For some unknown reason Channel 10 subjected it's thirteen Saturday night viewers to a showing of Never Say Never Again, the unofficial and freaking awful James Bond film.
Featuring Bond in a toupee, getting offered an enema and playing a pissy space invaders game against the super villian. With Rowan Atkinson as a bumbling British embassy agent, a snake used as an offensive weapon, a cockney version of Q called "Algernon" who won't stop complaining and a performance by Kim Basinger so wooden it wouldn't look out place in a forest this is truly the lowest point Bond ever sank to.
The whole movie is, of course, a fraud. It wasn't made by the same people as the rest of the Bond movies but rather by some dickhead who sued Ian Fleming over the rights to the book version Thunderball and was told that the only time he could ever use the name for a film was if he made a thinly-veiled remake of Thunderball.
Apparently in the closing credits they thank some arms dealer for using his boat in the filming, which pretty much su
Saturday, 28 December 2002
So, for a lack of anything better to talk about which doesn't involve the abuse of Brett Lee let's look at today's news - involving stupidity, tragedy and politically correct foolishness.
A woman phoned to report that she was trapped indoors because a black cat like creature had been crouching on her doorstep for 24 hours. She thought it might be the infamous Beast of Bodmin Moor, but the skulking beast turned out to be a delivery of phone directories in a black plastic bag.
Of course CNN don't take 24/7 coverage of this,
Suicide bombers set off about a ton of explosives outside Chechnya's government building in central Grozny on Friday, killing 46 people and wounding 76 others, the Interior Ministry said.
Tokenism goes a step too far,
The civil rights group that helped initiate the NFL's recent push for minority hiring believes the league's new policy should have stiffer penalties.
Last week, the NFL instituted a policy requiring teams to interview minority candidates for coaching vacancies.
The civil rights group believes teams not conforming to the policy should face stiff penalties, such as forfeiting or voluntarily surrendering draft choices.
and speaking of political correctness...
Kicker Katie Hnida became the first woman to appear in a Division I-A college football game Wednesday, when the New Mexico junior had her extra point blocked against UCLA in the Las Vegas Bowl.
When was the last time anyone missed an extra point conversion before this?
EDIT - I am reliably informed that the NY Jets kicker missed one two weeks ago... Fuck it.
A woman phoned to report that she was trapped indoors because a black cat like creature had been crouching on her doorstep for 24 hours. She thought it might be the infamous Beast of Bodmin Moor, but the skulking beast turned out to be a delivery of phone directories in a black plastic bag.
Of course CNN don't take 24/7 coverage of this,
Suicide bombers set off about a ton of explosives outside Chechnya's government building in central Grozny on Friday, killing 46 people and wounding 76 others, the Interior Ministry said.
Tokenism goes a step too far,
The civil rights group that helped initiate the NFL's recent push for minority hiring believes the league's new policy should have stiffer penalties.
Last week, the NFL instituted a policy requiring teams to interview minority candidates for coaching vacancies.
The civil rights group believes teams not conforming to the policy should face stiff penalties, such as forfeiting or voluntarily surrendering draft choices.
and speaking of political correctness...
Kicker Katie Hnida became the first woman to appear in a Division I-A college football game Wednesday, when the New Mexico junior had her extra point blocked against UCLA in the Las Vegas Bowl.
When was the last time anyone missed an extra point conversion before this?
EDIT - I am reliably informed that the NY Jets kicker missed one two weeks ago... Fuck it.
So, for a lack of anything better to talk about which doesn't involve the abuse of Brett Lee let's look at today's news - involving stupidity, tragedy and politically correct foolishness.
A woman phoned to report that she was trapped indoors because a black cat like creature had been crouching on her doorstep for 24 hours. She thought it might be the infamous Beast of Bodmin Moor, but the skulking beast turned out to be a delivery of phone directories in a black plastic bag.
Of course CNN don't take 24/7 coverage of this,
Suicide bombers set off about a ton of explosives outside Chechnya's government building in central Grozny on Friday, killing 46 people and wounding 76 others, the Interior Ministry said.
Tokenism goes a step too far,
The civil rights group that helped initiate the NFL's recent push for minority hiring believes the league's new policy should have stiffer penalties.
