><br />
<b>Influence: 62</b><br />
<b>Shock value: 72</b><br />
<b>Total: 134 points</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Deaths considered:</i> Hafeez Al-Assad, Steven Allen, Don Budge, Sir Robin Day, Ian Dury, Sir Alec Guinness, Screaming Jay Hawkins, Reginald Kray, Hedy Lamar, Tom Landry, Kristy MacColl, Walter Matthau, Sir Stanley Matthews, Charles Perkins, Tito Puente, Jason Robards, Charles M Schultz, Pierre Trudeau, Yokozuna, Emil Zatopek<br />
<br />
When I had to include a wrestler well known for using his incredible bulk to sit on people I knew this year was going to struggle. An overall lack of star power and shock value sees it finish at the bottom of the rankings by some considerable margin.<br />
<br />
<b><u>16th place - 2008</u></b><br />
<b>Influence: 61</b><br />
<b>Shock value: 68</b><br />
<b>Total: 139 points</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Deaths considered: </i>Cyd Charisse, Arthur C Clarke, Michael Crichton, Bo Diddley, Bobby Fischer, Estelle Getty, Jorge Haider, Isaac Hayes, Jesse Helmes, Charlton Heston, Sir Edmund Hillary, Eartha Kitt, Yves Saint Lauren, Heath Ledger, Bernie Mac, Paul Newman, Bettie Page, Sydney Pollack, Roy Schneider, Jorn Utzon<br />
<i><br /></i>
Despite significant top end talent like Heston, Hillary and Newman, a sheer lack of volume made this our equal lowest ranking year for influence - which is pretty obvious when the guy who designed the Sydney Opera House qualifies for the top 20.<br />
<br />
<b><u>15th place - 2006</u></b><br />
<b>Influence: 69</b><br />
<b>Shock value: 74</b><br />
<b>Total: 143 points</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Deaths considered: </i>Syd Barrett, PW Botha, Gerald Ford, Pierre Gemayel, Saddam Hussein, Steve Irwin, Don Knotts, Freddie Laker, Floyd Patterson, Wilson Pickett, Augusto Pinochet, Gene Pitney, Anna Politkovskaya, Billy Preston, John Profumo, Ferenc Puskas, Aaron Spelling, Clay Regazzoni, Alfredo Stroessner, Shelley Winters<br />
<br />
The top star power of Saddam Hussein, and the instance on dispatching him on December 30 instead of doing the Australian thing and skiving off until early January saved an otherwise weak year. Dual assassinations and a rogue stingray provided our highest shock points score so far, but all in all a slow season.<br />
<br />
<b><u>14th place - 2012</u></b><br />
<b>Influence: 67</b><br />
<b>Shock: 78</b><br />
<b>Total: 145 points</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Deaths considered: </i>Neil Armstrong, Ernest Borgnine, Ray Bradbury, Dick Clark, Michael Clarke Duncan, Hal David, Phyllis Diller, Nora Ephron, Robin Gibb, Andy Griffith, Larry Hagman, Whitney Houston, Sun Myung Moon, Patrick Moore, Murray Rose, Vidal Sassoon, Yitzhak Shamir, Donna Summer, Gore Vidal, Mike Wallace<br />
<br />
Even with a couple of influence headliners, 2012 still scored equal fifth lowest out of all years. Even with fewer complete surprises the overall figure held up due to a lot of mid-range scores.<br />
<br />
<b><u>13th place - 2010</u></b><br />
<b>Influence: 60</b><br />
<b>Shock: 96</b><br />
<b>Total: 156 points</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Deaths considered: </i>Captain Beefheart, Manute Bol, Stuart Cable, Gary Coleman, Tony Curtis, Ronnie James Dio, Eddie Fisher, Michael Foot, Alexander Haig, Corey Haim, Dennis Hopper, Lena Horne, Lech Kaczynski, Malcolm McLaren, Alexander McQueen, Leslie Nielsen, Lynn Redgrave, JD Salinger, Jean Simmons, Joan Sutherland<br />
<i><br /></i>
With respect to the above, this was the lowest year for influence rating, but they were lifted out of the bottom four due to several passings that we didn't see coming.<br />
<br />
<u><b>12th place - 2007</b></u><br />
<b>Influence: 67</b><br />
<b>Shock: 90</b><br />
<b>Total: 157 points</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Deaths considered: </i>Chris Benoit, Ingmar Bergman, Benazir Bhutto, Joey Bishop, Jerry Falwell, Robert Goulet, Lee Hazlewood, John Inman, Evel Knieval, Norman Mailer, Marcel Marceau, Luciano Pavarotti, Charles Nelson Reilly, Anna Nicole Smith, Ike Turner, Kurt Vonnegut, Kurt Waldheim, Tony Wilson, Bob Woolmer, Boris Yeltsin<br />
<br />
More star power in this group than 2010, but despite four top shock value ratings the number of unsurprising deaths leaves this year floundering in lower mid-table.<br />
<br />
<b><u>11th place - 2005</u></b><br />
<b>Influence: 76</b><br />
<b>Shock: 82</b><br />
<b>Total: 158 points</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Deaths considered: </i>Don Adams, Ann Bancroft, Ronnie Barker, James Callaghan, Johnny Carson, Robin Cook, John DeLorean, Rafic Hariri, Edwarth Heath, Peter Jennings, King Fahd of Saudi Arabia, David Lange, Arthur Miller, Pat Morita, Rosa Parks, Pope John Paul II, Richard Pryor, King Rainer III of Monaco, Hunter S Thompson, Simon Wiesenthal<br />
<br />
With a diverse field containing two kings, a pope, a Nazi hunter, the guy who invented the <i>Back To The Future</i> car and Mr. Miyagi it's no surprise that this year scored what is to date our highest influence rating. It loses out in shock value, with not one surprise ending amongst the contenders.<br />
<br />
<b><u>10th place - 2002</u></b><br />
<b>Influence: 69 </b><br />
<b>Shock: 90</b><br />
<b>Total: 159 points</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Deaths considered: </i>Milton Berle, Rosemary Clooney, James Coburn, John Entwistle, Pim Fortuyn, Richard Harris, Thor Heyerdahl, Stephen Jay Gould, Jam Master Jay, Wayon Jennings, Chuck Jones, Peggy Lee, Linda Lovelace, Princess Margaret, Spike Milligan, Dudley Moore, Queen Mother, Dee Dee Ramone, Davey Boy Smith, Ted Williams<br />
<br />
A light year for influence given a significant kick along by a pair of royals and several out of the blue dismissals. Respectable mid-table finish given that I was scraping for a top 20 and had to include both dog related figures Davey Boy Smith and Linda Lovelace.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><u>9th place - 2009</u></b><br />
<b>Influence: 61</b><br />
<b>Shock: 100</b><br />
<b>Total: 161 points</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Deaths considered: </i>Corazon Aquino, Bea Arthur, JG Ballard, David Carradine, Walter Cronkite, Dom DeLuise, Farrah Fawcett, John Hughes, Michael Jackson, Maurice, Jarre, Jack Kemp, Ted Kennedy, Al Martino, Patrick McGoohan, Les Paul, Natasha Richardson, Bobby Robson, Patrick Swayze, John Updike, Abdurrahman Wahid<br />
<br />
A year that finished equal second last on influence alone is nearly boosted into the top eight courtesy of its equal first shock rating. Surprise passings, including Michael Jackson and that guy out of <i>Kill Bill</i> via potential stranglewank pushed this year higher than it would have gone on merit alone.<br />
<br />
<b><u>8th place - 2004</u></b><br />
<b>Influence: 75</b><br />
<b>Shock: 94</b><br />
<b>Total: 169 points</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Deaths considered: </i>Yasser Arafat, Marlon Brando, Laura Branigan, Ray Charles, Eddie Charlton, Brian Clough, Rodney Dangerfield, Jacques Derrida, Ol' Dirty Bastard, Rick James, Stieg Larsson, Janet Leigh, Marco Pantani, John Peel, Queen Juliana of the Netherlands, Johnny Ramone, Tony Randall, Ronald Reagan, Harold Shipman, Theo van Gogh<br />
<i><br /></i>
Welcome to the top eight, where things really start heating up. After a tight mid-table tussle this year left a surprisingly large gap to ninth. Reagan offered star power, and a number of surprise passings accidental and otherwise provided much needed shock points. Wasn't much of a season for volume but ended up putting in a decent overall showing.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><u>7th place - 2001</u></b><br />
<b>Influence: 77</b><br />
<b>Shock: 94</b><br />
<b>Total: 171 points</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Deaths considered: </i>Aaliyah, Douglas Adams, Michele Alboreto, Chet Atkins, Christiaan Barnard, Sir Donald Bradman, Perry Como, Morton Downey Jr, Dale Earnhardt, George Harrison, John Lee Hooker, Lauren-Desire Kabila, Pauline Kael, Ken Kesey, Stanley Kramer, Jack Lemmon, Robert Ludlum, Anthony Quinn, Joey Ramone, Joan Sims.<br />
<br />
Remember this year? I don't due to barely ever going outside. Thankfully I had an internet connection, otherwise I'd a) have had to go outside and b) might not have known that these people had passed away. In a consistent year for influence, a few surprise dispatches lift this one to its lofty heights.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><u>Equal 5th place - 2015</u></b><br />
<b>Influence: 86</b><br />
<b>Shock: 91</b><br />
<b>Total: 177 points</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Deaths considered: </i>Jules Bianchi, Cilla Black, Ron Clarke, Wes Craven, Anita Ekberg, Malcolm Fraser, Lesley Gore, King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, BB King, Lee Kuan Yew, Lemmy, Jonah Lomu, Patrick Macnee, Leonard Nimoy, Maureen O'Hara, Terry Pratchett, Ruth Rendell, Omar Sharif, Percy Sledge, Rod Taylor, Scott Weiland.<br />
<br />
Remember back to an era where celebrities never passed away and... oh, it was just 12 month ago when we were on the verge of the top four. Try telling the people listed above that 2016 was a worse year (spoiler - you won't get very far).<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><u>Equal 5th place - 2013</u></b><br />
<b>Influence: 79</b><br />
<b>Shock: 98</b><br />
<b>Total: 177 points</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Deaths considered: </i>Ronnie Biggs, JJ Cale, Hugo Chavez, Tom Clancy, Ray Dolby, David Frost, James Gandolfini, George Jones, Nelson Mandela, Ray Manzarek, Cory Monteith, Tommy Morrison, Ken Norton, Peter O'Toole, Lou Reed, Mel Smith, Jean Stapleton, Margaret Thatcher, Rafael Jorge Videla, Paul Walker<br />
<i><br /></i>
This study is not like a music festival, you can't get away with a couple of massive headliners if the rest of the lineup doesn't pull their weight. Neither was 2013's case helped by the complete lack of surprise big name passings. Still, a strong effort and worthy of its top five finish even if I had to scrape for a 20th man and ended up including the guy who played Tommy Gunn in Rocky V.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><u>4th place - 2003</u></b><br />
<b>Influence: 92</b><br />
<b>Shock: 92</b><br />
<b>Total: 184</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Deaths considered: </i>Idi Amin, Charles Bronson, June Carter Cash, Johnny Cash, Marc Vivien-Foe, Maurice Gibb, Curt Hennig, Katherine Hepburn, Bob Hope, Qusay Hussein, Uday Hussein, Elia Kazan, Herbie Mann, Robert Palmer, Gregory Peck, Nina Simone, Elliot Smith, Robert Stack, Barry White, Warren Zevon<br />
<i><br /></i>
The perfect balance of influence and shock, a worthy top four finish and a double chance going into the finals. Not the most star-studded cast considering the guy from Unsolved Mysteries and Mr. Perfect are playing the Clay Sampson style role of accidental premiership players but consistency is the key.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><u>3rd place - 2014</u></b><br />
<b>Influence: 88</b><br />
<b>Shock: 98</b><br />
<b>Total: 186 points</b><br />
<br />
<i>Deaths considered:</i> Maya Angelou, Richard Attenborough, Lauren Bacall, Jack Brabham, Sid Caeser, Joe Cocker, Eusebio, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Bob Hoskins, Casey Kasey, Rik Mayall, Harold Ramis, Mickey Rooney, Ariel Sharon, Eduard Shevardnadze, Shirley Temple, Ultimate Warrior, Gough Whitlam, Robin Williams, Bobby Womack.<br />
<br />
Oh so close for a year that took its fair share of victims but has been forgotten in the wake of people telling 2016 to fuck off and die. Certainly not the highest influence, but the shock value of a few completely random demises leaves it on the podium.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><u>2nd place - 2011</u></b><br />
<b>Influence: 90</b><br />
<b>Shock: 98</b><br />
<b>Total: 188 points</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Deaths considered: </i>Seve Ballesteros, Osama Bin Laden, Nate Dogg, Peter Falk, Betty Ford, Joe Frazier, Muammar Gadaffi, Vaclav Havel, Gil-Scott Heron, Steve Jobs, Kim Il-Jong, Sidney Lumet, Pete Postlethwaite, Gerry Rafferty, Jane Russell, Ken Russell, Randy Savage, Gary Speed, Elizabeth Taylor, Amy Winehouse<br />
<br />
The mastermind behind 9/11, a pair of brutal dictators, and the guy who did <i>Baker Street</i> together at last. I suspect Gerry would sit on the bench next to Nate Dogg for most of the day in a cast like this, with well known players on every line. All 20 players made a positive contribution to the score in one way or another, and we'll be forwarding a silver medal on to all their next of kin.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><u>1st place - 2016</u></b><br />
<b>Influence: 106</b><br />
<b>Shock: 88</b><br />
<b>Total: 194 points</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Deaths considered: </i>Muhammad Ali, Boutrous Boutros-Ghali, David Bowie, Fidel Castro, Leonard Cohen, Johan Cruyff, Carrie Fisher, Glenn Frey, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Merle Haggard, Joao Havelange, Harper Lee, George Martin, George Michael, Arnold Palmer, Shimon Peres, Prince, Nancy Reagan, Alan Rickman, Gary Shandling<br />
<b><br /></b>
And here we are, the year where seemingly the only celebrity who didn't kick it was the Grim Reaper himself. The strange thing is that even though 2016 thumped the influence level of all other seasons by a massive margin it almost lost due to lack of shock value - lower than the nine spots below it. Maybe everything just feels more shocking when it suddenly appears on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram simultaneously, but as much as you love a celebrity it's hard to call it a top shelf shocker when a 70-year-old who spent years having cocaine for breakfast pulls the plug.Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-46079338240581671472016-11-17T17:10:00.000+11:002022-07-10T13:14:24.124+10:00Joining the Cartel: South Melbourne and the A-LeagueLet's not be too optimistic here (or pessimistic if that's your thing), the seas will rise and swallow the eastern seaboard of Australia before the FFA, A-League, the media and assorted shadowy figures will allow South Melbourne to <a href="https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=4&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjXsaScrqrQAhVKHpQKHWcVCjEQqQIIIzAD&url=http%3A%2F%2Ftheworldgame.sbs.com.au%2Farticle%2F2016%2F11%2F15%2Fsouth-melbourne-bid-league-inclusion&usg=AFQjCNFjDZobHFOOCHf1BHLVpvJFLuUFSQ&sig2=iY6TzaWvzsGtpDhHKFcdPA&bvm=bv.138493631,d.dGo" target="_blank">rejoin the national competition</a>. I've got a vested interest but it's not the worst idea in the world, years later they've finally realised that supercharged derby games are where the TV money is so why not bang a third team each in Melbourne and Sydney and start theatrically rolling around in money like Scrooge McDuck? Or you could put new teams in Hobart and Canberra just because and 3000 enthusiasts can get their rocks off while TV executives slash millions of what they'll pay for the rights and the rest of us die of boredom.<br />
<br />
But before we get to the pros and cons of a return to what is almost universally considered "a return to the bad old days" the TL:DR story of how I came to take an interest.<br />
<br />
My first exposure to football was through English first division highlights in the late 80s, and for the next few years I followed what was happening on the Monday night highlights show and via a permanent order for the latest <i>Shoot!</i> and <i>Match</i> magazines at the Tooronga Village newsagent (you know, the one that had the <i>Rolling Thunder </i>arcade machine which for some reason let you pick what level you started on). They were usually three weeks behind but that didn't matter, it was a new world where teams rose and fell on the strength of their performance rather than scraping along on the bottom for years on end because there was nowhere else for them to go.<br />
<br />
Around 1993/94 I decided it was time to stop sitting on the fence and take interest in a particular, and for no better reason than them being the most unfashionable side in the top division I chose a long distance love affair with Wimbledon. Season 1996/97 was as good as it got, the season where we were the last team standing in the race for the treble before winning nothing but a start in the Intertoto Cup. It couldn't last, and by the end of the decade we were in permanent survival mode.<br />
<br />
When the Dons slipped out of the EPL I expected they'd never return, and steadied myself for a life of following the club via the internet and the BBC World Service like the pre-Pay TV era. Due to some <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relocation_of_Wimbledon_F.C._to_Milton_Keynes" target="_blank">colossal unpleasantness</a> they not only missing promotion back to the Premier League but were forced to reform in the ninth tier of the system. In most countries you live in hope of hauling your team up from the ninth level to the top flight, here if you're not in the big league you can only hope to boss a state competition. Whoopee.<br />
<br />
In early 2002 the search for meaning in football took me somewhere I never thought I'd go. In my household the NSL was like the VFA, something you'd see the scores of and go "ooh, that's interesting" if a team registered an irregularly large thumping. The only time it ever registered with me was when the Greek dropkicks at school lied through their teeth when claiming to have been pivotal to the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onsdJZC3hxo" target="_blank">low level wild scenes</a> at the '98 Grand Final. Didn't care, wasn't interested in anything happening domestically even after they introduced flavour of the month "broadbased" sides like Carlton or Parramatta who would go on to die unloved. But like a vulnerable person stumbling into joining a cult my distress at Wimbledon's plight led me to explore dangerous new territory. Or as it turns out actually quite safe territory.<br />
<br />
My first game was <a href="http://www.ozfootball.net/ark/NSL/20012002/Round15.html" target="_blank">January 18, 2002</a> at Bob Jane Stadium. It might have been media coverage over the re-signing of Con Boutsianis that led me there, I knew he was the guy who'd fucked up his big chance in Britain by agreeing to drive the getaway car for an armed robbery, and thrillingly despite the fact that he probably shouldn't have been playing as part of the agreement that facilitated his transfer from the lamentably named Football Kingz he scored the winner against them in the dying minutes. I don't remember the goal (certainly not as much as <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oI_7Jq7WQU" target="_blank">this one</a>, still the best I've ever seen live) but it was <a href="http://www.ozfootball.net/ark/NSL/20012002/reports/report030.html" target="_blank">reportedly a cracker</a> so no wonder I was immediately hooked.<br />
<br />
My first true love will always be the Melbourne Football Club, but this was something I could very much get into during summer. I knew very well how soccer worked and had been racially profiled more than once for championing it in the school ground over more 'Aussie' pursuits like clotheslining your classmates while playing British Bulldog. I'd hung off every goal from far flung English grounds for years but being there was different. The crowds were ordinary even by NSL standards but there was an electricity in the air that you didn't get at an AFL game. The atmosphere drew me towards people, to join in with the community. On the other hand an AFL crowd is something to be avoided by sitting as far back in a stadium as it takes not to get away from them. Even 10 years after the peak of my commitment to South I've probably still got more personal connections there than I do amongst Melbourne fans.<br />
<br />
For the rest of that season and the next two years watching South gave me a rush that even Melbourne didn't. Maybe because I was into them but losses didn't ruin my life like Dees defeats did (before we just got used to them) it was less tense and therefore more fun. Maybe because my <a href="http://twitter.com/amul82" target="_blank">best mate</a> and I could actually follow the same team for the first and last time.<br />
<br />
People would be astounded that we'd be going to these games, expecting that non-Hellenes were not welcome and that we'd be ceremonially drowned in Albert Park Lake. But nobody there cared, in fact gave a shit. You'd get the odd look of contempt from some 15-year-old prick who was only there to try and crack onto chicks under the cover of summer but the general atmosphere could not have been more respectful to anyone who was willing to pay their money and respect the club's background.<br />
<br />
I thought I was going to be some sort of trailblazer but there were a significant number of non-Greeks there, and there still is now even when the core constituency has largely abandoned the club. In later years I always found it amusing that the NSL would make everyone stand for the national anthem but the all-Australian "fit in or fuck off" A-League don't bother. Maybe it was just an epic troll by Soccer Australia but by the time I turned up it was well observed, nobody sat there with arms crossed trying to belt out a foreign anthem over the top.<br />
<br />
It was watching sport for fun, with all sorts of ridiculous antics like the "Dental Plan! Curcija needs braces!" call and response chant that led to one fan to complain about how terrible it was that people were mocking his teeth, when really it was just because his name rhymed with Lisa and the constant mockery of Sydney Olympic - including this classic sacrilegious seasonal ditty lifted from one or 92 different English clubs:<br />
<br />
<i>Away in a manger</i><br />
<i>No crib for a bed</i><br />
<i>The little lord Jesus lay down and he said...</i><br />
<br />
*dramatic pause*<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Fuck off Olympic! *clap* *clap* </i><i>*clap* *clap* *clap*</i><br />
<i>Fuck off Olympic! *clap* *clap* </i><i>*clap* *clap* *clap*</i><br />
<br />
There was the odd internal conflict but at least it never reached the level of Victory fans putting out pompous statements about how awful it is to follow the game in this country and how poorly they're treated. Incidentally their statements look a lot like what I used to write as a parody of supporter groups.<br />
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">
<div dir="ltr" lang="en">
When I wrote this in 2005 it was strictly for lols, now Victory fans are putting serious statements in the same style. <a href="https://t.co/KlGmQsiWHx">pic.twitter.com/KlGmQsiWHx</a></div>
— Admiral J Plum (@Supermercado99) <a href="https://twitter.com/Supermercado99/status/793754280679190528">November 2, 2016</a></blockquote>
My favourite moment of the NSL seasons was when I'd somehow ingratiated myself to the point where I was involved in a supporter meeting with the "head of security" about a particular fan who'd been banned for some perceived naughtiness, and just as this clown was running through all the reasons why Mr. X would never be allowed back at South who should walk right behind him but the man himself. He's still going, the head of security didn't last the season.<br />
<br />
Of course for all the good times like the 6-4 win over Sydney Olympic or beating Melbourne Knights away we all knew the league was going to be killed off sooner rather than later. That wasn't such a big concern, how could they leave out the best drawing side on the east coast? Quite easily as it turned out, but only pessimists saw that coming at the time. Maybe we should have seen it coming when questions at the AGM (usually about where the money from the FIFA World Club Championship went) would be answered quickly in English then the Greek translation would take about five minutes but nobody expected a full scale ethnic cleansing of the competition.<br />
<br />
<a alt=" photo SouthReport_zpsmqyckupw.jpg" border="0" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v325/supermercado/SouthReport_zpsmqyckupw.jpg">The article</a> that labelled the NSL "the dead man walking of Australian sport" was right, but when it opened a story about 10,000 people watching a game against Parramatta I just expected that the good thing I'd stumbled upon was going to continue. Incidentally somebody nicked my primitive Nokia 3310 phone with a ridiculously large Snake II high score that night, so feel free to use that as evidence towards keeping South out when you're calling SEN talkback.<br />
<br />
Right up until 2008 there were times when I felt like I preferred going to VPL games than the AFL, and that if any club was going to drive a wedge between the Dees and I that it would be South. Then the Dees went utterly tits up in a way that no other club has since Fitzroy (which you can read all about <a href="http://bit.ly/demonblogbook" target="_blank">here</a> sports fans), and as much as it sounds like a convenient excuse that crisis occupied all the energy I had for caring about sports.<br />
<br />
I started to lose interest after the famous South vs Victory friendly in 2007, when our fans did everything they could to behave themselves (except one bloke who was running away from security for some reason and face-planted a locked 'automatic' door which he'd expected to facilitate his escape by sliding open) while the lot at the other end spent the evening ripping flares only to get in the car and hear a cavalcade of talkback callers moaning about how the ethnics had done it again and how this was proof of why they should never be admitted to the top flight. What was the point in going on against that?<br />
<br />
Once the pipedream of that night opening the door for South to become Melbourne's second A-League team died my interest started to ebb away quickly. The travelling circus of playing village teams at shit grounds in a competition run by gibbons became progressively less attractive, and once I did what I thought I'd never do and first got married then had a kid my days of spending one half of the weekend on the Dees and the other half on Hellas were over. South in Summer would be far more convenient, but it's not going to happen.<br />
<br />
I still hang on the results now, and the handful of times I've been to games in the last few years it still feels right to be there supporting the club but when you've got nothing to play for other than a state league trophy what's the point? If they shut off the English league at the EPL and left everyone else playing for the glory of winning The Championship would anyone bother? Not every team can be in the big time, but that's my fault for choosing to follow the biggest side in town for the first and last time ever. If I'd obstinately followed the Port Melbourne Sharks there wouldn't have been so many problems.<br />
<br />
Ever so slightly to my shame 2007 was the first time I properly sampled the A-League. My bitterness had subsided just far enough that I'd developed fear of missing out and decided I had to go for somebody. I didn't mind the like, just still harboured a grudge against Victory and its fans so decided to sneakily cavort around with the newly formed Wellington Phoenix. I still watch them on TV but it's not the same, a loss doesn't affect me even remotely as much as a South one. The first time they ever played in Melbourne I tried to capture some of the same atmosphere by going to the pub with the fans beforehand but it offered nothing except a free ride to the ground in a minibus put on by the cops because they were spooked about fan violence after a Victory vs Adelaide dust-up before the last home game.<br />
<br />
The people who really deserve to see South have their day in the sun again are the ones who have admirably hung on while the mentally weak like me dropped away. Maybe they don't want to be in the A-League, maybe they prefer the club's almost guaranteed survival at a lower level instead of a death or glory tilt at the top flight. Either way I'm not sure they'll say no if it happens, and they're what this should be about. If you're tempted to bang away at your keyboard or call the radio to lament how awful it would be to reopen the door to some mysterious spectre of violent behaviour maybe seek one of those people out and talk to them. Ask them why they never declared even a token interest in an A-League club, and why South is so important to them. Chances are they're not going to run you through with an ornamental sword for making a polite enquiry.<br />
<br />
So if expansion is inevitable why not South? At least this time they're seemingly doing it under their own name instead of hiding behind ridiculous disguises like "South Pirates" or "Southern Cross FC" *vom*. Other than a pair of inflatable sauce bottles and a band belting out the Tetris Type A music they're probably better suited for being in the competition than Central Coast, and the aforementioned third leg of the Melbourne derby circuit will do a lot more for coverage of the competition than another thrilling clash between the Mariners and Newcastle which has no better basis for being hyped up than that they're connected by the same highway.<br />
<br />
The same people who are deeply concerned about South slicing a few thousand off Victory and City's supporter base (and in the case of the latter, how will anyone be able to tell the difference?) are probably the same ones who'll clap like trained seals when a team is parachuted into Sydney's southern suburbs. So if that argument is unrealistic, and if we're all in agreement that the list of other reasonably safe expansion candidates in Australia is paper thin, what is there left to say no with? Why, tired cliches that haven't been relevant in the 21st century of course.<br />
<br />
It's popular to rubbish the claims of any 'traditional' aspirants to a national league place with the claim that it will somehow turn the terraces into a multi-ethnic war zone that will require the intervention of UN peacekeepers. There's a strange political alliance promoting that view between "sack ALL foreigners" Herald Sun readers and the sort of people who spend 75% of the day arguing over the internet about how Australia is a terribly racist country.<br />
<br />
I have no doubt that if South somehow got a start (and I bet you if a good old fashioned English giant owned by an international oligarch backed the bid the FFA would do a hammy trying to admit them as quick as possible) a few people would make dickheads of themselves and some outsiders would try and provoke drama to try and make them look bad but overall I don't see anything happening worse than say <a href="http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/victoria/work-parties-turn-into-fight-night/story-e6frf7kx-1225812071531" target="_blank">fans hitting each other with computer equipment</a>, <a href="http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/...riot...aleague.../story-fnk6pqha-1226791145930" target="_blank">throwing chairs in the street</a>, <a href="http://www.news.com.au/national/hooligan-horror-as-western-sydney-wanderers-fans-run-riot/story-fncynjr2-1226605826255" target="_blank">attacking innocent diners in a steak restaurant</a>, <a href="http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/victoria/a-league-melbourne-victory-and-melbourne-heart-fans-rivalry-turns-nasty/story-e6frf7kx-1226000426337" target="_blank">planning to kidnap each other</a> or just <a href="http://www.smh.com.au/sport/soccer/western-sydney-wanderers/fans-and-security-guards-brawl-during-wanderers-and-jets-aleague-game-20151108-gktwg5.html" target="_blank">plain old punching on with security guards</a>. The fact is that unless you've got Clive Palmer's golden touch and can crash attendances to near triple figures then every team is going to attract some percentage of dickheads. It's just a case of whether your agenda requires covering it up or screaming it from the rooftops.<br />
<br />
The same people who almost have a stroke rushing to complain about these stories are a fix up by a pro-AFL/NRL media are often the exact same ones you can rely on for a "nah, we don't want to go back to the bad old days of the NSL" quote whenever the idea of a traditional club being admitted is raised. At least the rabidly anti-soccer people are honest in their hatred instead of being two faced gits.<br />
<br />
Even if you do choose to believe that the introduction of a single club traditionally identifying with a single nationality is going to open the gates of hell then answer this. Who are they going to ethnically riot against? Have the Newcastle Jets recently been sold to a consortium from FYROM? Are Central Coast Mariners going to relocate to Northern Cyprus? No they bloody well aren't, so explain to me exactly how this is going to change anything other than by adding a team which will instantly be more relevant than Melbourne City in every aspect other than having owners with more money than brains.<br />
<br />
In the meantime please compile a list of your all time top 'ethnic' riots. The way people speak about them they must have happened at every game, so it only goes to reason that you'll easily be able to reel off at least five absolute rippers. Here's your starter for 10 points...<br />
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-partner="tweetdeck">
<div dir="ltr" lang="und">
<a href="https://t.co/vmfgElKFDb">pic.twitter.com/vmfgElKFDb</a></div>
— Admiral J Plum (@Supermercado99) <a href="https://twitter.com/Supermercado99/status/798102847967535104">November 14, 2016</a></blockquote>
Now that you've compiled a definitive list try removing any involving teams that weren't in the NSL when it closed down. Old mate swinging the suitcase is out, as is anything involving thinly disguised political parties like Footscray JUST or Preston. You'll still find a few but it's a cheap lie to try and pretend that it remained a scourge on the top level of the game until the old league was mercifully euthanised. Unless you count a team from New Zealand as 'ethnic' then in the last season of the NSL <a href="http://www.ozfootball.net/ark/NSL/20032004/ALTable.html" target="_blank">eight of the 14 teams</a> were 'broadbased'. You could bring all the teams back right now and it wouldn't set off any more than the lowest level soccer panic alarm. It is a complete non-issue, but if you tell a lie long enough etc.. etc..<br />
<br />
If I was going to argue against South for the A-League I wouldn't bother with the tired cliches, I'd point out that moving 10,000 people to Lakeside Stadium was a prick of a thing to do then and it would be again. Great news for the Route 12 tram, even better news for the City of Port Phillip whose parking inspectors will run riot fining people for illegally parking in suburban streets. It's a reasonable ground with an unreasonably small parking capacity. Not to mention a bright blue bloody running track between the stands and the pitch. Still, you'd play at Waverley Park if that's what it took.<br />
<br />
The league can't go on forever with this same tedious handful of teams playing each other every six weeks. It will eventually expand, but that won't come as the result of any 'old' clubs being allowed in. That idea is the dictionary definition of 'too hard basket', and everyone involved at the top level will be so scared of the media screaming "I told you so" at the first sign of trouble that they'll be much more comfortable introducing Red Bull Geelong. Good luck to them I suppose, at least if Red Bull turn up with their millions of dollars that will be one team the league won't have to financially bail out when they get themselves into deep shit.<br />
<br />
And if South somehow make it back I will respectfully disengage myself from the Phoenix and like an Oakleigh or Heidelberg fan I'll slink back in the side door and resume play like the last nearly 15 years didn't happen. Is Kristian Sarkies still poised to be the next big thing?Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-90513966824611319532016-10-30T09:08:00.002+11:002022-07-10T13:14:17.536+10:00Revisiting the Australasian Super League via Football ManagerEver since Football Manager crossed over from the greatest series of computer games ever invented to a confusing ordeal that resembles one of those complicated Excel spreadsheets with formulas and VLOOKUP (?) my only remaining interest has been stuffing about with the database to see what kind of weird shenanigans I can pull off.<br />
<br />
Previous projects include:<br />
<ul>
<li>Tipping the English divisions on their head, moving all the League Two clubs to the Premier League, all the EPL clubs to League Two - the Championship and League One swap places and god help whoever is promoted from the Conference in the first season. Then we sit back and watch Accrington Stanley accidentally become international powerhouses while Man City slowly work their way up the table and Bournemouth run aground on the rocks because they can never escape the bottom division.</li>
<li>Bringing back East Germany, including the national team and splitting off all the eastern clubs into their own league</li>
<li>Creating a country from scratch with its own league structure</li>
<li>Running Victoria as its own country. The slightly more ambitious idea of breaking up all the states and abolishing Australia was a step too far before losing interest.</li>
</ul>
<div>
And today we return to my favourite idea, one that was recreated in every edition of the game for several years - the Australasian Superleague featuring every AU and most NZ sides in the game in one baffling 14 division megaleague.</div>
<br />
I'm so jaded with the actual Football Manager gameplay that I haven't bought it since the 2015 version, and after looking at the new features available in the upcoming 2017 edition that's not going to change. $60 US for the introduction of a random Brexit simulation? I would not have thought so. So in this case it's back to 2014 era players.<br />
<br />
Now, let's be fair here I'm not applying for a consultancy job with the FFA so obviously this couldn't happen in real life (well, maybe the first couple of divisions...). Other factors in play are that after about the third division none of the teams have any players, so you end up with entire squads full of relatively equal randoms. For this reason you never see a side storm up the league table from total obscurity into the top division - but now I'm intending to play for long enough that it might happen. I've also never found a good way for clubs to compensate lower division sides for pinching their players, they are usually valued at $0 so they're just pinched for free.<br />
<br />
In the past I've found that for the first few years the league table is always original A-League teams, then everybody else below before the best of the state league sides eventually get up enough money and start developing youth players so that they can break into the top 10. Maybe I haven't played long enough but I've never seen a non original A-League side win the comp, Sydney United running second after a brave tilt was the closest I came to an upset.<br />
<br />
Starting lineups for the 2014/15 season...<br />
<br />
<b>Hyundai A-League</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Top two teams play off in a Grand Final</li>
<li>Bottom three relegated automatically</li>
<li>17th plays off against 4th in B-League</li>
