When: March 23rd, 1987
JK: He got on the phone and said are you happy with the result, and I said "No I'm not", and he said "Why?" and I said "Without your front pages and total (inaudible) I'd have had ten percent swing. I would have got myself another four and you've fucked it up for me and he went off his brain.
AP: Oh did he?
JK: And he went off his brain trying to (inaudible)
AP: He went off his brain?
JK: And I said...
AP: And HE went off his brain?
JK: He said to me "I didn't like the way you kept me out of the campaign". I said "Wouldn't have you in it, and I didn't have any federal people in it."
AP: Well you didn't have me. Didn't have anyone.
JK: And I said to him "Tomorrow, I'm going to bucket the whole lot of you"
AP: No! Don't do that Jeffrey.
JK: Well. I said "Tomorrow John" and he said "I know where your sympathies lie" and I said "I don't give a fuck. I have no sympathies any more. You're all a pack of shits and tomorrow I'm going bezerk". Well he went off his brain and in the end I said to him, I said "Howard. You're a cunt. You haven't got my support, you never will have and I'm not going to rubbish you or the party tomorrow but I feel a lot better having told you you're a cunt"
AP: Oh shit!
JK: And the poor little fellow didn't know whether he was Arthur or Martha
AP: Oh shit!
JK: (laughing) I just thought I should let you know.
AP: Well, tomorrow you are humbled. You do feel better. And I am getting out of that car. I've told you. I told Margaret, I said "Tomorrow I'm just gonna get out of that fuckin' car and say this is not Howard's day, it's not my day, it's not Carla's day, it's not anyone's day, not Richie's day. This is a day for Jeffrey Kennett" And I was thinking that I'd go in even earlier, and even if only a third of the bastards were there I was gonna go and grab the mic and say this is unprecedented. This in the midst of the most horrific difficulties and I faced 'em when I was the leader in by-elections, we haven't had 'em for some years. We had a great win yesterday, and the only person who is deserving. Not just earnt it, but deserving of support is Jeffrey Kennett and if you don't give him everything then you're letting down the Liberals.
JK: Well, all I can say. I thought I should let you know where I ended up with your little mate...
AP: Well, fuck him. I'm not worried. I just.. I almost bloody cried. I was terribly worried. I was terribly worried. My fuckin' anger yesterday as Margaret knows. First thing I came in last night I said "Oh, fuckin' cunt! I said the whole fuckin' thing could upset tomorrow" I was really... And she was saying "What's Jeffrey done?" and I was saying "It's not what Jeffrey's done. It's what everyone's fucking done to Jeffrey"
JK: Well. I think we came out of it alright and certainly...
AP: Alright? The news reports. Have you seen what they're saying on the television?
JK: No
AP: They're saying "Labor down 7%" Cain is claiming on a two party preferred vote - and don't you let that cunt get away with that - it's only 2%. They're saying the Joh campaign has stopped in it's tracks. In one part of the three state electorates it's something like 2 to 3% down on the last vote and the Liberal Party will walk in.
JK: Well. We won on primaries in every lower house seat. And even in the National Party seats. So it's a fantastic...
AP: Well, exactly. That's what I interpreted from it. Mate I didn't have the details, I was just going to talk to you. And don't you (inaudible) me. This is Jeff Kennett's day.
JK: Well. It's been a good result. But anyway. Howard won't know whether he's Arthur or Martha.
AP: I know. But you feel better?
JK: Oh yes
AP: Be humble. Everyone's gonna say "You are the greatest leader" since sliced bread mate.
JK: It's a good all-rounder
AP: Where are you?
JK: I'm on the way home. I'm going home and having a reasonably early night and I will see you tomorrow.
AP: I've got to sit in the chair about four or five rows back from the front. And I'll allow Howard, after he's had his tumultuous reception to come down and sit next to me and be photographed together smiling
JK: Oh, how pathetic
AP: I would do that
JK: How pathetic
AP: Yeah but I'm doing it on the basis of when I get out, and when I talk because they'll be chasing me because of the federal issues I'm just gonna talk Kennett. I knew it was gonna happen, and it should have been fuckin' better but it would have been better despite those difficulties
JK: Well there's two points. One is the federal difficulties. The other point is the way Cain bloody tried to decieve the electorate on this bloody price control
AP: That's right
JK: And the good thing about it....
AP: Be humble mate
JK: Oh, I know.
AP: They're behind you. So you don't have to...
JK: The thing is we didn't (inaudible) like Cain and the National Party did to try and win political support. We might have lost some votes on that price control thing but we've stuck very firmly to our philosophies. That's an important part of this whole win I think.
AP: Well make those points. But just tell them, there are hundreds of thousands of people in this state who are going to support you. You're all right. And that's it. Just be humble.
JK: I will see you tomorrow
AP: I look forward to it. And I am just so thrilled.
JK: Alright mate
AP: See you then
JK: Give my regards to your good lady.
AP: Ok. Ta. Bye
JK: Bye.
Perhaps the greatest moment of Kennett's premiership came when in 1998 when some second rate comedians announced they were making a song sampling this conversation, presumably in an effort to discredit him. He responded by saying: "We always support the arts in Victoria and I'd be very honored to recieve the first copy". Legendary.
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