The Supermercado Project

Retro Rant
October 2001

It's a little more structured and sensible than previous efforts. Consider this to be the standard of ranting a year before the birth of TSP.

Save the Burgers

Why McDonalds isn't evil

A familiar catchcry of the unwashed types who do a lot of the protesting in this city is that McDonalds is some kind of evil corporation. Apparently not only are they poisoning us with their food but their also enslaving kiddies who work for them too. About the only thing Ronald hasn't been blamed for is starting the Spanish Inquisition.

In reality what's wrong with them? If you don't like the food then don't eat it, if you're so against the "americanization" of Australia then feel free to eat your lentil burgers, lentil soup and lentil lentils nobodies trying to stop you. Nobody is going to throw paint bombs at the Vegetarian restaurant - we normal people are far too sensible for that.

As for their employees they're not paid royally, but what do you expect? The businesses are, after all, franchises, which means it's ordinary people who are trying to make a buck out of these restaurants - they can't exactly afford to give every one of their workers a free dental plan plus six weeks annual holiday. Would you rather pimply 16 year olds coming in an nicking your VCR to earn their money? Silly me, these hippies don't have VCR's - the only time they've ever used one is when they gathered around the TV in the "Womyn's Lobby" of their Uni to watch the unedited highlights of the S11 protests (Scoreboard - Cops 5, Protestors 1)

Maybe when these fools grow up and find themselves saddled with screaming kids demanding something to eat they'll realise the benefit of fast food, or will they be seen trying to drag the little blighters upstairs to 'Crossways' for a Big Lentil Soup instead? That would be a popular decision amongst the youngsters i'm sure.

Of course the funniest thing is that most of these unwashed idiots are just the kind of people you see hanging around McDonalds at all hours of the day. They'd tell you that it's really a "subversive fact finding mission" but the truth is that they really couldn't stand one more dish with f'ing lentils in it.

It's pointless to protest against a Fast Food restaurant, but it won't stop. Next they'll be picketing Starbucks because they're "destroying the small operator" by selling coffee that people actually want to drink without listening to wanky live music from a hippy who still thinks it's 1967. Pissweak piped Britney Spears music might be bad, but it's got to be than listening to Captain Love and his All-Star Flower Power Hour in some crappy Brunswick Street hole.

Erm, where were we.. Oh yes, McDonalds and their crimes against humanity. Well the 'coke' they sell is pretty crappy, and they always put too much ice in it... Well move over Slobodan Milosevic, we have something far more important for the International Court of Justice to discuss. Hippies of course don't like any kind of coke - the cola is made by a nasty multinational and the drug is consumed by people who actually get out and make themselves a living. These people, on the other hand, spend their entire lives trying to get blasted by snorting the contents of a can of WD40.

You'll hear horror stories from their ex-employees about how unhygenic the places are, and how the health inspector is often bribed with a huge wad of cash. Lies! I've been eating the stuff for years and it never affected me (*burp*). Besides who's saying the cook at your 'local', which if you are a real activist has had the live musician kicked out for pokies which actually make some kind of a profit, washes his hands coming out of the bathroom?

It's wrong - people are harassing this innocent store when satanic food merchants like Hungry Jacks/Burger King are still going around. What makes Ronald so much worse than Colonel Sanders? Wasn't the Colonel supposed to be a Klansman or something? That's what it says on a wall in an alley near Burke Road anyway...

Sadly some of these people will never give up, when the sensible ones are coining it in near their 40th birthday they'll turn on the TV one day and see the people they protested with in their teens hurling rotten eggs at the Venezuelan consulate and laugh. Then they'll go back to running the country.