</ul>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
1. Adelaide City</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
2. Adelaide United</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
3. APIA Tigers</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
4. Auckland City</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
5. Brisbane Roar</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
6. Brisbane Strikers</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
7. Central Coast Mariners</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
8. Marconi</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
9. Melbourne City</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
10. Melbourne Knights</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
11. Melbourne Victory</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
12. Newcastle United</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
13. Perth Glory</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
14. South Coast Wolves</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
15. South Melbourne</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
16. Sydney FC</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
17. Sydney Olympic</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
18. Sydney United</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
19. Wanderers FC</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
20. Wellington Phoenix</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<b>Hyundai B-League</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Top three promoted automatically</li>
<li>Fourth plays off against 17th in A-League</li>
<li>Bottom two relegated automatically</li>
<li>18th plays off against 3rd in C-League</li>
</ul>
1. Bentleigh Greens<br />
2. Blacktown City<br />
3. Bonnyrigg White Eagles<br />
4. Brisbane City<br />
5. Canterbury United<br />
6. Croydon Kings<br />
7. Dandenong Thunder<br />
8. FNQ Heat<br />
9. Green Gully<br />
10. Heidelberg United<br />
11. Hume City<br />
12. Manly United<br />
13. Oakleigh Cannons<br />
14. Olympic FC<br />
15. Perth SC<br />
16. Rockdale City<br />
17. Sutherland Sharks<br />
18. Team Wellington<br />
19. Waitakere United<br />
20. West Adelaide<br />
<br />
<b>Fox Sports C-League</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Top two promoted automatically</li>
<li>Third plays off against 18th in B-League</li>
<li>Bottom three relegated automatically</li>
</ul>
1. Adelaide Blue Eagles<br />
2. Balcatta<br />
3. Ballarat Red Devils<br />
4. Bayswater City<br />
5. Blacktown Spartans<br />
6. Campbelltown City<br />
7. Cockburn City<br />
8. Hawke's Bay<br />
9. Inglewood United<br />
10. Northcote City<br />
11. Para Hills<br />
12. Pascoe Vale<br />
13. Port Melbourne<br />
14. South Hobart<br />
15. St George Saints<br />
16. Stirling Lions<br />
17. WaiBOP United<br />
18. Werribee City<br />
19. Western Strikes<br />
20. WT Birkalla<br />
<br />
<b>Westfield D-League</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Top two promoted automatically</li>
<li>3rd - 6th play-off in league format for promotion</li>
<li>Bottom four relegated automatically</li>
<li>29th and 30th play-off with 4th and 5th of D1 League</li>
</ul>
1. Adelaide Comets<br />
2. Adelaide Raiders<br />
3. Armadale SC<br />
4. Avondale Heights<br />
5. Bankstown City<br />
6. Box Hill United<br />
7. Cumberland United<br />
8. Dapto-Dandaloo<br />
9. ECU Joondalup<br />
10. FC Bendigo<br />
11. FC Bulleen Lions<br />
12. FFA COE<br />
13. Floreat Athena<br />
14. Fraser Park<br />
15. Goulburn Valley Suns<br />
16. Kingston City<br />
17. Macarthur Rams<br />
18. MetroStars<br />
19. Moreland Zebras<br />
20. North Geelong Warriors<br />
21. Northern Tigers<br />
22. Olympia Warriors<br />
23. Parramatta FC<br />
24. Preston Lions<br />
25. Richmond SC<br />
26. Rochedale Rovers<br />
27. Sorrento FC<br />
28. South Adelaide<br />
29. Springvale White Eagles<br />
30. St Albans Saints<br />
31. Subiaco AFC<br />
32. Sunshine Coast FC<br />
33. Sunshine George Cross<br />
34. White City<br />
<br />
<b>D1-League</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Top three promoted automatically</li>
<li>4th and 5th play-off with 29th and 30th from D-League</li>
<li>Bottom four relegated automatically</li>
<li>29th and 30th play-off with 4th and 5th of D2-League</li>
</ul>
1. Altona Magic<br />
2. Brisbane Wolves<br />
3. Broadmeadow Magic<br />
4. Brunswick City<br />
5. Canberra FC<br />
6. Cobram Victory<br />
7. Dandenong City<br />
8. Easts<br />
9. Edgeworth Eagles<br />
10. Fawkner Blues<br />
11. FC Clifton Hill<br />
12. FNSW Institute<br />
13. Gold Coast Knights<br />
14. Hakoah Sydney City East<br />
15. Hills Brumbies<br />
16. Lions FC<br />
17. Mt Druitt Rangers<br />
18. Murray United FC<br />
19. North Pine Utd<br />
20. North Star<br />
21. Palm Beach<br />
22. Peninsula Power<br />
23. Pine Rivers<br />
24. QAS<br />
25. Redlands United<br />
26. SASI<br />
27. South Springvale<br />
28. Southern Stars<br />
29. Taringa Rovers<br />
30. Toowoomba Raiders<br />
31. VTC Football<br />
32. Wanneroo<br />
33. Western Knights<br />
34. Weston Workers FC<br />
<br />
<b>D2-League</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Top three promoted automatically</li>
<li>4th and 5th play-off with 29th and 30th from D1-League</li>
<li>Bottom four relegated automatically</li>
<li>29th and 30th play-off with 4th and 5th of D3-League</li>
</ul>
1. Adelaide Hills<br />
2. Adelaide Olympic<br />
3. Altona East Phoenix<br />
4. Belconnen United<br />
5. Bunbury Forum Force<br />
6. Canning City<br />
7. Capalaba<br />
8. Cooma<br />
9. Dianella White Eagles<br />
10. Dulwich Hill<br />
11. Frankston Pines<br />
12. Glenorchy Knights<br />
13. Hobart Zebras<br />
14. Ipswich Knights<br />
15. Kingsborough Lions<br />
16. Knox City FC<br />
17. Lake Macquarie City<br />
18. Langwarrin SC<br />
19. Launceston City<br />
20. Launceston United<br />
21. Mandurah City<br />
22. Marlin Coast<br />
23. Mitchelton FC<br />
24. Modbury Jets<br />
25. Mt Gravatt<br />
26. O'Connor Knights<br />
27. Olympic Kingsway<br />
28. Playford City<br />
29. Salisbury United<br />
30. South Toowoomba Hawks<br />
31. Souths United<br />
32. Spirit FC<br />
33. Tuggeranong United<br />
34. Western Suburbs<br />
<br />
<b>D3-League</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Top three promoted automatically</li>
<li>4th and 5th play-off with 29th and 30th from D2-League</li>
<li>Bottom four relegated automatically</li>
<li>29th and 30th play-off with 4th and 5th of D4-League</li>
</ul>
1. ANU<br />
2. Ashfield FC<br />
3. Burnie United<br />
4. Canberra City<br />
5. Canberra Olympic<br />
6. Clarence Utd<br />
7. Devonport City<br />
8. Forrestfield United<br />
9. Gosnells City<br />
10. Gunghalin United<br />
11. Hurstville FC<br />
12. Ingham FC<br />
13. Innisfail United<br />
14. Malvern City<br />
15. Metro FC<br />
16. Morley Windmills<br />
17. Morwell Pegasus<br />
18. Mounties Wanderers<br />
19. Myrtleford SC<br />
20. Narangba Utd<br />
21. New Town Eagles<br />
22. Northern Rangers<br />
23. Prospect Knights<br />
24. Queanbeyan City<br />
25. Queens Park<br />
26. Riverside Olympic<br />
27. Rockingham<br />
28. Somerset<br />
29. Sydney University<br />
30. Ulverstone<br />
31. Uni QLD<br />
32. University of Tasmania<br />
33. Whittlesea Ranges<br />
34. Willowburn<br />
<br />
<b>D4-League</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Top three promoted automatically</li>
<li>4th and 5th play-off with 29th and 30th from D3-League</li>
<li>Bottom four relegated automatically</li>
<li>29th and 30th play-off with 4th and 5th of D5-League</li>
</ul>
1. Altona City<br />
2. Byron Bay FC<br />
3. Caboolture FC<br />
4. Camden Tigers<br />
5. Centenary Stormers<br />
6. Edge Hill Utd<br />
7. Grange Thistle<br />
8. Greenbank FC<br />
9. Inter Lions FC<br />
10. Joondalup Utd<br />
11. K.S.S Jets FC<br />
12. Kinsgcliff Wolves<br />
13. Lalor Utd<br />
14. Lara SC<br />
15. Litchfield FC<br />
16. Logan Village FC<br />
17. Mackay Crusaders<br />
18. Mackay Wanderers<br />
19. Nambour Yandina FC<br />
20. Noble Park United<br />
21. Rebels FC<br />
22. Ross River FC<br />
23. Shamrock Rovers<br />
24. Shell Cove FC<br />
25. Southside Utd<br />
26. Thornton Redbacks<br />
27. Tweed United<br />
28. United Warriors<br />
29. West Preston SC<br />
30. Western NSW FC<br />
31. Westgate FC<br />
32. Woden Valley<br />
33. Wodonga Diamonds<br />
34. Woombye FC<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<b>D5-League</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Top three promoted automatically</li>
<li>4th and 5th play-off with 29th and 30th from D4-League</li>
<li>Bottom four relegated automatically</li>
<li>29th and 30th play-off with 4th and 5th of D6-League</li>
</ul>
1. Adamstown Rosebud<br />
2. Annerley FC<br />
3. Bluebirds United<br />
4. Caloundra FC<br />
5. Capricorn Coast<br />
6. Casuarina FC<br />
7. Central Queensland Mariners<br />
8. Coffs Coast Tigers<br />
9. Dandenong South<br />
10. Darwin Olympic<br />
11. Endeavour Hills<br />
12. Falcons 2000<br />
13. FC Strathmore<br />
14. Frenchville<br />
15. Hoppers Crossing SC<br />
16. Hume United<br />
17. Ipswich City<br />
18. Jimboomba Utd<br />
19. Kangaroo Point Rovers<br />
20. Keysborough SC<br />
21. Mareeba United<br />
22. Newmarket SC<br />
23. Northern Storm<br />
24. Picton Rangers<br />
25. Port Darwin<br />
26. Shepparton SC<br />
27. Singleton Strikers<br />
28. Southern Branch<br />
29. Surf Coast FC<br />
30. Tatura SC<br />
31. The Gap<br />
32. Twin City Wanderers<br />
33. Wide Bay Revolution<br />
34. Wulguru United<br />
<br />
<b>D6-League</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Top three promoted automatically</li>
<li>4th and 5th play-off with 29th and 30th from D5-League</li>
<li>Bottom four relegated automatically</li>
<li>29th and 30th play-off with 4th and 5th of D7-League</li>
</ul>
1. Ashburton Utd<br />
2. Beaumaris SC<br />
3. Belmore United<br />
4. Brothers FC<br />
5. Clinton FC<br />
6. Cobram SC<br />
7. Coolum FC<br />
8. Darebin United<br />
9. Ellenbrook United<br />
10. Fortuna 60<br />
11. Garuda FC<br />
12. Hawkesbury City<br />
13. Holland Park Hawks<br />
14. Leichardt FC<br />
15. Maddington White City FC<br />
16. Melbourne Tornado Zadar<br />
17. Moreland City<br />
18. Northbridge FC<br />
19. Oxley United<br />
20. Park Ridge FC<br />
21. Peninsula Strikers<br />
22. Point Cook FC<br />
23. Prospect United<br />
24. Redcliffe PCYC<br />
25. Ringwood City<br />
26. Samford Ranges<br />
27. Shepparton South<br />
28. Sporting Whittlesea<br />
29. St Kilda FC<br />
30. Stratford Dolphins<br />
31. Warragul United<br />
32. Western Condors<br />
33. Whittlesea United<br />
34. Wollongong Olympic<br />
<br />
<b>D7-League</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Top three promoted automatically</li>
<li>4th and 5th play-off with 29th and 30th from D6-League</li>
<li>Bottom four relegated automatically</li>
<li>29th and 30th play-off with 4th and 5th of D8-League</li>
</ul>
1. AC Carina<br />
2. Across The Waves FC<br />
3. Albany Creek Excelsior<br />
4. Bingera FC<br />
5. Brighton SC<br />
6. Brisbane Knights<br />
7. Buderim Wanderers<br />
8. Caulfield United<br />
9. Charlestown City<br />
10. Corio SC<br />
11. East Gosford FC<br />
12. Enfield Rovers<br />
13. Fremantle United<br />
14. Geelong SC<br />
15. Hellenic Athletic<br />
16. Kawana<br />
17. Logan Lightning<br />
18. Mackay Magpies<br />
19. Maroochydore FC<br />
20. Melville City<br />
21. Mindil Aces<br />
22. Mornington SC<br />
23. New Farm Utd<br />
24. Nunawading City<br />
25. Palmerston FC<br />
26. Rowville Eagles<br />
27. Shepparton Utd<br />
28. Springvale City<br />
29. Stanmore Hawks<br />
30. Uni-Azzurri<br />
31. USQ FC<br />
32. West Griffith SC<br />
33. Western Spirit<br />
34. Yoogali SC<br />
<br />
<b>D8-League</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Top three promoted automatically</li>
<li>4th to 6th play-off with 29th and 30th from D7-League</li>
<li>Bottom five relegated automatically</li>
<li>28th and 29th play-off with 4th and 5th of D9-League</li>
</ul>
1. Balmain Tigers<br />
2. Bayside United<br />
3. Booroondara Eagles<br />
4. Brandon Park<br />
5. Brisbane Force<br />
6. Cairnlea<br />
7. Coniston Lions<br />
8. Croydon City Arrows<br />
9. Derwent United<br />
10. Gawler SC<br />
11. Hampton Park United Sparrows<br />
12. Hanwood FC<br />
13. Joondalup City<br />
14. La Trobe University<br />
15. Melrose FC<br />
16. Monaro Panthers<br />
17. Monash University SC<br />
18. Monbulk Rangers<br />
19. North Caulfield Maccabi<br />
20. North Sunshine Eagles<br />
21. Northern Demons<br />
22. Quinns FC<br />
23. Rydalmere Lions<br />
24. Slacks Creek<br />
25. South Coast Utd<br />
26. Southern Bulls<br />
27. Southside Eagles<br />
28. Spearwood Dalmatinac<br />
29. Surfers Paradise<br />
30. SWQ Thunder<br />
31. Taroona FC<br />
32. UWA-Nedlands FC<br />
33. Waverley Wanderers<br />
34. Westvale<br />
<br />
<b>D9-League</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Top three promoted automatically</li>
<li>4th to 6th play-off with 29th and 30th from D8-League</li>
<li>Bottom four relegated automatically</li>
</ul>
1. ACTAS<br />
2. Bankstown Berries<br />
3. Banyule City<br />
4. Broadbeach United<br />
5. Burleigh Heads<br />
6. Casey Comets<br />
7. Diamond Valley Utd<br />
8. Doncaster Rovers<br />
9. Eastern Lions<br />
10. Fitzroy City<br />
11. Geelong Rangers<br />
12. Gladesville Ryde Magic<br />
13. Heatherton United<br />
14. Hurstville City Minotaurs<br />
15. Keilor Park SC<br />
16. Lambton Jaffas<br />
17. Magic Utd<br />
18. Maribyrnong Greens<br />
19. Moreland United<br />
20. Mudgeeraba SC<br />
21. Murwillumbah FC<br />
22. Northern Fury<br />
23. NTIS<br />
24. Port Kembla<br />
25. Skye Utd<br />
26. Sunbury United<br />
27. Sydenham Park<br />
28. Tarrawanna<br />
29. Tasmania NTC<br />
30. Valentine Phoenix<br />
31. West Wallsend<br />
32. Western Pride<br />
33. Williamstown SC<br />
<div>
34. Yarraville Glory</div>
<br />
<b>D10-League</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Top three promoted automatically</li>
<li>4th to 11th play off for promotion</li>
</ul>
1. AC Utd<br />
2. Adelaide Cobras<br />
3. Albion Park White Eagles<br />
4. Berwick City<br />
5. Bulli<br />
6. Coomera<br />
7. Cove FC<br />
8. Cringila Lions<br />
9. Doveton<br />
10. Eastern United<br />
11. Essendon Royals<br />
12. Fernhill<br />
13. Granville Rage<br />
14. Hamilton Olympic<br />
15. Mazenod Utd<br />
16. Merrimac<br />
17. Moggill FC<br />
18. Moreton Bay Utd<br />
19. Musgrave FC<br />
20. Nepean FC<br />
21. Nerang<br />
22. Noarlunga United<br />
23. Old Camberwell SC<br />
24. Old Scotch<br />
25. Pine Hills FC<br />
26. Port Adelaide Lion<br />
27. Seaford Rangers<br />
28. South Cardiff<br />
29. South Yarra SC<br />
30. Southport FC<br />
31. Sturt Lions<br />
32. Swan United<br />
33. Toronto Awaba FC<br />
34. Western Toros<br />
35. Wollongong United<br />
<div>
36. Yoogali FC</div>
<br />
In addition the cup competitions are as follows (in a previous version I had individual state based cups but bloody hell that was hard work, also I'm assuming the last two versions of the game haven't fixed the issue where you can't play a cup instead of pre-season games and teams end up playing about 10 games in 10 days)<br />
<ul>
<li>FFA Cup (512 teams - all the above divisions + all the NZ lower leagues, the PNG league and the East Timor league)</li>
<li>Westfield D-League Cup (The 342 D-League sides in a knockout)</li>
<li>Australian League Cup (The 74 B-League, C-League and D-League teams in a knockout)</li>
</ul>
<div>
For the purposes of the simulation all the Asian leagues are turned on (with the exception of Singapore which won't work with this setup due to some obscure cup qualification rules) + England, Germany, Ireland, Italy, Northern Ireland, Scotland, Spain and Wales.<br />
<br />
<b>End of season updates:</b><br />
<br />
<u>2014/15</u><br />
<ul>
<li>A-League: Perth Glory d. Sydney FC (inc. Andy Keogh 38 goals for the year including two in the Grand Final)</li>
<ul>
<li>Relegated - Melbourne Knights, Brisbane Strikers, Marconi</li>
<ul>
<li>Adelaide City survived relegation playoff vs Hume)</li>
</ul>
<li>Sydney United were the highest of the new teams, finishing 8th. Newcastle Jets the only old team to finish outside the top 10 in 11th.</li>
<li>Biggest transfer out: $1.1m Kutaiba Elrich from Sydney Olympic to Al-Ain</li>
<li>Biggest transfer in: $875k Shane Lowry from Leyton Orient to Sydney FC</li>
</ul>
<li>B-League</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Team Wellington, Oakleigh Cannons, Rockdale City</li>
<li>Relegated - Brisbane City, Manly Utd, Sutherland Sharks</li>
</ul>
<li>C-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Bayswater City, Pascoe Vale, Campbelltown City. </li>
<li>Relegated - Cockburn City, WT Birkalla, Ballarat Red Devils</li>
</ul>
<li>D-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Dapto Dandaloo, Preston Lions, Parramatta FC</li>
<li>Relegated - Armadale SC, FFA COE, FC Bendigo, Avondale Heights</li>
</ul>
<li>D1-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Lions FC, Palm Beach, Redlands United, SASI</li>
<li>Relegated - Weston Workers, Gold Coast Knights, Toowoomba Raiders, Fawkner Blues, Cobram Victory</li>
</ul>
<li>D2-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Capalaba, Ipswich Knights, Mitchelton FC, Adelaide Hills, Souths Utd</li>
<li>Relegated - Marlin Coast, South Toowoomba, Knox City, Launceston City, Hobart Zebras</li>
</ul>
<li>D3-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Sydney Uni, Canberra City, Uni QLD, Canberra Olympic, Gosnells City</li>
<li>Relegated - New Town Eagles, ANU, Narangba United, Hurstville FC</li>
</ul>
<li>D4-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - United Warriors, Noble Park Utd, Thornton Redbacks, Altona City</li>
<li>Relegated - Greenbank, Grange Thistle, Lalor Utd, Woombye FC</li>
</ul>
<li>D5-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Keysborough, Bluebirds Utd, Southern Branch, Tatura</li>
<li>Relegated - The Gap, Wide Bay Revolution, Twin City Wanderers, Endeavour Hills</li>
</ul>
<li>D6-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Leichardt FC, Darebin Utd, Holland Park, Redcliffe PCYC</li>
<li>Relegated - PRospect Utd, Ashburton Utd, Ellenbrook Utd, Fortuna 60, Maddington White City</li>
</ul>
<li>D7-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Charlestown City, Mornington, Mindil Aces, Buderim Wanderers, Mackay Magpies</li>
<li>Relegated - Melville City, Nunawading City, Rowville Eagles, West Griffith, New Farm Utd</li>
</ul>
<li>D8-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - SWQ Thunder, Southern Bulls, Surfers Paradise, La Trobe Uni, Slacks Creek</li>
<li>Relegated - Monaro Panthers, Melrose FC, Monash Uni, UWA-Nedlands, Northern Demons</li>
</ul>
<li>D9-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Western Pride, Northern Fury, Hurstville City, Tasmania NTC, Yarraville Glory</li>
<li>Relegated - ACTAS, NTIS, Burleigh Heads, Lambton Jaffas</li>
</ul>
<li>D10-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Moreton Bay Utd, Western Toros, Nepean FC, Granville Rage</li>
<li>The worst team in the country was Essendon Royals with a 1.1.33 record and -103 goal difference.</li>
</ul>
<li>FFA Cup:</li>
<ul>
<li>Wellington Phoenix d. Marconi</li>
<li>Giant Killer - Macarthur Rams of the D-League to the quarter final</li>
</ul>
<li>League Cup:</li>
<ul>
<li>Rockdale City d. Blacktown City</li>
</ul>
<li>D-League Cup</li>
<ul>
<li>S.A.S.I d. Palm Beach</li>
</ul>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<u>2015/16</u><br />
<ul>
<li>A-League: Perth Glory d. Melbourne City for a second title in a row.</li>
<ul>
<li>Relegated - South Melbourne, Oakleigh, Sydney United</li>
<ul>
<li>Rockdale survived relegation playoff vs Bonnyrigg</li>
</ul>
<li>After saying the new teams never get close to win anything 4th place APIA Tigers went within three points and six goal difference of qualifying for the Grand Final.</li>
<li>Biggest transfer out: $3.8m + part exchange for Nick Ansell from Victory to Malmo</li>
<li>Biggest transfer in: $1.2m for Hagi Gligor from Sydney to Central Coast</li>
</ul>
<li>B-League</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Bentleigh, Hume, Heidelberg</li>
<li>Relegated - Perth SC, FNQ Heat, Croydon</li>
</ul>
<li>C-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - WaiBOP United, Manly, Northcote</li>
<li>Relegated - South Hobart, Balcatta, Adelaide Blue Eagles</li>
</ul>
<li>D-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Bankstown City, Springvale White Eagles, Palm Beach</li>
<li>Relegated - White City, Fraser Park, Box Hill Utd, Kingston City, Northern Tigers</li>
</ul>
<li>D1-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Ipswich Knights, QAS, Pine Rivers United, FFA COE, FC Bendigo</li>
<li>Relegated - Hills Brumbies, Edgeworth Eagles, Southern Stars, Mt Druitt Rangers, Broadmeadow Magic</li>
</ul>
<li>D2-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Uni QLD, Fawkner Blues, Sydney Uni, Cobram Victory, Belconnen Utd</li>
<li>Relegated - Cooma, Launceston, Altona East, Glenorchy Knights, Adelaide Olympic</li>
</ul>
<li>D3-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Marlin Coast, Knox City, South Toowoomba, Hobart Zebras, Willowburn</li>
<li>Relegated - Whittlesea Rangers, Thornton, Noble Park, Ulverstone, Northern Rangers</li>
</ul>
<li>D4-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - ANU, Narangba, Lara, Edge Hill, Ross River</li>
<li>Relegated - Southern Branch, Mackay Crusaders, Shell Cove, Bluebirds Utd, Litchfield</li>
</ul>
<li>D5-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Picton Rangers, Frenchville, Grange Thistle, Greenbank, Woombye</li>
<li>Relegated - Singleton Strikers, Darwin Olympic, FC Strathmore, Falcons 2000, Hume Utd</li>
</ul>
<li>D6-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Twin City Wanderers, Wide Bay Revolution, The Gap, Endeavour Hills, Whittlesea Utd</li>
<li>Relegated - Samford Rangers, Northbridge, Clinton, Mackay Magpies, Warragul Utd, Mindil Aces</li>
</ul>
<li>D7-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Fortuna 60, Prospect Utd, Ellenbrook Utd, SWQ Thunder, Maddington, Shepparton Utd</li>
<li>Relegated - Springvale City, Logan Lightning, La Trobe Uni, Albany Creek, Kawana, Geelong SC</li>
</ul>
<li>D8-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Western Pride, West Griffith, Northern Fury, Coniston Lions, Melville City, Cairnlea</li>
<li>Relegated - Spearwood Dalmanatic, Bayside Utd, Brisbane Force, Monbulk, Taroona, Hampton Park</li>
</ul>
<li>D9-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Northern Demons, Monash Uni, Monaro Panthers, UWA-Nedlands, Melrose, Maribyrnong</li>
<li>Relegated - Geelong Rangers, Keilor Park, Eastern Lions, Banyule City</li>
</ul>
<li>D10-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - ACTAS, Burleigh Heads, NTIS, Lambton Jaffas</li>
<li>The worst team in the country was Wollongong United with 3.6.26 and -70 goal difference </li>
</ul>
<li>FFA Cup:</li>
<ul>
<li>Wellington Phoenix d. Adelaide United</li>
<li>Two in a row for the FFA Cup specialists. No real giant killing runs worth mentioning</li>
</ul>
<li>League Cup:</li>
<ul>
<li>Bentleigh Greens d. Olympic FC</li>
</ul>
<li>D-League Cup</li>
<ul>
<li>FNSW Institute d. Western Pride</li>
<li>Two in a row for state academy </li>
</ul>
</ul>
<u>2016/17</u><br />
<ul>
<li>A-League: Perth Glory d. Melbourne City for their third straight title.</li>
<ul>
<li>Relegated - Sydney Olympic, APIA Tigers (a year after almost making the Grand Final), Hume City</li>
<ul>
<li>Bentleigh Greens survived playoff vs South Melbourne after coming from two goals down)</li>
<li>(Brisbane Roar survived with a run of wins in the last few games after being a mile in the hole)</li>
</ul>
<li>Highest placed 'new' team - Auckland City - 5th</li>
<li>Biggest transfer out: $1.9m - Nicolao Dumitru - Melbourne Victory to Millwall </li>
<li>Biggest transfer in: $1.5m - Luke DeVere - Brisbane Roar to Sydney</li>
</ul>
<li>B-League</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Pascoe Vale, West Adelaide, Bayswater City.</li>
<li>Relegated - Bonnyrigg, Dandenong Thunder, WaiBOP</li>
</ul>
<li>C-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - FNQ Heat, Palm Beach, Preston Lions</li>
<li>Relegated - Stirling Lions, Inglewood United, Western Strikes</li>
</ul>
<li>D-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - St Albans Saints, Macarthur Rams, SASI</li>
<li>Relegated - Subiaco AFC, FFA COE, Pine Rivers, Olympia Warriors, South Adelaide</li>
</ul>
<li>D1-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Uni QLD, Taringa Rovers, Altona Magic, White City, Souths Utd</li>
<li>Relegated - North Pine Utd, Mitchelton FC, Peninsula Power, Brisbane Wolves, Murray United</li>
</ul>
<li>D2-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Canberra Olympic, Canning City, Kingborough Lions, Western Suburbs, Gold Coast Knights</li>
<li>Relegated - South Toowoomba Hawks, Southern Stars, Gosnells City, Broadmeadow Mgaic, Lake Macquarie City</li>
</ul>
<li>D3-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Launceston CIty, Altona East Phoenix, Narangba United, Edge Hill, Mounties Wanderers</li>
<li>Relegated - Myrtleford, Burnie Utd, Ingham, Uni Tasmania, Metro FC</li>
</ul>
<li>D4-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Woombye, Camden Tigers, Inter Lions, Frenchville, Noble Park Utd</li>
<li>Relegated - Wodonga Diamonds, West Preston, Keysborough, KSS Jets, Shamrock Rovers</li>
</ul>
<li>D5-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Whittlesea Utd, Litchfield FC, Caloundra FC, Twin City Wanderers, Central Queensland Mariners</li>
<li>Relegated - Port Darwin, Dandenong South, Holland Park, Darebin United</li>
</ul>
<li>D6-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Darwin Olympic, Shepparton Utd, SWQ Thunder, Stratford Dolphins</li>
<li>Relegated - Brothers FC, Point Cook, Gardua, Wollongong Olympic, Charleston City, Buderim Wanderers</li>
</ul>
<li>D7-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Northern Fury, Western Pride, Samford Ranges, West Griffith, Brighton, Coniston</li>
<li>Relegated - Maroochydore, Hellenic Athletic, Across The Waves, Slacks Creek, Enfield Rovers, AC Carina</li>
</ul>
<li>D8-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Nunawading City, Albany Creek Excelsior, Monash Uni, Kawana, Logan Lightning, Balmain Tigers</li>
<li>Relegated - Yarraville Glory, Maribyrnong Greens, Rydalmere Lions, Derwent Utd, Waverley Wanderers</li>
</ul>
<li>D9-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - ACTAS, Monbulk Rangers, NTIS, Lambton Jaffas, Taroona FC</li>
<li>Relegated - Diamond Valley Utd, Tarrawanna, Moreland Utd, Sydenham Park</li>
</ul>
<li>D10-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Keilor Park, Cove FC, AC Utd, Eastern Lions</li>
<li>36th - Southport FC with 5.9.21 and -47</li>
</ul>
<li>FFA Cup:</li>
<ul>
<li>Sydney FC d. Melbourne City</li>
<li>No worthwhile giant killing</li>
</ul>
<li>League Cup:</li>
<ul>
<li>Uni Queensland (D1) d. Grange Thistle (D4)</li>
</ul>
<li>D-League Cup</li>
<ul>
<li>Manly United (BL) d. Canterbury United (BL)</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<div>
<u>2017/18</u></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>A-League: Central Coast Mariners d. Melbourne City on penalties (poor old Kenny Lowe won three titles in a row then got the arse when Perth finished 7th)</li>
<ul>
<li>Relegated - Team Wellington, Pascoe Vale, Bentleigh</li>
<ul>
<li>Bayswater City survived playoff vs Oakleigh</li>
</ul>
<li>Highest placed 'new' team - Rockdale City - 5th</li>
<li>Biggest transfer out: $51k - Aleksandar Radovanovic from Adelaide Utd to Backa</li>
<li>Biggest transfer in: $1.1m - David Browne from Auckland City to Brisbane and Rostyn Griffiths from Perth Glory to Sydney</li>
</ul>
<li>B-League</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - APIA Tigers, Hume City, Marconi</li>
<li>Relegated - Preston, FNQ Heat, Palm Beach</li>
</ul>
<li>C-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - WaiBOP United, Dandenong Thunder, Croydon Kings</li>
<li>Relegated - SASI, Springvale White Eagles, Hawke's Bay</li>
</ul>
<li>D-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Redlands United, MetroStars, Ballarat Red Devils</li>
<li>Relegated - North Geelong, Floreat Athena, Adelaide Comets, Taringa Rovers, Balcatta</li>
</ul>
<li>D1-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Olympia Warriors, Northern Tigers, Belconnen United, South Springvale, Hakoah Sydney</li>
<li>Relegated - Dandenong City, Kingborough, Clifton Hll, Wanneroo, Gold Coast Knights</li>
</ul>
<li>D2-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Mitchelton FC, Brisbane Wolves, Hills Brumbies, Dulwich Hill, Altona East</li>
<li>Relegated - Mounties Warriors, Narangba Utd, Olympic Kings, Mt Gravatt, Mt Druitt Rangers</li>
</ul>
<li>D3-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - ANU, Frenchville, Devonport City, Southern Stars, Noble Park Utd</li>
<li>Relegated - Rockingham, Forrestfield U, Riverside Olympic, Innisfail Utd, Malvern City</li>
</ul>
<li>D4-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Hurstville, Byron Bay, Thornton Redbacks, Twin City Wanderers, Myrtleford SC</li>
<li>Relegated - Tweed United, Westgate FC, Centenary Stormers, Tatura, Caboolture</li>
</ul>
<li>D5-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - SWQ Thunder, Darwin Olympic, Newmarket SC, Hoppers Crossing, Adamstown Rosebud</li>
<li>Relegated - Keysborough, Bluebirds Utd, Northern Storm, Leichardt FC</li>
</ul>
<li>D6-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Northern Fury, Western Pride, Sporting Whittlesea, Samford Rangers</li>
<li>Relegated - Shepparton South, Belmore United, Melbourne Tornado, FC Strathmore, Coolum FC, Park Ridge FC</li>
</ul>
<li>D7-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Nunawading, Uni-Azzurri, Yoogali, Charlestown, Logan Lightning, Melville City</li>
<li>Relegated - Surfers Paradise, Garuda FC, Caulfield Utd, Point Cook FC, Corio SC, Bingera FC</li>
</ul>
<li>D8-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Lambton Jaffas, New Farm United, La Trobe Uni, Hellenic Athletic, AC Carina, Monaro Panthers</li>
<li>Relegated - Hanwood FC, North Caulfield, Joondalup City, Maroochydore, Quinns FC</li>
</ul>
<li>D9-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Waverley Wanderers, Spearwood Dalmatinac, Brisbane Force, Rydalmere Lions, Maribyrnong</li>
<li>Relegated - Port Kembla, Skye Utd, Sunbury Utd, Broadbeach Utd</li>
</ul>
<li>D10-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Sydenham Park, Adelaide Cobras, Bulli, Mazenod Utd</li>
<li>36th - South Yarra with 8.10.17 and -12</li>
</ul>
<li>FFA Cup:</li>
<ul>
<li>Newcastle Jets d. Rockdale City</li>
<li>Blacktown Spartans (C-League) made the quarter finals.</li>
</ul>
<li>League Cup:</li>
<ul>
<li>FNQ Heat (B-League) d. APIA Tigers (B-League)</li>
</ul>
<li>D-League Cup</li>
<ul>
<li>FNSW Institute (D1) d. Subiaco (D1)</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<div>
<u>2018/19</u></div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>A-League: Melbourne City d. Perth Glory on a 25-yard free kick stunner at 121:32.</li>
<ul>
<li>Relegated - Marconi, Rockdale, Hume City, Bayswater</li>
<ul>
<li>Oakleigh won playoff to replace Marconi</li>
</ul>
<li>Highest placed 'new' team - APIA Tigers - 9th</li>
<li>Biggest transfer out: $1.2m - Lee Ki-Je - Newcastle Jets to Sydney FC</li>
<li>Biggest transfer in: $275k - Brett Pitman - Sydney FC to Brentford</li>
</ul>
<li>B-League</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Pascoe Vale, Green Gully, Sydney Olympic, Oakleigh</li>
<li>Relegated - Dandenong Thunder, Canterbury Dragons, Croydon Kings</li>
</ul>
<li>C-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - FNQ Heat, Bonnyirgg, Parramatta FC</li>
<li>Relegated - Macarthur, Redlands, Dapto-Dandaloo</li>
</ul>
<li>D-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Hawke's Bay, Hakoah Sydney, Stirling Lions</li>
<li>Relegated - White City, WT Birkalla, Inglewood Utd, Belconnen Utd, ECU Joondalup</li>
</ul>
<li>D1-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Fraser Park, North Geelong, FNSW Institute, VTC Football, Western Knights</li>
<li>Relegated - Mitchelton, South Adelaide, Capalaba, Canberra Olympic</li>
</ul>
<li>D2-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Frenchville, North Pine Utd, Langwarrin SC, Playford City</li>
<li>Relegated - Mandurah City, Devonport City, Edgeworth Eagles, Willowburn, Launceston City</li>
</ul>
<li>D3-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Cooma, Twin City Wanderers, Morwell Pegasus, Lara, Woombye</li>
<li>Relegated - Byron Bay, Altona City, Hurstville, Adelaide Olympic, Launceston United</li>
</ul>
<li>D4-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Ulverstone, SWQ Thunder, Innisfail, Southside Utd, Forrestfield Utd</li>
<li>Relegated - Uni of Tasmania, Newmarket SC, Whittlesea Utd, Western NSW, Malvern City</li>
</ul>
<li>D5-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Northern Fury, Western Pride, Coffs Coast, KSS Jets, Endeavour Hills</li>
<li>Relegated - Samford Rangers, Jimboomba Utd, Westgate FC, Shepparton Utd</li>
</ul>
<li>D6-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Nunawading, Unzi-Azzurri, West Griffith, Brighton SC</li>
<li>Relegated - Fortuna 60, Beaumaris SC, Yoogali, Port Darwin, Singleton Strikers, Mornington SC</li>
</ul>
<li>D7-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Mackay Magpies, Ashburton Utd, Lambton Jaffas, Clinton FC, Warragul Utd, Park Ridge FC</li>
<li>Relegated - Melbourne Tornado, Brothers FC, Belmore United, Northbridge, Southern Bulls</li>
</ul>
<li>D8-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Croydon City Arrows, Waverley Wanderers, Melrose FC, Garuda FC, Geelong SC</li>
<li>Relegated - Westvale, South Coast United, Enfield Rovers, Tasmania NTC, Gawler SC</li>
</ul>
<li>D9-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Granville Rage, Yarravilla Glory, Adelaide Cobras, Murwillumbah FC, Bulli</li>
<li>Relegated - Bayside United, Fitzroy City, Keilor Park, West Wallsend</li>
</ul>
<li>D10-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Old Camberwell, Cringila Lions, Coomera, Port Kembla</li>
<li>36th - Yoogali FC with 4.13.18 and -21</li>
</ul>
<li>FFA Cup:</li>
<ul>
<li>Adelaide Utd d. Melbourne Victory</li>
<li>Biggest surprise were D6 Mornington City (who finished last in the league) riding a sweet draw through to the sixth round</li>
</ul>
<li>League Cup:</li>
<ul>
<li>Pascoe Vale (B-League) d. Northcote City (B-League)</li>
</ul>
<li>D-League Cup</li>
<ul>
<li>ANU (D2) d. Endeavour Hills (D5)</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<div>
<div>
<u>2019/20</u><br />
<u><br /></u>
I'm starting to realise there's no beating the original A-League teams. Other than the one season where the consistently strong APIA (other than the one year where they got relegated) got within striking distance of the Grand Final nobody can get near the top two. Similarly at the other end one original will always be around the relegation zone in December before powering away.<br />
<br />
Now there's a class of teams that are too good for the B-League and not good enough for the A and will go down then come back up immediately, while traditional powerhouses like South Melbourne and Melbourne Knights have gone completely tits up and can't break back into the top flight.<br />
<br />
We continue to press on in the hope of seeing something amazing happen over time.</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>A-League: Melbourne Victory d. Central Coast Mariners</li>
<ul>
<li>Relegated - Oakleigh, Sydney Olympic, Pascoe Vale</li>
<ul>
<li>West Adelaide survived playoff vs Hume City</li>
</ul>
<li>Highest placed 'new' team - APIA Tigers - 6th</li>
<li>Biggest transfer out: $2.3m - Alessandro Crescenzi - Melbourne Victory to Bournemouth</li>
<li>Biggest transfer in: $1.3m - Brendan Smith - APIA Tigers to South Coast Wolves</li>
</ul>
<li>B-League</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Rockdale City, Bentleigh Greens, Sydney United</li>
<li>Relegated - WaiBOP United, FNQ Heat</li>
</ul>
<li>C-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Palm Beach, Werribee City</li>
<li>Relegated - Hakoah Sydney, Metrostars, Hawke's Bay</li>
</ul>
<li>D-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Sunshine George, Bulleen Lions, Springvale White Eagles</li>
<li>Relegated - Fraser Park, Goulburn Valley Suns, Northern Tigers, Rochedale Rovers</li>
</ul>
<li>D1-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Hills Brumbies, White City, Pine Rivers, Adelaide Hills</li>
<li>Relegated - North Star, Altona East, FFA COE, Fawkner Blues, Langwarrin</li>
</ul>
<li>D2-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Peninsula Power, Canberra Olympic, Spirit FC, Mitchelton FC, Weston Workers</li>
<li>Relegated - Lara, Gold Coast Knights, Noble Park, Bunbury Forum Force</li>
</ul>
<li>D3-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Willowburn, Gosnells City, Mt Druitt Rangers, Southside Utd</li>
<li>Relegated - Morley Windmills, Somerset, Olympic Kingsway, Camden Tigers, South Toowoomba</li>
</ul>
<li>D4-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Northern Fury, Endeavour Hills, Western Pride, Metro FC, Hoppers Crossing</li>
<li>Relegated - Litchfield, Hurstville, KSS Jets, Adamstown Rosebud</li>
</ul>
<li>D5-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Nunawading, Surf Coast, West Griffith, Wodonga Diamonds</li>
<li>Relegated - Caboolture, Mackay, Uni Tasmania, Stratford Dolphins, Whittlesea United</li>
</ul>
<li>D6-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Coniston, Ashburton, St Kilda, Warragul, Leichhardt</li>
<li>Relegated - Oxley, Park Ridge, Peninsula Strikes, Darebin United, Hawkesbury City, Bluebirds United</li>
</ul>
<li>D7-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Melrose, Brisbane Knights, Beaumaris, Kawana, Monaro Panthers, AC Carina</li>
<li>Relegated - Monash Uni, Mornington, Palmerston, East Gosford, USQ</li>
</ul>
<li>D8-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Granville Rage, Adelaide Cobras, Northern Demons, ACTAS, UWA-Nedlands</li>
<li>Relegated - Point Cook, Springvale City, Boorondara Eagles, NTIS, North Sunshine</li>
</ul>
<li>D9-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Cringila Lions, Maroochydore, Mazenod, AC Utd, North Caulfield Maccabi</li>
<li>Relegated - Hampton Park, Quinns FC, Bankstown, Heatherton United</li>
</ul>
<li>D10-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Noarlunga Utd, Banyule City, Wollongong Utd, Moggill FC</li>
<li>36th - Eastern United with 6.12.17 and -18</li>
</ul>
<li>FFA Cup:</li>
<ul>
<li>Sydney FC d. Central Coast Mariners</li>
<li>Biggest surprise were C-League Preston into the quarter finals.</li>
</ul>
<li>League Cup:</li>
<ul>
<li>Northcote City (B-League) d. Rockdale City (B-League)</li>
</ul>
<li>D-League Cup</li>
<ul>
<li>Dulwich Hill (D1) d. Devonport City (D3)</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<div>
We continue to press on in the hope of seeing something amazing happen over time.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<u>2020/2021</u></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div>
Another year dominated by the originals. There were a three new sides in the top 10, but the closest any of the old A-League sides came to relegation was perennial disappointments Brisbane Roar finishing 15th, 11 points clear of the drop. There's a pattern every season where a couple of 'big' sides flirt with the drop in the first 10 games before doing just enough to pull away.<br />
