Wednesday, 24 March 2010

TSP's Top 10 entrance tracks

When called upon to choose your entrance music it's easy to be boring and go straight for the Eye Of The Tiger single. But then you'd be a boring bastard.

Fact of the matter is that you're never going to beat Apollo Creed's entrance to his fight against Drago in Rocky IV so you're always one step behind;

But that's not to say you shouldn't at least have a crack. We don't all have to die in the centre of the ring after being pounded into unconsciouness by a communist superman. Rocky should have thrown in the towel, but there was nothing wrong with Apollo's entrance. In fact given the chance would you not go back in time and having James Brown sing you into the room? Unless he was busy leading police across three states in a harrowing car chase after threatening a room full of people with a shotgun because somebody used his private toilet.

So now, in the red and blue corner, weighing in at [FAR TOO MUCH] from Melbourne, Australia - fighting out of Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico, The Mothership Connection will be appearing tonight to the following music;

10.
For mine one of the great openings, perfect to walk out and pose to. You've all heard this a thousand times, so instead we present the 8-Bit NES version that will play in the TSP video game.

9.
The only way you could get any more sleazy 80's would be to come out to Unskinny Bop, and that's just wrong. See also Kickstart My Heart, just for the line "skydive naked from an aeroplane".

8.
German terror concept album in tabloid entrance shock. Creepingly sinister.

7.
As used by Feder Emelianenko, this track is like the evil cousin of Sadeness by Enigma. One was the soundtrack to a million babies being conceived, this one is like the music from a child's nightmare. Terrifyingly awesome.

6.
Because everyone needs at least one gimmick song option, and where better to get one than from the best movie ever made. Also gives you the option of being introduced as "direct from hell..." like in the movie.

5.
American Psycho samples FOR THE M'FING WIN. Well, a soundalike doing quotes that aren't even in the movie, but close enough. Nobody will know, get amongst it.

4.
From the end of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. There's a reason that Metallica use this as a walk-on track - it's FUCKING EPIC. Could you get away with walking down the aisle to this? If so I'm reversing my previous views on marriage and aisles. See also Dance Of Knights by Profokiev.

3.
Famously used as the theme song of "Nature Boy" Ric Flair for almost thirty years you'd never get away with ripping him off, but by christ this is near perfection.

2.
Pure epic. Sure, it's Nazi music par-excellence and the man himself was an anti-semite of renown but forget that and let's talk about that scene in Apocalypse Now. So not only do you get the sound of the end of the world, but the sound of the end of the world merged with helicopters machine gunning people down with gay abandon. You can't get a more sinister combination than that. WINNER.

1.
Pure Rotterdam gabba hardcore injected with quotage from the Drill Sergeant in Full Metal Jacket. One of my all-time favourite movie characters barks orders over a positively evil sounding track. Plenty of crowd friendly lines too. Good luck getting it past the censors but.

I'd like to say there should be more theme songs in the world. You should get to walk into your office, into a train, out of the shower to a song. But what happens when you give people a choice of what song they want to represent them? You get fifteen idiot cricketers coming out to Summer of '69, it just doesn't work. Just listen to somebody's phone when it goes off, the ringtone is basically a randomly occuring theme song that people choose to represent them. And what do we get? 200 people in a train carriage blaring out Get Shaky. Pox. Be epic with your ringtones I say.

3 comments:

Mel said...

My ringtone is 'Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)' by C+C Music Factory. Is that epic or just ridiculous?

Adam 1.0 said...

As endorsed by Lethal Weapon 3 and the Gay Steelworkers of America.

I'd say that makes it a WINNER.

Bruce said...

I've been using SLEDGEHAMMER for about 6 years now.