Welcome back Joe

Joe Kinnear, former manager of Wimbledon FC (RI freaking P), is inexplicably back as manager of Newcastle United in the Premier League. Now, Joe is no shrinking violet - in fact he still had to serve a one match suspension at the start of his new job for calling a referee "Coco the Clown" at the end of his last stint. He also payed 7.5 million pounds for John Hartson and tried to insist Ceri Hughes was actually a footballer, but that's another thing altogether. 

For your enjoyment we present edited highlights of his very first press conference as Newcastle manager. Who said football was bland? Imagine how much you'd get fined if you were an AFL coach who did this?

JK Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror's north-east football writer]? 

SB Me. 

JK You're a cunt. 

SB Thank you. 

What a response. What an OPENING response. 

JK I have done it before. It is going to my fucking lawyers. So are about three others. If they can find something in it that is a court case it is going to court. I am not fucking about. I don't talk to fucking anybody. It is raking up stories. You are fucking so fucking slimy you are raking up players that I got rid of. Players that I had fallen out with. You are not asking Robbie Earle, because he is sensible. You are not asking Warren Barton? No. Because he is fucking sensible. Anyone who had played for me for 10 years at any level ... [but] you will find some cunt that ... 

Other journalist: How long is your contract for Joe? 

JK None of your business. 

A brave club official attempts to exercise damage control with disastrous results, 

Newcastle press officer What has been said in here is off the record and doesn't go outside. 

Journalist Well, is that what Joe thinks? 

JK Write what you like. Makes no difference to me. Don't affect me I assure you. It'll be the last time I see you anyway. Won't affect me. See how we go at Everton and Chrissy [Chris Hughton, assistant manager] can do it, someone else can do it. Don't trust any of yous. I will pick two local papers and speak to them and the rest can fuck off. I ain't coming up here to have the piss taken out of me. I have a million pages of crap that has been written about me. I'm ridiculed for no reason. I'm defenceless. I can't get a point in, I can't say nothing, I can't do nothing, but I ain't going to be negative. Then, half of you, most of you are trying to get into the players. I'm not going to tell you what the players think of you, so then you try and get into them in some way or another, so I've got a split camp or something like that, something like that. It's ongoing. It just doesn't stop. 

Journalist It's only been a week. 

JK Exactly. It feels more like a year. 

Press officer Let's get on to football. Let's have an agreement that everything said so far, if anyone has got their tapes on, it's wiped off and we're not discussing it. 

Journalist But that's what Joe has said he thinks of us. 

Press officer I'm saying don't push it. Let's accept what's been said and try and move on. 

Journalist: Move on to not doing any more press conferences?
PO: No, to doing something now.
Journalist: What, one press conference only? 

(Silence) 

And we end with Klassic Kinnear - the sort of stuff that landed him a touchline ban for calling the referee a muppet years before anyone else did that sort of stuff. 

Journalist Enjoyed getting back in the swing of things? 

JK: Absolutely. I've loved every moment of it. 

Two weeks ago I hated Newcastle. Now they're my favourite Premier League side.