Last week, the NFL instituted a policy requiring teams to interview minority candidates for coaching vacancies.
The civil rights group believes teams not conforming to the policy should face stiff penalties, such as forfeiting or voluntarily surrendering draft choices.
and speaking of political correctness...
Kicker Katie Hnida became the first woman to appear in a Division I-A college football game Wednesday, when the New Mexico junior had her extra point blocked against UCLA in the Las Vegas Bowl.
When was the last time anyone missed an extra point conversion before this?
EDIT - I am reliably informed that the NY Jets kicker missed one two weeks ago... Fuck it.
A woman phoned to report that she was trapped indoors because a black cat like creature had been crouching on her doorstep for 24 hours. She thought it might be the infamous Beast of Bodmin Moor, but the skulking beast turned out to be a delivery of phone directories in a black plastic bag.
Of course CNN don't take 24/7 coverage of this,
Suicide bombers set off about a ton of explosives outside Chechnya's government building in central Grozny on Friday, killing 46 people and wounding 76 others, the Interior Ministry said.
Tokenism goes a step too far,
The civil rights group that helped initiate the NFL's recent push for minority hiring believes the league's new policy should have stiffer penalties.
Last week, the NFL instituted a policy requiring teams to interview minority candidates for coaching vacancies.
The civil rights group believes teams not conforming to the policy should face stiff penalties, such as forfeiting or voluntarily surrendering draft choices.
and speaking of political correctness...
Kicker Katie Hnida became the first woman to appear in a Division I-A college football game Wednesday, when the New Mexico junior had her extra point blocked against UCLA in the Las Vegas Bowl.
When was the last time anyone missed an extra point conversion before this?
EDIT - I am reliably informed that the NY Jets kicker missed one two weeks ago... Fuck it.
Barmy Army, I love you!
Australian double century maker Justin Langer last night slammed the English fans as "disgraceful" after they chanted "no-ball" throughout NSW paceman Brett Lee's eight-over spell, a reference to suggestions that the fast bowler has thrown the ball.
Suggestions? His arm is more bent than Hanse Cronje
Australian double century maker Justin Langer last night slammed the English fans as "disgraceful" after they chanted "no-ball" throughout NSW paceman Brett Lee's eight-over spell, a reference to suggestions that the fast bowler has thrown the ball.
Suggestions? His arm is more bent than Hanse Cronje
Friday, 27 December 2002
No, i'm not dead (but I were a teenage blogger i'd fill the next fifty lines telling you why I wish I was), just exhausted.
Despite my professed suspicion of cricket, and cricket fans, I went to the Boxing Day test in Melbourne yesterday and it made me realise that no matter how long I can watch the game on TV or listen to it on radio I cannot actually sit there and watch the thing for the whole day.
With the exception of about an hour and a half when Langer and Hayden were caning it to all parts of the ground it was tremendously boring, and I spent the last couple of hours in the TAB. The most disappointing bit of all what not getting to see Brett Lee's chucking bowling action in person.
We did, however, see a few people getting hauled away by the cops. Unfortunately then also the world's most pissed man talked to us, tried to lift a beer keg and then went in and bought himself another drink in full view of a copper without any action being taken. And they wonder why there are crowd disturbances?
Remember when somebody lobbed a frozen chicken at fatboy South African spinner Pat Symcox at the SCG a few years ago? Proves to me that they're worse than Melbourne fans.
Despite my professed suspicion of cricket, and cricket fans, I went to the Boxing Day test in Melbourne yesterday and it made me realise that no matter how long I can watch the game on TV or listen to it on radio I cannot actually sit there and watch the thing for the whole day.
With the exception of about an hour and a half when Langer and Hayden were caning it to all parts of the ground it was tremendously boring, and I spent the last couple of hours in the TAB. The most disappointing bit of all what not getting to see Brett Lee's chucking bowling action in person.
We did, however, see a few people getting hauled away by the cops. Unfortunately then also the world's most pissed man talked to us, tried to lift a beer keg and then went in and bought himself another drink in full view of a copper without any action being taken. And they wonder why there are crowd disturbances?
