Great Moments in Politics

What: Kennett and Peacock vs Howard. On a phone. 

When: March 23rd, 1987 

JK: He got on the phone and said are you happy with the result, and I said "No I'm not", and he said "Why?" and I said "Without your front pages and total (inaudible) I'd have had ten percent swing. I would have got myself another four and you've fucked it up for me and he went off his brain. 

AP: Oh did he? 

JK: And he went off his brain trying to (inaudible) 

AP: He went off his brain? 

JK: And I said... 

AP: And HE went off his brain? 

JK: He said to me "I didn't like the way you kept me out of the campaign". I said "Wouldn't have you in it, and I didn't have any federal people in it." 

AP: Well you didn't have me. Didn't have anyone. 

JK: And I said to him "Tomorrow, I'm going to bucket the whole lot of you" 

AP: No! Don't do that Jeffrey. 

JK: Well. I said "Tomorrow John" and he said "I know where your sympathies lie" and I said "I don't give a fuck. I have no sympathies any more. You're all a pack of shits and tomorrow I'm going bezerk". Well he went off his brain and in the end I said to him, I said "Howard. You're a cunt. You haven't got my support, you never will have and I'm not going to rubbish you or the party tomorrow but I feel a lot better having told you you're a cunt" 

AP: Oh shit! 

JK: And the poor little fellow didn't know whether he was Arthur or Martha 

AP: Oh shit! 

JK: (laughing) I just thought I should let you know. 

AP: Well, tomorrow you are humbled. You do feel better. And I am getting out of that car. I've told you. I told Margaret, I said "Tomorrow I'm just gonna get out of that fuckin' car and say this is not Howard's day, it's not my day, it's not Carla's day, it's not anyone's day, not Richie's day. This is a day for Jeffrey Kennett" And I was thinking that I'd go in even earlier, and even if only a third of the bastards were there I was gonna go and grab the mic and say this is unprecedented. This in the midst of the most horrific difficulties and I faced 'em when I was the leader in by-elections, we haven't had 'em for some years. We had a great win yesterday, and the only person who is deserving. Not just earnt it, but deserving of support is Jeffrey Kennett and if you don't give him everything then you're letting down the Liberals. 

JK: Well, all I can say. I thought I should let you know where I ended up with your little mate... 

AP: Well, fuck him. I'm not worried. I just.. I almost bloody cried. I was terribly worried. I was terribly worried. My fuckin' anger yesterday as Margaret knows. First thing I came in last night I said "Oh, fuckin' cunt! I said the whole fuckin' thing could upset tomorrow" I was really... And she was saying "What's Jeffrey done?" and I was saying "It's not what Jeffrey's done. It's what everyone's fucking done to Jeffrey"

JK: Well. I think we came out of it alright and certainly... 

AP: Alright? The news reports. Have you seen what they're saying on the television? 

JK: No AP: They're saying "Labor down 7%" Cain is claiming on a two party preferred vote - and don't you let that cunt get away with that - it's only 2%. They're saying the Joh campaign has stopped in it's tracks. In one part of the three state electorates it's something like 2 to 3% down on the last vote and the Liberal Party will walk in. 

JK: Well. We won on primaries in every lower house seat. And even in the National Party seats. So it's a fantastic... 

AP: Well, exactly. That's what I interpreted from it. Mate I didn't have the details, I was just going to talk to you. And don't you (inaudible) me. This is Jeff Kennett's day. 

JK: Well. It's been a good result. But anyway. Howard won't know whether he's Arthur or Martha. AP: I know. But you feel better? 

JK: Oh yes 

AP: Be humble. Everyone's gonna say "You are the greatest leader" since sliced bread mate. 

JK: It's a good all-rounder AP: Where are you? 

JK: I'm on the way home. I'm going home and having a reasonably early night and I will see you tomorrow. 

