Feelgood story of the day. Feelgood story of the week. Feelgood story of the decade...
Notorious sex-granny Madonna's film Swept Away has flopped so horrendously in the United States that it's not getting a cinema release in the UK, let alone here.
For those of you who haven't been following this unfolding tragedy with a sense of barely concealed glee it's a remake of a 1974 film, directed by her husband - mad Scotsman Guy Ritchie. Of course the original dealt with such weighty subjects as class prejudice, communism and rape; this however deals with putting Madonna on screen for as long as possible in an attempt to shove her down our throat (which makes a welcome change from the opposite for Mads i'm sure) and finally make us take her seriously as an actor.
Of course i'm just being nasty because I haven't seen it - but then again it seems nobody else has either.
You know you're in trouble when you get this kind of review on IMDB...
Let's face it, people, she's an astounding musical artist. There aren't enough positive words in all the world's languages to express how superior her last album, `Music,' was. Heck, I'm sure she's even a great mother too. But Madonna cannot act.
So, when a drooling fanboy who probably still drags the 'Sex' book out (which, coincidentally was the last time she did any good music) for a 'viewing' every couple of weeks can't handle you as an actor then you are less credible than the Spice Girls movie.
Speaking of Spice, I await the inevitable scandal involving Posh Spice and her idiot husband - We've wrecked Madonna and discovered Christina Aguilera's secret kiddy porn fetish now all we need is some scandal involving the Beckham family and Avril 'fricking' Lavigne and my life will be complete.
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