<br />
At least APIA becoming the first new side to win the cup and getting a spot in the ACL (I don't remember making that a setting, but whatever) could herald something new and exciting for them.</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>A-League: Melbourne City d. Melbourne Victory</li>
<ul>
<li>Relegated - Bentleigh, Sydney Utd, Green Gully, Auckland City</li>
<ul>
<li>Bentleigh lost the playoff to Melbourne Knights</li>
</ul>
<li>Highest placed 'new' team - South Coast Wolves - 5th</li>
<li>Biggest transfer out: $1.9m - Dominic Samuel - Sydney FC to Millwall</li>
<li>Biggest transfer in: $1.5m - Daniel De Silva - Virus Entella to Sydney FC</li>
</ul>
<li>B-League</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Hume City, Oakleigh, Waitakere United, Melbourne Knights</li>
<li>Relegated - Olympic FC, Team Wellington</li>
</ul>
<li>C-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - FNQ Heat, Dandenong Thunder</li>
<li>Relegated - Perth, Stirling Lions, Port Melbourne</li>
</ul>
<li>D-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Moreland, VTC Football, Altona Magic</li>
<li>Relegated - Sunshine Coast, Western Strikes, Lions FC, South Hobart, Cockburn City</li>
</ul>
<li>D1-League: </li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Goulburn Valley Suns, Spirit FC, Fraser Park, Box Hill Utd, WT Birkalla</li>
<li>Relegated - Belconnen Utd, Western Suburbs, Cobram Victory, ECU Joondalup</li>
</ul>
<li>D2-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Salisbury Utd, Clifton Hill, Modbury Jets, Cooma</li>
<li>Relegated - Langwarrin, Morwell, Wanneroo, Kingsborough</li>
</ul>
<li>D3-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Endeavour Hills, Hoppers Crossing, Northern Fury, Western Pride (sixth straight promotion for the last two)</li>
<li>Relegated - Mounties Wanderers, United Warriors, Gunghalin Utd, Innisfail Utd</li>
</ul>
<li>D4-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Rockingham, Nunawading City, Woden Valley, Northern Rangers</li>
<li>Relegated - Logan Village, Riverside Olympic, Altona City, Launceston Utd, Grange Thistle</li>
</ul>
<li>D5-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Ipswich City, Adamstown Rosebud, Brighton SC, Tweet Utd, Warragul Utd</li>
<li>Relegated - Southern Branch, Newmarket, Wulguru Utd, Shell Cove FC</li>
</ul>
<li>D6-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Melville, Lambton Jaffas, Falcons 2000, Maddington White City</li>
<li>Relegated - Clinton FC, Holland Park, Western Condors, Moreland City, Logan Lightning</li>
</ul>
<li>D7-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Port Darwin, Adelaide Cobras, Garuda FC, Waverley Wanderers, Shepparton South</li>
<li>Relegated - Peninsula Strikers, FC Strathmore, Fremantle Utd, Granville Rage, ACTAS, La Trobe University</li>
</ul>
<li>D8-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Bulli, AC Utd, Corio SC, Brothers FC, Cringila Lions, Bingera</li>
<li>Relegated - East Gosford, Belmore Utd, Monash Uni, Southern Bulls, Northbridge FC, Maribyrnong Greens</li>
</ul>
<li>D9-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Doncaster Rovers, Joondalup City, Point Cook, Enfield Rovers, Banyule City, Noarlunga Utd</li>
<li>Relegated - Valentine Phoenix, North Sunshine, Cove FC, Gladesville Ryde Magic</li>
</ul>
<li>D10-League:</li>
<ul>
<li>Promoted - Port Adelaide Lion, Sunbury FC, South Yarra FC, Diamond Valley FC</li>
<li>36th - Nerang 6-11-18 and -16</li>
</ul>
<li>FFA Cup:</li>
<ul>
<li>APIA Tigers d. Perth Glory</li>
<li>Doveton finished 34th in the D10 League but somehow made the fifth round</li>
</ul>
<li>League Cup:</li>
<ul>
<li>Manly Utd (B-League) d. Pascoe Vale (B-League)</li>
</ul>
<li>D-League Cup</li>
<ul>
<li>Northern Fury d. Western Suburbs</li>
</ul>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
Updates on future seasons to follow, until I lose interest/find something better to do and this post becomes a monument to one lazy long weekend afternoon..</div>
<div>
</div>
Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-43293814514204685942016-08-13T08:46:00.002+10:002016-08-13T08:46:34.347+10:00Election 2016 recountedIn February this year I tried helpfully devised <a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com.au/2016/02/all-aboard-electoral-reform-bandwagon.html" target="_blank">a new electoral system</a> to introduce enough 'other' parties into parliament without letting them become a nuisance. You can read the full proposal (and the 2013 results) here, but effectively it's a unicameral parliament where 100 members come from a closed party list vote, and the other 100 come from enlarged electorates.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>List vote</b></div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
Each party gets one seat for each full percent, plus one bonus seat for reaching the quota. Then whatever is left to 100 is filled by giving seats to the parties that went closest to another full percent. Last time I subtracted -1.75% from the two major parties and -0.50% from the Greens then added +20% to everyone else to simulate the effect of people knowing that their minor party votes aren't entirely wasted. Looks like a lot of people realised that in the election so I'm changing the calculation to -0.50% for the majors, -0.10% for Green and +5% for everyone else. I've also dialled down the informal in the hope that having to put one number in one box will be easier - but acknowledging that a lot of people like to draw cock and/or balls.</div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
LNP, Liberal, National and Country Liberal and counted in the same grouping. Sex Party/HEMP counted as Sex Party.</div>
<div>
<br /><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoNormalTable" style="border-collapse: collapse; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 0cm 0cm 0cm; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184; width: 640px;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Party</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2013 vote</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2016 vote</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">% Seats</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Bonus</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Total</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">LNP<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">35.96<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">33.79<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">33<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1 +1
extra<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">35 (-2)</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">ALP</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">28.36</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">29.29</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">29</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">30 (+1)</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Greens</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">8.15</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">8.55</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">8</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1 + 1 extra</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">10 (+1)</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">One Nation</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.63<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">4.50<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">4<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">5 (+5)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">NXT</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2.31</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">3.46</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">3</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">4 (+1)</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Liberal Democrats</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">4.69</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2.26</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">3 (-2)</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Hinch</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">N/A</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2.02</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">3 (+3)</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Shooters</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1.14</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1.45</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Family First</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1.33</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1.44</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Sex Party</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1.64</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1.29</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Christian Democrats</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.64</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1.23</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2 (+2)</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Animal Justice<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.84<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1.20<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2 (+2)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Liberty Alliance<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">N/A<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.77<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">DLP<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1.00<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.71<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0 (-2)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Health<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">N/A<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.65<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Lambie Network<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">N/A<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.52<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Christians<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.41<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.50<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Drug Reform<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.08<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.46<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Motoring<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.60<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.40<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Katter<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1.06<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.40<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0 (-2)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Lazarus<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">N/A<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.35<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Marriage Equality<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">N/A<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.35<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Arts Party<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">N/A<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.28<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Rise Up Australia<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.39<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.27<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Pirate Party<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.39<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.27<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">OTHER<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0.59<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">INFORMAL<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">3.00<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.35pt;" valign="top" width="111"></td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.8pt;" valign="top" width="94"></td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.1pt;" valign="top" width="123"></td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113"></td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85"></td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113"></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td colspan="3" style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 246.25pt;" valign="top" width="328"></td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">86 (-1)</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.75pt;" valign="top" width="85">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">12 (+1)</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 85.0pt;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #222222;"><b>Electorate seats + list seats</b><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
Below assumes Greens, NXT, Katter and independents still win enlarged seats. Last time I assumed Katter would run on the party list, but he's got such a large margin that you can see him taking on the most difficult task of winning the seat. At the same time you can get better value for 1% Senate vote with the bonus, so maybe he would run at the top of the Queensland ticket to try and maximise the value there?<br />
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
</div>
<br />
<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoNormalTable" style="border-collapse: collapse; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 0cm 0cm 0cm; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184; width: 612px;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 125.9pt;" valign="top" width="168">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Party</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 5.0cm;" valign="top" width="189">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Electorate seats</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 106.3pt;" valign="top" width="142">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">List seats</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Total</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 125.9pt;" valign="top" width="168">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">LNP<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 5.0cm;" valign="top" width="189">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">49<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 106.3pt;" valign="top" width="142">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">35<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">84<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 125.9pt;" valign="top" width="168">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">ALP</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 5.0cm;" valign="top" width="189">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">46<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 106.3pt;" valign="top" width="142">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">30<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">76<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 125.9pt;" valign="top" width="168">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Greens</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 5.0cm;" valign="top" width="189">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 106.3pt;" valign="top" width="142">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">10<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">11<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 125.9pt;" valign="top" width="168">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">One Nation</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 5.0cm;" valign="top" width="189">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 106.3pt;" valign="top" width="142">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">5<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">5<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 125.9pt;" valign="top" width="168">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">NXT</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 5.0cm;" valign="top" width="189">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 106.3pt;" valign="top" width="142">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">4<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">5<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 125.9pt;" valign="top" width="168">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Hinch<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 5.0cm;" valign="top" width="189">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 106.3pt;" valign="top" width="142">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">3<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">3<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 125.9pt;" valign="top" width="168">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Liberal Democrats<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">3<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Animal Justice<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Christian Democrats<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Family First<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Sex Party<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Shooters<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Katter</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">0<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">1<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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So, everyone except Katter gets a friend in parliament and the LNP need to find 16 votes to get anything through. Will probably create chaos, but I'm into it.</div>
Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-39283844726599761152016-02-22T22:08:00.001+11:002022-07-10T13:14:12.209+10:00All aboard the electoral reform bandwagon<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Not surprisingly since 'other' parties worked out how to rort the Senate
voting system into electing them on six year terms with a sliver of the popular
vote, electoral reform has suddenly become a hot issue. Nobody seemed too concerned when the major parties used to run the joint unhindered, but now the big
hitters are clubbing together to demolish the micro parties for good.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As much as I'm a "Vote Other" fanatic these proposals are not without some justification considering </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">that only questionable electoral practices stopped a man
being elected on the ‘Sports Party’ ticket at the last election, presumably ready to introduce pro-Modern </span><span style="color: #222222;">Pentathlon</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"> legislation. The only issues I have with the new proposal (other than the loss
of comedy value from people inadvertently winning election) are that they go slightly too far against the smaller parties, and that the Senate is a dud house to start with. What genius thought of electing these people for six years and leaving the terms unbalanced with the House so people get voted out but still hang around for a few months for the laughs.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Hearing other people's proposals for this sort of thing is usually as welcome as somebody giving you a run-down of their Supercoach team, but be
that as it may I've come up with an alternative proposal that I’d like to bore
you shitless with.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">First it should be noted that this system could be applied to the Senate
only with an extension of members and terms tied in with the lower house but I'm
going to take the extreme position and suggest we abolish the house entirely. This
is usually a terrible idea, but under my plan you don’t have to be like
Queensland (except for that uncomfortable period when they elected a swathe of
One Nation members) and entrench hands in the power of the governing party for
a full term. If you like stable government I've practically got you covered, if you like novelty minor parties I can do that for you too.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We'll achieve this by merging the houses, with half its members to be elected in the traditional manner to represent electorates and the other half chosen via party lists. When you roll into the polling place on election day you'll be given a preferential ballot paper for your local seat and one for a party as part of a single national vote. </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">There’s no below the line because you have
to wear whatever order the party puts the candidates in, nobody cares now so I'm not expecting them to in the future.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This is where it starts getting complicated - to have 200 MPs made up of 100 each you'll need to reduce parliament by 26 members overall with 50 fewer electorates and 24
more members elected via the list. There’s my first cost saving - $5.2 million
a year on salaries alone, which should pay for the renovations required to build a
super-chamber which fits 200.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I've arrived at my reduced electorate numbers by using the same proportion of seats each state has in the current 150 strong (?) and fitting that to 100. It involves a stitch-up for Tasmania which is promised five seats minimum in the Constitution, but as this is going to take the sort of tinkering with the electoral system that will require a referendum anyway so let's pretend we all ganged up on the Tasmanians and made them earn their seats by population like everyone else.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">The other minor loser is Victoria, who was closer to a full percentage point than the ACT and Northern Territory but I decided it was fairer to leave them with what they have now. </span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">State<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">150 seats<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">100 seats<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">New South Wales<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 196.3pt;" valign="top" width="262"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">48<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 154.05pt;" valign="top" width="205"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">32<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 111.75pt;" valign="top" width="149"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Victoria<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 196.3pt;" valign="top" width="262"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">37<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 154.05pt;" valign="top" width="205"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">24<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 111.75pt;" valign="top" width="149"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Queensland<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 196.3pt;" valign="top" width="262"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">30<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 154.05pt;" valign="top" width="205"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">20<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 111.75pt;" valign="top" width="149"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Western Australia<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 196.3pt;" valign="top" width="262"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">15<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 154.05pt;" valign="top" width="205"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">10<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 111.75pt;" valign="top" width="149"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">South Australia<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 196.3pt;" valign="top" width="262"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 154.05pt;" valign="top" width="205"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">7<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 111.75pt;" valign="top" width="149"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tasmania<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 196.3pt;" valign="top" width="262"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">5<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 154.05pt;" valign="top" width="205"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">3<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 111.75pt;" valign="top" width="149"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">ACT<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 196.3pt;" valign="top" width="262"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 154.05pt;" valign="top" width="205"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 111.75pt;" valign="top" width="149"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Northern Territory<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 196.3pt;" valign="top" width="262"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 154.05pt;" valign="top" width="205"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So once you've voted in your electorate seat you turn to the list vote. Everyone in Australia is looking at the same ballot paper, and it's up to the parties to deliver a fair and attractive balance of candidates from around the country - none of which will appear </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">on the ballot paper, you’ll
have to do your research in advance or peruse the list at the polling station.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
Your one vote above when the line used to be will give us an overall national
figure for each eligible party (there will have to be a reasonable fee to participate, as well as some major party
registration rule changes to stop it turning out like the 1999
New South Wales Legislative Council election where there were <a href="https://www.elections.nsw.gov.au/results/state_elections_-_legislative_council/1999/1999_lc_group_totals">so
many candidates</a> that the letters went from A, through AZ into the C’s plus
a handful of mad bastards who ran ungrouped in the hope that enough people
would number a thousand boxes to elect them) and one seat from the list
allotment shall be distributed to each party who meets or passes the quota of
1%.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This isn’t just an arbitrary mark to make calculating a winner easier, it’s
just enough to get a few unusual parties into parliament without them
automatically becoming a large enough block to cause trouble knowing they have
a six year free ride before presumably being voted out. Under this system </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">they will remain a chance of re-election unless they stuff up in spectacular fashion so that should help them behave accordingly. </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">It still leaves parties
vulnerable to members doing a runner a’la Lambie, Lazarus, Madigan etc.. but so
</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">does any system.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So one member per percentage point is easy, but how dealing with the leftovers is where it gets tricky. I propose a two stage strategy, each party that hits the quote gets an extra seat from the highest vote getter until all seats are allocated. Any further leftovers from there are distributed to the parties which went closest </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">to achieving a full percentage quota. </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">It's not
perfect but it’s a small price to pay for the balance between putting group
voting tickets out on their ear and still making it realistic for small parties
to be elected.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
There are probably big enough holes in this plan to drive a truck through, but one
is not Antony Green so indulge me an electoral fantasy. Here’s an example based on the 2013 Federal Election results for the Senate. To try and
better simulate the effects of voters knowing their votes for minor parties
might mean something I've subtracted 1.75% from each of the two major parties
and 0.50% from the Greens and added +20% to the vote of each party below
them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<table border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoTableGrid" style="border-collapse: collapse; border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184; width: 640px;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Party<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2013 vote<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Adjusted total<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">% Seats<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Bonus<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Extra<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">LNP<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">37.71<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">35.96<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">35<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1 (for 0.96)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">ALP<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">30.11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">28.36<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">28<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Greens<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">8.65<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">8.15<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">8<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Palmer United<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">4.91<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">5.89<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">5<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1 (for 0.89)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Liberal Democrats<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">3.91<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">4.69<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">4<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Xenophon<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1.93<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2.31<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sex Party<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1.37<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1.64<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Family First<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1.11<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1.33<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Shooters<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.95<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1.14<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Katter Party<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.89<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1.06<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">DLP<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.84<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1.00<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">HEMP<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.71<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.85<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Animal Justice<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.70<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.84<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Wikileaks<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.66<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.79<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Christian
Democrats<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.54<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.64<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">One Nation<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.53<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.63<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Motoring<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.50<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.60<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 83.4pt;" valign="top" width="111"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Christians<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 70.85pt;" valign="top" width="94"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.40<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 92.15pt;" valign="top" width="123"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0.48<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td colspan="3" style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 246.4pt;" valign="top" width="329"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">87<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 63.8pt;" valign="top" width="85"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">11<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 3.0cm;" valign="top" width="113"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As you can see that Clive Palmer does better in this
thinly veiled ‘model’ because he ran a nationwide campaign. On the other hand Nick Xenophon would no doubt have won more than three seats if this system had been in place because he'd had picked up votes from around the country on name value rather than being concentrated in South Australia.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">The Liberal Democrats also make out like bandits here, almost entirely because of their spot on the ballot in New South Wales, but if that’s
because dopey people thought they were the real Liberal Party (despite them
being on the ballot as well) that’s where putting party logos on the ballot
paper should help.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This is the best I can do without proper analysis, but as you can see under
this estimation we get a good spread of parties but not in such numbers that
they be completely obstructionist. The big two end up with 66% of the seats on
about 64.5% of the vote, so it’s as close to the will of the people as you’re
going to get on that front.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">If you just applied this system to the Senate you’d still be left with
the government of the day trying to herd cats to get legislation through, but
that’s before we add the results of the electorate seats which will in all likelihood
bias towards the big parties like it always has.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In estimating the figures for the electorate seats I've made the assumptions that both Clive Palmer and Bob Katter choose to run on the party lists to get an easier ride, so the LNP take both their seats. I'm going
to give the Greens seat back to the ALP based on the larger electorate size,
but will go with the two independents retaining their seats. Whichever party,
coalition or grouping gets to 101 members by any means necessary wins. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<table border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoTableGrid" style="border-collapse: collapse; border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Electorate seats<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">List seats<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Total seats<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">LNP<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">61<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">37<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">98<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">ALP<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">37<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">29<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">66<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Greens<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">9<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">9<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Palmer United<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">7<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">7<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Liberal Democrats<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">5<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">5<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Xenophon<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">3<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">3<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sex Party<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
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<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Family First<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Shooters<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
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<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Katter Party<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
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<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">DLP<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
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<td style="border-top: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Independents<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.5pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">0<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 115.55pt;" valign="top" width="154"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br />
Look, everyone gets a friend to sit with. I couldn't see too many situations where there were so many parties that hit the threshold that they didn't all get the bonus point, but it could have happened in the example above if about 3% more of the formal vote was lost to the parties who didn't qualify so it's not impossible for somebody to end up sitting on their own for three years.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In this example the LNP had a relatively comfortable election victory but still has to find three more numbers
to govern, leading to them doing small deals with small parties rather than bending over
backwards doing massive deals to try and win over one of a limited number of options. Obviously the closer and more spread out an election gets the more complicated it’s
going to get, but as you can see from the figures above it’s not
impossible for one of the majors to score an outright majority.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Added benefits include all the business of the parliament being
conducted in the one house so time isn't wasted bouncing bills back and forth.