AP: I've got to sit in the chair about four or five rows back from the front. And I'll allow Howard, after he's had his tumultuous reception to come down and sit next to me and be photographed together smiling 

JK: Oh, how pathetic 

AP: I would do that 

JK: How pathetic 

AP: Yeah but I'm doing it on the basis of when I get out, and when I talk because they'll be chasing me because of the federal issues I'm just gonna talk Kennett. I knew it was gonna happen, and it should have been fuckin' better but it would have been better despite those difficulties 

JK: Well there's two points. One is the federal difficulties. The other point is the way Cain bloody tried to decieve the electorate on this bloody price control 

AP: That's right 

JK: And the good thing about it.... 

AP: Be humble mate 

JK: Oh, I know.

 AP: They're behind you. So you don't have to... 

JK: The thing is we didn't (inaudible) like Cain and the National Party did to try and win political support. We might have lost some votes on that price control thing but we've stuck very firmly to our philosophies. That's an important part of this whole win I think. 

AP: Well make those points. But just tell them, there are hundreds of thousands of people in this state who are going to support you. You're all right. And that's it. Just be humble. 

JK: I will see you tomorrow 

AP: I look forward to it. And I am just so thrilled. 

JK: Alright mate 

AP: See you then 

JK: Give my regards to your good lady. 

AP: Ok. Ta. Bye 

JK: Bye.

Perhaps the greatest moment of Kennett's premiership came when in 1998 when some second rate comedians announced they were making a song sampling this conversation, presumably in an effort to discredit him. He responded by saying: "We always support the arts in Victoria and I'd be very honored to recieve the first copy". Legendary. 

Let's get ready to rumble

So, the federal ALP leadership smackdown is on. Crean says he's got the numbers, Beazley says he'll romp it in and John Howard is sitting in his office going "How good is this? I'll be PM until I'm 100!"

Scandal - the bloggers best friend

This is bizarre. But it's still not as bad as that dud from Darwin who carried on the charade of having been a champion Olympic swimmer until somebody looked it up and found out he'd never even been near the Games.

A CHANNEL Nine newsreader has quit after being accused of asking a female fan to complain about a fellow presenter.

Brisbane weekend newsreader Mike London ended a 17-year career with the station effective immediately, saying his resignation was in the best interests of his family, friends and Channel Nine Queensland, given the allegations against him.
Brisbane's Courier Mail newspaper has run a series of articles alleging a feud between Mr London and weekday reader Bruce Paige.

Mr Paige replaced Mr London as Nine's weeknight anchor in Brisbane eight years ago.

The Courier Mail newspaper said Brisbane schoolteacher Karen Rolff alleged Mr London had asked her in an e-mail to make a complaint to the station that Mr Paige needed a "personality bypass".

In another email, he allegedly said that watching Mr Paige "would be the ultimate torture".

Mr London admitted he had sent e-mails to Ms Rolff, but said the messages had been reworked with his address on them.

Mr Paige read news of Mr London's departure in Nine's bulletin tonight.

That last line is my favourite bit, can any Brisbane readers tell us if he delivered the news with a massive smile on his face?

Memories

I love when you buy Sudafed and the chemists give you the "So, you haven't bought this product anywhere else in the last week" speech just in case you're crafting an amateur amphetamines lab in the backyard and need all the pseudoephedrine you can get your hands on. Until a couple of years ago I thought this was a totally pointless exercise. Then I read about a couple of hillbillies from rural Victoria who actually tried it. They went around to every chemist in town and bought as much Sudafed as they could and when the cops showed up at their door they were trying to figure out a way to convert it all into drugs. Several stereotypes were created right there and then.

Strange People

A win for Danish "Truth in Advertising" laws...

A Lutheran priest was suspended Tuesday after saying that God does not exist and that there is no eternal life.

Thorkild Grosboel, the pastor of Taarbaek, a town of 51,000 just north of Copenhagen, said in a recent interview that "there is no heavenly God, there is no eternal life, there is no resurrection."

The claims have mystified church leaders in the Scandinavian country of 5.3 million, where about 85 per cent of the population belongs to the state Evangelical Lutheran Church, yet only 5 per cent attend church services regularly.