Remember when somebody lobbed a frozen chicken at fatboy South African spinner Pat Symcox at the SCG a few years ago? Proves to me that they're worse than Melbourne fans.
Monday, 23 December 2002
INDIAN authorities are holding the international cricket community to ransom.
In their latest affront to the International Cricket Council, they have withdrawn the names of the 30 cricketers they belatedly submitted for participation at the World Cup in southern Africa starting in 47 days.
Here's a novel solution, tell the Indian cricket authorities to piss off. Kick them out of the tournament and ban them from world cricket for a year, i'm sure the Pakistani's will vote for it at least.
And who will replace them in the World Cup? I vote to give their spot to the Steve Waugh Whingeathon XI, a team for players who won't shut the hell up about being dropped. He can take brother Mark, Dean Jones, Michael Slater, Ian Healy, Damien Fleming and, just because he expresses his displeasure by killing English tailenders, Brett Lee.
It's harsh but fair.
In their latest affront to the International Cricket Council, they have withdrawn the names of the 30 cricketers they belatedly submitted for participation at the World Cup in southern Africa starting in 47 days.
Here's a novel solution, tell the Indian cricket authorities to piss off. Kick them out of the tournament and ban them from world cricket for a year, i'm sure the Pakistani's will vote for it at least.
And who will replace them in the World Cup? I vote to give their spot to the Steve Waugh Whingeathon XI, a team for players who won't shut the hell up about being dropped. He can take brother Mark, Dean Jones, Michael Slater, Ian Healy, Damien Fleming and, just because he expresses his displeasure by killing English tailenders, Brett Lee.
It's harsh but fair.
Sunday, 22 December 2002
Redmaiden says NO...
Merry Fucking Christmas
Oh and my mum is rushing round organising Christmas while simultaneously working/having a nervous breakdown/cardiac arrest/epiletic fit while screaming at us about sausage rolls and will we all stop eating the pringles.
Hooray for the festive season eh?
Merry Fucking Christmas
Oh and my mum is rushing round organising Christmas while simultaneously working/having a nervous breakdown/cardiac arrest/epiletic fit while screaming at us about sausage rolls and will we all stop eating the pringles.
Hooray for the festive season eh?
Redmaiden says NO...
Merry Fucking Christmas
Oh and my mum is rushing round organising Christmas while simultaneously working/having a nervous breakdown/cardiac arrest/epiletic fit while screaming at us about sausage rolls and will we all stop eating the pringles.
Hooray for the festive season eh?
Merry Fucking Christmas
Oh and my mum is rushing round organising Christmas while simultaneously working/having a nervous breakdown/cardiac arrest/epiletic fit while screaming at us about sausage rolls and will we all stop eating the pringles.
Hooray for the festive season eh?
Hey junkies. Join the Air Force, see the world, and score free gear
"Amphetamine pills, which are illegal in the US, are given to combat pilots who are involved in long eight or nine-hour sorties in small controlled doses, say the military. The Air Force stopped prescribing the 'Go' pills, as they are known by the pilots, in 1993 after reports that crews using them during the Gulf War became addicted. But the drug has been quietly reintroduced in recent years."
Then, in a red-letter day for stupid news, we have a case of the name fitting the crime;
"An Oak Park has pleaded guilty to castrating another man in his kitchen. A Birmingham man went to Wang's home...
Some people can never have enough wang eh?
Then we have a totally random picture of somebody playing Fetus Bingo
And finally, the Irish have solved an age old problem with an age old solution,
Ireland's new plan to recieve independence from England: have lots of unprotected sex. A united Ireland will happen when there is a majority of Catholics living in Northern Ireland, and the Catholics are so far winning.
Even when the world is screwed up I can still find some entertainment...
"Amphetamine pills, which are illegal in the US, are given to combat pilots who are involved in long eight or nine-hour sorties in small controlled doses, say the military. The Air Force stopped prescribing the 'Go' pills, as they are known by the pilots, in 1993 after reports that crews using them during the Gulf War became addicted. But the drug has been quietly reintroduced in recent years."
Then, in a red-letter day for stupid news, we have a case of the name fitting the crime;
"An Oak Park has pleaded guilty to castrating another man in his kitchen. A Birmingham man went to Wang's home...
