Tuesday, 20 December 2005

Why? WHY?

Longterm TSP readers will know that I’m against breeding. If anyone can find a point in favor of it that isn’t completely selfish then write in (”I wanted somebody to look after me!” “I didn’t want to be lonely!” “I wanted a mini version of me!” etc..) Everyone else is, of course, extremely enthusiastic for it - even if half of them don’t actually care and are doing it out of a sense of duty - but some are more enthusiastic than others,

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are baby boomers.

They may not fit the age profile of the post-World War II generation, but the numbers don’t lie: They have 16 children.

Ten boys, six girls. Together, as a couple. All theirs, biologically.

What woman doesn’t dream of growing up to become a one person baby factory? What could possibly possess anyone to devote their lives to pumping out an endless stream of kids? Oh you didn’t know? Lies - you picked it the moment you started reading.

As a couple, the Duggars’ approach to family planning is simple: They are born-again Christians who view the Bible as their life’s manual – and the Bible describes children as a blessing from God. They will cheerfully accept as many blessings as God ordains.

As long as they’re happy eh? Well there’s not much chance of them not being given that they’re apparently being turned out as clones.

The girls – and their 39-year-old mother – don skirts or dresses (no pants) and white socks. The boys – and their father – dress most days in the same colored polo shirts and slacks or jeans, with black socks. The sameness of their attire helps with laundry and organization.

The girls embrace a similar hairstyle, long and pulled back with a clip, flowing to near their waistlines. The boys’ hair is closely cropped, often cemented into position with gel.

The girls do most of the cooking, though they’ve been taught to change a tire and check the oil. The boys are trained to fix the cars and make home repairs, though they cook occasionally – mostly on the grill.

No offence to the kids, who will presumably google their surname from prison on the 21st anniversary of when they opened fire inside 7/11, but these people are nutbags.

Early on, she took birth-control pills. After their first child, son Joshua, was born in 1988, Mrs. Duggar began taking them again. Before long, she suffered a miscarriage they believed was caused by the birth control.

“We were just shocked,” Mr. Duggar said. “We consider ourselves pro-life. We thought, ‘What have we done?’ ”

They decided to let God determine the size of their family. Fifteen children later, Mrs. Duggar remains healthy and willing to keep having children. None of their children has health problems, and only one wears glasses.

For the tip. The lot of ‘em. Surely there should be limits to these sorts of things. Personally I’d set it at two, but for the benefit of religious freaks everywhere I’ll give them ten before the Family Readjustment Bureau (FRB) comes in and starts cracking heads.

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