Then, in today's good news story, we all laugh at this loser...

A man dropped abortion-related leaflets from a Paralite Sky Cruiser he flew over the La Serna High School campus Thursday until he accidentally stuck his hand into the aircraft's propeller blades, severing two fingers before he crashed, according to Whittier police.

The pilot, identified as Michael Grumbine, age unknown, tumbled out of the sky and struck a tree and a fence on the campus, according to police, who said they believed the man was a parent of former La Serna students.

Officers were unsure whether the man was flying so low because he was having problems, but then the bright yellow, pennant-shaped leaflets started fluttering down. The leaflets made reference to anti-abortion protesters with graphic displays in front of the school, police said.

The leaflet partially read, "You are in the Matrix. Truth is evil. Abortion is good. There are people in front of school with signs and pictures right now that you must not look at. They will show you things you must not see. You must not talk to them.'

RIP Yuppie Supermarket

Surprise, surprise. The David Jones owned Foodchain supermarkets have folded.

Now, I don't know who's idea it was to open a yuppie supermarket where everything cost twice as much as Safeway in the first place. Nor do I know which genius decided they wouldn't even give it a catchy name ("What should we call our new food chain?" "Ummmm... Foodchain?" "GENIUS! You're promoted.") but I knew, from the time that one opened in Hawthorn that it was going to be a failure. You don't open a restaurant that serves food three times more expensive than the place over the road and call it "Food Eating Place. And you're giving your corporate branding a lot of credit to expect that people will pay outrageous prices just because it's somehow got the David Jones name attached to it.

They lost $98 million during this fiasco. According to the article,

The four remaining Foodchain stores will now be sold to the Freedom Group and rebranded Bayswiss.

It's not exactly an exciting name (and god help them if they ever open a store in Bayswater) but at least it's a name which is more than you could ever say for poor old Foodchain.

Channel 10 Cock-Up file

Tonight they reported that England will be playing a soccer friendly against "Serbia and Montego". Would that be the band Disco Montego who did that "Beautiful" song a few months ago? Sounds like a strange opponent for an international football match to me.

Political suicide required. Apply within

The big news from today is that Howard is going to stay on as PM indefinately. Now, I've got no great desire to see Costello in the top job (in fact I think he's a bit of a tool to be honest) but this surely can't be the smartest decision to make. Granted the federal ALP are a rabble, and even the Victorian Liberals could probably beat them in an election, but what happens when they chuck Crean and get somebody half decent as a leader (somebody other than Beazley)?

I think this decision may come back to haunt him. Especially if he ruins whatever legacy he's built up by going to an election next year and losing.

I've never been there

A weekly look at countries they didn't bother teaching you about in school. Information for this series comes from World Statesmen and the CIA World Factbook - but they can't even assassinate leaders of sovereign nations without everyone finding out about it so what would they know?

6. Togo

French Togoland became Togo in 1960. General Gnassingbe Eyadema, installed as military ruler in 1967, is Africa's longest-serving head of state. Despite the facade of multiparty elections instituted in the early 1990s, the government continues to be dominated by President Eyadema, whose Rally of the Togolese People (RPT) party has maintained power almost continually since 1967. In addition, Togo has come under fire from international organizations for human rights abuses and is plagued by political unrest. Most bilateral and multilateral aid to Togo remains frozen.