Additionally all the action is happening in the one place, with all ministers
and shadow ministers on the same battlefield in front of the camera instead of
being hidden away or wasted in a house nobody cares about until they want
something from it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The next cost-saving is to eliminate all by-elections and just directly
appoint a member of the same party no matter what the reason. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
I'm not realistic enough to think this could ever get up, even if MPs agreed to
put the question to the people and effectively sack 26 of them I know Tasmania
is already going to be a no because they would lose their disproportionate representation
across both houses, and under the ridiculous referendum laws of this country
that’s as good as Victoria or New South Wales voting for it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Still, I think there’s some merit to this compared to either the
existing system or the one now being proposed. If you've got any suggested
alterations I’d be happy to hear them and update the post accordingly to credit
your additions.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And if the PM is reading, and I know he always hangs out patiently for a new TSP post, I'm happy to donate this system in return for a night out at The Lodge and you don't even have to show up.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/HTDiC0huVDs" width="420"></iframe></span></span></div>
Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-37989556062702967102015-02-06T19:12:00.002+11:002022-07-10T13:14:06.667+10:0010 ways Julie Bishop can turn on Tony AbbottPractically anything can be explained by reference to a professional wrestling storyline produced some time between 1980 and the current day. The only thing more obviously scripted than 'sports entertainment' is politics and that's why as part of the further Buzzfeedification of this site and my attempt to be hired as a <a href="http://www.news.com.au/sport/american-sports/how-the-undertaker-ensured-steve-austin-became-wwe-champion-at-wrestlemania-xiv/story-fnq2nnu6-1227210444688" target="_blank">news.com.au correspondent</a> here are 10 ways that Julie can do what's best for business and bring the house down by putting poor old Tone out of his misery with a well-timed shovel to the bonce* **<br />
<br />
<b>1. Walk off and leave him to be destroyed by others</b><br />
As seen when: Rick Martel wandered off on Tito Santana at Wrestlemania V<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.dailymotion.com/embed/video/x7ch2s" width="480"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>2. Lure us into thinking you've come to save the day then leg drop him and take over</b><br />
As seen when: Hulk Hogan joined the New World Order in 1996<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/jTOElx4nT6w" width="420"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>3. Team up with Tony to face Turnbull and a mystery partner for the leadership, then reveal that you are the mystery partner</b><br />
As seen when: Cody Rhodes revealed he was Ted DiBiase Jr's mystery partner and won the tag titles off himself<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="510" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/5OEzg0_XQZA#t=121" width="854"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>4. Make a deal with the devil himself</b><br />
As seen when: Stone Cold Steve Austin teamed up with Vince McMahon at the end of Wrestlemania X7<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="510" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wM8kNZfv3cU" width="854"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>5. Feign a reunification then finish him off with an unnecessary brutal flourish</b><br />
As seen when: Shawn Michaels lobbed Marty Jannetty through Brutus the Barber Beefcake's window<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="510" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/hsvUNQyWFhw" width="854"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>6. Use somebody he trusts implicity to set him up</b><br />
As seen when: Paul Bearer donked Undertaker on the bonce with the urn and joined Mankind at Summerslam '96<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="510" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/GpVnAX5i7eI" width="854"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>7. Sell out and use rich corporate interests to take over (NB: May have already happened)</b><br />
As seen when: The Rock became the Corporate Champion<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="510" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/iDdG-7bsQos" width="854"></iframe><br />
<br />
<b>8. Show up as a pundit, ask him nicely to step aside then beat the piss out of him when he refuses</b><br />
As seen when: Terry Funk beat the living bejesus out of Ric Flair in 1989<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.dailymotion.com/embed/video/x29zrj3" width="480"></iframe><br />
<br />
<b>9. Let Tone wear himself out in a gruelling battle against somebody else, then turn up just as he wins and steal the prize</b><br />
As seen when: Edge cashed in his Money In The Bank contract<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="510" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/dcfUDFrlewo" width="854"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>10. </b><b>Don't even wait for the result to be decided, just declare a winner.</b><br />
As when: Vince McMahon/Bret Hart screwed Bret Hart at Survivor Series 1997<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="510" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/TnjqgiWgSsA" width="854"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b>
And one way she can do the exact opposite:<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>1. Tease a battle, then lose deliberately, admit it was all a scam and reunite the team</b><br />
As seen when: Hulk Hogan, Kevin Nash and Scott Hall did the 'fingerpoke of doom'<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Di2DX_3KStQ" width="420"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b>
* Feel free to bring the post back when Tony rebounds to win nine elections in a row<br />
** I'd rather Turnbull but the last time he had to lead some of the muppets in that partyroom was a shambles so I'd rather not be emotionally invested THANKS.Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-84397798400806836782015-01-03T14:32:00.001+11:002022-07-10T17:49:27.869+10:00Glittering Prize X: TSP's 'Top' 35 of 2014<i>Please note: there has been a change in the order since the original post. This is unprecedented but the countdown is in such a state of disarray anyway that it's only fair that when I realise a song I heard five seconds before compiling this countdown is actually a belter than it gets changed accordingly</i> <br />
<br />
There's a point in your life where you realise that you've got no interest in what's popular and are happy to stick with the old stuff. For me this first happened in about 1997, but a trip to England in 2005 fired me up again and led to the David Lee Roth Medal (no idea why) for Song of the Year.<br />
<br />
On this, the 10th anniversary of the medal, it's my sad duty to inform you that I've hit the limit again and had an absolute howler of a year musically. My shortlist only initially extended to 33 so there may be some extreme padding to be had. Next year it could be a top five. But don't let that get you down, there's a countdown to be had. Isn't that right DLR?<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.insurancesamurai.com/wp-content/uploads/david-lee-roth.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="298" src="http://www.insurancesamurai.com/wp-content/uploads/david-lee-roth.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />
<br />
Before we get at it a quick recap of the past results, and it really does look like the rot set in when I opted for the drastically unpopular My Chemical Romance that time. The top fives have never been the same since.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com.au/2005/12/additional.html" target="_blank"><b>2005</b></a><br />
1. Kaiser Chiefs - I Predict A Riot<br />
2. Maximo Park - Apply Some Pressure<br />
3. Goldfrapp - Ooh La La<br />
4. The Killers - Somebody Told Me<br />
5. Bloc Party - Helicopter<br />
<br />
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com.au/2006/12/night-of-nights.html" target="_blank"><b>2006</b></a><br />
1. The Young Knives - Here Comes The Rumor Mill<br />
2. Giant Drag - This Isn’t It<br />
3. Silvia Night - Congratulations<br />
4. Lily Allen - LDN<br />
5. Joey Negro - Make A Move On Me<br />
<br />
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2007/12/glittering-prize.html" target="_blank"><b>2007</b></a><br />
1. The Hold Steady - Chips Ahoy!<br />
2. New Young Pony Club - Ice Cream<br />
3. The Teenagers - Homecoming<br />
4. Arctic Monkeys - Fluorescent Adolescent<br />
5. Jack Penate - Spit At Stars<br />
<br />
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2008/12/tsps-top-50-of-2008.html" target="_blank"><b>2008</b></a><br />
1. Lethal Bizzle - The Come Up<br />
2. Neon Neon - Luxury Pool<br />
3. MGMT - Electric Feel<br />
4. Empire Of The Sun - Walking On A Dream<br />
5. Fryars - Olive Eyes<br />
<br />
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2009/12/tsps-top-50-of-2009.html" target="_blank"><b>2009</b></a><br />
1. N.A.S.A - Spacious Thoughts (featuring Tom Waits and Kool Keith)<br />
2. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Heads Will Roll<br />
3. Boy Crisis - The Fountain of Youth<br />
4. Bat For Lashes - Daniel<br />
5. Low Fidelity All Stars - The Good Times<br />
<br />
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2010/12/tsps-top-50-tracks-of-2010.html" target="_blank"><b>2010</b></a><br />
1. My Chemical Romance - Bulletproof Heart<br />
2. Goldfrapp - Rocket<br />
3. Lena - Satellite<br />
4. Keane - Stop For A Minute (featuring K'naan)<br />
5. Paul Heaton - Even A Palm Tree<br />
<br />
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2011/12/tsps-top-50-of-2011.html" target="_blank"><b>2011</b></a><br />
1. REM - Discoverer<br />
2. MEN - Credit Card Babies (Stereogamous Remix)<br />
3. The Strokes - Taken For A Fool<br />
4. Dutch Uncles - The Ink<br />
5. Calvin Harris and Kelis - Bounce<br />
<br />
<b><a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/tsps-top-of-50-of-2012.html" target="_blank">2012</a></b><br />
1. Loreen - Euphoria<br />
2. Escort - Cocaine Blues<br />
3. Plan B - Deepest Shame<br />
4. Jim Noir - Ping Pong Time Tennis<br />
5. Elton John vs PNAU - Icy Black Stare<br />
<br />
<b><a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com.au/2013/12/tsps-top-50-of-2013.html" target="_blank">2013</a></b><br />
1. Franz Ferdinand - Right Action<br />
2. Daft Punk - Get Lucky<br />
3. Daft Punk - Lose Yourself To Dance<br />
4. Arcade Fire - Reflektor<br />
5. Cold War Kids - Jailbirds<br />
<br />
A quick recap of the rules - no more than two tracks per artist, no covers and no convincing justification for any inclusions. Got it? Then let's cross to our host at the all new TSP Towers for the countdown of 40 songs that I'll probably never listen to again plus a couple of stormers. Have it at music fans.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v325/supermercado/nflmate.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v325/supermercado/nflmate.jpg" width="217" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>35. <a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/77iY2hs1zlErDeWoT3PpBH" target="_blank">Electric Six - Karate Lips</a></b><br />
No video, we're off to a ripping start here.<br />
<br />
Previous entries (1):<br />
2010 - The Newark Airport Boogie (#14)<br />
<br />
<b>34. Babyshambles - Fireman</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/ojb7MGzWDpo" width="420"></iframe><br />
Having missed The Libertines entirely in this countdown we are unfortunately forced to rely on the irregular appearances of Pete "off his nut" Doherty until they do the right thing and release another album.<br />
<br />
Previous entries (3):<br />
2005 - Fuck Forever (#13)<br />
2007 - Carry On Up The Morning (#62)<br />
2013 - Nothing Comes To Nothing (#37)<br />
<br />
<b>33. Luke Haines - Cerne Abbas Man</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/z4hFeQ7dNkI" width="560"></iframe><br />
Mythical creature waves his dong around 1970s New York in classic Haines lyrical gambit.<br />
<br />
Previous entries (3):<br />
2009 - 21st Century Man (#19)<br />
2011 - We Are Unusual Men (#13)<br />
2011 - Inside The Restless Mind of Rollerball Rocco (#9)<br />
<br />
<b>32. Jenny Lewis - The Voyager</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/tPFWeMtTob0" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
<b>31. Taylor Swift - Blank Space</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/e-ORhEE9VVg" width="560"></iframe><br />
In the future when golden oldies radio reaches 21st century pop status Taylor will be its queen and Justin Timberlake its king. All else will be shite.<br />
<br />
<b>30. The Baseball Project - To The Veteran's Committee</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/NWvkhzC014s" width="560"></iframe><br />
Probably completely pointless if you're not familiar with the subject matter.<br />
<br />
<b>29. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Red River</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/Qv3oaDX9ikY" width="560"></iframe><br />
Still alive apparently.<br />
<br />
Previous entries (1):<br />
2010 - I Should Have Known It (#45)<br />
<br />
<b>28. Drive By Truckers - The Part of Him</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/deYfd6sGdds" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
<b>27. Manic Street Preachers - Futurology</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/2E8Iy-AZdl4" width="560"></iframe><br />
Not as good as they used to be (this will be a recurring theme) but still doing reasonable enough work.<br />
<br />
Previous entries (1):<br />
2010 - A Billion Balconies Facing The Sun (#18)<br />
<br />
<b>26. Honeyblood - Super Rat</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/xz9VI--K_Mg" width="560"></iframe><br />
The sort of song you'd probably hear on Triple J, and if I had I'd probably have hated it. There is no doubt in the world it will now be ranked #1 in their countdown and I'll have to go back and delete these comments. If it's <i>not </i>on their playlist then sack the musical director and hire me because I know your audience better than you do after not listening for 20 years.<br />
<br />
<b>25. Pixies - Silver Snail</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/X6QuKGjyYFk" width="560"></iframe><br />
About the same as you remember them, but from the bits of the albums you probably fast forward through now.<br />
<br />
Previous entries (1):<br />
2013 - Bagboy (#34)<br />
<br />
<b>24. The Baseball Project - 13</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/80BYo0I5GOo" width="560"></iframe><br />
Or to call it by its working title "A-Rod Is A Shit Bloke"<br />
<br />
<b>23. Sun Kil Moon - Micheline</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/QvNAHBI1V4o" width="420"></iframe><br />
<br />
<b>22. Mark Kozelek and Desertshore - Livingstone Bramble</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/hBSgHHF2swE" width="560"></iframe><br />
Kozelek (as Sun Kil Moon) is responsible for one of the better 14.33 long songs <a href="https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&sqi=2&ved=0CB8QyCkwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DuiNzirkNHFk&ei=rPKdVJXWPKHYmAXy84LwCw&usg=AFQjCNHqyb5G7MY4BMUg8FxfhkFL4-uE1g&sig2=4Yriw_B8PZGob3I4r3cfuQ&bvm=bv.82001339,d.dGY" target="_blank">you'll ever hear</a>, and his MO hasn't changed much since.<br />
<br />
<b>21. Klaxons - There Is No Other Time</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/kzvipIMj9NM" width="560"></iframe><br />
Infrequent chart contenders still trying to blaze a trail for whatever the hell "Nu-Rave" is/was.<br />
<br />
Previous entries (2):<br />
2007 - Golden Skans (#26)<br />
2010 - Flashover (#24)<br />
<br />
<b>20. Sun Kil Moon - Ben's My Friend</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/CMuo7GFXa0k" width="560"></iframe><br />
Now clearly I'm bending the rules here as Kozalek fever has now extended to three different songs in the countdown, but bad luck they're under different names so I'm allowing it.<br />
<br />
<b>19. Gruff Rhys - American Interior</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/rMybiPjykD0" width="560"></iframe><br />
He's unlikely to ever involve himself in another concept album as good as <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stainless_Style" target="_blank">Stainless Style</a>, but the ex-Super Furry Animals man can't be faulted for having a go - which is more than I can say for this countdown. On this occasion he's opted for the altogether baffling tale of a poet who travelled to America (and indeed its interior) in 1792 to find a tribe of Welsh speaking Native Americans. Obviously he was off his chop, and the album doesn't stretch much past this song but it's a good one.<br />
<br />
<b>18. Ghost Beach - Moon Over Japan</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/7o64BEMhMAM" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
<b>17. Twin Atlantic - Heart and Soul</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/DlpZ8z1bNfk" width="560"></iframe><br />
The most Scottish thing since voting to stay part of somebody else's country.<br />
<br />
Previous entries (1):<br />
2011 - Make A Beast Of Myself (#11)<br />
<br />
<b>16. Circa Waves - Young Chasers</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/srP2jLK9fn0" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
<b>15. <a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/2OQcvwWJhfkWN8QJwnMk2Q" target="_blank">Scud Mountain Boys - The Mendicant</a></b><br />
Apparently it's about somebody who hangs around at home all day whopping off over questionable content on the internet. Stop fidgeting at the back. No video available, which is ironic considering the subject matter.<div><br />
<b>14. Elbow - Charge</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/nghmOMdL4fM" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
Previous entries (2):<br />
2008 - One Day Like This (#41)<br />
2008 - The Fix (#11)<br />
<br />
<b>13. John Newman - Cheating</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/i8N6SScXb8M" width="560"></iframe><br />
Not the footy guy, but it would be an appropriate subject. I like it because it makes a big noise.<br />
<br />
<b>12. Drive By Truckers - Shit Shot Counts</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/RURjjKFzU_8" width="560"></iframe><br />
Tex from I'm Alan Partridge, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abmrAf0evgk" target="_blank">the man who likes American things</a>, would love this band. They'll never top <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Southern_Rock_Opera" target="_blank">this album</a>, but we'll get a few decent tracks out of them trying.<br />
<br />
Previous entries (1):<br />
2011 - Go Go Boots (#33)<br />
<br />
<b>11. Ex Hex - Hot And Cold</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/2bhLw3v_tiY" width="560"></iframe><br />
And not that the video has any effect on the ranking but it's top shelf and involves a sizeable lump of ham.<br />
<br />
<b>10. Pixies - Indie Cindy</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/PDa3cY7U6NA" width="560"></iframe><br />
Obviously not as good as the original version but what is?<br />
<br />
Previous entries (1):<br />
2013 - Bagboy (#34)<br />
<br />
<b>9. Babyshambles - Maybelline</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/x1g75CWYRPo" width="420"></iframe><br />
Gloriously shambolic.<br />
<br />
Previous entries (3):<br />
2005 - Fuck Forever (#13)<br />
2007 - Carry On Up The Morning (#62)<br />
2013 - Nothing Comes To Nothing (#37)<br />
<br />
<b>8. Taylor Swift - Shake It Off</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/nfWlot6h_JM" width="560"></iframe><br />
Every year there's at least one mass market pop song which ticks all the boxes. Last year Daft Punk did about seven, and two of them were at the VIP end of the countdown. This isn't quite at that level, but <a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2014/12/aria-you-ready-2014-in-review.html" target="_blank">as discussed here</a> TS was the saviour of chart friendly pop music in 2014. Also good work to YouTube on picking Taylor's upskirting masterclass as their video preview image.<br />
<br />
<b>7. Mark Kozelek and Desertshore - Mariette</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/lq90iswId34" width="560"></iframe><br />
And that's a four for Mark. It's music to throw yourself into a river to, but at the same time it's lovely stuff. This will only take you 3.02 and it ends with a nice bit of piano at the end.<br />
<br />
<b>6. <a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/2z2YwFxajr4LVmji4cPORY" target="_blank">Willie Jones - The Road From Rags to Riches</a></b><br />
It took him 73 years to record his debut solo album, and now that he's made my countdown he can probably give up happily.<br />
<br />
<b>5. Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds - In The Heat Of The Moment</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/4thCOmIMuVM" width="560"></iframe><br />
There's no doubt in the world that Noel is the better brother (musically and personally), but it's taken him long enough to qualify for the countdown. The man knows how to write a big chorus, now if only he had a gormless but big-voiceboxed sibling to deliver for him.<br />
<br />
<b>4. Graham Parker and the Rumour - Stop Crying About The Rain</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/wMCu-lK3cQg" width="560"></iframe><br />
He's about 250 years old, and evidence suggests that this might have come out as early as 2012 but the first I heard about it was on an album released early this year so I'm putting it in. As far as jangling guitar work goes it's significantly better than anything Ed Sheeran has involved himself in since that song about the drug addicted prostitute.<br />
<br />
<b>3. Future Islands - Seasons (Waiting On You)</b><br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/-5Ae-LhMIG0" width="560"></iframe><br /><br />This is the song that had to be promoted after listening to it a second time. A wholehearted performance and worthy of its place on the 'best songs of the year' list where I found it.<br />
<br />
<b>2. Syn Cole - Miami 82 (Vocal Mix)</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/lots4lm6W7s" width="560"></iframe><br /><br /></div><div>
I'd never have listened to this if I a) didn't have an interest in songs featuring place names (no really) and b) somebody I'm chums with on Spotify hadn't listened to it first. It's that one song a year that appeals to the 1% of my brain which still wishes I was in my mid-20's and getting mashed every weekend instead of taking up the cause of bland living. Not sure if it ever made a cent (not compared to T. Swift anyway), but whoever Syn is (are they associated with the radio station which broadcast <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ui19H3MVGqo&list=UUp2Hh_FRjljz3oSjNpjN7KQ" target="_blank">this tripe</a> in 2004?) they will be buoyed to have been declared my favourite pop cheese of the season.<br />
<br />
<b>1. Jungle - Busy Earnin'</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/BcsfftwLUf0" width="560"></iframe><br /><br /></div><div>
Want to know just how bad a music year it's been for me? I got this from an ad for <i>Broad City</i> on the Comedy Channel. Never heard it anywhere else, never saw it mentioned in a music magazine (oh yes, I'm still pressing on there with rapidly diminishing returns) just in a Comedy Channel ad. It really was the only track of the year that made a major, lasting impression on me.<br />
<br />
Back next year with a top five.</div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-9369717126581448072014-12-13T13:00:00.003+11:002022-07-10T17:16:27.787+10:00ARIA you ready - 2014 in reviewI've not seriously followed the charts since 1999, a year that gave us the future classic <i>Baby, One More Time </i>and <a href="http://www.aria.com.au/pages/aria-charts-end-of-year-charts-top-100-singles-1999.htm" target="_blank">unholy gash</a> like Mambo #5 and <i>Believe </i>by Cher - the song that set vocal effects back a decade. It was a good time to stop caring, and 15 years later is as good a time as any to go back and pay attention again. I've listened to the 13 number one singles on the ARIA charts during 2014 so you don't have to. Unlucky for some, quite possibly me as I'm expecting them all to be rubbish - which conveniently ignores that no matter what era you grew up in and hold dear that the #1 songs were probably shithouse then too.<br />
<br />
I'm not entirely sure how the charts work these days, but I'm told that it involves a mix of physical and digital sales - which is a long way from the days when you'd go to Brashs on Burke Road, Camberwell and peruse the cassingles but whatever. I'm surprised they haven't added streaming yet, but I'm sure it will go from <a href="http://www.ariacharts.com.au/chart/streaming-tracks" target="_blank">its own chart</a> to part of the mainstream countdown before long.<br />
<br />
It didn't seem like a lot of different songs compared to last year's 18 but it's not unreasonable given that there were only 14 in 1990 and just nine in that ropey 1999. The difference is that songs now seem more likely to have multiple reigns at the top than just putting in a six week stint then plummeting out of the top 40. I'm not entirely comfortable with this, but I'm not exactly the music purchasing public am I? In fact, I'm so far out of the key demographic that I listened to these with headphones so nobody would know what I was up to.<br />
<br />
<b>Pharrell Williams - Happy (Weeks commencing 6 January to 3 February, 17 February to 24 March, 7 April)</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/y6Sxv-sUYtM" width="560"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b>
We open on what I presume will end up as the largest selling single of the year, and one that you could only have missed if you'd spent 2014 collecting guano on the Galapagos Islands. It seems almost pointless to include the video given how ubiquitous it was through the first six months of 2014.<br />
<br />
Calling your song "Happy" is like calling it "Please like me", but it obviously takes more than a few generic positive messages to rack up 550 million YouTube views and the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCzN-OFIecg" target="_blank">support</a> of the Filipino prison population. The overall package delivers the goods, but you have to wonder if highly skilled music ninjas like Pharrell write songs like this out of the goodness of their own heart or because they're exploiting their knowledge about what will cause the entire world to dance like a gibbon and line their pockets with gold.<br />
<br />
If this was part of a conspiracy then more power to him, because elements like telling people to clap along might have come straight out of the "how to have a hit single" manual but thousands of people every year are trying to write songs that play the world like puppets and 99.9% of them fail miserably. On the other hand this is the sort of thing that will be played on Gold 104 in 2040 when the 60's, 70's and 80's have been traded to 3MP and Magic 1278s entire audience has died.<br />
<br />
As shithouse a musical year it's been for me (and more on that in a later post) I wouldn't go out of my way to listen to it, but even though familiarity eventually bred contempt there's no doubt it was A. Good Song, and that Williams provided value for the enormous amounts of money he made from it. Now for the slop.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera - Say Something (w/c 10 February)</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/-2U0Ivkn2Ds" width="560"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b>The moment this started I realised I'd heard it before but tuned out immediately because it seemed best suited as music to slash your wrists to. That's by no means instant disqualification for a song, but does the world really need another song for people looking wistfully out the window in the rain while pondering lost love. Couldn't they just do it <i>Against All Odds</i> by Phil Collins like people in the 80's? Perhaps not, but this royal flush certainly isn't the answer.<br />
<br />
It went to #1, so depressed teenagers and jilted lovers must have gone wobbly for it at the time, but if I ever have to listen to it in full again I will do so from a fully drawn bath with a toaster in hand. Using the content of the video against the song is cheating, but even the earnest piano playing of the bloke at the start made me want to give up on this whole project. And that's before we even got to "old man loses wife" storyline. The whole thing is outrageous schmaltz.<br />
<br />
It's the weediest performance by a male vocalist since the glory days of Hootie & The Blowfish, and even the presence of former hornbag and now aspiring torch singer Aguilera can't rescue it. No doubt this will be played ad nauseum at funerals over the next few years, and the upside for the dead is that they won't be able to hear it.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>5 Seconds of Summer - She Looks So Perfect (31 March)</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/X2BYmmTI04I" width="560"></iframe><br />
I know this lot by reputation only, a homemade One Direction who are causing various states of undress in girls far too young for that sort of thing. Pete Townsend has apparently offered to come over and get involved, but in the meantime they're concentrating on making outrageous amounts of money.<br />
<br />
This song's got all the bases of the target market covered, New Radicals style "adults don't understand us" whinging (with the benefit of not being performed by a 29 year old man), lingering looks into the camera from Tank Top, T-Shirt, and Madden Brothers Range Now On Sale at K-Mart so all the girls think they might be the one, and an opening few seconds that sounds like it was lifted straight out of a McDonalds ad. And cash registers everywhere did explode.<br />
<br />
When the chorus came on I realised I'd heard it in the background about 500 times this year and had never once considered that it was by anybody but Americans. Obviously, the song and accompanying video are a naked grab at the lucrative US market but they've done a great job of hiding that they're not from Omaha, Nebraska. Anybody who's been paying attention in Australia (e.g. not me) would have known otherwise, but this tactic is quite rightly following the money.<br />
<br />
Whether or not going full USA is to blame (and I've never heard any of their other songs so I can't compare) it does have a catchy chorus, and is overall a pleasant enough. It's hardly fair to compare it to that Aguilera garbage above, but at least this won't make people run onto freeways (or 'highways' at 5SOS would no doubt call them) after listening. Will it be remembered in five years when they've split up and gone solo? Probably not, but it will bring the house down when it opens their 2024 reunion concert.<br />
<br />
If you've only got a minute spare pretty much everything this has to offer is on show in the first 60 seconds, but I would declare it to be Completely Inoffensive Pop Music. There's no point hanging around for the rest of the song, but stay tuned to the video for the bit where everyone gets their clothes off because there is something for pretty much every taste (except Townsend) before the end. Maybe don't watch it on a train though.<br />
<b><br /></b><b>Sheppard - Geronimo (14 April to 28 April)</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/zvw-y-bpVwU" width="560"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b>This is one of only two entries on this list where I'd neither heard of the artist or song beforehand, but I'm not sure that Sheppard would be all that concerned considering they've been around the world racking up sales out of their arse without my help. Oddly enough about five seconds after I finished listening to this song I heard coming from the TV in the other room and rushed out to find that it was also the music to a Subway ad.<br />
<br />
God only knows when the last time two Australian artists topped the singles charts in a row, but at least this lot aren't pretending to be American. It is quite a 'nice' song, and I could probably listen to it again. There's certainly nothing offensive about it, and if you're into that sort of thing the chorus would be good for yelling out, but it's not my cup of tea. It's a bit Triple J Unearthed jangly and falsetto but if Coldplay had written this - and it sounds a bit like they should be involved - it would have sold 250 million copies.<br />
<br />
It doesn't pass the Gold 2040 test, but is a far sight better than most of the slurry that has reached #1 in the last decade. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geronimo_%28Sheppard_song%29" target="_blank">According to Wikipedia</a> it's the first #1 song ever recorded in Brisbane, which is either a fun fact or somebody taking advantage of anonymous editing to pissfart around.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Ed Sheeran - Sing (5 May) </b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/tlYcUqEPN58" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
Blimey, it's Pharrell again. At this point you could probably sneak into the top 40 with a single called <i>Pharrell </i>that has absolutely no involvement from the man himself. In fact we should probably do that right now.<br />
<br />
I'm sure Ed is a lovely guy (until somebody sends me a tabloid report of him kicking a tramp in the face), and he will make more money than I do in a year by breakfast but I just can't get interested in him. At least this is less of a dirge about heroin addicted prostitutes but he's music's equivalent of John Cena, I can understand why he's popular but can't bring myself to participate.<br />
<br />
Against the odds I quite enjoyed the first minute and a half of this before he started plucking his guitar and 'rapping' (am I showing my age?) which briefly sends it off the rails. Still, it's nice to see (as demonstrated in the video), that he's moved his focus from struggling sex workers on the street to "make it rain" style American strip clubs. That's progress. The subject of his first big song is probably dead in a laneway but he's moved onto hoovering gear off an amazon's buttocks. History is written by the winners.<br />
<br />
I'm still waiting for Pharrell to show up two minutes in, I know he does somewhere because the YouTube preview pic provided a special guest star spoiler. Oh, and there he is at 2m34s, contributing a few random slogans. That's all you need from him and you're straight in at #1 these days. He does nothing else except giving Ed the rub for American audiences by pointing to him.<br />
<br />
Other than the need to get some Pharrell pointing time into the clip Ed just goes around in circles for the last minute, so you can probably chop it back to 2.30 if you're programming a radio station and the news is coming up. Overall it wasn't a bad package. The difference between his jangly falsetto and that of the Brisbane effort above was clearly that Ed's track has had a shitload of Hollywood fairy dust poured over it. Otherwise I'm not convinced they're all too far away from each other.<br />
<br />
On a related note, I'm deeply suspicious of Ed's YouTube video descriptions where it's written as if he's uploaded it himself. I know they're trying to cultivate a man of the people image where he's Twitter mates with Warney but bollocks he's sitting there typing in "<i>Here's my official music video for 'Sing' featuring the talented Pharrell Williams"</i> himself.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Justice Crew - Que Sera (12 May to 7 July)</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/x3-pfGBLh0Y" width="560"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b>As with Pharrell's zillion singing single you can't just rely on catchphrases to get you to the top. But once you've got the sort of profile which means radio will play your songs no matter what then it seems sensible that you'd open the Big Book of Cliches, find one that nobody has put into song before then, sit back and watch your bank account multiply several times over.<br />
<br />
<i>"At the end of the day, some you win, some you don't" </i>is the ultimate motherhood statement, but once you hear this song you realise that it's such an obviously crowd pleasing line that it's criminal nobody else has used it in the past. It's another one that will be top of the Tobin Brothers charts, but will be significantly less painful for the survivors than that poodle-haired ponce and his piano.<br />
