Best General Ever

Thailand - the home of military comedy. 

A Thai general who warned anti-government activists to book their own funerals ahead of a rally this weekend hit out at his bosses Friday after saying he had been moved to a role teaching aerobics. 

Major General Khatiya Sawadiphol, an adviser to the Thai army, has courted controversy with a string of comments against demonstrators who have occupied the prime minister's offices in Bangkok. An army spokesman said that Khatiya, who has written books about his combat exploits, had been appointed by army chief General Anupong Paojinda to lead the military's health club promotion task force. 

Khatiya, who is under investigation on disciplinary charges, told newspapers that his new posting was "ridiculous". "The army chief wants me to be a presenter leading aerobic dancers. I have prepared one dance. It's called the throwing-a-hand-grenade dance," the Bangkok Post quoted Khatiya as saying. 

The army, however, denied the general's assertion. "The working group is to find a way for army staff and families to exercise. It does not mean, as Khatiya sarcastically told reporters, that he will lead aerobic dances in the marketplace," Lieutenant Colonel Sirichan Ngathong told AFP. 

The group leading the protests, the People's Alliance for Democracy (PAD), have called for a blockade of parliament on Sunday after one of its members was killed and 29 were wounded in a grenade attack on Thursday. Khatiya reportedly warned them to book Buddhist temples for their funerals if they went ahead. "Bullets will be fired from all sides into Government House so please get out," he was quoted as saying in Matichon newspaper. 

See, it's funny now - but surely everyone can see that this guy is going to lose the plot and take out a few people before he ever gets the chance to don the leotard and do squat thrusts.

Kritics Korner *SPOILERS BE HERE*

My problems with the new James Bond film.. (Stop reading now if you haven't seen it, I will not be held responsible otherwise) 

* The name - Complete bollocks.

* The villain - Remember when Bond villains would try and destroy the world so they could float around space procreating a new master race? Well, this guy is stealing water from Bolivians. Thrillsville - where do I buy the Mr. 3A action figure? 

* The girl - Decidedly average 

* Bond goes "rogue" - Yawn 

* Gadgets - None. Not even that funky thing he had last time that started his heart from the car after he'd been poisoned. A GPS phone? How exciting. 

Purists will probably be throwing bricks at their keyboard reading this, and let's not forget that I actually like Moonraker so who am I to have an opinion, but I'm telling you if that movie hadn't had James Bond on the marquee then it would never have been made. 

Daniel Craig is a good Bond, because without him that would have been nothing more than a very average Vin Diesel movie. If it had been the king of slop Pierce Brosnan I probably would have walked out after five minutes. 

Verdict - 2 stars. Must try harder.

Alright, that's good stuff

Two footballers. Two of the worst videos you'll ever see.

 

The Jacko one is more lyrically obscure and pointless ("I make my own tomato juice and I drink it all the time"? but at least he's not tempted to actually try and sing like Warrick. 

However, I'm giving the nod in this one to Mr. Capper (he of the long blonde locks) due to the bit at 1.48 where he's playing pool and after he pots they quickly cut away to disguise the white dropping as well. Champagne all round. 

Then there's Jacko's follow up single.. at least Warrick was smart enough to pull the pin after one track.

Motoring Magic

I was lucky enough to be standing at the corner of Collins and Exhibition Street yesterday and witness one of the most shambolic attempts at driving in history. 

At an intersection with the dreaded hook turn, the shambolic motorist sat in the right lane indicating, ready to turn. Naturally, the cars behind her start honking their horns to a) indicate that she can't turn there, and b) give them some release from jumping out and smashing the bonnet with a tire iron. 

So she pulls forward a bit, which does absolutely nothing for traffic flow except generate more horns, eventually pulling into the middle of the intersection, at which time a police motorbike arrives and starts talking to her. Presumably, he was offering full run down on the actual road rules of Victoria, because by the time he'd finished the lights had turned red and she was stuck in the middle of the intersection. 

By that time a car who was actually doing a hook turn was about to turn when the original realised she was stuck and took off, almost collecting the hook turner. More horns. Eventually they worked out what they were doing and the turner got away without being t-boned by this tragic figure in a green Ford Falcon. However by then the pedestrian lights had turned green and she couldn't move out of the intersection because there were 50 people in front of the car. More horns - including from inside the Green shambles car directed at the people crossing the road. 

Eventually the motorbike cop had to pull into the crossing and physically stop people from going in front of her so she could clear the intersection without killing anyone. Bell Shakespeare Company be buggered, it was the best drama I've ever seen.