Some people can never have enough wang eh?
Then we have a totally random picture of somebody playing Fetus Bingo
And finally, the Irish have solved an age old problem with an age old solution,
Ireland's new plan to recieve independence from England: have lots of unprotected sex. A united Ireland will happen when there is a majority of Catholics living in Northern Ireland, and the Catholics are so far winning.
Even when the world is screwed up I can still find some entertainment...
I am really disturbed by this pissy musical that's on Channel 9 before the Cricket.
It involves Rosie O'Donnell, Jason Alexander and the fat guy from Cheers all singing - and then some couple got stopped from having it off in a bar by a bunch of kids.
That's just wrong.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO there's still another twenty minutes of this before the cricket starts. For gods sake, I blame all you people in Perth for this.
It involves Rosie O'Donnell, Jason Alexander and the fat guy from Cheers all singing - and then some couple got stopped from having it off in a bar by a bunch of kids.
That's just wrong.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO there's still another twenty minutes of this before the cricket starts. For gods sake, I blame all you people in Perth for this.
I am really disturbed by this pissy musical that's on Channel 9 before the Cricket.
It involves Rosie O'Donnell, Jason Alexander and the fat guy from Cheers all singing - and then some couple got stopped from having it off in a bar by a bunch of kids.
That's just wrong.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO there's still another twenty minutes of this before the cricket starts. For gods sake, I blame all you people in Perth for this.
It involves Rosie O'Donnell, Jason Alexander and the fat guy from Cheers all singing - and then some couple got stopped from having it off in a bar by a bunch of kids.
That's just wrong.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO there's still another twenty minutes of this before the cricket starts. For gods sake, I blame all you people in Perth for this.
Is this country screwed? You bet it is...
AUSTRALIA'S incoherent censorship ratings system will be exposed in coming months with the release of a number of controversial videogames.
The Playstation 2 game BMX XXX will be released on January 16 with an MA rating minus its major selling point - a topless female BMX rider.
Yet the violent game Mortal Kombat Deadly Alliance, in which players can pull skeletons from bodies, will be released with the same MA15+ rating.
According to the Office of Film and Literature Classification, a computer-generated nipple is viewed as more offensive than the sight of violent death or excessive blood.
What the hell is the problem with these people? To paraphrase those union bastards, Ban One - Ban All.
Or even better, ban nothing.
AUSTRALIA'S incoherent censorship ratings system will be exposed in coming months with the release of a number of controversial videogames.
The Playstation 2 game BMX XXX will be released on January 16 with an MA rating minus its major selling point - a topless female BMX rider.
Yet the violent game Mortal Kombat Deadly Alliance, in which players can pull skeletons from bodies, will be released with the same MA15+ rating.
According to the Office of Film and Literature Classification, a computer-generated nipple is viewed as more offensive than the sight of violent death or excessive blood.
What the hell is the problem with these people? To paraphrase those union bastards, Ban One - Ban All.
Or even better, ban nothing.
Friday, 20 December 2002
In the ranks of places you're likely to find wacky news stories i'm sure Quebec would rank somewhere below Tanzania and Andorra, but those crazy (French) Canadians have really been putting in a huge effort this week... (thanks, as always, to Portal of Evil News)
A teen magazine in Quebec has raised eyebrows with its latest issue, which includes an explicit guide for keeping a boyfriend.
The magazine has a sex guide with what it calls "99 Naughty Tricks," including instructions on French kissing and oral sex.
Then we move on to...
A Quebec City radio host is among 11 prominent men facing charges of soliciting a minor, after police broke up a juvenile prostitution ring.
Police say the ring, which used girls ranging in age from 14 to 17, was operated by a street gang called the Wolf Pack.
Gang members would meet young girls at parties. Over several months, they would shower the girls with gifts, money and jewelry and slowly introduce them to a life of prostitution.
And finally....
A Quebec-based cult that believes space aliens created Earthlings in a lab 25,000 years ago says it has produced the world's first human clone to be born within two weeks, possibly on Christmas Day.
