Thursday, 26 November 2009

Dream Scenario

Tonight on Lateline they advanced the theory that Malcolm Turnbull is deliberately careering towards destruction to martyr himself. I'm for it - here's my political dream team fantasy.

Malcolm agrees to an interview on the Alan Jones show. The moment AJ opens his mouth Malcolm slaps the taste out of it. He then storms out the door, pushes a couple of reporters over, gets in his car and drives it to Parliament House in a harrowing OJ Simpson style police pursuit. There he goes inside, knocks on Tony Abbott's door, says "Here's your leadership" and headbutts him. He then picks up a folding chair and starts decking members of his own party with it before stopping to repeatedly focus on Cory Bernardi. Finding that no matter how hard you hit him you can't make a dint in that ridiculous hair, he then turns around to see Wilson Tuckey and yells "Ironbar this you crunt" before dropping him.

Then, with police and security right on his tail he breaks the lines and makes it into the Senate public gallery where just as the doors have been locked and the division on the ETS has been called for he throws himself off the balcony and onto Bill Heffernan a'la the end of Thelma and Louise.

Any danger? Even climate change skeptics would vote for that.

Thursday, 19 November 2009

Non-Eastern Block or Sporting Triumph Division

YouTube. Top 10. No fat children, no shithouse beached whales.

Sadly the early 80's ad where some lounge singer advised you to "win a motza on the Footy Tab", in one of the great jingles has been removed as is no longer eligible.

10.
Fat man falls off chair. Killer.

9.
Tony White Nissan and his giant pencil. Never gets old.

8.
Tony Martin + Rex Hunt = Australia's #1 comedy goldmine.

7.
Pam Shriver startles self with ridiculous overacting in cheese ad. Is still kinda cute in an early 80's poodle perm way. Would later marry an obscure Bond.

6.
T-Shirt ad goes awry in comedy parody.

5.
Melbourne's worst theme park forsees Vermont South tram twenty years in advance in corny ad.

4.
A throwback to the days when a paper bag with a slide whistle could entice you into a supermarket. Hullo?

3.
Drunken football captain destroys country and western classic into the biggest microphone since Q&A.

2.
Peter Russell in "Fry the c*nt til it's black you prick" shock horror.

1.
Warwick Capper in "best song ever" result.

Saturday, 14 November 2009