<br />I'm sure I heard this on an ad for <i>Winners and Losers</i> at some point during the year, and it's telling that the opening line is what was used and not the standard chart-friendly hip-hop wankfest it turns into after 30 seconds. That's when it lost me, but it's by no means a terrible song - just all tip and no iceberg. Luckily for them it's the tip that causes people to download (surely nobody's actually buying physical singles these days) and thus a commercial winner was born. I'd personally say 'no thanks' but the chart nerd in me (1988-1999) is happy enough to see this in the list of all time #1 singles.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>The Madden Brothers - We Are Done (14 July to 21 July)</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/fc3LGzNEkL0" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
Unfamiliar with their career as Blink 182-lite 'punk rockers' I prefer the Madden Brothers in KFC ads and being busted with gear in their hotel room. Perhaps my limited exposure to Good Charlotte (one song) led me to expect something else here, somebody with at least some token balls - not Chris Isaak in a warehouse with a backwards hat.<br />
<br />
Good on them for trying something different but this is the twanging guitar sound of 1992. It is, like so many others from this year, inoffensive and as I trudged through it without enough interest to generate either love or hate it actually made me pine for a song like that piano fiasco which I could really despise. I just there for 3m37s of twanging waiting for something else to happen. Other than a white-robed choir showing up and dancing about in the traditional manner it never did.<br />
<br />
As pointed out by one sage person in the YouTube comments "They're worth millions, how much are you worth?" but the old "how many games have you played?" argument is always farcical. None of us have ever voted on legislation before but it doesn't stop everyone from hanging shit on politicians 365 days a year.<br />
<br />
<b>Paloma Faith - Only Love Can Hurt Like This (28 July to 4 August)</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/PaKr9gWqwl4" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
Somebody's got to fill in for Adele while she's taking a break, and Paloma's here to meet all your wistful songstress needs. We'd all had enough of Adele after being force-fed <i>Someone Like You</i> for months, but I think she did a far better job of this sort of thing than Paloma who sounds like she's doing a James Bond theme song out of the side her neck a'la Popeye.<br />
<br />
There's a fair bit of softcore rutting in the video though in you're into that sort of thing, which will probably be enough to keep you involved for the first two minutes before she unexpectedly switches gear and starts singing what I would call (in an unpopular way I'm sure) "properly" instead of sounding like she's got somebody standing on her windpipe. Business picks up from there, but still don't we get this exact type of song about five times a year? There's no way anybody's still playing this in 2016 let alone 2040.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Meghan Trainor - All About That Bass (11 August to 25 August, 22 September)</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/7PCkvCPvDXk" width="560"></iframe><br />
<b><br /></b>I came up with the idea for this post yesterday afternoon after listening to Nova for 30 minutes in the car. Usually I'd avoid FM like the plague but sometimes you've got to be a reasonable husband and not subject your beloved to ABC Newsradio's live coverage of the Senate.<br />
<br />
On that drive I was introduced to this song for the first time, having never heard of it or Meghan in my life its previous chart-topper status. Until that moment, somewhere between Rye and Portsea, I thought that 1998's <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhZWQ5_dcNY" target="_blank">Addicted To Bass</a> (featuring that bird who has never been heard from again) was my most hated most hated song referencing frequency tones, but suddenly a new contender has emerged.<br />
<br />
I'll put the video, which I'm sure is being deliberately post-modern by presenting a 'club' song in what looks like the offices of Fashion Police, to one side and concentrate on the track itself which is - I'm pleased to say for the sake of this list - pure white-hot horror. Right off the bat Meaghan is keen to let you know she's got a larger than average caboose and is loving it. I didn't realise this yesterday and I still hated the track.<br />
<br />
Yay body empowerment and flaunting your assets but this is presented in such an irritating twee fashion that it falls well short of its obvious goal of being this decade's feminine response to <i>Baby Got Back. </i>It's actually squeaky, cynically written junk which is quickly headed to the Jill Sobule Memorial Graveyard for Novelty Ladysongs. Never again I beg of you.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Taylor Swift - Shake It Off (1 September to 15 September)</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/nfWlot6h_JM" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
Now, in case you think I'm just being a bitter old crank I would like to point out that this is an absolute screamer and by some distance my favourite of all options considered. I'd probably have lost interest had I heard it at any time before yesterday when it was no doubt being flogged 27 times on every radio station in the country up to and including Radio National, but with the benefit of it all being new to me, I think it's ace.<br />
<br />
If you've already got a high profile putting the word "shake" in your song title brings the chances of it being a top five hit into about $1.01, but for once the best bits are actually what passes for verses in 2014 rather than the chorus. The random mid-song 'rap' (oh dear, there we go again) brings the whole thing to a screaming halt for a few precious seconds, but I've got no doubt that there are people in nightclubs singing along to that bit for word-for-word so what do I know?<br />
<br />
I put it to you that Taylor is the only artist on this list other than Pharrell who will be getting played at Doncaster Over 28's in 15 years time, and that this is what they'll be dropping at midnight to encourage a room full of today's 25 year olds (yes, you will be old like me eventually) to get busy in a dark corner before retreating to the carpark to continue the fun.<br />
<br />
This has the same sort of timeless vibe as 90% of the Justin Timberlake solo songs or Lady Gaga before she started <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lady_Gaga%27s_meat_dress" target="_blank">wearing meat</a> and I am confident in declaring in a future classic. It not only passes the Gold 2040 test, it practically sets it. Sounds big, is big.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>The Veronicas - You Ruin Me (29 September to 13 October)</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/W_rZ9rHFwGY" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />Who knew The Veronicas were still an going concern. Is Madison Avenue coming back too? It seems they're still plowing the same territory as they were the last time around - friends are good, men (formerly boys) are yuck etc.. but that's how you sell 'records' (old) so good luck to them. The difference now is that it's sensitive piano ballardry rather than girlpower high fives in a variety of colourful costumes.<br />
<br />
This makes a far better fist of the torch-song than anything Christina Aguilera has been involved with this year (if ever) but as highly technically proficient as the whole thing appears to be it's all a bit bland for my liking.<br />
<br />
<b>Ed Sheeran - Thinking Out Loud (20 October to 17 November)</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/lp-EO5I60KA" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
Speaking of bland <i>"Here's my official video for 'Thinking Out Loud', I learnt to dance!"</i> says 'Ed' in the YouTube description, and it does what it says on the packet. In fact this couldn't suggest "do your first wedding dance to this" any more stridently unless it had subliminal messages and Blurred Lines style slogans flashing across the screen in the middle of the video.<br />
<br />
It would be easy to assume that Ed's second #1 of the year was as the direct result of his appearance at the AFL Grand Final on 27 September, but considering an entire nation went to the kitchen to get chips when Tom Jones wasn't on I'm not sure it really helped. Did he sing this at the MCG? Who would know, other than that brief diversion into Hollywood earlier in the year all his songs sound exactly the same.<br />
<br />
Unless you have actually just tied the knot, are intending to very soon, or are shedding a tear at thwarted love there is very little in this song for you. While it might not be a solid gold classic it will be on high rotation at SmoothFM until it's the last song ever heard as a meteor hits the earth. I don't love it, I'm not sure I even like it but I can't bring myself to hate it. Not sure it really needed to go five minutes though, there would have to be a furious radio edit which omits at least two minutes.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Taylor Swift - Blank Space (24 November to the end of time)</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/e-ORhEE9VVg" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
A title which would appropriately describe what you'd be seeing here if I'd had to write about my knowledge of this song before today. On first listen it's not got anywhere near the outrageous thump of her other track, but it's still another win in a career defining hot-streak that has probably left her atop the rankings of all solo female artists (Meghan Trainor is currently in 2.4 millionth place). Apparently she's the first woman in history to replace herself at the top of the US singles charts, which is huge when you consider the likes of Madonna and... err.. Shania Twain (?) who have had similar 'best in the world' runs of various durations.<br />
<br />
What I like about this is that while the lyrics are clearly dripping with cynicism it doesn't get in the way of the big sound. When you're rolling in it like she is you can obviously afford the best of everything, but compared to some of the songs above it sounds as if it's been rolled out of a Hollywood movie set, not recorded on an iPhone in somebody's basement.<br />
<br />
Does it pass the Gold 2040 test? Does it what. This will be on the top line with Timberlake when I'm old and grey. I personally prefer her other song for the novelty aspects but this is what 'pop' music should be, not some git plinking away at a piano on a darkened stage making us all want to stick our head in a vat of toxic waste.<br />
<br />
Taylor Swift, whoever you are, thanks for saving chart music in 2014.Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-45368814190292194132013-12-26T16:36:00.003+11:002013-12-26T16:53:06.994+11:00TSP's Top 50 of 2013Welcome one and all as we join together for the ninth year in a row to
hand out the prestigious David Lee Roth Medal for my favourite song of
the year. <br />
<br />
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Apart from the cavalcade of nobodies, has beens and never will bes that are about to get a run in the top 50 the major surprise of this year is that I managed to get the top 50 done inside the actual year instead of waiting until January 8. <br />
<br />
To recap where've come from (and to look back on how many of these people haven't ever been heard of again) here are the previous eight chart leaders. Click the year for a handy link to the full countdown. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com.au/2005/12/additional.html" target="_blank"><b>2005</b></a><br />
1. Kaiser Chiefs - I Predict A Riot<br />
2. Maximo Park - Apply Some Pressure<br />
3. Goldfrapp - Ooh La La<br />
4. The Killers - Somebody Told Me<br />
5. Bloc Party - Helicopter<br />
<br />
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com.au/2006/12/night-of-nights.html" target="_blank"><b>2006</b></a><br />
1. The Young Knives - Here Comes The Rumor Mill<br />
2. Giant Drag - This Isn’t It<br />
3. Silvia Night - Congratulations<br />
4. Lily Allen - LDN<br />
5. Joey Negro - Make A Move On Me<br />
<br />
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2007/12/glittering-prize.html" target="_blank"><b>2007</b></a><br />
1. The Hold Steady - Chips Ahoy!<br />
2. New Young Pony Club - Ice Cream<br />
3. The Teenagers - Homecoming<br />
4. Arctic Monkeys - Fluorescent Adolescent<br />
5. Jack Penate - Spit At Stars<br />
<br />
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2008/12/tsps-top-50-of-2008.html" target="_blank"><b>2008</b></a><br />
1. Lethal Bizzle - The Come Up<br />
2. Neon Neon - Luxury Pool<br />
3. MGMT - Electric Feel<br />
4. Empire Of The Sun - Walking On A Dream<br />
5. Fryars - Olive Eyes<br />
<br />
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2009/12/tsps-top-50-of-2009.html" target="_blank"><b>2009</b></a><br />
1. N.A.S.A - Spacious Thoughts (featuring Tom Waits and Kool Keith)<br />
2. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Heads Will Roll<br />
3. Boy Crisis - The Fountain of Youth<br />
4. Bat For Lashes - Daniel<br />
5. Low Fidelity All Stars - The Good Times<br />
<br />
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2010/12/tsps-top-50-tracks-of-2010.html" target="_blank"><b>2010</b></a><br />
1. My Chemical Romance - Bulletproof Heart<br />
2. Goldfrapp - Rocket<br />
3. Lena - Satellite<br />
4. Keane - Stop For A Minute (featuring K'naan)<br />
5. Paul Heaton - Even A Palm Tree<br />
<br />
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com/2011/12/tsps-top-50-of-2011.html" target="_blank"><b>2011</b></a><br />
1. REM - Discoverer<br />
2. MEN - Credit Card Babies (Stereogamous Remix)<br />
3. The Strokes - Taken For A Fool<br />
4. Dutch Uncles - The Ink<br />
5. Calvin Harris and Kelis - Bounce<br />
<br />
<b><a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/tsps-top-of-50-of-2012.html" target="_blank">2012</a> </b><br />
1. Loreen - Euphoria<br />
2. Escort - Cocaine Blues<br />
3. Plan B - Deepest Shame<br />
4. Jim Noir - Ping Pong Time Tennis<br />
5. Elton John vs PNAU - Icy Black Stare<br />
<br />
The process is, as always, complicated. I never listen to current radio,
and I don't know what in god's name 'the kids' are into at any given
time, so songs are considered and shortlisted through the year based on
recommendations, reviews and the Slovenian Eurovision entrant. From
there I choose my personal favourite 50 songs (no, your favourite tracks
aren't included. Make your own list, it's the in thing to do at this
time of year) then attempt to put them into something resembling the
correct order via a gruelling bootcamp where they're rated and pitted
against each other using formulas so secret that Colonel Sanders would
rise to applaud.<br />
<br />
The rules are fiendishly simple, an artist or artists may have as many songs as they like on the shortlist but only two can make the top 50. No covers (although that clause was stretched to its limits last year) and the decision of the match referee (i.e me) is final.<br />
<br />
Your host, once again, is this guy- and what a fine job he does year after year.<br />
<img border="0" height="320" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v325/supermercado/nflmate.jpg" width="217" /><br />
<br />
50. Palma Violets - 14<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/x9pea_ctAe4" width="640"></iframe> <br />
<br />
Goes on a bit (they tone it down live if you're interested in that sort of stuff) but it was written on the back of a bus (the #14 wouldn't you know) and sung into a mobile phone so they could remember it the next day so it's probably lucky to have even made it to this stage.<br />
<br />
Previous entries: (1)<br />
2012 - Best of Friends (#50)<br />
<br />
49. Justice - Brianvision MMXIII<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/Nfcj5PrUy1s" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Instrumentalism. Coincidentally from exactly the same compilation album as...<br />
<br />
48. Breakbot - The Beach<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/ZV_CTbpuFhA" width="480"></iframe><br />
<br />
There's still time for you to use this as the soundtrack to a summer TV show or commercial. <br />
<br />
47. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Area 52<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/thjzzjTpzs4" width="480"></iframe><br />
<br />
Science fiction antics in the YYY's lowest finish since that year I absurdly extended the countdown to 100 songs.<br />
<br />
Previous entries (4):<br />
2006, Gold Lion (#11) <br />
2007, Down Boy (#66) <br />
2009, Heads Will Roll (#2), Softshock (#24) <br />
<br />
46. Beady Eye - Flick Of The Finger<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/UqJ-JCzH_xQ" width="480"></iframe> <br />
<br />
To nobody's surprise it's like Oasis when they weren't much chop any more. They always had one good song per album even after disappearing up their own arses, and to Liam's credit this is his. Much to Noel's chagrin (as if he would give a rats) the score in TSP Top 50's is now 2-0 to the lesser brother. <br />
<br />
Previous entries (1):<br />
2011 - Four Letter Word (#17) <br />
<br />
45. <a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/7lqwbtZDT8KrWiRp8IYKkj" target="_blank">Fat Goth - Pinball Moron</a><br />
Good band name, quality song title, great album cover art. Reasonable song. Warning - contains whistling.<br />
<br />
44. Iggy and the Stooges - Burn <br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/RDGG2k3tbIw" width="480"></iframe><br />
<br />
He sounds like he's going to topple over and cark it most of the time these days, but if you'd done what he has it would be a miracle if you were even still walking at this point.<br />
<br />
43. Disclosure - When A Fire Starts To Burn<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/4nsKDJlpUbA" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Effectively just the same lyrics over and over again. Won't be the last time something makes my list despite that handicap.<br />
<br />
42. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Sacrilege<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/jmRI3Ew4BvA" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Less sci-fi, more shouting and - without doing my maths - I think the song that ties the Yeah Yeah Yeah's with Goldfrapp for most lifetime chart entries (6).<br />
<br />
41. Kings Of Leon - Rock City<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/bA-e5kihmcY" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Minor return to form, not quite their first album again but better than
that gash they were serving up a few years back. Gash which to be fair I
actually didn't mind until it started dominating the charts. <br />
<br />
Previous entries (2):<br />
2008 - Use Somebody (#46), Sex On Fire (#8)<br />
<br />
<br />
40. White Lies - There Goes Our Love Again<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/8Cn4huIqY8o" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
39. CHVRCHES - The Mother We Share<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/_mTRvJ9fugM" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Odds on this will become massive here in three months' time and I will grow sick of it. See Leon, Kings of (2008)<br />
<br />
38. <a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3TRG4RuGZIhgNa9g3Vo0Nu" target="_blank">Birthday Suit - You Hear The Drums</a><br />
This is a good time of the year for discovering which songs were just humble album tracks and nobody bothered making a video for.<br />
<br />
37. Babyshambles - Nothing Comes To Nothing<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/PqVZlR48v2U" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Pete Doherty - so capable, so off his nut 24/7. I liked this track, but I'd have been far keener if it wasn't for the irony free use of the word 'baby'.<br />
<br />
36. <a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/7y289T16pVp10csG284cf0" target="_blank">Iggy and the Stooges - Beat That Guy</a><br />
More post-middle aged manboobery. There's a reason they're not making videos.<br />
<br />
35. <a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3M1IEcVXs9fmeFAGIQGnAX" target="_blank">Public Service Broadcasting - The Now Generation</a><br />
Well look, this is cheating a bit. After all it's not like they wrote the lyrics or performed any of them - but the concept of playing modern music over old newsreel audio appeals to me. At least with this form of music you can learn something as well.<br />
<br />
Previous entries (1):<br />
2012 - Spitfire (#21) <br />
<br />
34. Pixies - Bagboy<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/lGdSYPh5_BI" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Considering the amount of bands that I like who came back with albums that positively woofed during 2013 (some of whom have managed to swing one track into this countdown by virtue of positive feelings from the past) this was decent. Sensibly the kept the comeback to an EP instead of trying to drag it out across a whole album.<br />
<br />
33. Sleigh Bells - Bitter Rivals<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/Cr-ahiFDkts" width="640"></iframe><br />
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I feel that all their songs are exactly the same with subtle differences, and this is no different. Boo to them though for including an LSU jersey instead of a pro football one and therefore not qualifying for my <a href="http://musicvideomerch.blogspot.com.au/" target="_blank">new blog</a> (untouched after the first day).<br />
<br />
Previous entries (1):<br />
2012 - Comeback Kid (#22) <br />
<br />
<br />
32. Pet Shop Boys - Love Is A Bourgeois Construct<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/s7w0eqUBp3c" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Good song, but the title makes me want to stab somebody with a fork. Could also stand to lose a couple of minutes.<br />
<br />
31. The Stepkids - The Lottery<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/KtqI8BeR7uI" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Steely Dan and their lawyers will be along any minute now.<br />
<br />
30. Parquet Courts - Stoned and Starving<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/w_X6FaHq9jQ" width="480"></iframe><br />
<br />
Music for stoners. Not that I'm a stoner, but it's not just the title - I know this is right up their alley.<br />
<br />
29. Devendra Banhart - Won't You Come Over<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/M9zKfJQjRIU" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Given that the last song he had which made the TSP50 shortlist was about John Wayne Gacy dismembering kiddies I'd have to say no, I won't be coming over.<br />
<br />
28. Pet Shop Boys - Axis<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/IDCU17wXktY" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
More PSB, but this time shorter and with a less annoying title so it ranks higher. Also sounds like the theme song to 80's cop show which is in no way a bad thing.<br />
<br />
27. Phoenix - Entertainment<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/tBsRvthVhdw" width="640"></iframe> <br />
<br />
If you can accept that just as Lady Gaga will never do another Poker Face that Phoenix will never again touch the heights of Too Young then they've released some quality songs in the last few years. But they'll never do another Too Young and that saddens me. Also the records show that I've never had one of their recent songs in my top 50 so maybe they're not all that good after all.<br />
<br />
26. The Strokes - All The Time<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/TJC8zeu3MHk" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Much like The Simpsons, The Strokes' best remains foremost in our memory even as we're constantly handed new stuff that is decidedly ordinary. For the second album in a row the handful of decent songs were almost drowned out by tremendous amount of bollocks phoned in on a wonky line.<br />
<br />
This is a slight, sliver of a song but then again so was everything on their first album and that's one of my all-time favourites. Still, time for The Strokes to give the game away and go back to just being filthy rich.<br />
<br />
Previous entries: (2)<br />
2005 - Juicebox (#19) <br />
2011 - Taken For A Fool (#3)<br />
<br />
25. The Strypes - Blue Collar Jane<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/gZb8nEemK2k" width="640"></iframe> <br />
<br />
This year's entry in the "next big rock thing" sweepstakes, following on from others to have fallen off the face of the earth like The Vaccines and Palma Violets. "Next" big thing is slightly misleading considering these juvenile delinquent looking types are practically bashing out the exact same stuff The Beatles were all those years ago but with more oomphy guitars. Not such an earth shattering shock 50 years on but there's potential here.<br />
<br />
24. David Bowie - Where Are We Now<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/QWtsV50_-p4" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Wistful reminiscence that surprised everybody when it came out with precisely zero prior warning just when everyone thought that Bowie had probably carked it and we hadn't been told.<br />
<br />
23. Suede - It Starts And Ends With You<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/OJIHBmH-11g" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
It's obviously no Animal Nitrate (what is?) but considering the record of most other bands with comeback albums I'd say they got this just about right. It was certainly better than most of the later stuff they were pumping out before splitting.<br />
<br />
22. Kings of Leon - Don't Matter<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/rowFbNYZwXs" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
It's almost odds on that I'll hate this by March, but it's still the best thing they've done in years.<br />
<br />
21. Texas - The Conversation<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/wDPyMD_CLgc" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Who knew they were still around, but if I were around the table at a pop radio station I'd argue that this was every prospect of being a hit. Maybe it already has been, I'm not listening to the radio so how should I know?<br />
<br />
20. Phoenix - The Real Thing<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/VmSayPL_1kM" width="480"></iframe><br />
<br />
19. David Bowie - Atomica<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/HUzhCW7sjlk" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
You're out of luck if you prefer
"ooooohhhhh fashion!" style hits over quiet introspection at this point
of his career, but this is as close as you'll get. An extra track on the
extended (cash-in) version of the album, but better than anything he's
done since Hearts Filthy Lesson from the Seven soundtrack.<br />
<br />
18 - <a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/61DOMRNdTbFoqtHyd94s0B" target="_blank">Sleigh Bells - Sugarcane</a><br />
Practically the same song as the last one, and all their others, but louder. <br />
<br />
17. Parquet Courts - Master Of My Craft<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/6UFzde_Y_t0" width="480"></iframe> <br />
<br />
Slightly less stonery music for stoners. If there was any justice the "fuggataboutit" bit would become a catchphrase.<br />
<br />
16. Arcade Fire - Joan Of Arc<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/gfZCYDX4gEw" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
The
issue I have with Arcade Fire is that every album has a couple of
belters and then a bunch of dull tracks that don't deserve a second
listen. The formula was faithfully followed again this year. Also, enjoy
some old mate's homemade music video.<br />
<br />
Previous entries: (2)<br />
2010: Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains (#9), Modern Man (#7)<br />
<br />
15. Suede - Barriers<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/8Hhx0gIHiz8" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Presumably they're not jumping over barriers for the purposes of fare evasion, but their first new track in a decade thrashed the pants off the tracks from a decade ago (if not the ones off the first album).<br />
<br />
14. Public Enemy - ... Everything<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/Cok88P0AUlc" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Modern PE = less political but actually better than you'd expect.<br />
<br />
13. Haim - Falling<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/AIjVpRAXK18" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Full album not quite as good as I'd expected it to be based off their tracks from last year's countdown, but this is top shelf.<br />
<br />
Previous entries (2):<br />
2012 - Better Off (#29), Don't Save Me (#9)<br />
<br />
12. The Orb and Lee Scratch Perry - Fussball<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/A-n4i0eX3aY" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
In which an elderly man blathers anything that comes into his head and makes a surprisingly good fist of it. Could soundtrack a million different highlights packages around World Cup time if given the chance.<br />
<br />
11. Placebo - Loud Like Love<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/pi_AJxsdOKo" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Another band who I didn't even know were still active, and if you didn't like them then you won't now but this appealed to the part of my brain that is still an 18-year-old life hating emo.<br />
<br />
10. <a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/1nSUOvN0YVi4RKIIpdf65W" target="_blank">Yoko Ono Plastic Ono Band - 7th Floor</a><br />
In which an elderly woman blathers anything that comes into her head and makes a surprisingly good fist of it. Quite frankly I love this shit and I hope that as people like this drop off the perch that the next generation after them will continue to issue batshit crazy and insane tracks of a similar nature. This is her first appearance under her own name, but she did make to #13 it as guest vocalist on a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-sMr0boVlM" target="_blank">similarly barmy track</a> in 2009.<br />
<br />
9. The Courteneers - Money<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/ZUC596hWFUc" width="480"></iframe><br />
<br />
Comes off like a lovely fusion of 70's glam rock, Supergrass and Elbow.<br />
<br />
Previous entries: (2)<br />
2007 - Acrylic (#91), Cavorting (#59)<br />
<br />
8. Mat Zo/Porter Robinson - Easy<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/at3FPJaAwoY" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Oh hello, it's the token mass market track in the top 10. Well shove it. This reminds me of the brief period in my life where I was off my bifter every weekend. At 32 memories are about all that's left, and no doubt I'd have despised this at the time. The video is a bit cutesy, but then again so is the video for One More Time by Daft Punk and people whop off over that.<br />
<br />
7. Neon Neon - The Jaguar<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/N2DZym1y6gA" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
The first Neon Neon album, an improbable concept album about carmaker John De Lorean, was wall to wall gold covering a number of genres. So, even when it was announced that the concept for their second album involved some obscure revolutionary I wasn't all that concerned. Sadly it turned it to be total slop, and nothing like <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHOQYH86Ris&list=PL6304165C302D08C6" target="_blank">Stainless Style</a>, except for this track which could easily be bolted onto that that album and lose nothing (except the concept).<br />
<br />
Previous entries: (2)<br />
2008 - Michael Douglas (#16), Luxury Pool (#2) <br />
<br />
6. Public Service Broadcasting - Everest<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/vhgfzEm3CWU" width="480"></iframe> <br />
<br />
More cheating with lyrics provided by newsreels of the past, but at least for once you'll learn something from reading TSP.<br />
<br />
5. Cold War Kids - Jailbirds<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/tqG6v0L7ZGY" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Every year without fail there's one song that I put on my shortlist then proceed to totally forget until going through said list to whittle it down to 50. Not sure how I missed listening to this one more. I feel like there's some reason I'm supposed to dislike this band, but this is a cracker which has shot up the chart so much in the last week that it would probably be #1 if I waited another seven days.<br />
<br />
Previous entries: (1)<br />
2007 - Hospital Bed (#98)<br />
<br />
4. Arcade Fire - Reflektor<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/7E0fVfectDo" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Ignoring all the 'artistic' shenanigans of them calling themselves The Reflektors, launching the album via cryptic clues and playing concerts in giant papier mache heads as if they were in the crowd at a darts match, this is by far the standout track. I await another two crackers amongst 12 middling tracks extravaganza in a couple of years.<br />
<br />
3. Daft Punk - Lose Yourself To Dance<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/NF-kLy44Hls" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
That the next two songs were absolutely magnificent shouldn't detract from the fact that half of the songs on Random Access Memories were a bit meh. So maybe it didn't deserve the full stars, but if the rules didn't stop me putting more than two from each artist in every year I might have fit five of the tracks in the top 50.<br />
<br />
2. Daft Punk - Get Lucky<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/5NV6Rdv1a3I" width="640"></iframe> <br />
<br />
This was hard to avoid and should have got more tedious the more you heard it, but good god what a mighty song it was/is/will be in the future. If you, like I often do, look forward 30 years and wonder what songs they'll be playing on golden oldies 2000-2010's radio then I guarantee you this will still be on high rotation. A rare example of 'the people' and I being in furious agreement....<br />
<br />
1. Franz Ferdinand - Right Action<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/RqTsUtQLRFk" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
... but not furious enough to get behelmeted Frenchmen in at #1. Instead Franz return Great Britain to the top of the pile for the first time since 2008 (current standings - GB 4, USA 4, Sweden 1) with quite frankly the best thing they've released since Take Me Out by some considerable margin.<br />
<br />
It's got pretty much everything you could want in an 'indie' pop/rock song including a singalong chorus and a length of just over three minutes so it never outstays its welcome. That it never charted in the UK and only made it to #38 on some sort of consolation "Indie" singles chart is quite criminal.<br />
<br />
Previous entries (2):<br />
2009 - Can't Stop Feeling (#39), No You Girls (#32)<br />
<br />
And that's it from TSP Towers VIII. Abuse, suggestions for what I may still wish to listen to, legal threats and "WHERE IS [?]" via the comments please.Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-1720928884767246692013-12-24T02:15:00.001+11:002013-12-24T02:17:20.784+11:00TSP's Obscure Moments in Sport #2<i>Remembering the relatively important moments which changed my life with the aid of the internet because I've forgotten the exact details of what happened.</i><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>#2 - Damon Hill wins Jordan's first F1 GP (1998) </b><br />
<br />
<b>Warning:</b> During the research for this post it became clear that one of the greatest sporting moments of my childhood was actually fixed. It's tears before bedtime at TSP Towers as what has been held up as an epic moment of sporting magic for the last 15 years turns out to have finished in circumstances that even the ICC would shake their head at. But we'll get to that a bit later...<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/YIxpTIROrsY" width="480"></iframe>
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<br />
As anyone who has taken the time to peruse <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_sports" target="_blank">this list</a> would appreciate, there are a lot of sports in the world. Some major, some regional, some <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banzai_skydiving" target="_blank">quite frankly stupid</a>. It's easy enough to avoid the third category, or at least it was before the internet came along, but if the circumstances are right most kids will at some point at least flirt with many of the sports contained in the first two groups.<br />
<br />