Location: Western Africa, bordering the Bight of Benin, between Benin and Ghana

Population: 5,285,501

Ethnic Groups: native African (37 tribes; largest and most important are Ewe, Mina, and Kabre) 99%, European and Syrian-Lebanese less than 1%

Religions: indigenous beliefs 51%, Christian 29%, Muslim 20%

Languages: French (official and the language of commerce), Ewe and Mina (the two major African languages in the south), Kabye (sometimes spelled Kabiye) and Dagomba (the two major African languages in the north)

Capital: Lome
Radio broadcast stations: AM 2, FM 9, shortwave 4
Television broadcast stations: 3 (plus two repeaters)
Internet Country Code: .tg
Railways: 525 km
Highways: 7,520 km

International Disputes: Benin accuses Togo of moving boundary markers and stationing troops in its territory

5 Jul 1884: Togoland a German protectorate
1 Jan 1905: German colony of Togoland.
26 Aug 1914: British and French occupation
31 Aug 1914: German administration surrenders.
27 Dec 1916: Partioned into French and British zones.
20 Jul 1922: League of Nations mandates, British and French Togolands.
16 Jun 1940-Nov 1942: French Togo administration loyal to Vichy France (from Nov 1942, under Free French).
13 Dec 1946: United Nations trust territories, French Togo Associated Territory and British Togoland.
24 Jun 1956: Autonomy
13 Dec 1956: British Togoland part of Ghana.
27 Apr 1960: Independence from France (Togo Republic).

Around The Grounds

Time for our first MT-enabled edition of everyone's favourite gameshow - where we highlight what people with far more interesting to say than me are talking about.

After Grog Blog
Public Transport Standover Merchant - "Excuse me sir? May I see your ticket please?"

Angela Bell
All things to all men (and women, and others)

Bailz
I still don't know whether this is a good thing, or a bad thing, but one thing is for sure, it's a thing.

Bitchin' Monaro
The void left by Waltons was filled by a number of cheap and nasty retailers, who over the years, seem to have gotten cheaper and nastier, and now offer an insight into what the service must of been like in Soviet era Russian stores.

Rob Corr
So it wasn't just a throwaway line. Uechtritz is a lying bastard.

Disgusted Liberal is sort of dead.

So, in a manner of speaking, is Duncan Richer

Kate at Funny Face, I Love You is, however, very much alive and she says this;
And where did my shit kicker, middle class government school fall???? Well, quite far down the bottom, with only 39% of students from the 2002 class enrolling in university. But at least Greensy Secco was below us!!!

Gareth Parker
Well, that all went rather well. Four short bulletins all delivered without any significant stumbles. Bonus! Looks like I'll be on the same shift Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday next week.

Good News Fresh
One of the amusing things about having a working phone SMS correspondence in the early hours of this morning

Hot Buttered Death
I still think sometimes Messrs Parker and Stone should've quit making South Park after they made the film version and gone out on a high-the first batch of episodes that appeared after the film were pretty poor

Michael Jennings
I am off to have lunch with Perry and Gabriel, and I have a half written piece on being an introvert, and on author Neal Stephenson, which I shall finish and post this evening.

Mortigi Tempo
WHENEVER I go for a wonder through certain shady parts of the blogosphere, there seems to be another link to a site dedicated to the thankless task of exposing the awful Truth on Michael Moore.

Spin Starts Here
Usually the music director would die before letting the listeners have input into the programming.

Stews Blog
555 - STUFF UP (I hope to be seeing some "Thank christ we finally won" Perth Glory fan action on there soon though)

The Eye of the Beholder is still in Brazilian hippy mode.

Yobbo's View
If there are any l33t code warriors out there who can work out why this page doesn't render properly in Netscape, I'd much appreciate the heads up. 3% of my readers are counting on it!

Zem
Italian police say they've been unable to read PGP-encrypted files stored on Psion PLCs by members of the Red Brigade.

HAXORING tEh GIBS0N!!!1!

Eye of the Beholder has been hacked again. In case it's fixed before you get to have a look the cryptic message left there is as follows -

TechTeaM Just For Just! Libert Egalit Fraternit !! Governament of USA NAZISTz! ProtesT! ProtesT! !PROTEST! Peace In The World!! sumar? issie jesus!! PEACE IN THE WORLD!! PEACE IN THE WORLD!!PEACE IN THE WORLD!! BraZil RULeZ Contact us TechTeaM@MySelf.com

Brazilian hippies hacking for peace. What has the world come to?

Excuse Me?

