Continuing our series of random musical countdowns*, I give you TSP’s top 25 favourite song openings ever (subject to review after I’ve remembered to put something in later).
1. Pixies - Tame (“Got hips like Cinderella”)
2. Modest Mouse - Float On (“I backed my car into a cop car the other day. Well he just drove off sometimes life’s ok”)
3. TISM - Life Kills (“Who cares about the lives we can save, when we give birth astride a grave”)
4. The Libertines - Time For Heroes (”Did you see the stylish kids in the riot”)
5. Parliament - Bop Gun (Endangered Species) (”En garde! Defend yourself!”)
6. TISM - Pus (“I’ve got troubles with my mother. I’ve got troubles with my wife. I got an apple fritter. Slit my stomach open”)
7. Jimi Hendrix - Voodoo Child (Slight Return) (“Well I stand up next to the mountain. And I chop it down with the edge of my hand”)
8. Alice In Chains - Grind (“In the darkest hole you’d be well advised not to plan my funeral ’til the body dies”)
9. The Clash - Guns Of Brixton (”When they kick out your front door, how you gonna come. With your hands on your head or on the trigger of your gun”)
10. The Teardrop Explodes - Reward (”Bless my cotton socks, I’m on the news”)
11. Oasis - Morning Glory (”All your dreams are made, when you’re chained to the mirror and the razor blade”)
12. The Libertines - Can’t Stand Me Now (”An ending fitting for the start, you twist and tore our love apart”)
13. The Stooges - Search And Destroy (“I’m a street walking cheetah with a heart full of napalm”)
14. The Hold Steady - Chips Ahoy! (”She put nine hundred dollars, on the fifth horse in the sixth race”)
15. Public Image Limited - Disappointed (”Promises. Promises. Old tired worn out second hand sentences”)
16. The Smiths - Shakespeare’s Sister (”Young bones groan and the rocks below say throw your skinny body down son”)
17. Boys Next Door - Shivers (”I’ve been contemplating suicide, but it really doesn’t suit my style”)
18. The Cribs - Men’s Needs (“Have you noticed, I’ve never been impressed by your friends from New York or London”)
19. TISM - If You’re Creative Get Stuffed (”My dad’s a builder, his friend’s a plumber. They’re getting cancer and you can get stuffed”)
20. Marvin Gaye - Let’s Get It On (”I’ve been really trying baby. Trying to hold back these feelings for so long”)
21. The Auteurs - Light Aircraft On Fire (”When you cut your lover’s slack. You’ll get a monster back”)
22. Morrissey - The Last Of The Famous International Playboys (”Dear hero imprisoned. With all the new crimes that you are perfecting”)
23. Ash - Kung Fu (”Kung fu, do what you do to me. Haven’t been the same since my teenage lobotomy”)
24. Pulp - This Is Hardcore (”You were hardcore. You made me hard”)
25. New Order - Bizarre Love Triangle (”Every time I think of you, I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue”)
The rest of the contenders, in no particular order;
The Birthday Party - Release The Bats (”Rowwwwwwwr bite! Rowwwwwr bite!”)
The Smiths - Never Had Nobody Ever (”When you walk without ease. On these streets where you were raised”)
Blur - Parklife (”Confidence is a preference for the habitual voyeur of what is known as…”)
Gary Numan - M.E (”M.E, I eat dust. We’re all so run down”)
Boy Kill Boy - Suzie (”This is not a movie. Things just ain’t the same as your favourite video”)
Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus (”Reach out, touch faith”)
James - Laid (”This bed is on fire with passionate love. The neighbours complain about the noises above”)
Spinal Tap - Sex Farm (”Working on a sex farm. Trying to raise some hard love. Getting out my pitch fork. Poking your hay”)
The Killers - Somebody Told Me (”Breaking my back just to know your name”)
TISM - Let’s Club It To Death (”Excuse me can I have this dance, there’s an ill wind blowing in my pants. My friends call me John but you can call me Breaker Morant”)
Weezer - Buddy Holly (”What’s with these homies dissing my girl?”)