One that I should have totally avoided by virtue of growing up in a one-parent family without a father was motorsport. In the late 80's and early 90's if you couldn't play it in the schoolyard then nobody was interested. You couldn't, so like every other child at St Joseph's on Glenferrie Road I wasn't. The excitement of watching cars drive around in circles, crashing into each other every once in a while totally passed me by.<br />
<br />
It didn't help that with the exception of two races a year in Japan and Adelaide that the entire sport took place almost exclusively in the middle of the night. Back then if it didn't happen in front of you in real time it didn't happen at all, or was confined to 20 seconds on the 6pm news and you didn't have enough time to get to understand what it was all about.<br />
<br />
My decade with F1 started with some random gent ducking in and out of the flat I'd lived in my whole life, at 5/40 Morang Road in Hawthorn (top left).<br />
<br />
<iframe frameborder="0" height="350" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="https://maps.google.com.au/maps?oe=utf-8&client=firefox-a&q=5%2F40+morang+road+hawthorn&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=5%2F40+Morang+Rd,+Hawthorn+Victoria+3122&gl=au&ll=-37.822961,145.023691&spn=0.01395,0.01929&t=m&z=14&layer=c&cbll=-37.823222,145.024051&panoid=m-gdForn3KiaOzKXWfe9OQ&cbp=12,232.91,,0,5.89&source=embed&output=svembed" width="425"></iframe><br />
<br />
<br />
I paid no attention to what sort of unsavoury activities might have been taking place until a few weeks later when it was announced we were moving... all the way to Flat 6 (top right of screen). In retrospect it was to nobody's surprise that this the flat of our regular mystery caller who had clearly been doing more than borrowing a cup of tea from his neighbour.<br />
<br />
Perhaps unfairly almost all of memories of this guy were of him being a bit of a poon. He certainly wasn't violent or abusive in any form, but there was something about him which rubbed me up the wrong way. Maybe it was the way he spoke of himself like he was a master actor only to reveal that his two major appearances had been for one second in the BMX Bandits and as the voiceover 'artist' for a Red Rooster ad. Maybe it was because he got extremely grumpy when some neighbourhood prankster used a piece of paper to alter his personalised number plates to spell something 'rude'.<br />
<br />
Maybe I was just being a horrible child, because the man did influence me in a couple of ways. For one he had been roped into the 1980's arcade game boom and took me to play the pinnies every weekend. The standard he set, and the fact that he got my mum hooked on <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1942_%28video_game%29" target="_blank">1942</a>, allowed me to continue weekend trips to venues like the Fun Factory long after he was off the season.<br />
<br />
Secondly he introduced me to the joys of Formula One, and more importantly his strange fetish for Japanese 'trier' <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satoru_Nakajima" target="_blank">Satoru Nakajima</a> whose fortunes he followed more closely than seemed necessary. Maybe the voice of Red Rooster's third major influence on me was the freedom to follow terrible sporting concerns? If so I've certainly made a career out of that in the last 15+ years. <br />
<br />
I'm not sure at which point during 1988 we shacked up with him, or when I started to take an interest, but the record books show Nakajima's only point of the entire 1988 season came in the first race of the year so there's every chance that we weren't around for that. He was a little bit better in 1989, scoring three points courtesy of a fourth place finish in the last race of the year. So depending on when we moved in, during the time we lived with this guy his favourite driver went about 30 races without scoring ONE SOLITARY POINT. It's almost impossible now considering they give points to nearly everyone for just showing up, but in those days you very much ran the risk of driving for years without winning a cracker - and our Japanese friend did just that.<br />
<br />
Not that I was taking all that much of an interest. All I remember from that era was that the footage of Nigel Mansell's tire <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIX-JmmmonY" target="_blank">exploding in Adelaide</a> a few years earlier must have been in Channel 9's opening or closing credits because it seemed like the played it every.. single.. week without fail. <br />
<br />
Sometime in early 1990 my mum chucked him, almost certainly due to a surly eight-year-old driving a wedge through the relationship with daily "you're not my dad" speeches, and the last I ever heard from him was after he rang our new house and asked me to pass on a message that he'd called. I never did, and strangely enough the last time he was ever seen was at a Melbourne game during the 2000 season when we realised he was sitting directly in front of us and had to do a family bonding escape without him realising who we were. <br />
<br />
If Mr Red Rooster hadn't managed to leave me with a love of Formula 1 then he'd at piqued an interest. The only thing I can remember about the 1990 and 1991 seasons is watching the Australian GP (and I'm not even sure we had a VHS to tape the other races by that point even if I'd wanted to) - yet sometime during '91 I'd acquired a copy of the <a href="http://www.abebooks.com/MURRAY-WALKERS-1990-GRAND-PRIX-YEAR/85265430/bd" target="_blank">Murray Walker 1990 Grand Prix Year</a> book (if I recall correctly from a discount book stall at the Royal Melbourne Show of all places) and suddenly a great passion was stirred.<br />
<br />
That book got a fierce belting for the rest of 1991, and after I'd read it about 50 times I'd retrospectively become a huge fan of the Leyton House lineup of Ivan Capelli and Mauricio Gugelmin and their tragic French Grand Prix where they'd came from nowhere to almost record one of the great upset wins. The comic subplot of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_%28Racing_Team%29" target="_blank">Life</a> team, who failed to qualify to enter qualifying 14 times in a row before going bust, was another highlight. Tellingly my interest was more in these stories of disgrace than anything involving greats like Senna and Prost.<br />
<br />
<div>
</div>
<div>
Being the weird child that I was (and as a pointer to the weird adult I grew into) the book, almost two full seasons old by that point, became the basis for a Formula 1 dice 'simulation' I devised based on a similar but far less complicated horse racing game I'd come up with in the past. In grade six I went on to invent a WWF themed board game which was, quite frankly, ingenious but the rules of that have sadly been lost to the ages while I could probably break out pen, paper and dice and play my F1 game again tomorrow.<br />
<br />
Along with a few old F1 magazines liberated from op shops featuring names that will forever live with me like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joachim_Winkelhock" target="_blank">Joachim Winkelhock</a>, that book was the key to everything. Many, many sheets of paper were wasted on a game that I played on and off until year seven when a) I did the typical rejection of everything from 'childhood' and b) PC gaming came along. New drivers would join obscure, actually defunct teams like Onyx, AGS and Osella on my dice based circuit. Eventually once I discovered Indycar the two circuits were merged together in a glorious motor racing superleague the likes of which has never been seen since. Meanwhile other children were playing games outdoors and making friends with each other.<br />
<br />
Eventually the simulation got to me, and by the time of that year's Australian GP I had resolved to become a devotee for 1992 whether or not half the teams that were still 'enjoying' being rubbish in my league (courtesy of a well-designed system of bonuses and penalties depending on past team performance and engine manufacturer) no longer existed. </div>
<br />
It was just good timing that for their second season the Jordan team had hired Mauricio Gugelmin - he of the famous 1990 Leyton House team - as one of their drivers. Having read that book so many times, and always cheering him on to points in my homemade game (which was in no way rigged because I had more integrity than the actual FIA), I had to back him and his team. From this point on I was a Jordan fan - and what a fine few years of entertainment that gave me.<br />
<br />
The team had been surprisingly good in their first season, despite losing one of their drivers for <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bertrand_Gachot#Formula_One" target="_blank">gassing a taxi driver</a>, and finished fifth in the 1991 constructors championship - but in an early sign that my support was practically fatal to any team they collapsed to a solitary sixth placed finish and one point in 1992.<br />
<br />
Gugelmin scored nil, with one seventh place, 11 DNF's and a one way ticket to the Indycar league at the end of the year. Not surprisingly I suddenly developed an interest in this format, where people would often do 500 laps worth of left turns, and would stay up to all hours to watch races on Channel 10. Not only did they have my favourite driver, but they also had a killer - for its time anyway - PC game ("<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=vpd1v_eC8po#t=18" target="_blank">I'm Paul Page FROM PAPYRUS! And this is Indy Car Racing</a>) which finally killed off my dice game.<br />
<br />
He would eventually trump Jordan by <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMVpndPIA4A" target="_blank">winning a race</a> a year before they did, and while I loved it (silently, because nobody else cared) it didn't have the same effect on me that Jordan's maiden victory would have a year later because I hadn't ridden the peaks and troughs with his team (and their classic sponsor HOLLYWOOD) like I had with Eddie Jordan and co.<br />
<br />
We'd had relatively good times in 1994 and 1995 with the classic lineup of Ruebens Barrichello and Eddie Irvine, and while Eddie went on to bigger and better things in 1996 we were for the first time treated to one of the greatest liveries of them all. Smoking is bad and all that, but thank god for Benson, Hedges and whoever decided to adopt the <a href="http://www.mcz.com/f1/image/archive/brundle1.jpg" target="_blank">gold colour scheme</a>. It didn't hit peak quality until the next year when they went full <a href="http://www.chogan.com/f1-pics/jordan.jpg" target="_blank">canary yellow</a>, but it was a start.<br />
<br />
It was also the year that F1 came to Melbourne, much to the joy of myself and Jeff Kennett and the dismay of a bunch of crusties who looked like (and included) Rod Quantock. Much to my dismay after four years of living and breathing F1 via Channel 9's all-time great lineup of Eastlake/Jones it was the point where I discovered that there's no sport where the live atmosphere fails to match what you see on TV more.<br />
<br />
It didn't help that I'd decided to move during the parade lap and totally missed Martin Brundle doing <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--3zJRFK-G4&feature=player_detailpage#t=28" target="_blank">this</a> pretty much exactly where I'd been having my eardrums assaulted just a couple of minutes before, but the experience was disappointing and I've only ever bothered to go twice more on free tickets.<br />
<br />
That didn't detract from my interest though, and after two years flirting with supporting ex-Indycar star Jacques Villeneuve my heart was still with Jordan going into the 1998 season. They had just scored the signature of Damon Hill - the man who beat Villeneuve on that first day in Melbourne and beat him for the championship - fresh off a novelty season with the traditionally awful Arrows team for whom he had almost pulled off one of the most absurd victories in history before a last minute mechanical issue relegated him to second.<br />
<br />
Hill partnered Ralf Schumacher, who I distinctly remember hating at the time but who history shows actually had reasonable results, and for the first 10 weeks of the season Damon did about as well as he had with Arrows - failing to score a point. Ralf wasn't much better, but finally opened the team's account with a 6th in Great Britain. Damon finally got on the board with two fourth placed finishes in a row before the Belgian GP, but for loyalists such as I all we could realistically hope for was a cheap podium finish here or there as Mika Hakkinen and Michael Schumacher fought out the title and the canary yellow Jordans proved about as useful as Ligiers, Footworks and Larrousses had in the past.<br />
<br />
In all honesty I can't actually remember much of the 1998 Belgian Grand Prix itself. It certainly didn't occur to me, looking back all these years later before watching highlights again, that this great drought breaking success might have had more to do with tire flying, panel beating carnage in pissing rain than any actual skill on behalf of the team. Or that, as we will soon discover, that there were dark forces at play even in the most triumphant of moments.<br />
<br />
I feel that by 1998 we'd graduated to four hour VHS tapes, and that would have paid off this morning as the race was stopped for an hour due to a 13 car melee on the opening corner. Gloriously the Belgians had decided to go ahead with the race without a safety car despite the fact that the circuit looked like it were a swimming pool, and the resulting "oh that's terrible, but nobody got hurt so I actually enjoyed it" paved the way for motoring gold.<br />
<br />
Sadly the rules of the day said that any race stopped within two laps didn't count, and so instead of the two Jordans surviving and 13 drivers being eliminated it was a mere four who failed to make the restart an hour later. So in the end it wasn't <i>really </i>the rain what won it. Or was it? Reviewing the video of the race for the first time since that day shows that a lot of weather related luck did seem to go Damon's way.<br />
<br />
Hakkinen spun and was taken out by another car, and Michael Schumacher tore half his car off (giving us some <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykI39M27y10&feature=player_detailpage#t=5" target="_blank">classic commentary</a> from Murray) by blindly driving straight into the back of David Coulthard . They weren't the only ones to be eliminated - by lap 26 of 44 only eight cars were left and as well as Schumacher and Hakkinen, big hitters like Eddie Irvine and Jacques Villeneuve, medium hitters like Johnny Herbert and complete nobodies like Estaban Tuero (me neither) had all been forced to retire through collision damage or mechanical trouble.<br />
<br />
With the remaining field consisting of Hill, Schumacher, Coulthard a mile back after repairs from the Schumacher debacle, Jean Alesi (one career win), Heinz-Harald Frentzen (one), Jarno Truli (none to that point), Pedro Diniz (nil) and Shinji Nakano (nothing) the BREAKTHROUGH WIN alert level was set to high. If not for one of the Jordans then hopefully for Diniz or Nakano. <br />
<br />
When Michael committed racing suicide it gave Damon the lead, and put the two Jordans into a 1-2 battle. This was it, my modern version of the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8HcBGpIXJo" target="_blank">1990 French Grand Prix</a>. Leyton House/Jordan - Gugelmin/Hill and Capelli/Ralf first and second. That day the novelty team had been forced to settle for second place only, and with the circuit still carrying a deadly amount of water it was no guarantee that we'd even get that.<br />
<br />
It would have been a fair bet though. You could have foreseen one piece of nasty luck (hopefully to Ralf) but two was just taking the piss. Given where the team had come from it would have been rude not to accept a Ralf win, but at this point all my emotions were invested in Damon winning - and the idea that it would be stolen in the last few laps was too much to bear.<br />
<br />
By 1998 I'd already come to terms with the fact that I'd never see any of my teams win anything ever. The Atlanta Braves 1996 World Series win may as well have happened on another planet as far as coverage went, and it would be another seven years before I saw the Wests Tigers - who at this point didn't exist - win a premiership <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yn1xwu5h10Q" target="_blank">right in front of me</a>. It would have been So Adam (even way back then) for it to all go horribly and unnecessarily wrong.<br />
<br />
Somehow it didn't though, the TV coverage shows that with a few laps to go Ralf was right on Damon's tail and no doubt I expected him to confirm all my prejudices by crashing Damon out of the race, but he never even got close and the win was Damon's and Jordan's. A win I'd been waiting the best part of eight of my then 17 years for.<br />
<br />
Remembering nothing else about the race what I do recall quite vividly was having tears in my eyes as he crossed the line to win. Having wasted so many mornings and been late to school on more than one occasion because I was watching a tape of the GP to its natural conclusion instead of bothering to feign interest in maths it seemed like an appropriate payoff.<br />
<br />
So, all hail one a great triumph of the human spirit then eh? Well, maybe not because this is where it all goes horribly wrong. In searching for the video footage of the race I also came across the following documentary footage which reveals that the final result was actually the product of mobile match fixing:<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/ykI39M27y10" width="480"></iframe>
<br />
<br />
And it was goodbye to one of the great moments of my life when I saw that. RIP 30 August 1998 - 23 December 2013. Of course Damon might have won anyway, but we'll never know because like a IPL game the result was phoned in from elsewhere.<br />
<br />
I'm not imagining the fact that Ralf used to crash a lot, and while the results will show that he'd successfully finished five races in a row before Belgium he'd also gone out to collisions or spins seven times in 29 races to that point so there was something to Damon's suggestion other than the fact that he was trying to lock down a win - but mostly the fact that he was trying to lock down a win.<br />
<br />
He didn't win a world championship by being stupid and he obviously knew that Ralf was a loose cannon who could bring the whole thing down, so he put a dodgy deal to Eddie Jordan and suggested that the two cars stay in formation and bank the first two places instead of letting the quicker car challenge for the lead.<br />
<br />
Eddie, being the sensible man that he was, realises that he could very well come out of the race with nothing and bans Ralf from attempting to pass/punt both of them into the wall. These days you'd get hung, drawn and quartered for even suggesting something like that but in the good old days of F1 open cheating like this was not only allowed but almost openly encouraged. Eventually after about three attempts to get him to acknowledge, and the suspicion that he's about to rogue and do whatever he likes, Ralf finally agrees to pull the pin and do the right thing.<br />
<br />
With the only chance of a spoiler removed, and third placed Jean Alesi much too far away to do anything but motor around and collect four championship points, there were three victory laps to be had - as long as Damon's car didn't suddenly exploded in a ball of flames which engulfed both the leading cars. He managed to pilot his way around the track unharmed, and with a replay of Murray Walker's call of the race confirming that at least for the last few laps there was no talk of the dubious dealings taking place at the time across team radio he crossed the line to win.<br />
<br />
There were no recriminations after the race, so how was I to know it had been a swizz? If Ralf had leapt from his car and decked Eddie Jordan with a right hook there'd have been some indication that shenanigans were afoot, but the only person in any danger of being injured was the mentalist who <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIxpTIROrsY&feature=player_detailpage#t=428" target="_blank">ran across the track</a> at the end and almost got cleaned up by our old friend Pedro Diniz.<br />
<br />
As the winners stood on the podium in those magnificent yellow outfits (who said cigarettes never did any good?) Ralf gamely waved to the crowd, engaged in some shenanigans with everyone including Alesi and everything was alright with the world - I probably didn't need to know then (or at any time until now) that it was tainted.<br />
<br />
In the video at the top of screen the team orders do get a mention immediately after the national anthem plays - but we can only assume that I was already running well late for some pointless Year 11 class and had stopped the tape by then. Incidentally it should be pointed out that (look away Richmond fans) it was an all-time great sporting weekend for me on more than one front because <a href="http://demonwiki.org/round+22+1998" target="_blank">this also happened</a>.<br />
<br />
That morning represented the high point of my interest in motor sports, and I started to drift away almost immediately afterwards. It's a worrying trend that three times in my life teams I follow have won something major (if we count this as major, which we might as well for the sake of the story) and I've rapidly lost interest soon after. In this case walking away was actually quite silly because Jordan got even better the next year and won two races. Sure I was still watching, and was happy when they won but by 1999 I had bigger issues to deal with. For instance the time I had a teenage nervous breakdown triggered (but not directly caused by) Wimbledon losing a Premier League match 2-0 to Charlton Athletic. But I'm saving that one for my autobiography.<br />
<br />
By 2002 my relationship with Formula One had as good as ended, and the times I did tune in usually ended with Takuma Sato <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3dezkEIm9o" target="_blank">smashing into a wall</a> because he was NOT VERY GOOD AT DRIVING A CAR QUICKLY. I'd given up for good by the time Jordan scored their fourth and last win under <a href="http://bensweeneysf1blog.wordpress.com/2013/10/22/jordans-last-win/" target="_blank">controversial circumstances</a> in 2003, and while the team soldiered on with rapidly diminishing returns through 2004 they were pretty much completely shot. 11 of 12 points scored in their last year came from finishing 3rd and 4th in a farcical race where only <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2005_United_States_Grand_Prix" target="_blank">six cars</a>, including two Minardis which by that point would have lost to a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZ4NRbJQz3o" target="_blank">Lada</a>, started.<br />
<br />
Having bought a really bad second hand Renault (it made a sound like jungle drums when you drove at low speeds) I started following them from 2006, a rare time when I've successfully jumped on the bandwagon of a successful team and not destroyed them, and for a couple of years it was glorious. They shut the door at the end of 2011 and I gave up on F1 for good, maybe someday a team or a driver will come along that inspires me to follow but for now it's a case of turning on, watching for five minutes, going "ooh Vettel's won again", hoping to see a non-lethal stack or two then moving on.<br />
<br />
But at least, thanks to the voice of Red Rooster, I got a few good years out of the sport. And for that I am now prepared to concede that he wasn't such a shit bloke after all. <br />
<br />
<b>Next edition - I'll probably have more childhood memories shattered by YouTube</b><br />
<br />
<b>Previously</b><br />
<br />
<a href="http://supermercadoproject.blogspot.com.au/2013/12/tsps-obscure-moments-in-sport-1.html" target="_blank">#1 - Tim Zoehrer's comeback at the WACA (1994)</a>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-4362691233681821392013-12-12T21:19:00.001+11:002022-07-10T19:29:24.360+10:00TSP's Obscure Moments in Sport #1<i>A series in which, if I don't give up after one, I'll explore otherwise pointless or inconsequential moments which represent highlights in my sporting life.</i><br />
<br />
<b>#1 - Tim Zoehrer makes his comeback - Sunday 16 January, 1994.</b><br />
<b></b><br />
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<br />
<br />
Last Friday night, under 'heavy refreshment' at a Christmas party with the cricket on in the background one suitably pissed guest issued a challenge to anyone in the room with half an interest in cricket (and that's about where I sit these days) to compile their all-time favourite cricket XI.<br />
<br />
Well, who doesn't love a list? The rules were set out in more detail than should have been possible given the circumstances, but the most important clause was mine - it didn't have to be the best side you've ever seen in your life, because if it was everyone would pick the same side, it had to be one featuring the players you'd enjoyed watching the most in person or on TV. Sure, you had to be reasonably sensible and not pick <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGuPP8vLlTc" target="_blank">Dwayne Leverock</a> but as far as I was concerned that pretty much left the field open for anybody who had played more than a handful of internationals for a test playing country.<br />
<br />
Or so I thought. After all I wouldn't have flinched if somebody had picked Zimbabwe's <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eddo_Brandes" target="_blank">Eddo Brandes</a> based on the 1994/95 World Series Cup and his foul mouth. Democracy and all that. So, it was much to my surprise when late Monday after my side was revealed there were universal howls of derision at my choice of wicketkeeper.<br />
<br />
The common theme was how, from all the keepers in the world from the mid 80's onwards, could I have plumped for a 10 test player from an era were Australia were, quite frankly, shit? Had they bothered to look up his record in test teams (one win, five draws, three losses, one tie) there might have been an industry shutdown as I was kicked to death. It was a double blow to the community that while Adam Gilchrist - as did everyone else - that he was booted out from behind the stumps in the Supermercado XI to make way for the great man.<br />
<br />
What they missed while concentrating on the obscure nature of the selection was that his inclusion was actually a bit of a scam, because I'd only ever seen him play one international match on television.<br />
<br />
My fascination with the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRgzwrv1w2k" target="_blank">fiery</a> (possibly insane?) Western Australian keeper and ex-WAFL footballer began somewhere during the summer of 1988/89. Before a vigorous round of hallway cricket at a school chum's house we were flicking through some sort of book featuring Sheffield Shield scores (not Wisden, I would discover the joy of obscure players in that later) and discovered that for some unknown reason this guy had bowled an over or two in a shield game.<br />
<br />
At that age we were absolutely baffled. The major flaw, as we saw it, was that there was no point when you already had a bunch of bowlers. In retrospect it was probably along the same lines of pisstaking as when you used to see obscure county games in Wisden where a side were trying to buy a declaration and deliberately served pies to be clouted to all parts of the ground but at the time it was hard to comprehend that somebody else would simply don the gloves for an over - probably in an end of season game - and hope to get through six balls without copping a sharp edge to the face.<br />
<br />
Ironically he turned out to be quite a handy bowler in the end (culminating in his five wicket first innings massacre of South Australia in 1991), but at this point he'd never even taken a first class wicket. Which didn't stop me adopting him as my chosen bowler and batsman for that day's hallway test. Presumably spectacular success was had and he instantly became my favourite player. Suddenly while everyone else was frothing at the mouth over Dean Jones on television I was left scouring the paper for Shield results.<br />
<br />
By the time I jumped on board he'd already been ditched as Australian keeper, Ian Healy was firmly entrenched in the top job and in the days before the internet and Pay TV coverage of state cricket Zoehrer might as well have been a fictional character for all I knew. How I hoped that when the Australian side left for England in 1989 that somehow Healy would be pushed aside and the great man would get a run.<br />
<br />
It was never to be, but what I didn't understand at that age was that there was more to cricket tours than just the games shown on TV. Tests and ODIs were the main event, but there was also a whole carnival of games played against a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_cricket_team_in_England_in_1989" target="_blank">motley assortment</a> of county sides, minnows and teams that sounded like they’d been named by a random generator.<br />
<br />
While Australia thrilled to the sight of Healy playing his bit in a famous Ashes triumph, our Tim was toiling away against the Duchess of Norfolk’s XI (1 run), Sussex (11), Somerset (48), Yorkshire (1*), Warwickshire (0 as an opener), Lancashire (30), Oxford and Cambridge Universities (DNB), Scotland (2), Hampshire (42), Nottinghamshire (0), Kent (32), Essex (13 and 93 while opening AND his maiden first class wicket, a Mr BR Hardie caught by Allan Border), the Netherlands (6 and 3/33!), the Netherlands again (9* and 1/32 off 10) and Denmark (8 and 1/26 off 7).<br />
<br />
For romantic purposes I'd like to think that I followed these matches through the paper, but the reality is that even if the results were buried somewhere between lawn bowls and greyhound racing results (they probably weren't) the demolition job that we were doing on the Poms took the focus off glory clashes like Australia vs Minor Counties. Sadly for Zoehrer loyalists everywhere Heals never suffered a mystery injury in a hotel lift and retained his place in all the important games.<br />
<br />
Not long after the tour of England I lost heart for what was a seemingly futile struggle and transferred my affections to Timbo’s big hitting teammate <a href="http://www.angelfire.com/mo/liech/" target="_blank">Tom Moody</a>. It gave me a good three years of watching him drop in and out of the Australian side before being temporarily joining Zoehrer in the ‘where are they now’ file, then gloriously bouncing back to win the 1999 World Cup<br />
<br />
This cowardly refusal to fight on when all hope was lost caused me to miss Tim's Viking-like invasion of England in 1993 where he seemed to balance failing miserably with the bat at every turn with cutting a swathe through the batting lineups of minor league sides at what must have been a record rate for a keeper. How I wish at the time I’d known about his 1/3 against Warwickshire, 3/23 against a clearly bemused Ireland (all out for 89 chasing 361), 2/24 against Kent and 6/128 over two innings against Essex. <br />
<br />
Still, Healy was again (sadly) indestructible and the gates were closed to Tim. In a way he should have been pleased to have even been included in touring parties <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/zoehrer-scotches-sacking-claims--cricket-1571204.html" target="_blank">considering his antics</a> during the 1986/87 tour of the UAE. Considering his rubbish figures with the bat on the Ashes tour it was almost inevitable that he was done for.<br />
<br />
Then something glorious happened.. to Ian Healy. One glorious throw by portly New Zealander Mark Greatbatch bruised his ankle – and with <a href="http://www.espncricinfo.com/australia/content/player/5139.html" target="_blank">Phil Emery</a> still 10 months away from his brief international career - a 32-year-old Zoehrer was forced to <a href="http://newsstore.fairfax.com.au/apps/viewDocument.ac?page=1&sy=nstore&kw=zoehrer&pb=all_ffx&dt=enterRange&dr=1month&sd=01%2F01%2F1994&ed=31%2F01%2F1994&so=relevance&sf=text&sf=headline&rc=10&rm=200&sp=adv&clsPage=1&docID=news940114_0086_6877" target="_blank">cancel a BBQ</a> and front up at the WACA for a glorious homecoming. His first international match since early 1987. Maybe if the game had been somewhere else their keeper would have got the call-up instead - and thus we were denied Tim Nielsen, Darren Berry or Mark Atkinson - so thank god Greatbatch's hefty arm gunned down Healy days before the game in Perth.<br />
<br />
Time has certainly obscured some of what happened that day, and it's only thanks to the magic of the <a href="http://www.espncricinfo.com/magazine/content/story/697347.html" target="_blank">Robelinda</a> archive for uploading the surviving footage above that we have anything to remember it by, but I remember being transfixed to the screen all day. It didn't hurt that I had a tremendous sporting crush on the early 90's South African teams.<br />
<br />
The details of South Africa's innings are a mystery to me now, and I can only recount them courtesy of the scorecard but things started well enough for the TZ powered Australians. Glenn McGrath did his bit by knocking Peter Kirsten's block off, but Zoehrer contributed by catching Kirsten's brother Gary off Mark Waugh and stumping Craig Matthews off Shane Warne (we are also thankful to Robelinda for bring back Bill Lawry's call that Matthews' footwork was "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeNV3Mv85ig&feature=player_detailpage#t=154" target="_blank">Like a waltz with no music</a>") as Australia restricted the visitors to 209.<br />
<br />
At this point, back when ODIs still meant something and there were no secondary channels to shunt them off to, 209 promised a close game and a bonus early night for the eastern states where Channel 9 would have to fill with an episode of Wings or Night Court. The Australians were obviously very keen on filler programming as they turned 4-92 into a thumping defeat.<br />
<br />
At least, with Australia about to go tits up at a rapid rate, the crowd got to welcome the great man to the crease with what I'm glad I remembered correctly as a heroes reception - including a GOD sign which even I consider a bit over the top. He joined Damien Martyn – later to figure in Zoehrer’s sacking from WA after Tim tried to biff him – but their partnership lasted all of one run thanks to Martyn being dismissed for a duck which left the Aussies teetering on the brink at 6-93.<br />
<br />
If it had been a movie (The Surly Wicketkeeper, starring Stephen Curry) he’d have guided the bowlers through the next 120 odd runs, we’d have won gloriously and he'd have recaptured the national job until history got back on track by Adam Gilchrist harpooning him a few years later. Instead he battled to 9 in partnership with Paul Reiffel, lucky not to get run-out by the usually deadly Jonty Rhodes after giving up having down the pitch, before copping a dodgy LBW decision to another member of my all-star XI Fanie De Villiers.<br />
<br />
With the crowd hushed by the decision you can see him briefly thinking about decking the umpire, but the prospect of losing payments in what would undoubtedly be his last international innings must have got the better of him. He walked off, Shane Warne walked on (and then walked off again very quickly after being run out for 1) and the Aussies were dismissed just 17 runs later for a paltry 126. Three days later Healy was back behind the stumps at the MCG (I’d have gone if Zoehrer had still been there) and Australia went on to win the tournament.<br />
<br />
It was all downhill from there. Western Australia signed the young Adam Gilchrist for the 1994-95 season, and already pushed down the pecking order Zoehrer was soon sacked after only the saintly presence of Thomas Masson Moody stopped him from belting Martyn in an argument . He rushed released an <a href="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/MTAwMFg3NDY=/z/WToAAOxyzi9Sdi2d/$%28KGrHqRHJEEFJc!YZJ-2BSdi2chOmQ~~60_35.JPG" target="_blank">autobiography</a> said to be a master class in bitterness and recrimination (which to my shame I've still not read) then fell off the face of the earth - apparently later coaching and playing in "The Netherlands". Which was not a patch on his 1993 appearance for the <a href="http://www.cricketarchive.com/Archive/Scorecards/102/102826.html" target="_blank">Scarborough Festival President's XI</a> where he was dismissed for naught by the great Eddo Brandes himself.<br />
<br />
