AFL National Draft - the only analysis you need

Cheers to the AFL for taking five minutes out from trying to shaft North Melbourne and uploading the full list of this year’s draft nominees to their website. 

Over the National, Pre-Season and Rookie drafts there will be about 150 players selected, but the good news is that over 1000 have nominated. I knew I should have thrown my name into the ring. Who cares about Phantom Drafts and who Melbourne will select at number four (actually, now that you say it…)? 

The only categories we need to worry about this year are, 

1. The Troy Wilson Memorial Award - for players who are still trying to crack it for an AFL career despite advancing years. 

9153 - Ben Power - Northern Knights (23/02/1979)
9886 - Simon Duckworth - West Perth (26/06/1978) 

10304 - Dean Buszan - Peel Thunder (16/12/1980)
100618 - Ashley Eames - Casey Scorpions (1/2/1979)
110738 - Allan Burridge - Braybrook (28/11/1977)
110761 - Nathan Sellwood - Sunbury (22/07/1977) 

2. Why are you here? - Former players who are highly unlikely to crack it for another spot on a senior list.
10156 - Caydn Beetham - Old Xaverians (37 games between 2000-2002 with St. Kilda)
10120 - Damien Cupido - Essendon (53 games. 2001-2001 and 2003-2005)
9567 - Jordan Doering - Bendigo (18 games for Carlton, 2001-02)
110873 - Andre Gianfagna - Northern Knights (As seen in one NAB Cup game for Melbourne)
6843 - Ben Hart - Adelaide
10455 - Cameron Hunter - Melbourne (2 games, 1 kick in 2003)
7178 - Clark Keating - Brisbane Lions
9404 - Andrew Kellaway - Richmond
10179 - Cory McGrath - Carlton (78 games for Essendon/Carlton. 2001-06)
10432 - Bo Nixon - Hawthorn (3 games for Collingwood, 1 for Hawthorn. 2003-04)
9316 - Lance Picioane - North Melbourne (77 games for Adelaide, Hawthorn and North. 1998 and 2000-05)
9929 - Ezra Poyas - Richmond (9 games. 2000-02, a year on the Melbourne rookie list and hot VFA action ever since)
10393 - Will Slade - Geelong (17 games. 2002-03 and 2006)
10457 - Nick Smith - Melbourne (4 games. 0 hope)
100709 - Llane Spaanderman - West Coast (3 games for Brisbane, for the Eagles. Please draft him so I can finally reuse my “Enter Spaanderman” headline)
10281 - Keren Ugle - South Fremantle (4 games for Fremantle in 2001)
9672 - Peter Walsh - Port Adelaide (Surely he retired..)
9511 - Shane Woewodin - Collingwood (?) 

3. The Jaxon Crabb Trophy - for players with ludicrous names
111036 - Deon Alec - West Perth
112342 - Jaxson Barham - Barwon Heads (surely the winner?)
111202 - Thomas Bellchambers - Launceston
111035 - Byron Bonner - Mazenod Old Collegians
111041 - Maslan Braun - Southern Districts
111636 - Caolan Buckley - West Adelaide
112118 - Billy Burstin - Oakleigh Chargers
111064 - Jethro Calma-Holt - Waratah (See also Category 4)
111750 - Flinn Chisholm - Geelong Falcons
21037 - Christopher Christopher - Hurstbridge
112315 - Tasman Clingan - Richmond
112522 - Eljay Connors - Bendigo Pioneers
112004 - Myke Cook - Sandringham Dragons
110382 - Benet Copping - Fremantle
110872 - Bronik Davies - Northern Knights
112347 - Keegan Fortescue - Peel Thunder
112929 - Cruze Garlett - Perth
111042 - Tracin Geary - Swan Districts
111742 - Rennie Gilchrist - Sandringham Dragons
110902 - Grae Grant - Perth
110726 - Ashton Hams - South Fremantle
114138 - Kyal Horsley - Subiaco
110601 - Markham Johnson - Tasmania
112507 - Haelen Kay - Gippsland Power
111951 - Jak Kennedy-Hunt - Geelong Falcons
110404 - Ruory Kirkby - Glenelg
111815 - Layton McMahon - Woodville West Torrens
110545 - Preston O’Keefe - Claremont
112385 - Judd Robson - West Adelaide
113939 - Zephaniah Skinner - Claremont
111718 - Orren Stephenson - North Ballarat
111583 - Kobi Wilson - Bendigo Pioneers
111674 - Tauryan Zimmer - Southport 

4. Diamond Valley Under 9’s Award - for players nominated from footballing non-powerhouses
111857 - James Blaser - Moe
110800 - Ryan Castles - Wesley College First XVIII
110426 - Matthew Clarke - Labrador
114139 - Bradley Craig - Lower Plenty
110470 - Brett Dore - Nar Nar Goon
11517 - Russell Gabriel - Cora Lynn
114091 - John Gray - Boisdale
114143 - Daniel Haralambopoulous - South Morang
110848 - Andrew Johnstone - Ganmain Grong Grong Matong (WHAT? We have a winner!)
110823 - William Lang - Broadmeadows
112265 - James McArthur - Newton Chillwell
20792 - Saad Saad - Seymour
114099 - Dwayne Sampie - Keilor Park
11402 - Aaron Torcasio - Beaumaris Amateur
111682 - Hamish Townsend - Lake Cargelligo
110986 - Nathan Twomey - Balmain
114106 - Kristopher Wozniak - Newcastle City 

5. The MIA Award
Where’s Philthy Phil you crunts?