New Order - Blue Monday (”How does it feel, to treat me like you do”)
Morrissey - Boxers (”Losing in front of your home crowd. You wish the ground would open up and take you down”)
Archie Bell and the Drells - Strategy (”Said it’s up to me, to come up with a strategy to make you mine”)
The Smiths - There Is A Light That Never Goes Out (”Take me out tonight. Where’s there’s music and there’s people and they’re young and alive”)
Menswear - I’ll Manage Somehow (”Catch the bus by half past three, otherwise you find you’re walking home. The forecast is for rain”)
Shudder To Think - Hot One (”Well you’re the grand one. Have you noticed, when you’re walking all the fairy boys are very nervous”)
Ok Go - Invincible (”When they finally come to destroy the earth they’ll have to go through you first, and I bet they wont be expecting that”)
Beasts Of Bourbon - Chase The Dragon (”I brought back a souvenir, all the way from Kampuchea”)
Robert Wyatt/Elvis Costello/Suede et al - Shipbuilding (”Is it worth it? A new winter coat and shoes for the wife”)
Electric Six - Danger! High Voltage (”Fire in the disco, fire in the Taco Bill”)
Squeeze - Up The Junction (”I never thought it would happen, with me and the girl from Clapham”)
Happy Mondays - Tart Tart (”When he came out of the lockup, he said I’m looking for something better”)
Kenickie - Come Out 2 Nite (”We dress cheap, we dress tacky. We dance for thrills, our nights out get nasty”)
Lou Reed - Vicious (”Vicious. You hit me with a flower. You do it every hour”)
Manic Street Preachers - A Design For Life (”Libraries gave us power”)
The Ramones - Commando (”They do their best, they do what they can. They get them ready for Vietnam”)
Sparks - This Town Ain’t Big Enough For Both Of Us (”Zoo time is she and you time. The mammals are your favourite type, and you want her tonight”)
Shampoo - Bouffant Headbutt (”You ain’t so sweet. You ain’t so innocent. Just a piece of meat”)
Oasis - Cigarettes and Alcohol (”Is it my imagination, or have I finally found something worth living for”)
Pulp - Sorted for E’s and Whizz (”Oh is the way they say the future’s supposed to feel. Or just 20,000 people standing in a field?”)
REM - It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) (”That’s great it starts with an earthquake. Birds and snakes and aeroplanes”)
Suede - The Drowners (”Won’t someone give me a gun”)
TISM - Martin Scorcese Is Really Quite A Jovial Fellow (”Howdy champ you’ve been pickin’ the daisies. Feeling sort of morally lazy”)
The Smiths - Handsome Devil (”Oh the streets are crammed with things eager to be held”)
The White Stripes - Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground (”Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground when I know you’re not around”)
The White Stripes - Hotel Yorba (”I was watching with one eye on the other side. I had fifteen people telling me to move, I had moving on my mind”)
The Smiths - I Know It’s Over (”Oh mother I can feel the soil falling over my head”)
The Smiths - London (”Smoke lingers round your fingers”)
TISM - Greg! The Stop Sign! (”The guy who slagged the football team, those yobs were not for him. He turns into a real estate agent who believes in discipline”)
The Rentals - Friends Of P (”I’m a good guy for a gal, so won’t you look my palm over”)
Burke and Wills Award winner for services to geographical confusion.
Alex Chilton - Bangkok (”Here’s a little thing that’s gonna please ‘ya. Just a little town in Indonesia. Bangkok”.)
William Shatner Award winners for spoken word intros
Happy Mondays - Brain Dead (”You’re rendering that scaffolding dangerous!”)
Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Two Tribes (”When you hear the air attack warning you and your family must take cover”)
Johnny Cash - Folsom Prison Blues (”Hello, I’m Johnny Cash”)
Mike Mareen - Agent Of Liberty (*phone rings* “Hello, Agent of Liberty. Can I help you? *FURIOUS ITALO DISCO FOR 9 MINUTES*)
Milli Vanilli - Baby Don’t Forget My Number (”Ok Eddie, this one’s for you”)
Morrissey - First Of The Gang To Die (”Los Angeles! You are too hot”)
Morrissey - Sorrow Will Come In The End (”Legalised theft, leaves me bereft”)
Pixies - I’m Amazed (”… all I know is that there were rumors he was into field hockey players”)
Sash - Stay (”I had a dream last night. You were there”)
Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet With Butterfly Wings (”The world is a vampire”)
Snoop Dogg - Ain’t No Fun If The Homies Can’t Get Some (”You’re back at the Jack Off Hour. This is DJ Easy Dick”)
The Sex Pistols - Holidays In The Sun (”Cheap holiday in other people’s misery!”)
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