Even Phil Emery had <a href="http://newsstore.fairfax.com.au/apps/viewDocument.ac?page=1&sy=age&kw=zoehrer&pb=all_ffx&dt=enterRange&dr=1month&sd=01%2F02%2F1994&ed=01%2F01%2F2010&so=date&sf=text&sf=headline&rc=200&rm=200&sp=adv&clsPage=1&docID=SHD051106T85AU5EKAMT" target="_blank">misty eyed retrospectives</a> written about him in the mid 90’s, while Tim got short shrift – possibly because he was touring "The Netherlands" at the time - only appearing as a bit part player in <a href="http://newsstore.fairfax.com.au/apps/viewDocument.ac?page=1&sy=age&kw=zoehrer&pb=all_ffx&dt=enterRange&dr=1month&sd=01%2F02%2F1994&ed=01%2F01%2F2010&so=date&sf=text&sf=headline&rc=200&rm=200&sp=adv&clsPage=1&docID=news000622_0092_3100" target="_blank">bribery scandals</a> and as support in every single article written about Adam Gilchrist for 15 years, before re-emerging for a <a href="http://www.carters.com.au/index.cfm/item/153197-tim-zoehrers-acb-chairmans-xi-cap-from-the-2nd-lilac-hill-match/" target="_blank">comedy appearance</a> alongside Bruce Reid in a 2005 Chairman’s XI vs South Africa match (had the chairman been drinking?). A search of the Fairfax archive shows that he’s only been mentioned six times in their papers since the start of 2008, and two of them were in quiz questions. The last time anybody asked him for his opinion was <a href="http://newsstore.fairfax.com.au/apps/viewDocument.ac?page=1&sy=age&kw=zoehrer&pb=all_ffx&dt=enterRange&dr=1month&sd=01%2F02%2F1994&ed=01%2F12%2F2013&so=date&sf=text&sf=headline&rc=200&rm=200&sp=adv&clsPage=1&docID=AGE060117EB7FA2C11FU" target="_blank">January 2006</a>, and what he's up to now is a complete mystery.<br />
<br />
At least we'll always have Perth.<br />
<br />
<b>Next edition - Motor racing magic </b> Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-10880837127650039402013-10-27T19:58:00.001+11:002013-10-29T09:50:22.794+11:00In defence of 'old soccer'<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The truly unique thing
about Australian soccer fans is that they’re one of the few groups to despise
the history of their own sport. Yes that's 'soccer', which is what people called it before
the word was outlawed as part of the drastic re-imagining of the game in this
country a decade ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Nobody seemed to care what the game was called then (and there were far more offensive terms for it than 'soccer' let me tell you), and in most places around the world they still don't, but it seems these days that the
only time you’ll hear the ‘s’ word is if somebody’s giving what’s fashionably
become known amongst fans and detractors alike as ‘old soccer’ a kicking. Throw in a few references to ethnic
warfare and a body count higher than the Crimean War and you’re cleared to use it, but only in a negative context unless you
want the crowd to <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/football/blog/2013/oct/17/thursday-fc-tv-review-sbs">boo you</a>.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In the blind rush to reclaim the game from 'the ethnics' the virtual outlawing of the word was taken to with glee by the same people who have gone on to ransack their entire 'terrace culture' lock, stock and barrel from Europe. The violent hatred of nearly everything that came before 'year zero' has confined not only several generations of teams, fans and players, but also a perfectly reasonable term for the sport to an historical red card. But why?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When people lament
the evil that is ‘old soccer’ I know exactly where they’re coming from. They’re
talking about Footscray JUST and Sydney Croatia ‘fans’ butchering each other in a car
park in 1987 for reasons best known only to themselves and their grandparents</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">, or the
night Australian ‘fans’ arranged themselves in the shape of a swastika as the
Socceroos played Israel in a 1989 World Cup qualifier.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">What these people
represented was not ‘old soccer’ but pure, white hot racism and hated. To hold them up as representative
of soccer from the 1950’s until Nick Mrdja won the last National Soccer League Grand
Final for Perth Glory (‘broadbased’) against Parramatta Power (‘no fans of any
ethnicity’) is the laziest stereotype in Australian sport, but one which has achieved pandemic levels in the last few years.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">History is obviously written by the winners, which is why the treatment of Nicky Winmar by the crowd at Victoria Park is now spoken about as a horrible chapter in our racist history but what supporters of long dead soccer clubs did in the 1980's is still relevant today. That Australian society has come a long way on all fronts in the last 20 years is undeniable, and the racism and generally horrible behaviour of the past is treated as it is from the past - unless it happened in the stands of a National Soccer League match. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's simple enough to lay the boots into sides which have already been nearly wiped from the face of the earth, but the truth is that by the time the NSL </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">was (quite rightly) put to sleep the ‘ethnics’ were in the
minority and very much on the run. The 2000-2001 season had just six of 16 teams backed primarily by one
group, and the political parties masquerading as football clubs had been long
removed the national scene and either relegated to state leagues or obliterated entirely.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The problem was that none of these 'Aussie' teams was any good, and consequently without anything more than token television coverage nobody went to watch them. Even Carlton, held up briefly as the next big thing in Australian football after making a Grand Final in their first season, failed eight games into the year. One of their final matches was delayed because nobody remembered to bring goal nets along. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Carlton had briefly been the saviour of 'broadbased' football in Melbourne. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">In that first season when they'd played in the Grand Final against South Melbourne the two teams had even been afforded the honour of a pre-match parade down Swanston Street. That </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FC3CqgcjIkk" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">no more than a handful of people</a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> turned up is hardly the point, but let the record show that in one bright shining moment for 'old soccer' that Paul Trimboli got to sit in a slow moving vintage car, waving at bemused people who were simply trying to catch the tram from outside Melbourne Central.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It was also probably the only Grand Final where the winning goal was celebrated by somebody tearing off their team shirt to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=onsdJZC3hxo#t=24" target="_blank">reveal Macho Man Randy Savage merchandise</a>, but that was as good as it got for the NSL in Melbourne after that. Channel 7 even managed to run a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Rjmj3MJZGz0#t=75" target="_blank">positive story</a> about the match instead of concentrating on the, ahem, boisterous (AKA bin throwing) celebrations by fans afterwards.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The NSL had always been Australia's premier competition for those who enjoyed a rotating cast of clubs. Even once relegation and promotion from state leagues had been abolished sides would still crop up and fold at the drop of a hat. Who could forget Collingwood's partnership with Heidelberg that started the season with big crowds at Victoria Park and ended with the team playing in front of empty stands at the same venue?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Though they already had the numbers by the turn of the century, the 'locals' further solidified their control of the competition in its last few years despite clubs representing 'Australia' dropping like flies. Carlton were the first to go, and the Eastern Pride (nee Morwell Falcons) also failed to complete the 2000-01 season. The Canberra Cosmos at least managed to struggle through the year before being euthanised. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Preposterously the league managed to get through two whole seasons (2001/02 and 2002/03) seasons with exactly the same sides participating, but the long term prospects for the competition were almost nil. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">A last ditch attempt at introducing some buzz around the competition in its second last year by introducing <a href="http://www.ozfootball.net/ark/NSL/20022003/NSL.html" target="_blank">a finals series</a> where six teams would play a ten round home and away competition as well as a Grand Final came to nothing as: a) about two weeks in 75 per cent of the matches were dead rubbers and b) the only TV coverage they could get was on some obscure Optus channel which showed Homeart ads whenever there wasn't a game on. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">The league didn't even bother playing one game between Northern Spirit and Newcastle. That 38,000 turned up to see Perth Glory win the title said more for the long-term prospects of the club themselves rather than the league they were in.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So I'm not here to try and pretend that this was a sensibly run and professional competition with mass public appeal in all markets across the country, because as keen as I am on revisionist history that would be a terrific lie. But what is most certainly was not by this point was an ethnic war zone where ancient scores from across Europe were settled in the stands by chain-wielding teenagers on a weekly basis.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">By the time the
league folded in 2004 the balance had swung conclusively towards the ‘locals’
with a majority of eight from 13, and the last time fans had disgraced
themselves on racial lines had been <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13JyIGMOPBU%E2%80%8E">three years earlier</a>. Somehow though, in the rush to take ownership of football out of
‘ethnic’ hands, we were suddenly pitched into an alternative universe where
every match had been <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHlsIy812kU">Pratten Park 1985</a> no matter who was involved. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">In my experience that was anything but the case, and a</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">t the risk of being
banned from attending any major football event in this country for the next
decade I come in defence of the much maligned NSL and the brand of ‘old soccer’ that it has come to represent.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’d grown up on highlights
of the English game every Monday night in the days when you were grateful just to see
your team in a five minute highlights package. Every once in a while you might stumble across
local highlights on SBS, but to me the references to South Melbourne Hellas <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo4tL-N0ffk">on Acropolis Now</a> may as well have been about a team playing on the moon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It wasn’t until I’d
grown up and suffered the heartbreak of seeing my side relegated from the Premier
League (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvoDS5riSkY">and worse</a>) that I took a chance on the local game and fell in love. For three
brief seasons I was an NSL aficionado, and it was magnificent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Was it meant to be
confronting that South Melbourne fans called their side Hellas? After five
minutes of the first game so did I. That's who they were. Not that it was compulsory; you didn’t have
to swear allegiance to the Greek flag before being allowed in. In fact, to
prove how ‘Aussie’ they were the NSL made you stand for the national anthem before
kick-off. Even the A-League isn't insane enough to try that.<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
In all this time the only ethnic rivalry I ever saw was a half-hearted Hellenic power struggle between South Melbourne and Sydney Olympic, and even then that was practically identical to the rivalry which exists now between Melbourne Victory and Sydney FC with the added bonus of better sounding offensive chants in a foreign language. Who knows what they meant, but we joined in anyway because it was fun and that's what you do when you follow a team - you adapt to their culture. New Victory fans join in the chants which have become popular over the years, we did the ones in Greek which said something horrific about the opposition fan's mothers.<br />
<br />
The argument is obviously that it's better if a side's culture isn't 'ethnically' based and everyone can join in but that was the point of bringing in at least one 'open' side for people who were into that sort of thing. Australian football might have ended up in a totally different place if the authorities had created proper 'broadbased' clubs like the Victory and Sydney FC instead of shacking up with footy sides and instantly turning off anybody who wasn't already a Carlton or Parramatta fan. Still, at least it wasn't (as some would have you believe) Croats vs Serbs, Israelis vs Palestinians or Hutus vs Tutsis by that point.<br />
<br />
The league itself was always going <span style="font-family: inherit;">to end with a whimper rather than a bang, but having walked in just as the
party was ending I found myself right at home at Bob Jane Stadium. In that last season of a rapidly dying competition the idea that a brand new league would turn away a side who had drawn crowds of more than 10,000 without a dash of television coverage seemed bizarre. It was hard to believe that the people trying to lift the game off the bottom of the ocean would turn away the club who'd have made the perfect foil to the Victory in the battle for Melbourne.</span><br />
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">They did and it still
hurts today. While nobody can argue Victory’s success (despite the belated introduction
of the pretty much moribund Melbourne Heart), it hardly seemed fair that New South Wales
got one club in each of Gosford, Newcastle and Sydney while there was no room the
team who had <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gwucbRE9iM">represented Australia on the world stage</a> four years earlier. All of a sudden they were relegated to playing Altona Magic instead of Perth Glory.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
To be fair clubs like South hadn't done themselves any favours over the years, so desperate for anybody to pay their money at the gate that they'd let pretty much anyone in no matter how impure their intentions were. I remember standing in the Bob Jane Stadium clubhouse talking to the head of security for the club about a fan who had been banned 'for life' for some reason or another, when said outlaw fan scanned his membership at the door and walked into the ground within touching distance of the guard. He continued to go unchallenged for the rest of the season and still watches the club now.<br />
<br />
I have no doubt that many of the isolated incidents which have now become football folklore could have been stopped if the clubs had any interest in enforcing bans or if they had access to the same sort of security and surveillance which clubs do in modern stadiums, but who knows if it would have helped when the stereotype had been well and truly embedded in Australia's psyche whether it was true or not. Play my patented NSL Superquiz and humour the next person who tells you how horrible the ethnic riots were 'back then' only to then ask them to name their top five racially based conflagrations. If they can get past Despotovski vs the Melbourne Knights you may as well declare them a winner.</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
How foolish it seems now to have stood under, and I think held it up at one point, a "No South, No APL" banner at the club's last NSL match against Adelaide United at Hindmarsh Stadium. Not only because the FFA made the message irrelevant by changing the name of the competition, but also the fact that we thought that we were so indispensable that the competition couldn't possibly succeed without us. The truth was that the club needed the competition more than the competition needed the club, and South nearly went out of business almost immediately after they were excluded.<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Perhaps they'd
have had more chance if they’d bought the licence for a team in Auckland. After
all, the New Zealand Knights were admitted as the successor of a club which had
attracted 950 people to its last NSL match. I suppose nobody can accuse a team with no fans of having been responsible for any crowd trouble. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Over the years I've thought about the process that severed my brief but thrilling connection with Australian top flight soccer many times. Usually it's while I'm half-heartedly watching the A-League and going for Wellington Phoenix in an equally half-hearted fashion just because in my mind they don't represent the same people who gave us the boot. In these moments of reflection </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">I like to think that the fact that a perfectly viable but ethnically based team was excluded was more to do with the FFA wanting to clear the decks for 'their clubs' than anything else, but the blanket expulsion of any side which had more than a tenuous connection to 'old soccer' has </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">given rise to the greatest urban myth in Australian sports.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">You can see it in <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/sport/2013/oct/14/croatian-football-tournament-melbourne-knights">any story</a> hinting at football’s past. When it was revealed that South Melbourne was
<a href="http://www.sbnation.com/2013/8/6/4594184/melbourne-heart-south-melbourne">trying to buy</a> Melbourne Heart the same themes cropped up <a href="http://www.footballaustralia.com.au/news-display/south-melbourne-s-ambition-hits-a-wall/67688">in articles</a> and comments alike. Mentioning the “bad old days”
and “old soccer” was almost compulsory, and the insinuation was clear: the
return of a side which drew much of its support from the Greek community would herald a “return to ethnic violence”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Who exactly would
this violence be between? Did I miss a brief, bloody conflict between Greece
and New Zealand which would cause games against the Phoenix to end with the
stadium blanketed in tear gas? It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, and the
insinuation that violence is bred purely by ethnicity is hardly compatible with
A-League fans being <u><span style="color: blue; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">king
hit</span></u> in the stands or <a href="http%3a%2f%2fwww.foxsports.com.au%2ffootball%2fa-league%2ffootball-federation-australia-ban-three-supporters-after-recent-incidents-of-a-league-crowd-trouble%2fstory-e6frf4gl-1226582040932" target="_blank">attacking police</a>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You wonder why Melbourne Victory fans who seem as keen as mustard for a proper local rival with more than a handful of fans can't see that instead of holding the ethnics at bay and acting like they solely own the game in this city they should be welcoming a proper rival. These are the same people who have adopted all sorts of macho bullshit 'ultra' stuff from Europe but who simultaneously </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">perpetuate all the myths about
the past while complaining about the treatment they receive from police and the media. Perhaps most of what they know about the 'evil' of the past was similarly beaten up by the press?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The NSL’s reputation
gets worse every year, but how can fans behave as if the isolated violent acts
in their 'new' league are somehow less offensive because there’s no ethnic background to them? A few thrown coins are <a href="http://rs.442.com.au/forums/default.aspx?g=posts&m=1793581">dismissed</a> as nothing much, but the behaviour of fans in the mid 90’s is still
held as hard evidence against entire clubs today. Again, who are 'we' going to fight with now? <a href="http://www.goal.com/en-au/news/4021/a-league/2012/08/15/3307892/crowd-trouble-flares-at-a-league-pre-season-match" target="_blank">Sydney FC, West Sydney Wanderers</a> or <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwpddfHEiMw" target="_blank">Melbourne Victory</a>? There doesn't seem to be any shortage of potential clashes, but if a fight happens at the soccer and it doesn't involve ethnic rivalry did it really happen?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When did it become so
fashionable to put an ethnic twist on sporting violence? Imagine if 25-year-old
Cameron George Frearson of Gymea had known in the mid 90’s that one day everything
terrible which happened before 2004 would be blamed on nationalism. He’d have
come up with a far better excuse for letting off a flare at a World Cup
qualifier than "Because it creates a good visual effect when a goal is
scored".<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">As I stood in the pouring rain watching South get thrashed 5-0 by a pub team a few weeks ago I finally came to terms with
the fact that there’s no way they’ll ever be allowed back in the national
competition in any meaningful fashion. Even if Heart were willing to sell, the
FFA would be scared to death of a backlash from its stakeholders and would at best allow them to be called South Melbourne Heart, Melbourne United or something equally generic. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Their league,
their rules I suppose, but nearly a decade on from NSL’s death it’s time that we
stopped racially profiling clubs and accept that the popular stereotypes were
for the large part just that? That unfortunately soccer seems to attract a proportion of dickheads no matter where you watch it, and that the first priority should be to find these people and kick them out permanently. If clubs wither and die because they've got a higher proportion of arsehole fans than others then bad luck to them.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">That the 'ethnic panic' is complete bullshit is hard to argue, but the point then becomes whether South could even do better than heart. Lacking a proper geographical reason for anybody to follow a second Melbourne club was there any point in bringing one in to start with? Probably not. Would the </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">handful of supporters who would come back from Victory contribute to a decent following? I seriously doubt it, but if the 11,000 who turned up to see South's first match back in the Victorian Premier League (tellingly the total plummeted to just over 4000 the next week) showed half an interest in seeing the club play top level football again it would be a good start.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">If you were a Heart fan wouldn't you have wanted this to happen? Sure you might have to buy a new shirt and perhaps not follow a team with the pansiest nickname in sport, but your 5000 fans plus our 5000 is a start. We'll build from there, abusing Victory fans all the way. You bring the A-League spot, we'll bring the legitimate dislike for their club. You could go on as you are now, but your club's just </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">going to go broke and you'll be left with no other options but to either skulk back to Victory and try to ignore the </span>embarrassingly forced rivalry of the last couple of years or to give up altogether and wait for the next fool to come along asking to be parted from his money by launching a 'broadbased' Melbourne club.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">That there was perhaps 1500 South fans at that Victorian Premier League preliminary final a couple of weeks ago would seem to indicate that there's no coming back for the FIFA Oceania Club of the Century. I can certainly understand that viewpoint, but there's a big difference between playing on the largest stage in the country (where we belong) and against Northcote at at a park in Port Melbourne. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Admittedly I'm not exactly doing my bit for the club these days, it was the first game I'd bothered to go to all season myself. What's the point in following your team through a mickey mouse competition every week throughout winter? I'd done it for a few years and enjoyed myself but the chronic mismanagement of the league (not to mention the <a href="http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-10-25/ffa-bans-accused-match-fixers/5046854" target="_blank">rampant corruption</a>) is enough to grind you down eventually. There's still life in the club, just no reason at the moment for it to be revived.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">All the while as we're looking on with jealously the A-League continues to grow. Plenty of us sneered at the idea of it taking off, but it seems to be doing just that. I'm still not sure investing your money in a team is any more sensible than buying an NBL side or giving your credit card number to a Nigerian prince but the crowds in most venues are well above what might have been expected a few years ago, and other than a couple of hastily created expansion teams (as well as the Knights who were practically dead before they'd even began) most clubs appear to at least be keeping their head above water. The FFA are even happy to bail out major market clubs who fall over and help them back on their feet.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Yet while all this is happening a generation of fans sits on the sidelines waiting for a chance at redemption, looking at A-League fans waving banners that read 'against modern football' and falling about laughing at the idea that they know anything about hardship. It's fun to play the victim, and we're still doing it almost 10 years later, but the idea of once again having a team to spend my summer following is enough to make me pay more attention to the A-League now than I have in the last few years.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">If we're going to be kept out please at least let it be for the right reasons, that we don't have the appropriate financial backing and have shed most of our fan base, not because of some antiquated racial notions of what European people are likely to do at a soccer game.</span></div>
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Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-36922015526230813462013-09-15T20:02:00.001+10:002022-07-10T19:34:01.684+10:00Love Theme from Shame FM<i>This half-written post would never have been published if I'd ever sat down to finish it. In the tradition of modern TSP I'm just posting it in its rubbish form. Let the good times roll</i>.<br />
<br />
On 18 April 2007 (at which point Melbourne had only been shit for three games) Elle G from <a href="http://www.cassettesandchocolate.blogspot.com.au/" target="_blank">Cassettes & Chocolate Milk</a> and I started the <a href="http://shamefm.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Shame FM</a> blog. It was intended to pay homage to songs which we liked but nobody else did. This lasted 11 days, but every once in a while I hear a song or see a clip where my fingers are poised over alt-tab like that weird kid at school who used the rise of the internet to look at naked women in the middle of the school library (his name was Corey. Of course it was), and I think that it would be a worthy inclusion if I could be bothered writing a post. It's never happened yet, so here are a few examples from half written posts over the last few years.<br />
<br />
<b>Alcazar - Crying At The Discotheque</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/7CiOWcUVGJM" width="560"></iframe><br />
How I'd love to play the hipster card and pretend that I totally ignored this at the time and only rediscovered it when I found out about Spacer by Sheila B Devotion about five years later, but no. I loved this right from the start and I'm not afraid to say it online - without my real name attached so it can't be used against me when applying for jobs in the future.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<u>Shame rating:</u> ****<div><br />
<b>Cold Chisel - Choir Girl</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/MzyDVcnLJ7U" width="420"></iframe><br />
<br />
Chisel get a fearful kicking thanks to their unintended alliance with some of the worst people in society, singing Khe Sanh at the top of their lungs while chasing immigrants - but if this isn't a timeless Australian classic I'm not here.<br />
<br />
Not only does it reasonably cover the 'slightly contentious' topic of abortion with a dignity that eluded Two Minutes To Midnight by Iron Maiden, but for an ultra low budget video it's loaded with highlights. Witness a grinning Barnsey playing pocket billiards in a casual white suit that makes it look like he's just finished slave trading in Manilla. See the late drummer in a fetching blue singlet singing his heart out while Don Walker - the man who wrote the thing in the first place - loses interest. Consider the way Ian Moss looks exactly like Doctor Turf. Find absolutely nothing of interest in the other guy.<br />
<br />
As for the song itself are there all that many better moments than when Jimmy rips out the "she's my connection.." bit? And the "suffer little children" singalong, magnificent. Don't be fooled by people with Southern Cross tattoos on their neck, Chisel's still a mighty force - and this is up there with their best.<br />
<br />
<u>Shame rating:</u> **<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Falco and Brigitte Nielsen - Body Next To Body</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/-xH8Wqdb4U0" width="420"></iframe><br />
It's not just because it's got the future Mrs. Flavor Flav in it, at this point the finest woman in the world, but it mostly is. At the risk of being labelled a pervert (again) I rate the bit where she's being groped at while walking through the tunnel at the start on a par with Gwen Stefani being <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=ubvV498pyIM#t=178" target="_blank">hauled off to the gas chamber</a> and a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=kTHNpusq654#t=133" target="_blank">jilted bride gang leader Katy Perry</a> as the hottest moments in music video history.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<u>Shame rating:</u> ** (for liking the song) </div><div>***** (for the exposed perversion)<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Mi-Sex - Shanghaied</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/UHM5HM02kqM" width="420"></iframe><br />
I can see why this didn't chart as well as their earlier stuff, after all the guy who sung "Com-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-PU-PU-PU-ter Games!" is relegated to a secondary role behind a bloke who looks like he's just nipped out of the local RSL, slapped on a bow tie and been handed a microphone and a lyrics sheet. No wonder 'the kids' declined the options to put it into the charts in either Australia or New Zealand.<br />
<br />
Sadly this means they missed out on an absolute belter, and it's only thanks to people who upload old clips to YouTube that it's not lost forever. Its chart success can't have been helped by the alternative lead singer's clunky attempts at getting the crowd to clap along when they <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5r765AGbuPU" target="_blank">performed live on Countdown</a> but his unusual vocal stylings and the piano playing combine to create ART. Also at one point the guitarist almost forgets that he's supposed to mime and has to charge to the microphone at the last minute.<br />
<br />
It starts well, but it ends even better. Starting from the moment he delivers the best (and possibly only) use of the word "wistful" in Australian popular music history it goes up a gear, with old mate delivering a genuinely quality acting performance in playing up to the song's lyrics about being blind-sided and cheated in love. Those who didn't rush to their local Brashs and make this #1 on the ARIA charts did Australian/New Zealand music a disservice - don't blame me, I was four months old.<br />
<u><br /></u>
<u>Shame rating:</u> **<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<b>Shakira - Objection (Tango)</b><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/3HEa0kLyb-M" width="420"></iframe></div><div>Notwithstanding its use in the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVsij9SeETM" target="_blank">worst Pepsi ad</a> ever, and the 'spoken word' bit that grinds the song to a halt with the worst 'rap' by a white woman since Madonna's <i>American Life</i>, this is a modern pop classic. Let's not let 10 seconds detract from something that is otherwise almost universally perfect.<br />
<br />
The lyrics don't stand up to any proper scrutiny, but how often do they? There's even an illusion to her knockers, which is the hallmark of all great Shakira songs (both of them - that's the songs you sleaze). Listen to it alongside <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weRHyjj34ZE" target="_blank">this</a> and remember the brief era in 2001/02 when the future of pop was based in Colombia. Much like Lady Gaga she didn't have much in the tank after the first couple of songs, but has still managed to pocket MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. She even briefly kicked the door in for other, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzEfm6zVmDk" target="_blank">less successful</a> female Latino singers (double shame - I actually really like that song)</div><div><br />
<u>Shame rating:</u> ****<br /></div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-40989238165003174412013-06-21T01:37:00.001+10:002013-06-21T01:39:44.943+10:00Seconds From Disaster: When sportsmen meet microphoneAs <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2013/may/28/aussie-rules-footballers-sing-joy-of-six" target="_blank">this article</a> so rightly points out in not so many words there is little more thrilling in the world of music than the sight of an untrained celebrity let loose with a microphone. Whether it's part of a desperate (failed) attempt to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=T0kLDpK_YNo" target="_blank">capitalise on fleeting fame</a> or as an <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzA2nFklDo4" target="_blank">impromptu singalong</a> to an all-time classic as the result of days consuming nothing more than beers and faeces flecked bar peanuts at least you know if it's not good it will be memorable. <br />
<br />
Sadly in the glory era for singing sportspeople - the 1970's and 1980's - Australia lagged sadly behind. It's no surprise that somebody finally realised that Mark Jackson and Warwick Capper could be worth a buck (years before an enterprising cinematic genius decided to put them together in lost classic <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNbHSFVAov0" target="_blank">Yobbos Up The Guts</a>) but on the whole our results as a nation were disappointing. Thank god then for Britain and the United States - fading as superpowers but leading the world in ill-conceived celebrity sporting songs.<br />
<br />
So, collected from the 70's and 80's glory era only here are some of my 'favourites'. Some will torment you under the end of time. Some rise above the odds to be quite good. Without exception they are always performed by men because women are too sensible to get involved in such tosh.<br />
<br />
<b>Giorgio Chinaglia - (I'm) Football Crazy (1974)</b><br />
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In which the Italian footballer, and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3vOrNfjiOc" target="_blank">latter day villain</a> of the documentary Once In A Lifetime, bridges the gap between folky pop of the 70's and the Italo Disco era of the 80's as no other man would dare to attempt.<br />
<br />
There's no explanation in either English or Italian that I can find for the pointless bracketing of the word 'I'm', other than that it was the theme song to a Joan Collins starring 'sex comedy' called <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071157/" target="_blank">Football Crazy</a> which was also released under the far more 'hammer and tongs' suggestive name of "Playing The Field".<br />
<br />
This is not Chinaglia's issue though, he was clearly there only to use his celebrity status to give the film a leg up at the box office. The film was in Italian, and while sadly no footage exists of how Joan coped with this, one can only assume that the theme song was originally in his native language before the above version was recorded for a grateful English speaking market.<br />
<br />
With what sounds like a Copperart version of Herb Alpert's Tijuana Brass in the background Giorgio regales us with tales of his deep passion for the game and reminds of how well he's feeling. At least I think that's what's going on, it's hard to tell what he's on about half the time.<br />
<br />
Eventually chirpy backing singers come in to save his blushes with even heavier Italian accents, but afte the first chorus they nick off and leave him to do the second alone with disastrous results. His attempts to hit a high note are noble at best, painful at worst. "I'm football crazy and misunderstood" it goes, which might be half right.<br />