The Raelians, a free-love fringe sect that runs the theme park UFOland in Quebec's Eastern Townships, have offered no way to verify the claim or validate that this highly controversial experiment is under way.
But an official with Clonaid, the cloning company the Raelians founded in 1997, told CTV News that the clone is a girl and a genetic replica of a U.S. woman in her 30s who is unable to have children with her husband naturally.
And this was all in the news on the same day, leading me to the conclusion that it's never dull to be a Quebecer.
A teen magazine in Quebec has raised eyebrows with its latest issue, which includes an explicit guide for keeping a boyfriend.
The magazine has a sex guide with what it calls "99 Naughty Tricks," including instructions on French kissing and oral sex.
Then we move on to...
A Quebec City radio host is among 11 prominent men facing charges of soliciting a minor, after police broke up a juvenile prostitution ring.
Police say the ring, which used girls ranging in age from 14 to 17, was operated by a street gang called the Wolf Pack.
Gang members would meet young girls at parties. Over several months, they would shower the girls with gifts, money and jewelry and slowly introduce them to a life of prostitution.
And finally....
A Quebec-based cult that believes space aliens created Earthlings in a lab 25,000 years ago says it has produced the world's first human clone to be born within two weeks, possibly on Christmas Day.
The Raelians, a free-love fringe sect that runs the theme park UFOland in Quebec's Eastern Townships, have offered no way to verify the claim or validate that this highly controversial experiment is under way.
But an official with Clonaid, the cloning company the Raelians founded in 1997, told CTV News that the clone is a girl and a genetic replica of a U.S. woman in her 30s who is unable to have children with her husband naturally.
And this was all in the news on the same day, leading me to the conclusion that it's never dull to be a Quebecer.
I don't particuarly like Christmas. I'll cop it because everybody else seems to love it, but there's one thing about the season that shits me up the wall about the festive season.
Bloody Christmas songs - i'm not talking about your traditional carols but those really awful Xmas Rock songs by people like Doug Parkinson and Kevin Borich that nobody has cared about since 1978. They usually take the form of singing about "Christmas Down-Under" and can be heard in major department stores from December 1 to 24.
And somebody tried to claim to me today that "In The Ghetto" by Elvis is an Xmas song. How? Somebody dies in it, what's so lovely and festive about that?
People eh? Can't live with them, can't kill them (unless you're Robert Mugabe)
Bloody Christmas songs - i'm not talking about your traditional carols but those really awful Xmas Rock songs by people like Doug Parkinson and Kevin Borich that nobody has cared about since 1978. They usually take the form of singing about "Christmas Down-Under" and can be heard in major department stores from December 1 to 24.
And somebody tried to claim to me today that "In The Ghetto" by Elvis is an Xmas song. How? Somebody dies in it, what's so lovely and festive about that?
People eh? Can't live with them, can't kill them (unless you're Robert Mugabe)
National Sporting Hero in "I am a moron" shock (and it's not Mark Phillapousis for once) - Margaret Court has backed Damir Dokic's claims that lesbians are running the female tennis tour, she stopped short of saying that he should kill himself, as threatened, if Jelena turned out to be gay. Which is a shame, because i'm sure we all back anything that could mean Damir Dokic being dead.
So, nice of her to say you shouldn't kill yourself if your kid is gay isn't it? Well, not really because this NUTBAG runs a wacky Christian Ministry in WA that is dedicated to 'converting' gays and lesbians in the traditional style of so many US-based psychopaths. She has previously claimed gay people are 'committing sins of the flesh' and all kinds of other god-squad-madness.
Then I bought the Daily Telegraph yesterday (I was VERY bored) and there was a huge article with some wanker almost agreeing with her.
What is the world coming to?
So, nice of her to say you shouldn't kill yourself if your kid is gay isn't it? Well, not really because this NUTBAG runs a wacky Christian Ministry in WA that is dedicated to 'converting' gays and lesbians in the traditional style of so many US-based psychopaths. She has previously claimed gay people are 'committing sins of the flesh' and all kinds of other god-squad-madness.
Then I bought the Daily Telegraph yesterday (I was VERY bored) and there was a huge article with some wanker almost agreeing with her.
What is the world coming to?
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