THE Sydney Swans have applied to the AFL for urgent financial assistance of up to $2 million in what chairman Richard Colless yesterday described as a "genuinely life-threatening" situation.

In a move that is sure to anger Melbourne-based clubs, the Swans have told the AFL they need an immediate one-off injection of cash, otherwise they cannot trade past October.

So, despite having the AFL's hand up their ass for the last ten years and actually attracting some decent crowds for the first time ever they're on the verge of folding? Well, I suppose they're not really going to fold because the AFL will give them whatever they want whenever they want for as long as they want - but I think you know what I mean.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Melbourne might have no fans left and our on-field performance might be shithouse but at least we're not lining up for AFL handouts like the rest of the 'unfashionable' teams.

And what kind of fearsome animal is a Swan? Even Brisbane realised that nobody was scared of the jolly little koala on their logo when they were the Bears and annexed Fitzroy to get a decent mascot.

Eurovision Madness Continues

Tatu to earn another shot at Eurovision immortality?

No word on their pissweak challenge to the official result yet, but they might just qualify to enter
this competition.

The UK is to get another shot at the Eurovision Song Contest with a junior version of the competition.
Junior Eurovision will be held in Denmark and will be screened in the UK live on ITV1.

Junior Eurovision. What a, pardon my French, fucking stupid idea that is. Almost as bad as when that tosser from FIFA declared that the soccer World Cup should be held every two years just so they can make a bit more money.

Count Chivas Day 2003

Count Chivas, Australia's greatest ever racehorse* died on this day two years ago. On this anniversary we pay tribute to the horse who's legacy will never be forgotten.

(* Sez us)

The Count (from Lord Ballina and Inquest) was originally trained in New Zealand by Don Sellwood. He wasn't raced as a 2YO, instead being saved for a 3YO campaign.

He had nine starts in his home country for three wins before a first visit to these shores. He won two of three starts during this tour of duty, the most important of those being the Group One South Australian Derby.

Though bred to be a sprinter the Count surprised everyone involved by developing as a stayer. It was this that convinced connections to set him for a cups campaign in late 1995. In the Caulfield Cup he ran a neck second to the great Doreimus but failed on the wet Flemington track and ran 11th at 12-1 in the Melbourne Cup. He backed up two weeks later to win the slightly less prestigious Sandown Cup and was then spelled.

At this point the great Lee Freedman took over as trainer. In one of his first starts for the Freedman stable he almost beat Octagonal whilst running with 5kg more. Two weeks later the Count ran his most famous victory, the 3200m Sydney Cup.

He ran second to the rampant Saintly at the 1996 Melbourne Cup. At 33-1 and carrying 2.5kg more than the winner it was a gallant placing.

1997's "Great Race" was far from a triumph for the Count. Ridden by Danny Brereton and starting at 50-1 he ran last, and almost took out idiotic protestor Peter Hoare who strayed onto the course in the Flemington straight.

His fourth, and last, Melbourne Cup tilt was a brave 20th in 1998 carrying one of the top weights at 150-1. A great deal of the money invested on him came from my friends and I, and even though the old stager didn't get up we still got our money's worth seeing him run one more time.

Sadly the Count was gelded, which ruined the dream of little Count's running around in Melbourne Cups of the future.

On June 1st, 2001 during a spell at home in New Zealand he returned from morning trackwork and was stricken with a twisted bowel. The Count was immediately put down. It had been said that he was being set for one more campaign but unfortunately fate intervened. At the time of his death he'd won almost $2,000,000 in prizemoney.

The Count was a legend that will always live in our hearts. We once named a bowling team after him. What other horses could boast that?

Nooooooooo!

Apparently supafly skank Avril "freaking" Lavigne is in Melbourne. Secret Al Qaeda snipers where are you?

3/6 Update: According to an email I just got from Channel V (who obvious can't tell that I haven't watched their station in a year) she's playing a show on Monday at Fox Studios. Please Osama, if you're reading this in a cave somewhere you know what to do.