<br />
Chinaglia wasn't the only Cosmos player to <a href="http://nycosmos.com/news/new-york-cosmos-mixtape-revolutions-generation" target="_blank">take to the microphone</a>. Pele was so good that he even provided a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1H4Ccs5aXY&feature=player_embedded" target="_blank">laid back theme</a> to an autobiographical documentary (with a non-inconsiderable assist from Sergio Mendes). Even Franz Beckenbauer, one of the most sensible men ever born, had a go in his native country - though he <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQUJfpcSRQ0&feature=player_embedded" target="_blank">needn't have bothered</a>.<br />
<br />
<b>Classy Freddie Blassie - Pencil Neck Geek</b> (1975)<br />
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In the spirit of Benny Hill's Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West), the classy one delivered his own spaghetti western epic, featuring lyrics which condone bullying, abuse and murder of 'geeks' everywhere in a fashion that would have him shot out of a cannon if he tried it now.<br />
<br />
Keep going to the end where he pulls off the sort of skit so beloved of shithouse rap albums by De La Soul 15 years later. He attempted to relive the magic with <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N89PtR8DZds" target="_blank">Blassie King of Men</a>, but it didn't have the same impact and he dropped off the face of the earth again until Andy Kaufman <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eemJfruOvz0" target="_blank">invited him to breakfast</a>.<br />
<br />
<b>Guy Lafleur - Scoring</b> (1979)<br />
Everything
I know about Guy comes from his Wikipedia page which reveals he was
nicknamed "The Flower" in English and the far more dashing "Le Démon
Blond" in French. However everything I know about scoring a goal in ice hockey (a subject on which I'm equally limited) comes from this 1979 disco extravaganza. <br />
<br />
Backed by a group of ladies (or more
likely one lady with her voice multiplied several times) who are forced to
dramatically chant absurd words like "deke" and "hesitate" like their lives depend on it, Guy is thorough in his instructions on how in the unlikely event of finding yourself playing for the Montreal Canadiens you might go about not making a fool of yourself.<br />
<br />
As far as useful instructional songs go it might have been better to get a pilot in to do a disco thumper detailing how to land a commercial airplane in an emergency, but if you're a hockey fan you might learn something from his laid-back conversational style of explaining the subtleties of his sport.<br />
<br />
Interspersed with encouragement from the backing singers that "you can do it" and that "all you've gotta do is try", Lafleur details not only the stick technique that (apparently) saw him score 560 goals during his career, but also outlines the joy he takes in mentally dominating the league's hapless goaltenders.<br />
<br />
By the end they were clearly running out of money for re-takes and don't bother to call him back in to clear up some phrases which are basicially indecipherable due to his French Canadian accent, but the track deserves recognition for the use of words like "predetermine" and "deflection" which may never have been used in a song ever again.<br />
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<b>Kevin Keegan - Head Over Heels In Love</b> (1979)<br />
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While Lafleur was mastering the art of disco across the Atlantic a poodle haired Keegan was marking the prime of his career by releasing a song so weedy it's almost painful.<br />
<br />
Making his bid to simultaneously win a Leo Sayer lookalike competition, Kevin dons testicle clamping white pants and gamely attempts to smile through what was probably the lowest moment of his life until giving <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXpUdBlRZe8" target="_blank">this interview</a>. No doubt he wouldn't have been as calm had he known that the lights behind him were going to make it look like had giant technicolour wings.<br />
<br />
Like most sportspeople handed a microphone and a page full of ordinary lyrics he's at his best in the passably musical chorus but unable to fully mask the horrors of the verses. His life force seems to ebb away in the last few seconds while he struggles to the end, with the lack of cutaway shots to the studio audience 'heard' clapping in mechanical fashion at the start seeming to prove that the whole thing was a tremendous swizz and that he was actually performing in a tin shed near Accrington.<br />
<br />
To disprove any claims that "in 1977 punk changed everything" the track <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Keegan#Outside_football" target="_blank">reached #31</a> in the UK charts - and an even more respectable #10 in Germany where he was based at the time. Shame.<br />
<br />
<b>Glenn and Chris - Diamond Lights</b> (1985)<br />
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Unfashionable it may be, but close your eyes and pretend it's not two of England's most criminally underrated players of their era singing this but a proper musical act and against all odds its quite good. For the mid 80's. That's still no excuse for opening themselves up to a lifetime of ridicule by being roped into performing it live on Top Of The Pops though.<br />
<br />
Clearly nobody forwarded the memo to Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle that when sportsmen performed songs they were supposed to either be absurdly over the top so we could all look in on the joke or perform an 'aw shucks' cutesy track a'la Keegan. Instead they teamed up to channel their inner Spandau Ballet, with surprisingly positive results.<br />
<br />
It's nothing without the live performance on Top Of The Pops though, Hoddle having the absolutely undisputed time of his life while Waddle stares nervously into the distance hoping the studio is going to collapse while somebody smacks some hexagonal drums in the background.<br />
<br />
With a World Cup on the horizon they somehow managed to get all the way to #12. Sadly England's inferior 1986 World Cup '<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LXH2Kkweuc" target="_blank">anthem</a>' downplays their contribution and instead gives equal time to less successful recording 'artists' such as Peter Reid and Kenny Sansom.<br />
<br />
Both men would later leave a Britain that didn't appreciate their talents (at football, not singing) and play in France, where sadly they were located in different parts of the country and were unable to resume their duties as England's answer to Hall & Oates. We were even denied a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YP7y89lfTIM" target="_blank">follow-up single</a> as it was withdrawn due to Glenn going overseas and being unable to promote it. Thankfully the music video survives if only for the appalling sight of Hoddle necking with some new romantic trashbag.<br />
<br />
Eventually each of them did something that made everyone forget Diamond Lights (at least until YouTube came along). Chris <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L48h60pKfbg" target="_blank">put England out of a World Cup</a>, Glenn made his squad <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9so-uvVZjk" target="_blank">read a book about faith healing</a> and <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/sport/football/270194.stm" target="_blank">said things about disabled people</a> which caused him to be given the boot as manager of England. Time is well overdue for a stage comeback by both men.<br />
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<b>The Chicago Bears - Superbowl Shuffle </b>(1985)<b><br /></b><br />
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Of all approximately 97 trillion ridiculous videos which can be found on YouTube for some reason this isn't one of them, and if that's not because the people in it are trying to wipe it off the face of the planet I'd be surprised.<br />
<br />
I always liked to think that "every day I'm shuffling" song applied to this clip, a room full of football players rapping in styles best described as 'industrial'. Apparently they taped it before the Superbowl and were scared to death of it getting out in the event that they lost. It was the world's loss that they actually won and it got an even wider airing rather than being lost for 25 years until turning up on YouTube.<br />
<br />
While the players who nobody cared about were forced up the back to pretend they're 'drumming' or are reduced to shuffling awkwardly from side to side, the stars of the Bears are sent up front to deliver ridiculous statements like Walter Payton's assertion that they're not trying to win the Superbowl to be greedy but to 'feed the needy'. Which must have come as welcome news to the actual needy of 1985 until they found out it got them nothing but the right to have good feelings about football.<br />
<br />
So it goes for the best part of six long minutes, through sax solos, various horrific performances and the best of mid 80's special effects. It's noticeable that other than the star quarterback who was obligated to perform there's only one other token performance by a white man and he dances like he's in an iron lung.<br />
<br />
Sadly the success of the song led to an onslaught of similar tracks, including the Miami Dolphins straight lifting <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJvTWmUYTII" target="_blank">U Can't Touch This </a>and the late Los Angeles Rams' single entendre classic '<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOYY6futWBc" target="_blank">Ram It</a>' where I'm sure they know they're basically using their club's name to suggest sexual intercourse.<br />
<br />
<b>The stars of the American Wrestling Alliance - The Wrestlerock Rumble</b> (1986)<br />
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By the late-80's the AWA would be reduced to ashes by shithouse management and Vince McMahon stealing all their top talent for the WWF, but the company was still holding on to relevance by their fingertips in 1986. McMahon was about to completely steamroll them, but the AWA still had one ace up their sleeve - an arena show backed by a jaunty jingle.<br />
<br />
The company had written its own death warrant by treating wrestling audiences of the 80's as if it were still the 60's or 70's, and by not making Hulk Hogan (shortly to become one of the most recognisable celebrities in the US) their top man when they employed him, so it was no surprise that their attempt to ride the coattails of the surprisingly successful Superbowl Shuffle turned out to be a bit of a farce. The Shuffle surely only 'succeeded' because the team were winners, while in comparison by this point the AWA's territory had shrunk to not much more than one casino in Las Vegas and the state of Minnesota.<br />
<br />
The first mistake was opening with an intro (rapped of course) by the whitest man this side of Kevin Keegan. It didn't help that the promotion seemingly didn't employ one single black man who could (stereotypically) be relied upon to carry the show. They do, however, know what men who like wrestling also like and there are random appearances throughout from the stars of a production called 'Playboy's Girls Of Rock Roll' which was apparently on at Las Vegas' Maxim Hotel. Probably in the car park.<br />
<br />
It's not all disastrous though. I must have watched this clip 5000 times, and after Ken Resnick's interpretive dance introduction the first actual grapplers to appear are not all that bad given the shocking material they're forced to work with. The Midnight Rockers were probably completely wasted when they recorded this (as they were most of the time) but they put in a reasonable stint ruined only by the background footage where it looks like they're trying to abduct children from a birthday party.<br />
<br />
But they're young and 'with it', so it's understandable that they can sort of master the newfangled art of rapping. More surprisingly successful is the whole hearted performance by Sheik Adnan, manager of wildman Bruiser Brody (later stabbed to death backstage in Puerto Rico), who despite his relatively old age delivers the goods thanks to not being given anything too stupid to say.<br />
<br />
Compare and contrast to Jerry Blackwell. The man who is later seen demonstrating his splashing technique on a wooden board is saddled with giant white headphones to prove he was in the studio singing live, but no amount of production twiddling and the pushing up and down of knobs could save him from sinking without a trace. He's screwed over again when a slow motion replay of the plank destruction shows that it's wafer thin and set up in a way that any sort of downward pressure would cause it to collapse.<br />
<br />
Greg Gagne performs as only the son of the owner possibly could without being asked to leave, even throwing in a big 'whoooo!' at the end so you know he's having significant amounts of fun. He was until he started seeing their bank statements.<br />
<br />
Once Greg's out of the way we're treated to the sight of Scott 'Razor Ramon' Hall and Curt 'Mr Perfect' Hennig stepping out of a pool and issuing threats to The Longriders - who you know weren't going to win because they weren't invited to participate in the Wrestlerock Rumble, but still got to go 27 minutes with the tag champs which goes some way to explaining why the company was about to cark it. This is followed by footage of Curt and Scott 'randomly' meeting Shawn Michaels and what appears to be a barely legal teenage female outside a casino, presumably because she hasn't been able to provide adequate ID to get inside.<br />
<br />
Best on ground is clearly Nick Bockwinkel. Once again you could see why the company was going under when he was challenging for their title at god knows what age, but being one of the most underrated promo men of all time he rose above substandard lyrics to deliver a performance of rare class while sensibly refusing to be filmed actually singing. It should be noted that his opponent Stan Hansen is not in the video either, but that's because Stan was a legitimately ornery character who spent most of his time in Japan and eventually took the AWA belt there 'in real life' and refused to give it back, forcing them to strip him of the title and putting another nail in the coffin of the promotion. Speaking of nails to the coffin Bockwinkel vs Hansen got all of 10 minutes for the World Title and was the fourth last match of the card.<br />
<br />
In the midst of all this there's a lot of sleazing going on between wrestlers and Playboy's Girls of Rock and Roll. The chief offender, to nobody's surprise, is Shawn Michaels.<br />
<br />
Following closely behind Bockwinkel in terms of performance is Larry Zbyszko, a man who clearly understands the absurdity of it all and delivers his lines impeccably (including threatening to beat his opponent 'into a bundle' because it sort of rhymes with 'rumble') before leaving with a flourish that has to be seen to be believed.<br />
<br />
His opponent on the other hand has absolutely no idea what he's doing, and there's a reason that nobody's ever heard of Scott Le Doux since 1986. He's not helped by his wooden delivery and the fact that he's the second person who has to use 'mumble' as a rhyme because they've run out.<br />
<br />
It's a shame that we had to end on a such a low note, because while Jim Cornette's <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lnajtUnvyk" target="_blank">evisceration of the segment</a> has its points the worst damage is done by Le Doux and poor old, ancient Verne Gagne himself - destroying any claim of Ken Resnick to be the whitest man alive with the oldest rap ever committed to tape until that old lady turned up in The Wedding Singer. Ken's back for another shot at the gold to wrap the Rumble up but there's no way he can get past Verne - there's almost no way anybody could get past Verne, the guy was 60 going on 90 and still booked himself in the second last match of the evening. Nails, coffins etc..<br />
<br />
There was clearly no lack of ambition left in them at this point, scheduling their show for the enormous Hubert H Humphrey Metrodome and the AWA's answer to Wrestlemania II was a reasonable success, with 23,000 people through the gate, but they would never promote another show in a 'stadium' again - shifting their TV tapings back to the Showboat Casino in Las Vegas and when that fell over into an empty studio where they would die shortly after broadcasting a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jake_Milliman#Return_to_the_AWA" target="_blank">Turkey On A Pole match</a>.<br />
<br />
<b>The Matchroom Mob - Snooker Loopy </b>(1986)<br />
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In a way this
is the worst song ever written, but in another way it's pure bloody
singalong genius and will teach you how to play snooker like no instructional 'Snooker for Dummies' style book. <br />
<br />
With all the top players signed up to the one manager, later introduced in the song presumably because he's bankrolling it, somebody obviously had the bright idea to make a quid off them and wheeled in music hall Cockney entertainers Chas and Dave to provide musical accompaniment. Thus we're treated to short profiles of each man where after their various traits (being Italian, being Welsh, being bald, being blind, being a choker) are listed he gets to sing the last line himself - in an endearing but universally tuneless fashion.<br />
<br />
In between each profile we're treated to a chorus of self-conscious snookerists (especially the guy with the glasses who is not at all having a good time) suggesting that "we'll show you what we can do with a load of balls and a snooker cue" in a moment which confirms that this deserved to go much higher than #6 on the UK singles charts before revealing the correct order in which one must pot the balls.<br />
<br />
As the clip on YouTube was uploaded from a "Ultimate 100 Really Bad Songs" countdown an additional highlight is all the comments on the video abusing whatever obscure station TMF is for including it. Seeing this - possibly on the same "worst songs" countdown - was the highlight of my trip to England.<br />
<br />
<b>Carl Lewis - Break It Up</b> (1987)<br />
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Years before he did what all good US celebrities do and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kU9XwcOIfI" target="_blank">massacred the national anthem</a> Carl Lewis had already released a song, and upon listening it's hard to see why they even invited him to sing the anthem in the first place.<br />
<br />
Set against backing music lifted straight from a Sega Master System game the clip is interspersed with highlights from Carl's storied career and shots of him working out in a gym while singing the song in jazz ballet fashion while being surrounded by a bevy of beautiful fit women.<br />
<br />
It's no Snooker Loopy, but his hip wiggling performance is worth seeing until a bubble blowing granny turns up and starts harassing him while he's working out. Fair enough I suppose, but the next thing you know they're canoodling in a spa where it appears he's the one try to seduce her while the lovely young ladies sit around watching. Celebrity kink at its best. God only knows why but eventually they nick off to the sauna where granny sticks a "do not disturb" sign on the door, suggesting that actual god's honest shagging was taking place between one of the world's greatest athletes and an elderly woman.<br />
<br />
<b>The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers - All American Boys</b> (1988) <br />
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Sure as a WWF theme song it wasn't meant to be serious, and wasn't offered for public sale but a) what a theme and b) what a photo. The villanious Jacques and Raymond were doing a gimmick where despite being horrible, cheating French Canadian heels (unlike Guy Lafleur who was nothing but a helpful good guy) they pretended to love all things American - including expressing a preference for Barry Manilow over Rock and Roll. Game, set and match.<br />
<br />
As far as wrestlers singing goes there's also Slick's <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQh4gYVXn0Q" target="_blank">Jive Soul Bro</a>, probably the most racist thing Vince McMahon has ever produced. Which is saying something.<br />
<br />
<b>Gazza - Fog On The Tyne</b> (1990)<br />
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Shortly before he turned into a hopelessly addicted alcoholic and violent wife-beater Paul Gascoigne was the most popular man on the face of the earth. In the wake of World Cup Semi Final tears when he realised a booking would keep him out of the final (thanks to old Diamond Lights Chris Waddle himself for making it a non-issue in the shootout) he became a true housewives favourite and probably the only Spurs player other than Jurgen Klinsmann who anybody has had even the slightest interest in since.<br />
<br />
As his celebrity status went through the roof Gazza was wheeled out for something different, a cover of a Geordie classic from the 70's with the original band backing him. With a hypnotic beat in the background and an infectious arms in the air dance to go along with it the song opens with a mention of 'sucking sausage rolls' and while it never gets 'good' it has got something appealing about it. He can't sing, and it's a bit odd having him sing what a proud Geordie he is when he'd chucked Newcastle for Spurs two seasons earlier but while I wouldn't choose it as one of my desert island discs I'd certainly go into bat for Gazza's enigmatic performance ahead of many other successful pop songs in the following 23 years.<br />
<br />
Then he <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyX_af6Rm3k" target="_blank">did this</a>, went to Italy, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuReB-yWkAs" target="_blank">did this</a>,<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0NT6aUwN8c" target="_blank">scored an iconic goal</a> for England, hit his wife a lot and took some chicken and a fishing rod on his <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1364519/Paul-Gascoigne-reveals-tried-killer-Raoul-Moat-fishing.html" target="_blank">quest to find a killer</a>. He's not doing <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Gascoigne#Struggles_with_alcoholism.2C_drug_addiction_and_mental_illnesses" target="_blank">all that well</a> these days.<br />
<br />
Rounding out the Gazza discography was his #31 1991 'hit' <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dU0-fmKI0lU" target="_blank">Gazza Rap</a>, where for some reason he's not wearing a shirt.<br />
<br />
Sadly not going into the 90's doesn't allow us to look at snooker player Steve Ebdon's David Brent-esque "I Am A Clown", voted (by somebody) as the 'worst song of 1996'. Wait, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ob6i9VbfVXs" target="_blank">yes it does</a>.Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7480941866772093157.post-85230419968394965092013-06-10T01:33:00.001+10:002013-06-10T01:50:54.355+10:00Triple J Hottest 100 of the last 20 years - TSP versionSafe in the knowledge that I'd be disappointed through nobody's fault other than my own I resisted involving myself in this countdown until about #29, when I just happened to be in the car in a foreign city and landed on a station playing Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand.<div><br></div><div>A quality tune indeed, and even when it finished and some community radio standard DJ's indulged in a cringeworthy interview with the guy from Franz it didn't diminish my enjoyment of the song. I know as well as you do that there are at least 100 great songs to be found from the Hottest 100's of 1993 to 2012, but the problem is that in a public vote it's highly unlikely that mine was going to look anything like theirs, yours or anybody else's.</div><div><br></div><div>So, after Franz ushered in a number of pox songs in a row - topped off with Wonder fucking Wall at #1 I thought I'd do what self-indulgent people everywhere do best and give you my own list. The only difference to the original is that I only chose out of songs that had been previously selected for the top 100 in the eligible years (unlike Triple J themselves who absurdly allowed any old song released in that time, because they're for the tip - and if that were the case I'd like to include The Libertines THANKS) and the views and opinions of some hillbilly from Bunbury were not considered.</div><div><br></div><div>Also it's not my fault that some bizarre songs were voted in to start with. Blame Australia in whatever year. Each track listed below represents a stage of my life that was in total shambles (1993 to 2003) or varying degrees thereafter, even if there are some songs that I didn't realise I liked until years later - rest assured that I was living a farcical life upon its release and brief radio fame.</div><div><br></div><div>Please note - before writing in to complain - that this is my personal opinion and I don't care if you enjoy the works of Muse or Hilltop Hoods, because I wouldn't pish on either of them if they were alight. Also nothing by Tool was included because despite every man and their dog waffling on about them for 20 years I'm still not sure who they are or what they do.</div><div><br></div><div>And on that note,</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div>100. Morrissey - The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get (1994)</div><div>99. Angelique Kidjo - Wombo Lombo (1996)</div><div>98. Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun (1994)</div><div>97. U2 - Lemon (1993)</div><div>96. REM - The Great Beyond (2000)</div><div>95. Cornership - Brimful Of Asha (1997)</div><div>94. The White Stripes - Hotel Yorba (2001)</div><div>93. The Killers - Mr Brightside (2004)</div><div>92. The Cure - Wrong Number (1997)</div><div>91. Silverchair - Tomorrow (1994)</div><div>90. Empire Of The Sun - Walking On A Dream (2008)</div><div>89. Primitive Radio Gods - Standing Outside A Broken Phonebooth with Money In My Hand (1996)</div><div>88. Blur - For Tomorrow (1993)</div><div>87. Blink 182 - All The Small Things (1999)</div><div>86. Placebo - Every You, Every Me (1999)</div><div>85. 2Pac - California Love (1996)</div><div>84. Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm (1994)</div><div>83. TISM - (He'll Never Be An) Old Man River (1995)</div><div>82. Faker - Hurricane (2005)</div><div>81. Ben Folds Five - Brick (1998)</div><div>80. Silverchair - The Greatest View (2002)</div><div>79. The Whitlams - Melbourne (1998)</div><div>78. Offspring - Self Esteem (1994)</div><div>77. REM - E-Bow The Letter (1996)</div><div>76. Metallica - Until It Sleeps (1996)</div><div>75. The Hives - Hate To Say I Told You So (2002)</div><div>74. Daft Punk - Harder Better Faster Stronger (2007)</div><div>73. MGMT - Electric Feel (2008)</div><div>72. The Living End - All Town Down (1999)</div><div>71. Kasabian - Shoot The Runner (2007)</div><div>70. TISM - Whatareya? (1998)</div><div>69. Custard - Apartment (1995)</div><div>68. Rancid - Time Bomb (1995)</div><div>67. Passion Pit - Take A Walk (2012)</div><div>66. Blink 182 - What's My Age Again (1999)</div><div>65. Garbage - Vow (1995)</div><div>64. You Am I - Purple Sneakers (1995)</div><div>63. Utah Saints - Something Good (1993)</div><div>62. Pavement - Cut Your Hair (1994)</div><div>61. Moloko - Sing It Back (1999)</div><div>60. Beastie Boys - Intergalactic (1998)</div><div>59. Max Sharam - Coma (1994)</div><div>58. James - Laid (1994)</div><div>57. Grinspoon - Just Ace (1998)</div><div>56. Green Day - Hitchin' A Ride (1997)</div><div>55. Blur - Parklife (1994)</div><div>54. White Town - Your Woman (1997)</div><div>53. The Strokes - Hard To Explain (2001)</div><div>52. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Gold Lion (2006)</div><div>51. Catatonia - Road Rage (1998)</div><div>50. Moloko - The Time Is Now (1999)</div><div>49. White Zombie - More Human Than Human (1995)</div><div>48. Tricky - Black Steel (1995)</div><div>47. The Caulfield's - Devil's Diary (1995)</div><div>46. Ash - Goldfinger (1996)</div><div>45. Franz Ferdinand - The Fallen (2005)</div><div>44. Green Day - Longview (1994)</div><div>43. Regurgitator - Blubber Boy (1995)</div><div>42. Arctic Monkeys - I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor (2005)</div><div>41. Korn - Got The Life (1998)</div><div>40. Tumbleweed - Hang Around (1995)</div><div>39. Alice In Chains - Rooster (1993)</div><div>38. Warren G and Nate Dogg - Regulate (1994)</div><div>37. The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army (2003)</div><div>36. Something With Numbers - Apple Of The Eye (Lay Me Down) (2006)</div><div>35. The Prodigy - Breathe (1996)</div><div>34. End Of Fashion - O Yeah (2005)</div><div>33. Stone Temple Pilots - Vaseline (1994)</div><div>32. REM - Man On The Moon (1993)</div><div>31. The Killers - Somebody Told Me (2004)</div><div>30. Regina Spektor - Fidelity (2006)</div><div>29. Electric Six - Danger! High Voltage (2003)</div><div>28. Pulp - Disco 2000 (1996)</div><div>27. Stardust - Music Sounds Better With You (1998)</div><div>26. Nada Surf - Popular (1996)</div><div>25. Skunk Anansie - I Can Dream (1995)</div><div>24. Beck - Loser (1994)</div><div>23. REM - What's The Frequency Kenneth? (1994)</div><div>22. Faith No More - Ashes To Ashes (1997)</div><div>21. Bloc Party - Helicopter (2005)</div><div>20. Rammstein - Stripped (1999)</div><div>19. Beck - Sexx Laws (1999)</div><div>18. New Order - Crystal (2001)</div><div>17. Nirvana - Heart Shaped Box (1993)</div><div>16. Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out (2004)</div><div>15. You Am I - Berlin Chair (1994)</div><div>14. Portishead - Glorybox (1995)</div><div>13. Pulp - Common People (1995)</div><div>12. Alice In Chains - Grind (1995)</div><div>11. Beastie Boys - Sabotage (1994)</div><div>10. Faith No More - Evidence (1995)</div><div>9. Modest Mouse - Float On (1994)</div><div>8. The Whitlams - No Aphrodisiac (1997)</div><div>7. Urge Overkill - Sister Havana (1993)</div><div>6. TISM - Greg! The Stop Sign (1995)</div><div>5. The Strokes - Last Nite (2001)</div><div>4. Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet With Butterfly Wings (1995)</div><div>3. Manic Street Preachers - If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next (1998)</div><div>2. Oasis - Morning Glory (1995)</div><div>1. Suede - Animal Nitrate (1993)</div><div><b><br></b></div><div><b>Also considered </b>(with varying degrees of seriousness)</div><div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Blind Melon - No Rain (1993)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Porno For Pyros - Pets (1993)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Radiohead - Creep (1993)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Rage Against The Machine - Killing In The Name (1993)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Sub Sub - Ain't No Love (Ain't No Use) (1993)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">The Cruel Sea - The Honeymoon Is Over (1993)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">The Shamen - Ebeneezer Goode (1993)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">U2 - Numb (1993)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Francis Dunnery - American Life In The Summertime (1994)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "><div>Green Day - Basket Case (1994)</div><div>Ini Kamoze - Here Comes The Hotstepper (1994)</div><div>L7 - Andres (1994)</div><div>Live - I Alone (1994)</div><div>Nine Inch Nails - Closer (1994)</div></div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Nirvana - About A Girl (1994)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Offspring - Come Out And Play (1994)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Soundgarden - Spoonman (1994)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Tori Amos - Cornflake Girl (1994)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Everclear - Heroin Girl (1995)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Natalie Merchant - Carnival (1995)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Ash - Oh Yeah (1996)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Beck - Where It's At (1996)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Butthole Surfers - Pepper (1996)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Everclear - Santa Monica (1996)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Fun Loving Criminals - Scooby Snacks (1996)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">The Prodigy - Firestarter (1996)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">The Whitlams - I Make Hamburgers (1996)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Tori Amos - Professional Widow (1996)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Underworld - Born Slippy (NUXX) (1996)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Weezer - El Scorcho (1996)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Arkana - Future's Overrated (1997)</div></div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Blink 182 - Dammit (1997)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Blur - Song 2 (1997)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Everclear - Everything To Everyone (1997)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Grinspoon - DCX3 (1997)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Marilyn Manson - The Beautiful People (1997)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Portishead - All Mine (1997)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Primus - Shake Hands With Beef (1997)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">The Cardigans - Lovefool (1997)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">The Tea Party - Temptation (1997)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Barenaked Ladies - One Week (1998)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta (1998)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Hole - Celebrity Skin (1998)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Marcy Playground - Sex And Candy (1998)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Massive Attack - Teardrop (1998)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Shimmer - Fuel (1998)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">You Am I - Heavy Heart (1998)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Bob Marley vs Funkstar Deluxe - Sun Is Shining (1999)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Stone Temple Pilots - Sour Girl (2000)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">U2 - Beautiful Day (2000)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Basement Jaxx - Where's Your Head At (2001)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">The Strokes - New York City Cops (2001)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Weezer - Island In The Sun (2001)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Grinspoon - Lost Control (2002)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">The Streets - Has It Come To This (2002)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Belle & Sebastien - Step Into My Office Baby (2003)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Chicks On Speed - We Don't Play Guitars (2003)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">The Killers - Smile Like You Mean It (2004)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">The White Stripes - Jolene (2004)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Babyshambles - Fuck Forever (2005)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Bloc Party - Two More Years (2005)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Martha Wainwright - Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole (2005)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">The Saboteurs - Steady As She Goes (2005)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Arctic Monkeys - When The Sun Goes Down (2006)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Lily Allen - LDN (2006)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Lily Allen - Smile (2006)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Arctic Monkeys - Brianstorm (2007)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Klaxons - Golden Skans (2007)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">MIA - Paper Planes (2007)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">The White Stripes - Icky Thump (2007)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Lily Allen - The Fear (2008)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">MGMT - Time To Pretend (2008)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Deadma5 and Rob Swire - Ghosts 'n Stuff (2009)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Kasabian - Fire (2009)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Kasabian - Underdog (2009)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Lily Allen - Not Fair (2009)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Ou Est Le Swimming Pool - Dance The Way I Feel (2010)</div><div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Miike Snow - Paddling Out (2012)</div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com1